tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8909584000007194662024-03-16T14:49:47.357-04:00Busy Black WomanSelf-explanatoryAyanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.comBlogger554125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-53586573816933269922024-03-05T11:02:00.000-05:002024-03-05T11:02:44.082-05:00Rematch Remix<p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;"><i>Today is Super Tuesday, March 5, 2024. I was working on this before my life imploded. Maybe some of this will still make sense...</i></span></p><p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">Now that we're almost done with <strike>January</strike> February with a few days left in Black History Month and you've barely heard from me in months (more on that later), why don't I try to keep some momentum going by wading into other people's politics? This year is sure to be a clusterfuck thanks to the inevitable rematch between Joe Biden and Donald Trump. I mean, let's not pretend that either of the remaining candidates running on the GOP side have a snowball's chance in hell of prevailing against the avalanche that is The Donald; and let's accept the fact that we're not getting an alternative choice on the Democratic side either (we're riding in that station wagon with Ol' Joe). Thus, in the words of Aaron Burr to Alexander Hamilton in the <a href="https://youtu.be/m7iHmuco_zo?si=USsSiN8f98k0EwSv">Ten Duel Commandments</a>, <i>okay so we're doing this</i>.</span></p><p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIhYYmMbz_GO0u_BFrxjF8BeL9ef3WXFBOfEXYRbRfnOSwjvwgyWExh0k8fn0OR7iWWomKx9o3AXIPyCJZD3KdpKfuO2NxUAsUCT-hru2IOE0_tk8YEwVpWd8IU9GVQTrN2aJj-6aCE2-PtMMQ5a_JB02EeJqFgoOwjKAUaJ9VqI29L1FrHpX8cYhotpcp/s630/hamilton_and_burr_crop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="421" data-original-width="630" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIhYYmMbz_GO0u_BFrxjF8BeL9ef3WXFBOfEXYRbRfnOSwjvwgyWExh0k8fn0OR7iWWomKx9o3AXIPyCJZD3KdpKfuO2NxUAsUCT-hru2IOE0_tk8YEwVpWd8IU9GVQTrN2aJj-6aCE2-PtMMQ5a_JB02EeJqFgoOwjKAUaJ9VqI29L1FrHpX8cYhotpcp/w200-h134/hamilton_and_burr_crop.jpg" width="200" /></a></p><p></p><p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">Now, I should admit that I started writing this piece last month before the New Hampshire primary when Florida Gov. <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/21/politics/desantis-ends-2024-campaign/index.html">Ron DeSantis</a> was still in the mix. Well now that we know how that went for him, and that former Ambassador Nikki Haley is poised to continue her multi-state <a href="https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2024/02/22/nikki_haley_to_fox_news_its_amazing_to_say_i_havent_won_a_state_yet.html">losing streak</a>, including her home state of </span><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;"><a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-haley-gop-primary-win-south-carolina-home-state-rcna139419">South Carolina</a>, it won't matter if I don't finish this until March because I predict nothing will change. Back in January, there were still a few other Democratic challengers, namely <a href="https://www.axios.com/2024/02/28/marianne-williamson-2024-michigan-biden">Marianne Williamson</a> and <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2023/10/27/55-things-to-know-dean-phillips-00123600">Rep. Dean Phillips</a> (D-MN), as well as a couple of "independents" and explorers. I'm not sure what's going on with <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/05/politics/cornel-west-independent-president-green-party/index.html">Dr. Cornel West</a>, and <a href="https://www.npr.org/2024/02/16/1232054064/joe-manchin-president-no-labels-third-party-senate-trump-biden">Sen. Joe Manchin</a> (D-WV) opted not to run, so we're left with Philips (who is an <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/feb/26/steve-kramer-admits-he-commissioned-robocall-ai-biden-new-hampshire?ref=upstract.com">op</a>) and <a href="https://youtu.be/WDhUIlL6Iks?si=qqd_LNQ1SL8tDh_s">Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.</a> whose own family refuses to endorse, so what's that about?</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYB-qQv9VgfuLMXZKbfMEukOuEonq7rmZASRruTX4EPs_pUIHZJ7LhKuHLVafMu4Zwj65bHN7tZJiJu1vMqwV3-K1k_AC-JzKp95WhxpeerM1Yxwczu0RYFsa15TOvFh4_Z7KFb-rEFFXTznfsfG0CLSX3ctmAmRfPVYJ9inJCuF5wHis184SeAYq7c5sN/s474/Biden%20v%20Trump.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYB-qQv9VgfuLMXZKbfMEukOuEonq7rmZASRruTX4EPs_pUIHZJ7LhKuHLVafMu4Zwj65bHN7tZJiJu1vMqwV3-K1k_AC-JzKp95WhxpeerM1Yxwczu0RYFsa15TOvFh4_Z7KFb-rEFFXTznfsfG0CLSX3ctmAmRfPVYJ9inJCuF5wHis184SeAYq7c5sN/w200-h113/Biden%20v%20Trump.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">In the words of the late Yogi Berra, it's like deja vu all over again.</span><p></p><p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">I don't really have many qualms about that because I'm one of those Democrats who never gets polled, and apparently my readership doesn't include any of the worried anonymous sources that have expressed private misgivings about the 2024 ticket. That doesn't mean that I'm not concerned about a rematch because I am, just not for the reasons that keep getting all of the oxygen in the news. I am not worried about Biden's age. I am not all that concerned that Trump is two years younger. Two old white guys duking it out for the hardest job in the world isn't must-see TV like a heavyweight prize fight, because nobody is paying to see George Forman fight Larry Holmes. </span></p><p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">If anything, this will be like watching the <a href="https://youtu.be/6NaziPxMcNY">Final Showcase</a> on the Price is Right. We want to see which contestant will win: the old guy who's bidding on the RV and the cross-country vacation or the old guy who is bidding on a house-full of new appliances. If I had to bid on either of those showcases, I would have passed on one and intentionally overbid on the other. I'm sure that somebody out there needs a new Maytag dryer or a place to stay when they are driving through the desert. Just not me.</span></p><p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">However, let's pretend that this a metaphorical choice between what might be a fantasy trip of a lifetime or the kind of practical stuff one needs at home. Described in that manner, I am going with the appliances because I imagine the third ring of Hell would be three weeks in a mobile home with my family. Surviving the pandemic with them was A LOT. I wouldn't want a repeat of that experience, not even if you paid me. Besides, upon further consideration, while all of my current household appliances work just fine right now, I could live with an upgrade. Or I could give something away. I can't imagine what I would do with an RV, where I would keep it, or how much it would cost to maintain. I live in the city, so a big motor home feels like it would become an attractive nuisance...a magnet for all kinds of untold foolishness.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR3_O6HJkxUy0HvgaONobOdug75AK44DE6Pyj7hyphenhyphencHAec8WBxTrih-Y5-0y9NSS-zDgwQlEGDSe_xRIOD1NoNGQX2AZSa6xt9z1peF9fGodndzxo9feLcgEiRkHasulcfVx-o9HMPa4iRoRhFSE6VSyr4o1q8jWZXMUTv_y_mVq3lBOIqav-YRM_6MFSBf/s800/camping_adventure.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="800" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR3_O6HJkxUy0HvgaONobOdug75AK44DE6Pyj7hyphenhyphencHAec8WBxTrih-Y5-0y9NSS-zDgwQlEGDSe_xRIOD1NoNGQX2AZSa6xt9z1peF9fGodndzxo9feLcgEiRkHasulcfVx-o9HMPa4iRoRhFSE6VSyr4o1q8jWZXMUTv_y_mVq3lBOIqav-YRM_6MFSBf/w200-h140/camping_adventure.jpg" width="200" /></a></p></div><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">Metaphorically speaking then, I think you know which candidate involves a new refrigerator and which one reminds me of <a href="https://youtu.be/9NLuRZ3A76U?si=hJzHRTX3HZDmBNpY">Shazam</a>. </span><p></p><p>Speaking of old childhood nostalgia, when I began drafting this piece (in January), I was thinking of <i>The Wizard of Oz</i> and how Nikki Haley kept giving me Cowardly Lion vibes. My initial thought was to write a Dear Nikki, put up your dukes and fight back pep talk because it felt like she was trying way too hard not to call Trump out on his racism. Well, I don't need to write that since it seems that she got a fake medal of courage from some GOP donors who seem content to keep burning money to keep this "fight" going for a few more weeks. She has taken some pointed jabs at Trump and maybe a few of them have landed. The problem is that he's not showing any signs of being hit (unless his increasingly bizarre rallies and <a href="https://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/watch/-uncle-ramble-standers-see-maddow-shred-trump-s-messy-south-carolina-victory-speech-204867141905">rambling</a> campaign speeches just happen to sound like he's an old punch-drunk fighter). </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiap0YHN575uanI-puGHvTyPh5Z1pQtb3BFvpL9tI3PsviJTHFgaUGvclOR9TC65B9ODassgTlbu71YwRUVj4zHgMTUUg3MNjqosuHxnQ72cfuojezQnv7Fa1giyjxAKEOZrnwac1i7lf6vpeZkbuInf4NgIBUaYYbuW6Mhp63yeZD79RNLMXY_CxcMK4Y-/s950/Burl%20Ives.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="534" data-original-width="950" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiap0YHN575uanI-puGHvTyPh5Z1pQtb3BFvpL9tI3PsviJTHFgaUGvclOR9TC65B9ODassgTlbu71YwRUVj4zHgMTUUg3MNjqosuHxnQ72cfuojezQnv7Fa1giyjxAKEOZrnwac1i7lf6vpeZkbuInf4NgIBUaYYbuW6Mhp63yeZD79RNLMXY_CxcMK4Y-/w200-h113/Burl%20Ives.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">However, to the extent that I am still a little frustrated on her behalf even as I remain deeply mistrustful of her, I wish she could have been more competitive. I wish that on both sides we had not fallen back into this pattern of placing our trust in the old white grandpa because they are the reason why we are in this mess. There is an undercurrent of thinking that the country (and the world) was better off when Big Daddy ran everything, and we all served at his beck and call. Think about it--we had the most diverse bench of candidates on the Democratic side in 2020 and still ended up with Uncle Joe who came out of retirement (but never left his basement) to run. Back in 2016, the Republicans also had a pretty diverse field until they coalesced around their Great White Hope. </p><p style="text-align: left;">It's as if we're trying to decide between competing retro TV marathons of <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046600/">Father Knows Best</a> or <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050032/?ref_=ttep_ov">Leave It to Beaver</a>.</p><p style="text-align: left;">If I were Haley, I would be pissed that in spite of her <a href="https://www.crnc.org/">College Republican</a> Corresponding Secretary perfectionism, they still don't trust her enough to do anything other than take notes or collect the money at the door. She can't win the election for President because, and this has to really cut deep, they would rather go with the convicted rapist who might be headed to jail. There isn't even the slightest chance that she would have been his Vice President because the Karens aren't going to allow that. So much for being the Model Minority...</p><p style="text-align: left;">Yeah, I said it because this is a multi-layered s/hit job that's happening here. Nikki Haley is more qualified than all of the other names on his <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-potential-vp-picks/">short-list</a>, yet she would be passed over for the it-girl <a href="https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/kristi-noem-offers-5-requirements-to-serve-as-trumps-vp/ar-BB1iLpxi">Governor of South Dakota</a> with her measly three electoral votes; an <a href="https://news.yahoo.com/why-elise-stefanik-trump-veep-030856418.html">insurrectionist</a> from New York who can't even help Trump win his home state; an overly ambitious <a href="https://nypost.com/2024/02/24/us-news/brooklyn-born-florida-rep-byron-donalds-ready-to-serve-as-trump-vp/">two-term Congressman</a> from Florida; the guy Haley <a href="https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4487247-graham-hopes-trump-picks-tim-scott-for-vp/">hand-picked</a> to serve South Carolina in the Senate; the <a href="https://news.yahoo.com/tulsi-gabbard-running-opportunist-chief-050000403.html">Hydra from Hawaii</a>; and a <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-66603166">charismatic idiot</a> who is an obsequious kiss-ass. I even saw where Sarah Palin's name was in the mix. And given how much more qualified than the others she is for the Vice Presidency, she's right to refuse to step-aside to clear the path for the self-anointed wannabe <a href="https://apnews.com/article/trump-hannity-dictator-authoritarian-presidential-election-f27e7e9d7c13fabbe3ae7dd7f1235c72">Dictator for Day One</a> "only". Theoretically, her goal to save the GOP carries the same urgency as the Democrats wanting to save America.</p><p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">Then what I don't understand is how the <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/02/27/anti-trump-republicans-2024-presidential-election/72699336007/">Former Trumpers</a> seem to be disinclined to publicly endorse her. She has some voter support; just not enough to stop him nor enough to slow him down. I don't know if she hasn't asked (and why they would need to be asked) or if they just don't like her <a href="https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=712448979187426">Gretchen Weiners</a> trying to make fetch happen by running for Spring Fling Queen candidacy. Where are Chris Christie, Liz Cheney, the Bush Family, Mitt Romney, and especially former Vice President Mike Pence??? Not that it is any of my business, but...</span></p><p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/IhWQ8Uw1JOQgM/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="220" data-original-width="245" height="179" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/IhWQ8Uw1JOQgM/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">I know, </span>not my flying monkeys so not my circus. However, it does suggest that it isn't just Haley's disingenuousness that's so off-putting. There is definitely some other reason, and the answer can be found on the other party ticket.<p></p><p>Joe Biden may be old, moving slower, and taking the <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/08/31/1196803354/biden-air-force-one-short-stairs">shorter stairs</a> to board Air Force One, but he's still a sharp and consummate politician. In spite of the ageist mockery of his lifelong speech impediment as evidence of cognitive decline (which it isn't), I suspect Dark Brandon's super powers are finely attuned to the political pragmatism of the American electorate. You see, a person doesn't stay in Washington for 40 years and not garner an intricate understanding of how everything works. And remember that his last job was to serve as the Vice President to the first Black President.</p><p>When some of y'all lost confidence in Obama before the end of his first term--sometime between <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/journalism/2010/07/26/arrest-henry-louis-gates-jr/">Henry Louis Gates</a> getting arrested on his porch and the <a href="https://www.epa.gov/enforcement/deepwater-horizon-bp-gulf-mexico-oil-spill">Deepwater Horizon</a> oil spill, it is my belief that it was Biden who helped to save the day behind the scenes. Biden knew that without a big policy win the grand Obama experiment would fail, so they put everything on the line and took the shot to pass the Affordable Care Act. Then his son Beau died in 2015, so Biden opted to step aside to allow history to have its way...but Hillary Clinton lost. After watching one of the most qualified candidates lose to the most dangerous person as backlash for the election of a Black man (and in rejection of the prospect of electing the first woman), Uncle Joe read the political tea leaves. And despite his effort to ease the country into the idea of the first woman President via his Vice President, y'all are cutting up <i>again</i>. All of this talk about Kamala Harris being a disappointment even as she has been the most visible partner than any other Vice President in history. </p><p>Given how he supported Obama, did you expect that Biden would have shown a scintilla of disloyalty by replacing Harris? Not only would that have been disrespectful to her, as she has single-handedly ensured the success of his agenda as the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/president-harris-breaks-record-casting-tie-breaking-votes-rcna123999">tie-breaker vote</a> in the Senate, but also to his base. And knowing how fickle and ferocious the opposition has been to seeing Black women in positions of power, he's not taking any chances. He's not setting Harris up to lose to Donald Trump given the way y'all didn't show up for <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/maiahoskin/2022/11/21/the-real-reasons-stacy-abrams-may-have-lost-georgias-gubernatorial-race/?sh=3ff06b721d5a">Stacey Abrams</a> against Brian Kemp in Georgia; for <a href="https://www.npr.org/2022/11/08/1130541571/florida-senate-marco-rubio-val-demings-results">Val Demings</a> against Marco Rubio in Florida; nor for <a href="https://www.npr.org/2022/11/08/1133151487/budd-beasley-north-carolina-senate-midterms-results">Cheri Beasley</a> against Ted Budd in North Carolina. And trust, he's watching how the Republicans enthusiastically are NOT showing up for <a href="https://apnews.com/article/nikki-haley-republicans-donald-trump-dc-primary-7b5eec7a5398379b0f1c9ed9f50b6ce3">Nikki Haley</a> as well.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMVtjEdBL1wdi0cEcfQyNXJWmFIqa4cgRvcT-10V7NOnzz7rzDZHhadBl0A0KKqxBcg4LkJiTEwyc6br7sbVhshTMnyxUmIZ8nz6rvVZb2GVZX4CYM8V3kc0UZhUXHWAuOnx0-x4yvzHRCIQ1VJg_LJ3DtiZc29APjzi_JPBaWJj-2kKUJ9-fQZhm6e4mc/s400/Grumpy%20Old%20Men.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="380" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMVtjEdBL1wdi0cEcfQyNXJWmFIqa4cgRvcT-10V7NOnzz7rzDZHhadBl0A0KKqxBcg4LkJiTEwyc6br7sbVhshTMnyxUmIZ8nz6rvVZb2GVZX4CYM8V3kc0UZhUXHWAuOnx0-x4yvzHRCIQ1VJg_LJ3DtiZc29APjzi_JPBaWJj-2kKUJ9-fQZhm6e4mc/w190-h200/Grumpy%20Old%20Men.png" width="190" /></a></p></div>Therefore America, these are your choices: two grumpier older men.<p></p><p>Anyone still nervous about Biden's age or his mental acuity must not have thought this through when they voted for him back in 2020, because he was old then. So was Trump and so was Bernie Sanders (who is older than both of the other two). Either Biden was going to get older or die in office, and there is a lot of anecdotal evidence to refute the probability of the latter. First of all, his <a href="https://www.marieclaire.com/politics/a33793001/joe-biden-mother-catherine-jean-biden/">mother</a> lived into her 90s, so he's got some genetic assistance. Second, all of the modern American Presidents since Gerald Ford have lived into their 90s, and that includes Ronald Reagan who lived with <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/when-did-ronald-reagan-have-alzheimers-the-debate-goes-on/">Alzheimer's disease</a> for at least the last ten years of his life. Jimmy Carter, who is the current record-holder for post-Presidential longevity has spent this last year in hospice and he is 99! The last President to die in office was John F. Kennedy, who was assassinated. If age truly is a concern for you, then your alternative choices (other than Harris and Haley) are RFK, Jr. who is 70, Cornel West is also 70, and spoiler <a href="https://youtu.be/mLGbQg04qCM">Jill Stein</a> who is 74.</p><p>Furthermore, if all of the former Presidents can expect to live long and prosper, the care provided to the current officeholder ensures <a href="https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Wolverine">Wolverinesque</a> healing capabilities. How do you think Trump's comorbid ass survived COVID in 2020? Because he received the best medical treatment on the planet! Considering how everyone in the military is vaccinated to the hilt, and they are responsible for the President's medical health, there is NO WAY they would allow anything to happen to the Commander in Chief and Leader of the Free World on their watch.</p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="white-space-collapse: preserve;">So what are the <b>real</b> concerns? America, it's time <a href="https://youtu.be/9piZPpC6c9E">To Tell the Truth</a>...</span></p><p style="text-align: left;">And that is, y'all ain't ready for a woman, especially not a woman of color, in the Oval Office. I don't have to personally like Nikki Haley to recognize that she <u>is</u> qualified for the job. But y'all don't like her, just as there are folks on my side who don't like Kamala Harris, who is also qualified. You didn't like Hillary Clinton either, which might be a debatable point since she won the popular vote; however, she lost the popular vote in enough smaller states where she should have won. There is a pattern where women who run for President might generate some momentary enthusiasm such as Elizabeth Warren, Michelle Bachmann, Carly Fiorina, but they don't close the deal. </p><p style="text-align: left;">That is, of course, the voters' prerogative. The <a href="https://www.womensdaycelebration.com/women-in-leadership/female-prime-ministers.html">rest of the world</a> has made more progress in that direction, including our cousins across the pond in the <a href="https://www.cnn.com/uk/live-news/uk-prime-minister-rishi-sunak-tuesday-intl-gbr/index.html">UK</a> and down under in <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-54565381">New Zealand</a>. My hope is that this will be the last election where this is the case, not just because we need to move on from the old white guys, but yeah, we do. We took one small step for women in 2022, but still aren't ready to make that giant leap. But there is glass on the ground, so watch your step.</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-51564203217322108102024-02-23T11:11:00.003-05:002024-02-23T11:11:47.011-05:00Me and All the Black Women I Know<p>There is a meme going around on social media that if you receive a certain picture, it has symbolic meaning. Until a few days ago, I would have sent a picture of Supreme Court Justice (and my Soror) Ketanji Brown Jackson to represent the disgust my fellow Black sisters in law feel whenever we have to defend ourselves against specious attacks. She's definitely in the arsenal, as well as a picture of Spelman Founder <a href="https://www.spelman.edu/about-us/past-presidents/sophia-packard">Sophia Packard</a> (which might not pack the same punch to anyone unfamiliar with how the Spelmafia rolls) but I think my go-to may now be Fani Willis.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhph34lvGre3AnQ3nRlE4cdkwPEGQZdqO06xrqreCAvfPPDN7GqzFzNRxRYo2G3VvQUnLlb1ikGvFS6wvrEmR3mtQWKxdmlzaH5zTk9W5qR9DVIQFlJosXT6pLRIXxyNeYVCJ1ysECbTTxtx_gsgFx14ro_cCi4jWRCDU83CAgyM_FUbnfxLmwltgikxtoV/s1200/Fani-Willis-pink.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="1200" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhph34lvGre3AnQ3nRlE4cdkwPEGQZdqO06xrqreCAvfPPDN7GqzFzNRxRYo2G3VvQUnLlb1ikGvFS6wvrEmR3mtQWKxdmlzaH5zTk9W5qR9DVIQFlJosXT6pLRIXxyNeYVCJ1ysECbTTxtx_gsgFx14ro_cCi4jWRCDU83CAgyM_FUbnfxLmwltgikxtoV/w200-h113/Fani-Willis-pink.png" width="200" /></a></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">If you get this from me, it means you done started something you'd best be prepared to finish. And if you read that and thought, hmm, shouldn't she have said <i>better</i>, then Imma caution you to watch your step and tread lightly. Because if you're judging my delivery and command of the English language in addition to questioning my intelligence while feigning sincerity, this not gonna end well attall!</p><p>I spent the better part of two days last week seeing shades of red that I didn't know existed in nature. It began with my frustration over comments made by a certain <a href="https://www.foxnews.com/media/former-dnc-chair-admits-fani-willis-showed-bad-judgment-relationship-nathan-wade">political pundit</a> who helped Al Gore lose his home state of Tennessee in 2000. That must have provided cover for all of the other keyboard pundits, most of them nonlawyers, to opine about what Ms. Willis should have known better not to do. Then I happened upon some of the commentary from the hotep hallways where nothing any Black woman does is celebrated. And then finally, because it is February and I missed the memo that granted blanket amnesty to all current and future racist content on social media, y'all really been on one this year. Keep at it though, we got an extra day this month...</p><p>Let's start with the low-hanging fruit and dismiss any and all musings by the ashy un-lotioned incels among us. Dear Reader, I won't waste your time in linking to that nonsense because it follows the predictable pattern of diminishing the work of any accomplished Black woman. In this case, because they can't denounce Willis for being a bed wench, they can just call her a bitch or a hoe, and those posts get lots of traction from their man-baby brethren. This is in spite of the fact that their purported hero <a href="https://youtu.be/6EIEKe8fVmg?si=qXJBpDGlNgOVZHt_">Brother Minister Malcolm X</a> famously said in 1962 that the Black woman is the most disrespected and unprotected person on earth. I guess they all mysteriously missed that particular speech.</p><p>On the opposite end, as much as we appreciate the 'love' coming from our #thankaBlackwoman groupies, I am reminded that some of those people have been conditioned to believe that it is our <u>job</u> to clean up after them. As writer Zora Neale Hurston described it in <i>Their Eyes Were Watching God</i> (1937), Black women are the mules of the world. Mules are beasts of burden, intentionally bred for hard labor. Maybe these people grew up in homes where there was a beloved Big Momma, or a trusted <a href="https://youtu.be/XOTkNsxhECY?si=hXHH6_sacPZIwlYP">maid</a> who was also the family confidante/<a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/lifestyle/arts/caroline-or-change-broadway-review-1235038296/">washerwoman</a>/cook/wet nurse. Or perhaps they watched a lot of television; regardless of what may have informed those expectations, their praises carry a tinge of, yeah just leave the dirty work for that Black lady. </p><p>Thus, the faux outrage that Willis <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/fani-willis-embarrassment-black-people-shes-proof-that-dei-only-hurts-us-opinion-1870598">messed things up</a> for all Black woman in professional settings is another problematic argument being touted by the loudest Black-people-are-not-a-monolith Pick Mes. Some of these same <a href="https://x.com/TheDamaniFelder/status/1758561365055201534?s=20">lowercase black</a> folks insisted for YEARZ, like trained parrots, that we are not all the same and they prided themselves on being different, independent, suburban with a tan. Suddenly, in spite of their protestations, one pissed off Black woman has the power to make all of <strike>us</strike> you look bad to your drinking buddies. So you just had to <a href="https://x.com/CandaceOwensPod/status/1758601267528503766?s=20">take the time</a> to denounce her to remind them that you are still cool, because dammit, you worked hard to be deemed acceptable and worthy to be allowed in their presence. Perhaps as atonement, they will let you buy the next round.</p><p>It is amazing to me that no matter how much we accomplish, no matter how much ballyhooed progress, it is nothing more than an intricate sand sculpture on a small beach. One wave and all of our hard work gets washed away by the tide. All of our accomplishments can be undone in a careless millisecond. Everyone else is allowed to be flawed, make mistakes, stumble through, but let a Black woman reveal the slightest vulnerability and I swear, it's like Jesus and His disciples in the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2022&version=NIV">Garden of Gethsemane</a>. While Judas is preparing for his betrayal, the majority of the disciples are in hiding. A chosen few accompany Jesus to pray in the Garden, where they fall asleep. Startled by the arresting mob, Peter loudly denies their friendship. In our most vulnerable moments, we anticipate that someone will betray us, and we expect that most of our friends are either going to remain in hiding or are too preoccupied with their own lives to get involved. But it is <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+26%3A69-75&version=NIV">Peter's denial</a>--the gratuitous disavowals that Willis should have known better; the acquiescence that this is an unfair system built on an ever-shifting landscape; that in her hour of need some <i>friends</i> wouldn't risk getting as much as a toe wet even if she had walked out on water to save them from drowning... </p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNWxra24zY2E2dHZqZXNrMmNwbjEwa3V0NDNrMjFtN3h4c3BzY3ZwYiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/wFk7roIpDeXC0/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="165" data-original-width="245" height="165" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNWxra24zY2E2dHZqZXNrMmNwbjEwa3V0NDNrMjFtN3h4c3BzY3ZwYiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/wFk7roIpDeXC0/giphy.gif" width="245" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">It be your own people sometimes. <i>Et tu, Brute</i>???</p><p style="text-align: left;">Finally, let's talk about the I-don't-see-color because I-am-not-a-racist-BUT folks, the ones who have perfected other ways of expressing their biases. The pearl-wearing Birkin purse-clutchers who described Willis' courtroom demeanor as <i>ghetto</i> and made references to <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120974/">The Jerry Springer Show</a> (which they must have watched). They were appalled that an angry Black woman walked into court on her own accord and left that same way, defiant and unashamed. That this Black woman with a law degree, years of prosecutorial experience, and the confidence of someone who was elected as the first woman to hold that position would stand up for herself. That this woman, who upon recognizing that her office possessed the power to pursue justice on behalf of those two Black women election workers who were harassed and defamed, decided to use that power to face off with the most powerful giant the Philistines have. That they assumed this same woman, who personally appeared in court weeks before this sordid soap opera to confront <a href="https://apnews.com/article/trump-georgia-election-indictment-harrison-floyd-bond-b8af5a6f7b99da9fec4834f940f133c3">Harrison Floyd</a> for violating the terms of his bail agreement, wasn't going to bring that same energy to court in defense of <b>her</b> career? </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLCovZPb4QV8Op7X6G-OkehnpKiKsQNPXJ7YKCmvela5NoaeZ0vk1OOJJ_SpOYR9H-TMS1ep889I2_COF1F-EzVk9c_ULfFiE6_ivF0nSHky0JtCKKUInLQ1yp0h4ndjz29a90DzAwPfIbHVZyqlAkYJWevn9DxN2lrS8Ca00FzUzMSUc6Whti8FQgNG8a/s1280/ketanji-brown-jackson-red.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLCovZPb4QV8Op7X6G-OkehnpKiKsQNPXJ7YKCmvela5NoaeZ0vk1OOJJ_SpOYR9H-TMS1ep889I2_COF1F-EzVk9c_ULfFiE6_ivF0nSHky0JtCKKUInLQ1yp0h4ndjz29a90DzAwPfIbHVZyqlAkYJWevn9DxN2lrS8Ca00FzUzMSUc6Whti8FQgNG8a/w200-h113/ketanji-brown-jackson-red.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">I get it, you prefer a more refined Black woman, one that doesn't have a discernable regional accent and who comports herself with dignity. Right, because when now-Justice Jackson sat for three days at a Senate hearing where it was intimated that she didn't know the difference between a law book and a J. Crew Catalogue by <a href="https://www.salon.com/2022/02/02/senator-thinks-bidens-woke-scotus-pick-wont-know-law-book-from-a-jcrew-catalog/">Senator Foghorn Leghorn</a>, I didn't see you take offense or offer her any empathy. That Black woman also went through law school, had several prestigious federal clerkships, and was herself a federal judge--credentials no one could deny were impressive. Instead, <a href="https://youtu.be/c9soie2Q82k?si=Yr5FAAqCMoefV9Db">Senator Bull McConnell</a> attacked her demeanor as a <i><a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/03/performance-evaluations.html">performance</a></i> which met the approval of <a href="https://youtu.be/c1y9QitbpyQ?si=wnRJ7uq6-p3h1F_r">Senator Butler Mushmouth</a> whose theatrical thumbs down sure did ingratiate him with your MAGA crowd.</p><p>Quit playing in our faces! I could offer up the names of countless "respectable" Black women that you have disrespected for the most trivial of alleged offenses. Going back as far as Phillis Wheatley and the American Revolution, every educated Black woman has been subjected to those back-handed compliments, polite insults, and reminders that we will never be good enough. There is an entire MAGA conspiracy theory that Former First Lady Michelle Obama, the epitome of style and grace, is really a man. Madame Vice President Kamala Harris is right there, and no matter that she serves admirably as Joe Biden's work wife without breaking a sweat, these folks get on social media and act like she's the ethnic design pattern on the Oval Office drapes. Some of y'all wouldn't sit next to a respectable Black woman on a <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/black-history/rosa-parks">crowded city bus</a>, so miss me with your T.J. Maxx condescension. </p><p>If Fani Willis had glided into court performing Tchaikovsky's <a href="https://youtu.be/ZVBl2_Oh0ZM?si=OvgSvYx34FhlXQJw">Pas de Deux</a>, y'all still would have called her graceless and classless. If she had worn the crown jewels and spoken with the elocution of the Queen of England, y'all still would have criticized her body language and demeanor. So Sis came to court as her authentic I-grew-up-in-DC-during-the-80s-crack-epidemic self so act like you know, and I ain't mad! (Side note, she's a fellow survivor of DC's all-girl Catholic schools from that era, so she earns extra cool point in my book for that.)</p><p>She was <a href="https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/watch/-she-came-in-hot-katie-phang-on-fani-willis-testimony-204303429826">righteously angry</a> about while testifying about her personal life in open court, so she opted not to <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=code%20switch">code switch</a>. Unlike some of these rich men who do whatever the fuck they want as long as they don't get caught, women don't receive justice by remaining silent. There would be no presumption of innocence if she hadn't spoken up for herself, only the perception of her as presented by others. And make no mistake, this was political revenge porn without any pictures, so she had <u>every</u> right to take the stand to debunk the crass allegations and insinuations made about her character. </p><p>You saw her Daddy. Of course he taught her to keep cash on hand and to have a plan that doesn't rely on a man. Me and all the Black women I know got this same life advice from a Black Daddy and/or Uncle. All of us also received some version of that infamous <a href="https://youtu.be/zgpq2Rqjg4c?si=_DYz8es3QUsBhMgB">Papa Pope</a> speech about being twice as good to get half of what they have. </p><p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExbnE5b21mcXN1cTZnNTA4d2dpbGtyNzVwdGZrdDgycDM0Nnp2NjB1NCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/14uJ6MVj02Mec0/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="180" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExbnE5b21mcXN1cTZnNTA4d2dpbGtyNzVwdGZrdDgycDM0Nnp2NjB1NCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/14uJ6MVj02Mec0/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p></p><p>It isn't my place to opine about what she should have expected if someone went rifling through her garbage. My guess is that she expected them to find trash, so even if she was sloppy about not disclosing her <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/nathan-wade-testifies-fani-willis-fulton-county-district-attorney-2024-2">past relationship</a> with her co-counsel, maybe it shouldn't have been all that shocking in the first place. God forbid she has a personal life (another sexist stereotype). They discussed work over dinner...and took some of it home...and on a couple of trips out of town. And they went <a href="https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/going-dutch/">Dutch</a>! The fact that we would hold her to a higher standard of personal conduct than the former President who directed a conspiracy to commit election fraud and the harassment of election workers, is a special kind of sexism. It's the kind that conflates an ethical slip with abuse of power from the highest elected official in the land by claiming that they are equal in magnitude. <b>She</b> should have known better while President Trump was only trying to disenfranchise millions of voters because he's a sore loser.</p><p>GTFOHWTBS!</p><p>Admittedly when I first saw those Jerry Springer/anti DEI talking points trending, I took it personally. It isn't just that y'all are saying the quiet parts out loud, because that ain't new. And as Willis and I are the same age, we've both endured our fair share of micro-aggressive challenges to our right to occupy spaces that were only accessible to our grandmothers for cleaning. They weren't expecting her to come in with a more powerful broom, nor that she wouldn't ask for permission before redecorating. Of course these folks hate-watched her testimony to <a href="https://youtu.be/R6gSiaAXz1c">dissect and rip</a> the very flesh from her bones--envious haters will do <i>whatever</i> it takes to discredit and disqualify us.</p><p>Then I remembered another lesson my Black Daddy taught me about not accepting the negative comments and jabs that people hurl at me with their mean-spirited intentions. Yeah, they might call me all kinds of names but I don't have to answer to them, nor should I allow their descriptions of me to undermine my confidence. It is not my job to control how you interpret what I am. If <i>ghetto</i> is the worst insult that your feeble brains can conjure up, well that's just proof of <b>your</b> mediocrity, lack of imagination, and audacity. </p><p>I used to watch <i>The Jerry Springer Show</i> too, and from what I recall those <a href="https://youtu.be/Se1QWcIOKdU?si=jo9LdUIwdHHPU3Hm">raucous chants</a> not only greeted Springer when he took to the stage, but also were used to de-escalate the chaos unfolding among the guests. What you heard was both an audience of Black sisters in law chanting Willis' name as she took the stand, and a necessary reminder that she's the District Attorney and she's got this.</p><p>FANI! FANI! FANI!</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-4112438692182437472024-02-10T08:11:00.002-05:002024-02-10T08:11:50.164-05:00You Win Some, You Lose Some<p>This is not another long-form think piece about Beyonce. Or the fact that Jay Z got up on stage and started another unnecessary skirmish between the Bey Hive and the Swifties over the one Grammy Award that a certain person has never received whilst the other person has <a href="https://deadline.com/2024/02/grammys-taylor-swift-wins-album-of-the-year-sets-record-1235813896/">four</a>. I mean, I understand the complaint, but it feels rather on-brand (and not in a good way), to whine about having ALL the things except this one little thing, for which she was <a href="https://www.grammy.com/news/2024-grammys-nominees-album-of-the-year">not nominated</a>, she doesn't need, and probably doesn't have the shelf space to display...</p><p>Nevertheless, none of the Beekeepers are going to agree with me on that. And after a week of reading commentary posted by grown-ass people with jobs unrelated to defending the Carter Family empire, I am going to leave that alone. Furthermore, having just written about Swift and mindful that we have an extra day this year for Black History Month, I will let her sit this one out as well.</p><p>Instead, I am writing a general open letter of sorts to the world that maybe we need to do a better job of remembering the lessons we were taught as children about winning and losing. Seems everyone has forgotten how to be gracious at both, with folks complaining about not winning enough or folks insisting that they won victories when all evidence indicates otherwise. Into this fray comes the Busy Black Woman to offer some reminders. </p><p>Dear Everybody:</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZXhpZmZqNmoxdjUybHh4MW44cWxjazVuOHhwc2p1dTdkdWNrM2x5aiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/jpbLxMxbDGbo4/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="113" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZXhpZmZqNmoxdjUybHh4MW44cWxjazVuOHhwc2p1dTdkdWNrM2x5aiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/jpbLxMxbDGbo4/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>One of the first sentences you were taught as a child was to say <i>thank you</i>. I distinctly recall that if I failed to utter those words, several scenarios might play out, such as having whatever was just offered to me taken back. And it was done in such a dramatic way to maximize the impact, usually by the loudest Auntie or Uncle who declared <b><i>I didn't hear you say thank you, so I guess you don't really want this</i></b>. Then as a follow up, you had to endure a public scolding. And because this always happened at some large family gathering, you got that look from one or both parents--the look that clearly communicated that this wasn't even the half of what to expect on the way home. Ah yes, even at 50 years old, the memory of that kind of embarrassment has never faded. (Mind you, the person responsible for this trauma did not hear me say thank you, because I <b><u>did</u></b> say it...it was no use arguing that point 40+ years ago any more than it is worth insisting on it now.) <p></p><p>But you get my point. <i>Thank you</i> is the simplest, easiest, and most gracious sentence in every culture and language that can avoid most misunderstandings in life. It doesn't need to be an Emmy/Grammy/Oscar/Tony-worthy speech (unless you are accepting one of those awards and need to thank God; your parents; your significant other, children, and pets; as well as your team of lawyers, agents, glam squad, etc.), in which case, just make sure to wrap it up before the music plays. </p><p>Some of us were raised to send thank you notes; some of you were not. It seems as if nowadays handwritten notes are a generational relic, with many folks opting to send a thank you email or text. To be honest, I am not going to be a stickler about the form because I get that there are times when a less formal communication of gratitude is appropriate. Therefore, I am happy to receive a phone call in place of whatever <a href="https://emilypost.com/">Emily Post</a> etiquette rules once existed. We're all busy, kids don't learn how to read or write in cursive anymore, and ain't nobody got time to be worried about stamps or how to properly address an envelope. </p><p>However, I will judge you if I go out of my way to do something nice and you shrug it off like you deserved it. While I won't call you out like that loud Auntie, you gonna learn real quick that I won't trouble you with any future acts of kindness. Yes, it is that serious, because a failure to acknowledge someone's benevolence or generosity is not just rude, but it reeks of entitlement. No one is that busy or important. Even bill collectors take the time to thank you for making a payment. And in the event that you had a human moment and forgot to express thanks, that's fine because there is no statute of limitations. Better late than never.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4p77XuFPlvZxKZOl85rJiwyDZ7GrKwzfCFnJyggzow3EpLYX3ueoXWYwMQKz6YNnvDkDYjsFHJArz7GoDxnx_oabERsXHm-GlEM613pN7SrUMTfp5jDUlF_LAAjYW6c__evbUI24xG_806ez84nJ2q2zgV5Ya81wOBhKZvpmZAtBnH6GyiT4nJWLq_1Zf/s1091/Ms.%20Finster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1091" data-original-width="552" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4p77XuFPlvZxKZOl85rJiwyDZ7GrKwzfCFnJyggzow3EpLYX3ueoXWYwMQKz6YNnvDkDYjsFHJArz7GoDxnx_oabERsXHm-GlEM613pN7SrUMTfp5jDUlF_LAAjYW6c__evbUI24xG_806ez84nJ2q2zgV5Ya81wOBhKZvpmZAtBnH6GyiT4nJWLq_1Zf/w101-h200/Ms.%20Finster.png" width="101" /></a></div><p></p></div><p>When you were in elementary school playing some game on the playground, invariably, somebody got mad about losing. And that kid had an epic tantrum that required intervention by a teacher or playground monitor. After being hauled off to the principal's office or the teacher's lounge, s/he returned to class to offer an apology, which was then reinforced by a lecture on the merits of sportsmanship. I can't speak for everyone reading this, but I remember hearing this lecture every year in some capacity from every teacher who needed to emphasize that not all of us were going to win the game, be awarded the first prize certificate, be cast in the starring role, or sing the solo. </p><p>Some of y'all weren't listening. Or maybe you were the kid who always came out on top, so you never had to learn what it meant to be the runner up. You got all As, you were the team captain, or you maybe you played soccer during that era when folks stopped keeping score and gave everyone a participation trophy. Whatever excuse you have for being a sore loser as an adult, it's time for you to put on your big kid pants and grow the heck up!</p><p>Sometimes you don't win. Al Gore invented the internet, won a <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/2007/gore/facts/">Nobel Peace Prize</a>, and still looks pretty good for his age. But he didn't win the 2000 Presidential Election because he lost the state of Florida by 537 votes*. The Atlanta Falcons were winning the Superbowl against the New England Patriots in 2017 until the second half of the game, then they <a href="https://www.atlantafalcons.com/news/falcons-lose-super-bowl-in-overtime-to-patriots-18537691#:~:text=The%20Atlanta%20Falcons%20lose%20a%20heartbreaking%20Super%20Bowl,34-28%20after%20jumping%20out%20to%20a%2028-3%20lead.">lost in overtime</a> 34-28. How many times have you watched a game show and the contestant in the lead loses Final <a href="https://www.jeopardy.com/">Jeopardy</a> or overbids the Showcase Showdown on <a href="https://www.cbs.com/shows/the_price_is_right/">The Price is Right</a>? Imagine being from one of those small countries that goes to the Olympics every four years but never wins any medals. Or being <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/soap-star-susan-lucci-wins-first-emmy-after-19-nominations">Susan Lucci</a> for 19 years.</p><p>I don't know how we got to this point. I don't know what changed in the course of my lifetime where the adage that winning isn't everything became an alternative fact from the multiverse of infinite options. Political candidates routinely refuse to concede elections, with the best example being the former President of the United States who continues to insist that he won an election that he lost by 7 million votes. Winning at all costs has been normalized in other aspects of life, with students now filing lawsuits to gain admission to their top choice college. Or cheating to stack the deck in their favor like the parents caught up in that <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/01/03/1146672235/varsity-blues-college-cheating-scandal-mastermind-rick-singer-sentence">Operation Varsity Blues</a> scandal. Sports franchises spend the equivalent of the gross national product (GNP) of the world's poorest countries just to win trophies. All of this backlash we see against diversity, equity, and inclusion is just sour grapes and fear over possibly losing access to once-restricted opportunities.</p><p>It used to be that losing built character. It encouraged perseverance. It taught us that life is sometimes unfair, but to show up and try anyway. Even the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%203&version=NIV">Bible</a> tells us that there is a time and a place for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4ga_M5Zdn4">everything</a>, and while it doesn't explicitly mention winning and losing, shouldn't that be implied?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEAHabZwSWKbHB4F1mbIM6ABi1Ztqeox0CtRab1q5xZj7Rm_PUu9UeFwY2RymMJAUJw63c1Yecezqidv8CMwrySEgfbZde1HEAhO0SB1u5VHh1upst3Rgk59gIXoPdOUT4_bJbXVfRirDfLem1l7uhxkSxuUKvQ1mHNaKCDh0uC2XxA7q1qS379Ldt8tEC/s320/Olympic%20sprinters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEAHabZwSWKbHB4F1mbIM6ABi1Ztqeox0CtRab1q5xZj7Rm_PUu9UeFwY2RymMJAUJw63c1Yecezqidv8CMwrySEgfbZde1HEAhO0SB1u5VHh1upst3Rgk59gIXoPdOUT4_bJbXVfRirDfLem1l7uhxkSxuUKvQ1mHNaKCDh0uC2XxA7q1qS379Ldt8tEC/w200-h150/Olympic%20sprinters.jpg" width="200" /></a></p></div>Someone wrote a post to Facebook about what Jay Z was teaching his daughter in his speech the other night, and I certainly agree that it was admirable for him to defend his wife (we'll address that part at another time). At the same time, I can also believe that he imparted the wrong message to his daughter about winning--it isn't always based on objective criteria. And we don't always deserve to win just because we show up. There are a lot of people who worked hard who still finish last, which is what we see happen every four years at the Olympics. Some of those folks only won the preliminary opportunity to compete on the international stage, but that doesn't make those victories any less significant.<p></p><p>There is an arrogance to feeling so entitled to winning that often leads to backlash, resentment, and eventually to becoming what winners fear--a loser. We've seen the defeat of athletes who compete past their prime and refuse to retire. We've seen the hubris of leaders who think they are irreplaceable. We've seen some extremely talented people surround themselves with sycophants who never offer critical advice or counsel. We've seen how people who are so used to winning at everything can't handle when the tides shift. We've seen world records broken, statues and monuments toppled, and greatness surpassed. </p><p>We've seen winners lose. And then true character is revealed. </p><p>The true character of the two ladies who aren't supposed to be the reason why I'm writing this open letter was on display well before the Grammy telecast. Beyonce attended the premier of Taylor Swift's Eras concert film, and Swift graciously <a href="https://people.com/taylor-swift-thanks-guiding-light-beyonce-for-attending-her-eras-tour-movie-premiere-8351168">acknowledged</a> the influence Beyonce had on younger artists like her. EVERYBODY seems to have missed that in the rush to take sides, which has been most disappointing. Because if you truly understood the diva-like aura that tends to surround artists on that level, you would know this photo was definitely not a PR stunt.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV5Ybqx9trsOaXKPxBe3kqsNgMD2mq81Ig-ckvDgWNM5mdOjX_BMmpD01tT7gtmsa3pcJGf_aiAEQfQqXtNUvCpBZ7livhsbM_KHwKlfCIUxorOkMwIy4PtIbosVfQ_WBYTcjbFhkhqM3cKXp370MhSGFZJTOFurlxJr5UfdlfzkxhSDvtzKolI1zf8CZc/s1200/tay-bey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="1200" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV5Ybqx9trsOaXKPxBe3kqsNgMD2mq81Ig-ckvDgWNM5mdOjX_BMmpD01tT7gtmsa3pcJGf_aiAEQfQqXtNUvCpBZ7livhsbM_KHwKlfCIUxorOkMwIy4PtIbosVfQ_WBYTcjbFhkhqM3cKXp370MhSGFZJTOFurlxJr5UfdlfzkxhSDvtzKolI1zf8CZc/s320/tay-bey.jpg" width="320" /></a></p>You win some and you say thank you. You lose some, you nod and smile, and then go back to work or practice with a mind towards winning the next time. You keep putting in the work. You keep showing up. And what you will win at some point in the process will be more meaningful and significant than a participation trophy.<p><span style="font-size: x-small;">* <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2015/10/31/politics/bush-gore-2000-election-results-studies/index.html">still disputed</a>, but not by Gore</span></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-83383243188412106252024-02-02T15:26:00.001-05:002024-02-02T15:26:52.994-05:00TIME to Shake It Off<p><i>Alright Swifties and the folks who hate them, I started this piece before the Superbowl <a href="https://www.mediamatters.org/taylor-swift/look-what-you-made-them-do-right-wing-media-figures-are-begging-their-colleagues-stop">conspiracy theories</a> began circulating about Taylor Swift trying to influence your young impressionable daughters. She'll swear that she isn't, but if your daughter suddenly decides to watch the game to catch glimpses of her in a skybox instead of <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/usher-super-bowl-2024-halftime-show-1234829315/">Usher</a> at the Halftime...</i></p><p>Remember when I said that I wasn't going to say anything about Taylor Swift being named <i>TIME Magazine's</i> <a href="https://time.com/6342806/person-of-the-year-2023-taylor-swift/">Person of the Year</a>? Me neither (it's been almost two months)...but I do recall that I tasted blood from biting my tongue. So fine, I have a lot to say and I guarantee some of you aren't going to like it! </p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTPf7w0IjFWh2maWOs9-iX-C6qY1n1jKM2YcJ2slEykI2GHcDXV0UMPgwuoBha9_JDjrRVjzlRqM7s5P4HLgTqSpv5mz2HAd_YW0FIbZVsJmz1kD8XkACFWpZg4ep8ge7-99M0opjyuksjY-ejzsX4vxCVX-lulT39knD7L_jn_la2WrW6VaFr7E969IIz/s474/TS%20Person%20of%20the%20Year%202023.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="237" data-original-width="474" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTPf7w0IjFWh2maWOs9-iX-C6qY1n1jKM2YcJ2slEykI2GHcDXV0UMPgwuoBha9_JDjrRVjzlRqM7s5P4HLgTqSpv5mz2HAd_YW0FIbZVsJmz1kD8XkACFWpZg4ep8ge7-99M0opjyuksjY-ejzsX4vxCVX-lulT39knD7L_jn_la2WrW6VaFr7E969IIz/s320/TS%20Person%20of%20the%20Year%202023.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">I saw the list of <a href="https://time.com/6341947/person-of-the-year-2023-shortlist/">finalists</a>, and it reflects all of the appropriate choices that one would have expected: controversial world leaders; the righteous working man (as represented by the Hollywood strikers); the heroic Trump prosecutors; icon(s) of popular culture; and the random inanimate object thrown in the mix to represent the cultural zeitgeist of the moment. My best guess is that <a href="https://shop.mattel.com/collections/barbie">Barbie</a> actually won, but then someone was going to have to figure out how to interview a toy without that coming across as inappropriately suggestive or weird. </p><p>So they went with the neurotic human Barbie that is Taylor Swift, and as is always the case whenever her name is trending, there was controversy along the predictable lines of people being elated, annoyed, or indifferent. What surprised me was the larger than usual coalition of people who expended time and energy on being <b>offended</b>. </p><p>Like really? As the world burns, y'all are upset that a pop star got featured on a magazine cover? War in the Middle East, Eastern Europe, and Sudan. A wannabe dictator is running for President with a solid shot at winning, but Taylor Swift is the more worrisome influence on America's youth? I know that in theory, the <i>TIME Magazine</i> Person of the Year isn't supposed to be as trivial as the <i>People Magazine</i> <a href="https://people.com/patrick-dempsey-people-sexiest-man-alive-2023-exclusive-8391684">Sexiest Man Alive</a> or the <i>Sports Illustrated</i> <a href="https://swimsuit.si.com/swimnews/the-women-featured-in-the-2023-swimsuit-issue">Swimsuit Issue</a> can be. However, it is just a magazine cover as well, so by now (two, four, six<i>...eight</i> weeks or so later) we're just ignoring whomever/whatever is staring back at us from the virtual newsstand because no one keeps physical magazines anymore excepts doctors and dentists. </p><p>And that would have been more than enough to say on the matter, until I noted an alliance of pearl clutchers between the Black Twitterati and the Moms of Liberty. That made for the kind of strange bedfellows which caused me to reconsider my silence. On the one hand, I understand the exasperated groans...Taylor Swift (<i>again</i>) when Beyonce is right there??!! However, on the other hand, just when I thought it might be best to *swiftly* walk away from what looked like white-on-white violence and head back to the hood, it dawned on me that Tay-Tay has become the most <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2018/10/haters-gonna-hate.html">polarizing</a> white woman in America since Hillary Clinton.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/14e1omHD5Nj2Ra/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="374" data-original-width="550" height="136" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/14e1omHD5Nj2Ra/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div>Again, we're talking about a magazine cover, not the Nobel Peace Prize. I know that we want Beyonce to be given her flowers and properly acknowledged, which we can do without going full Kanye at the <a href="https://people.com/tv/taylor-swift-wins-best-female-video-upsetting-kanye-west/">2009 VMAs</a>. Nobody is denying the impact of Beyonce's <a href="https://ew.com/music/beyonce-renaissance-tour-by-the-numbers-records/">World Tour</a>. Nobody shrugs off the devotion of her <a href="https://www.today.com/popculture/music/beyonce-presale-tickets-renaissance-tour-rcna69294">BeyHive</a>. And though we addressed this a few weeks ago with that cute picture of Bey and Tay together at the premier of Swift's <a href="https://youtu.be/KudedLV0tP0?si=1aTbeR56K8Rjz0Px">Eras</a> movie, nobody cares if they are frenemies or fake besties. Y'all need to stop pitting these women against each other! Seriously, <a href="https://youtu.be/Dkk9gvTmCXY?si=LWya0x4DY-48Cxju">you need to calm down</a>.<p></p><p>Go on about your business and let Taylor Swift do what she does best, which is play the <a href="https://youtu.be/b1kbLwvqugk?si=iWLHveS-hQ6ibSZS">victim/anti-hero</a> of her own success. Isn't that ultimately how she got this honor, by hamming up her "Gee, aww shucks, who me?" schtick to the kind of pitch perfection that has kept people talking about her all year? So stop helping her...PLEASE! </p><p>She's talented. She's pretty. She can be charming. She likes <a href="https://youtu.be/rQ-uzCC3hjQ?si=U9BCrH8hwf6hRTTE">cats</a>. She has a lot of famous <a href="https://www.today.com/popculture/music/taylor-swift-boyfriends-dating-history-rcna50748">ex-boyfriends</a>. By naming her Person of the Year, <i>TIME</i> has done us a solid by starting the clock on her inevitable popular decline. I know that reads like I'm taking shots of haterade (I'm not); however, I'm simply stating the obvious. What goes up, must come down. After a year of being the center of attention, the backlash of being weary of all things Taylor, Taylor, Taylor is just beginning. </p><p>Is that what y'all want for Beyonce?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhMr9r6OKt7CcNOtmxOp2ZhiHD5BnXyNbsOPwXUkyEX0JrD5CFxztO0x8cfMyIg6jufeRALhlTPvigQNUSzSN7MlVdBWim4fzKDjNCgjE6xT-JfBqzq4E7Vh5tR95oRsafzhASgOWpscN1SDoBoiEHQt5YbnwP6qkiF2B2wKNwGtHUTmcTXL8CXvNOy5Ky/s1044/TaylorSwiftTheErasTourPoster-696x1044.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1044" data-original-width="696" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhMr9r6OKt7CcNOtmxOp2ZhiHD5BnXyNbsOPwXUkyEX0JrD5CFxztO0x8cfMyIg6jufeRALhlTPvigQNUSzSN7MlVdBWim4fzKDjNCgjE6xT-JfBqzq4E7Vh5tR95oRsafzhASgOWpscN1SDoBoiEHQt5YbnwP6qkiF2B2wKNwGtHUTmcTXL8CXvNOy5Ky/w133-h200/TaylorSwiftTheErasTourPoster-696x1044.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><p></p></div><a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/01/24/1150942804/taylor-swift-ticketmaster-senate-hearing-live-nation">Congressional hearings</a> over the availability and price of her concert tickets that result in nothing? Having your <a href="https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/local-institutions-beg-taylor-swift-to-bring-tour-to-dc-area/3200699/#:~:text=Pop%20superstar%20Taylor%20Swift%20announced%20%E2%80%9CThe%20Eras%20Tour%E2%80%9D,2023%2C%20but%20is%20notably%20skipping%20the%20D.C.%20area.">pleas</a> for her to come to your city on her much-ballyhooed concert tour go unanswered? Getting denounced by the <a href="https://x.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1732527234835947725?s=20">Alpha men</a> and <a href="https://x.com/Eric_Conn/status/1732432374863217105?s=20">Podcast Bros</a> as a floozy and the <a href="https://x.com/ACTBrigitte/status/1732526985811739039?s=20">MAGA Karens</a> as a witch? <p></p><p>Consider what the title of <i>TIME</i> Person of the Year really means in the grand scheme of things. She gets to share that designation with some very honorable people such as <a href="https://content.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,2030812_2030809_2030720,00.html">Nelson Mandela</a>, <a href="https://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,945463,00.html">St. Mother Teresa</a>, and <a href="https://content.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,2019712_2019711_2019683,00.html">Martin Luther King, Jr.</a>, but also quite a few terrible folks like <a href="https://time.com/5573720/hitler-world-influence/">Adolph Hitler</a>, <a href="https://time.com/person-of-the-year-2021-elon-musk-choice/">Elon Musk</a>, and Donald Trump. She wasn't chosen because she's some <a href="https://time.com/person-of-the-year-2022-volodymyr-zelensky/#:~:text=Volodymyr%20Zelensky%20Is%20TIME%27s%202022%20Person%20of%20the%20Year%20%7C%20Time">inspirational freedom fighter</a> standing up to a Bond villain dictator (nominated <a href="https://content.time.com/time/specials/2007/personoftheyear/article/0,28804,1690753_1690757,00.html">again</a> this year), nor as a <a href="https://time.com/person-of-the-year-2019-greta-thunberg/">symbol</a> of some significant movement in human progress. She's no <a href="https://time.com/time-person-of-the-year-2015-angela-merkel/">Angela Merkel</a>; however, she is a mega-successful multi-talented artist who had a really good year. Maybe it seems inconsequential, because making people happy through art isn't at all like working for world peace or curing lethal diseases, but Lord knows that we need some joy in these turbulent times. However, this choice feels like a set up, and a few months from now, she might wish they had gone with Barbie. </p><p>Honestly, the person who should be really pissed right now is <a href="https://time.com/collection/100-most-influential-people-2023/6269819/king-charles/">King Charles III</a>. Consider that he's waited his <b>entire</b> life for these kinds of honors, only to be relegated to being just another name on a list. I got a certain amount of petty glee to note that the American daughter-in-law he keeps trying to make us hate, the one who was too <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/22/entertainment/meghan-markle-king-charles-letter-update-intl-hnk/index.html">busy living her life</a> to attend his coronation...she found time <i>and</i> a sitter to <a href="https://people.com/meghan-markle-attends-taylor-swift-eras-tour-los-angeles-7574370">attend</a> the Taylor Swift concert. </p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/piTERt2CEdrLt2WLv0/giphy.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="480" height="160" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/piTERt2CEdrLt2WLv0/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Even I got sucked into Taylormania this year. I had just joked with a friend that I would <i>never</i>, only to forget that declaration when I bought tickets to the <i>Eras</i> film a few weeks later. Of course, they were for the Kid, under the rationale that her ability to sit through the Swift concert would determine whether she could manage to do the same for the <a href="https://www.beyoncefilm.com/">Beyonce</a> film (almost). We were about halfway through hour two of <i>Eras</i> when I realized how many TS songs I knew from just casual radio surfing in the car. And I have to give the woman her props--it was a quite a show!</p><div>So now what? Will this be the high watermark of her career?<br /><p>Since I am old enough to have witnessed this phenomenon with several other global superstars, I can say with certainty that the fall ain't pretty; the splat at the bottom is ugly; and the comeback never restores the artist(s) to the heights they once achieved. Having just watched the <a href="https://www.sho.com/video/82678/thriller-40-official-trailer-%7C-showtime">documentary</a> about Michael Jackson and his iconic <i>Thriller</i> album at 40, it reminded me of those innocent times before everything really blew up, when I was the age of many of the youngest Swifties. Back then, Jackson was setting Guiness World Records, collecting Grammy awards, <a href="https://eurweb.com/2019/michael-jacksons-mtv-impact-breaking-racial-barriers-and-opening-doors-for-artists-of-color/">integrating</a> MTV, and overall changing the music industry. No one could touch him, but like most people who fly too close to the sun, he came crashing down to earth. </p><p>I imagine that a similar retrospective of <i>Eras</i> in 20-30 years or so will find us revisiting this moment to determine where it all began to shift. Was it Taylor's fault that her presence at <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2023/12/10/taylor-swift-sixth-kansas-chiefs-football-game-travis-kelce/71872391007/">NFL games</a> to cheer on her next ex-boyfriend would annoy so many people? Didn't she know that she would never overcome the ridicule of having taken a role in the movie version of <a href="https://youtu.be/FtSd844cI7U?si=VRgcToW5Fj_b49DU">CATS</a> (2019)? How did she always manage to reach any career milestone without the "help" of <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/07/entertainment/taylor-swift-kanye-west-feud-scli-intl/index.html">Kanye West</a>? (Yeah, I said it!)</p><p>While we can clearly see the <a href="https://time.com/6343062/taylor-swift-beyonce-friendship-renaissance/">Beyonfluence</a> on Swift and think the worst, it isn't like she hasn't been borrowing notes and copying from the others who preceded her. Let's begin with Janet Jackson, the Fairy Godmother of every 21st Century Pop Princess. Recognize that pose from Swift's second POY <i>TIME</i> cover from the <i>janet</i> (1993) album? How many of you remember the first Taylor (<a href="https://youtu.be/Ud6sU3AclT4?si=aJbNPhyRr3QYnj16">Dayne</a>) to make it big in pop music? Or that Ms. <a href="https://youtu.be/BQ21o_fsbok?si=ZWdLexIkuKwi3FRx">Diana Ross</a> the Boss was the queen of multiple costume changes in a single show? I could name-drop a bunch of girl pop acts from the 80s, from <a href="https://youtu.be/w6Q3mHyzn78?si=rVPBOUz8wM4Qj0A0">Tiffany</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/4T1t5OFOYDU?si=3hQhjkNx2hTCqstw">Debbie Gibson</a> to the Aunties Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Gloria Estefan, and Mariah Carey who were each, in her prime, pioneers who cleared away shards of broken glass so that Swift didn't get cut along the road to success. </p><p>Heck, some of Taylor's best stuff has been <strike>ripped off</strike> inspired by others. Becoming BFFs with various LGBTQIA icons--that was Madonna in the 90s. The entire boudoir dominatrix aesthetic was big in the Aughts, which I remember well since one of the very first pieces I wrote about popular music back in 2001 was inspired by the remake of the <a href="https://youtu.be/RQa7SvVCdZk?si=hrQbFyfnNyLv8SuW">Lady Marmalade</a> video for the <i>Moulin Rouge</i> soundtrack. That same year Britney Spears performed live <a href="https://youtu.be/IY3-owU2CRg?si=X-YUAKLTltgm2joL">with a snake</a> (Swift's snake at her show was an <a href="https://youtu.be/Tr7qFaHdcaA?si=yYJkvcqUMcRIR5sV">optical illusion</a>). Swift must have been about twelve then, the kind of "good" girl who diligently practiced her instruments and jotted down lyrics (while taking copious notes) in her glitter-covered spiral notebook. She definitely spent a LOT of time watching classic MTV videos because hello, <a href="https://youtu.be/4V90AmXnguw?si=O4XzvpqLVTY7SMOo">Michael Jackson</a> did the zombie in the graveyard thing first. And that<a href="https://youtu.be/RsEZmictANA?si=msqQblizdA76JPaT"> folksy rock-witch</a> serving Sarah Jessica Parker in <i>Hocus Pocus</i> (1993) era was a clear nod to Stevie Nicks. How much do you want to bet that Swift assumed no one would make the association between one-hit wonderful <a href="https://youtu.be/3E-Zrg9CB_Q?si=2wUatrqk_fgftdAL">Toni Basil</a> and how she obviously inspired <a href="https://youtu.be/nfWlot6h_JM?si=C-Jpf4Dj84-LgkAb">Shake It Off</a>? </p><p>Yeah, if Artificial Intelligence could have created the perfect pop star...</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRRVibM444QKVexCeCE4VT6QxRo42pyDW6ohvr7VLtyWHb1fvLks7otO-PNymgeD2C_reLIKcl1fiKt4bUxPptBl9LsoaoVZO4JToSRDBkzpNrxGR6MusY_TCMtSrm8aK_EkA8WGHjxdnShsieT9DSIbaWaZCevPdnmg_ltpv0tkbTYBPmdoDefXpluEyG/s1200/Rapping%20TS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRRVibM444QKVexCeCE4VT6QxRo42pyDW6ohvr7VLtyWHb1fvLks7otO-PNymgeD2C_reLIKcl1fiKt4bUxPptBl9LsoaoVZO4JToSRDBkzpNrxGR6MusY_TCMtSrm8aK_EkA8WGHjxdnShsieT9DSIbaWaZCevPdnmg_ltpv0tkbTYBPmdoDefXpluEyG/s320/Rapping%20TS.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p>Which brings me back to where this all began with the <i>TIME</i> cover and how maybe it's just perfect that Taylor Swift would be named the Person of this most superlative thank-God-it-is-almost-over trainwreck of a Year. While some folks might be envious and <a href="https://www.npr.org/2026/01/01/1198004945/watching-renaissance-and-what-we-hear-in-beyonces-silence">critical</a> of Beyonce for both legitimate and ridiculous reasons, she's a working mother of three married to a billionaire, so she's not worried about a magazine cover. And she's made it clear that she and Swift are like <a href="https://www.capetourism.com/where-the-two-oceans-meet/">two vast oceans</a> that maintain their unique attributes even as they mix, commingle, and share fans. Queen Bey don't need or want any parts of this foolishness.</p><p>On the other hand, Taylor Swift is probably writing a song about all of this backlash that will become next summer's earworm, and so all of this Taylorific disdain will have the opposite effect. She has a knack for courting controversy so that it serves her; hence, no matter what we say or how we feel about her, she's not going <i>anywhere</i> anytime soon. She is formidable, resilient, and she <a href="https://time.com/6341947/person-of-the-year-2023-shortlist/">won</a> this dubious honor over a King, organized labor, two dictators, and a $10 plastic doll. That this woman can be loved and reviled, admired and maligned, yet somehow manages to triumph is extraordinary.</p><p>Even if you're still convinced that Barbie would have been a better choice, the reality is that she would have melted under this kind of scrutiny. In the movie, she couldn't handle the perceived imperfection in having flat feet, and the other Barbies got overthrown in their own dreamworld by a bunch of idiots. Taylor (and here comes a bad pun), is too Swift to be undone by shallow insecurity or some male accessory who is only relevant because of his association with her. If for no other reason than to piss off the podcast bros who resent that she's way out of their league, Taylor Swift will always be a better choice than <a href="https://screenrant.com/weird-barbie-doll-mattel-movie-miss-point-character/">Weird Barbie</a>...and the world will be grateful for that in 20-30 years.</p></div>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-26041343316827434342024-01-31T10:43:00.000-05:002024-01-31T10:43:44.681-05:00American Fictions<p>On a whim, I decided to take in a movie one afternoon last week. I had spent the morning preparing some projects for completion, and after feeling accomplished, I pulled out my phone to check movie times. One of the promises I made to myself for my 50th birthday was to make space to do for myself, so I sped home to complete a few more tasks before making my way to the theater.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDwmHn32VlQpVfVJGHnpRQPz0K0CvzLe0J0er1AGtmAUPe4QtZ9dbl6t3y1oiHHF_l89eJspTy4vZXxidHZTlxXEYxK5ZUN4d3aO_weSq4CPnN0J8-78U_E16pRRmSScWV_O_0w1hx-cufeq4cu1gZD-5AQxhlie6IFPyrZK38sT3nAzOaDFbvhqr4gFIp/s710/American%20Fiction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="710" data-original-width="474" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDwmHn32VlQpVfVJGHnpRQPz0K0CvzLe0J0er1AGtmAUPe4QtZ9dbl6t3y1oiHHF_l89eJspTy4vZXxidHZTlxXEYxK5ZUN4d3aO_weSq4CPnN0J8-78U_E16pRRmSScWV_O_0w1hx-cufeq4cu1gZD-5AQxhlie6IFPyrZK38sT3nAzOaDFbvhqr4gFIp/w214-h320/American%20Fiction.jpg" width="214" /></a></p><p></p></div><p>In making the choice between <a href="https://youtu.be/i0MbLCpYJPA?si=QUXRPAkzW09Qa2tV">American Fiction</a> (2023) and <a href="https://youtu.be/s27ETxdCUqw?si=i1KIlS17oS6p-D6b">Origin</a> (2024), I went with <i>American Fiction</i> because I had to miss an advanced free screening of it last month. I'm sure that was due to some pre-holiday family obligations, so I figured that it might have less time left in theaters (even with its <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/american-fiction-cord-jefferson-oscar-nominations-interview-1235804984/">Oscar nominations</a>). I had read the buzz about this movie sometime last Fall after it took awards at some film festival, and was intrigued by the premise of satirizing white liberalism and its patronizing impact on Black art.</p><p>Now before you read further, I should warn you that this piece will contain some plot spoilers. Therefore, if you haven't seen the movie, <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/12/12/1218760348/before-you-see-american-fiction-read-erasure-book-novel-by-percival-everett">read the book</a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Audible-Erasure-A-Novel/dp/B0CQ42T5JT/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1346902306688847&hvadid=84181465083277&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=67760&hvlocphy=91073&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-84181733790557%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=24659_10678146&keywords=percival+everett&qid=1706527825&sr=8-1">Erasure</a> (2001) by <a href="https://dornsife.usc.edu/profile/percival-everett/">Percival Everett</a> from which it was adapted, and/or haven't read <a href="https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/american-fiction-film-review-2023">this review</a>, for example, then I suggest that you come back another time. However, in the spirit of rooting for everybody Black, I do recommend seeing this film. Unequivocally! Now that I have said that, yes, I am about to offer some critiques, so strap in if you are so inclined to read on and learn why it provoked a visceral emotional reaction from me.</p><p>It is about 10-15 minutes into this film that we get to the subplot of three adult children having to confront the realities of caregiving for an aging parent. As someone who has been living that life for more than a decade, I immediately recognized the family dynamics as similar to my own. In the character of the older sister Lisa, played by Tracee Ellis Ross, I saw myself...so (here comes the spoiler as I rip the bandage off) when she DIES unexpectedly, I got stuck in my feelings and <b>never</b> recovered.</p><p>What if that happens to me? How would my untimely death impact my husband and daughter, two brothers and their families, and my parents? If art truly imitates life, then my best guess is that I will be forgotten as soon as the ashes scatter. As I watched the drama unfold between two egomaniacal younger brothers who don't miss a beat in moving on with their self-destructive lives without their sister, I ate my truffle buttered popcorn-flavored feelings and watched what felt like a possible alternative ending to my own life.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExOHo5bmo1Y3ZnamhsMGN5dTB6YnZyY2wwM2k4NDg5NTAxOHk2anhxeCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/HgYKSFnkpzNLD9TBB9/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="360" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExOHo5bmo1Y3ZnamhsMGN5dTB6YnZyY2wwM2k4NDg5NTAxOHk2anhxeCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/HgYKSFnkpzNLD9TBB9/giphy.gif" width="150" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">Yeah, it cut that close to my bones; it was personal and profoundly sad. So much so that I texted a friend to playfully scold him for not telling me that in advance that <i>American Fiction</i> would probably make me cry, and his response was a sardonic echo of my original text. Sensing that he either intentionally missed my point or was being an ass, his response is partly why I feel compelled to vent about how shitty it is, in what was otherwise a brilliant film, that no one seems to be all that broken up about the abrupt and sudden death of the person who had been managing EVERYTHING for her family to the point that it literally KILLS her!</p><p>Before you metaphorically reach out to pat me on the head and urge me to calm down it's just a movie, let me point out the irony of a film that indicts the way society prefers to see Black lives presented (flat, stereotypical, and tragic) and how it does the exact same thing in its depiction of Black women. In the course of exploiting several Hollywood tropes to their humorous heights and tragic depths, this film offers a layered story within a story within a story allegory of so many "fictions" we choose to believe. In other words, it is <a href="https://youtu.be/w5bqNg_VUCc?si=1KDYUnkbnzgC6yrY">The Colored Museum</a> (1986) meets <a href="https://youtu.be/iUM9Hkvf0Co?si=F1aQN1LJMghNZGaJ">Hollywood Shuffle</a> (1987) meets <a href="https://youtu.be/1c-4J5RIy3g?si=BWLGiwyk01WjZbMi">A Strange Loop</a> (2020) with some of the better episodes of <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3487356/">black-ish</a> (2014-2022) mixed in. Brilliant.</p><p>Beginning with Monk (the always mesmerizing <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/film/2024/jan/25/jeffrey-wright-on-finally-being-up-for-the-best-actor-oscar-i-was-frustrated-but-im-not-frustrated-now">Jeffrey Wright</a>), the tortured, lonely genius and his brother Cliff (Sterling K. Brown), the gay black sheep of the family, both of those representations hold the center. There are supported by several stock minor characters: the cheerful (funny) gays, the noble Latinx allies, and the various versions of white liberals. As each successive white character appears, I chuckled at how they could have been plucked from a shelf in a bookstore labeled "prototypical white liberal" (which correlates to a scene in the film that occurs right before it delivers that first emotional gut punch). And then finally, there is the Chorus: five Black women who consist of two <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TokenBlackFriend">Black best friends</a> and three selfless Black matriarchs who are all flat, stereotypical, tragic...and expendable. </p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExaWJ4NXF5YXJjejQxazlrMjN0azg4OWdoMHFoaGRocWR1b2J3YXlkYyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/12qZzOj2MkY26A/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="500" height="160" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExaWJ4NXF5YXJjejQxazlrMjN0azg4OWdoMHFoaGRocWR1b2J3YXlkYyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/12qZzOj2MkY26A/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Of course, that may be just my opinion, and I recognize that might be another veiled reference to the entire point of this film. Traditional Black narratives written and produced by Black men often relegate Black women to the sidelines in service to the story. Rarely do we get full-dimensional wives, mothers, or daughters in these stories because the narrative is usually centered on the Black experience through the lens of its Black male protagonists. Seemingly aware of this blind-spot, in the scene where Monk is complimented for his ability to write fully developed female characters, it just so happens to follow within minutes of his sister's hasty heavenly departure. This struck me as kind of an obvious little white lie given that is the opposite of how the Black women in this film are treated. </p><p>Therefore, as screenwriter and director <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/12/12/1218726903/american-fiction-cord-jefferson">Cord Jefferson</a> is surely winking back at us in calling out Monk's <a href="https://blogs.ubc.ca/becprice223/2013/03/19/patronage-or-patronizing-the-white-role-in-the-renaissance/#:~:text=White%20patronage%20had%20a%20profound%20effect%20on%20the,catalysts%20for%20the%20movement%20in%20its%20early%20years.">wealthy white patrons</a> as modern-day versions of <a href="https://aaregistry.org/story/charlotte-osgood-mason-born/">Charlotte Osgood Mason</a> and <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Carl-Van-Vechten">Carl Van Vechten</a>, his other choices feel similarly intentional. At various points, Monk dispatches every Black woman in his orbit with little to no sentimentality. When he moves his mother Agnes (Leslie Uggams) into the nursing home, there are no tears, no second thoughts, no long embrace goodbye; instead, the scene ends with his brother's hurt feelings over a homophobic remark. And there she is left alone in Boston even though Monk and his brother both live out West (and ride off together to the Hollywood Hills in the end). The faithful family housekeeper, Lorraine (Myra Lucretia Taylor), is married off, but not before it is casually suggested that she could be fired to save money. Is it really a coincidence that she happens to rekindle an old flame to save Monk from having to do the unthinkable? The promise of a meaningful romantic relationship with Coraline (Erika Alexander) is dashed by his insufferable ego. Of course, it is doomed from the moment when he jokingly asks for her name after he spends the night with her, and we (the audience) realize we were never formally introduced. Monk's duplicity with Sintara Golden (Issa Rae) all but ensures that they will be professional rivals, never friends.</p><p>Which brings me back to Lisa, the older sister (rather, it is my assumption that she is the eldest, because that is the birth-order responsibility I hold in my family). I couldn't help but to see myself reflected back from the screen, so admittedly, I might not be separating fact from fiction in my response to her demise. Yet, isn't it peculiar that from my seat in the audience, I had a more emotional reaction to the death of this fictional character than what unfolds onscreen? </p><p>All of the signs of her impending demise are revealed in the short time we become acquainted with her: stress from a recent divorce, concern over finances, a dangerous job, and the prospect of caring for her mother without consistent family support. To cope, she mentions that she has resumed smoking. That she dies isn't all that shocking nor is the timing, given all of that build up (almost as if one could imagine her arteries hardening). It is the way everyone just moves on--<i>gee, it sucks that older Sis no longer here to keep the lights on, remind Mom to put on her wig, recognize that younger brother is an impulsive dope fiend, etc., but we'll manage.</i> They spend more time mourning their long-dead philandering father who committed suicide...</p><p>Indulge me for a few more paragraphs while I pivot from the film to address the parallels to my own life. At some point before my 40th birthday, I had a conversation with another friend about caregiving in the early stages of my Mom's dementia diagnosis. She shared a story about an aunt of hers who had been the family matriarch/caregiver until she died unexpectedly. While the family mourned her loss as they had looked to this Sister/Auntie to handle everything, miraculously they were all capable of doing for themselves. The selfless matriarch who had devoted her life to her family was dead while those whom she supported/enabled/stood in the gap for kept right on living. That story altered my thinking about much, including my decision to pursue motherhood and my writing. I thought my family would appreciate my sacrifices...until it began to feel more like they <i>expected</i> them. Then it dawned on me that I might wake up one day at 45 years old as a bitter, possibly divorced woman with no family of my own. Or dead like my friend's aunt, or like the fictional Lisa.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExYWR4OHg3dW5iZmwyYm1rbXVubGRvaWpqeXh4bXJmd2ZqajdxMXphMiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/lPdtZpqTHombYPrN3x/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExYWR4OHg3dW5iZmwyYm1rbXVubGRvaWpqeXh4bXJmd2ZqajdxMXphMiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/lPdtZpqTHombYPrN3x/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>Thankfully, I'm not dead yet.<p></p><p>But now that I am 50 years old and see similar patterns emerging, including being the Momager of my daughter's life, I am serious about remembering to take time to care for <b>ME</b> in the midst of caring for everyone else. That is exactly how I ended up at the movies that day because I was carving out time for myself after a particularly stressful week of dealing with a broken furnace, negotiating home health care issues, rescheduling doctor appointments, attending Zoom meetings, and being a Girl Scout/Dance Mom. Later that evening when I was out grocery shopping for healthy snacks and food for my parents, I picked up a second bouquet of flowers. Because damn if I'm going to drop dead and not have any flowers to enjoy while I am still able to smell them!</p><p>I'm not suggesting that it is Cord Jefferson's responsibility to circle back to a minor character's subplot to address the mythology versus the reality of the <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2018/10/we-bleed-too.html">Black Superwoman</a>. In a more perfect American fictional world, that would have been Sintara Golden's literary contribution instead of more baby mama drama. Far from accusing Jefferson or Percival Everett of dropping the ball, it is more accurate to suggest that they dropped some heavy hints that there is so much more to Black lives than slogans and advertising campaigns. That, and the tongue in cheek digs that Tyler Perry is neither a Black <i>everyman</i> nor is his Madea character <a href="https://youtu.be/H7_sqdkaAfo?si=WWqz4zZ7xNrzkAwv">every woman</a>...and both of them need to stop crowding out other Black voices. </p><p>There is room on bookstore shelves, on stage, and on screen for Black stories that explore the full range of our humanity, including our health disparities and outcomes; the challenges of caring for our elders; and the mistakes we make in raising our children. As we learned from <a href="https://www.net-a-porter.com/en-ae/porter/article-3b30998a5c5ae7c3/cover-stories/cover-stories/issa-rae">Issa Rae</a>, it doesn't all have to be that <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2018/09/salty-pretzels-watching-black-tv.html">heavy</a>--we can mine our bad relationship choices, professional setbacks and stumbles, and our dysfunctional families for <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2021/12/feeling-secure.html">five seasons</a> of hilarious material. To paraphrase the late great author Toni Morrison, if there are stories that we want to see that haven't been written or filmed yet, then we must put in the work to see that those projects come to life. </p><p>I feel those words as clearly as I felt sorrow for a fictional dead woman, so the universe must be trying to tell me something. Stay tuned...</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-2538172128413235062023-10-16T11:00:00.000-04:002023-10-16T11:00:10.041-04:00Romantic Tragedies<p>One of my favorite romantic comedies (rom-coms) of all time is <i>When Harry Met Sally</i>, a movie that I especially love to watch this time of year. Not sure why it is my fall favorite (or why <i>Sleepless in Seattle</i> is my Winter favorite, or why <i>You've Got Mail</i> is my Spring go-to, and now that I am thinking about this, why I'm not sure if I have a summer favorite or why all of these movies feature <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/">Meg Ryan</a>). I digress...</p><p>I recently re-watched <i>WHMS</i> a few weeks ago and thought of it as I was recently reading some epic foolishness on X (yeah, I concede and will no longer refer to it as Twitter since that was a happier platform). It was late at night, I was not in the mood for any of the heavier political debates of the day, so I decided to see what was trending on Black Twitter (which I will not rebrand). And baybee, y'all delivered!</p><p>So how does this relate to <i>WHMS</i>? Because the chatter was about first dates, and one of the running themes in that movie is disastrous first dates. In my old-married-lady mind, all I can say is WOW, not even close anymore. These days, I can't imagine if I would even get asked out on a date, let alone go through with one the way y'all act. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/13rARGWTmiLngs/giphy.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="260" data-original-width="480" height="173" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/13rARGWTmiLngs/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></div><p>Apparently, there were two disastrous first date videos that were being discussed, so your Busy Black Auntie has questions: why and WHET???</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Chain, Chain, Chain of Fools</h4><p>Why is the <a href="https://www.thecheesecakefactory.com/">Cheesecake Factory</a> not appropriate for a first date? Did somebody pass a law? Because back in the day when my BFF and I stumbled across this place while in high school, we marveled at its menu booklet and extensive cheesecake offerings. At the time, there was only one of these in our area, so it was quite the treat to go there and to come home with one of their decadent desserts.</p><p>Now I know you are thinking, that was 30+ years ago and well, you can find a Cheesecake Factory at almost any suburban mall that is still standing. Heck, I just learned that there is one in Downtown DC, so I get that the shine has kind of worn off. It isn't as special, and if you get all dressed up to go out on a date, perhaps you would like for the restaurant selection to be one where you can't just pull up to any mall that is still standing. I assume that same hesitance would be expected at other well-known, so-called high-end chain establishments, such as <a href="https://www.thecapitalgrille.com/home">The Capital Grille</a>, <a href="https://ruthschris.com/">Ruth's Chris Steak House</a>, <a href="https://www.maggianos.com/">Maggiano's</a>, <a href="https://www.mccormickandschmicks.com/">McCormick & Schmick's</a>, or any other place that offers loyalty points and curbside pickup. I'm guessing that no one goes to <a href="https://www.houstons.com/">Houston's</a> like that anymore either...(and that was my joint too). Times change.</p><p>So tell me, where else would you go? You see, the entire point of a place like the Cheesecake Factory is to offer patrons a bunch of choices that don't adhere to one particular cuisine. It tries to be all things to all people so that anyone can find something to eat. It ain't fine dining, but it ain't <a href="https://www.applebees.com/en">Applebee's</a>. It is safe, which is a reasonable choice to make if you don't know the person that well, but anticipate the possibility of what could develop from a dinner date as opposed to drinks...</p><p>Does it require much thought? No. So does that mean that the new outfit, manicure/pedicure, fresh hairdo, and high heels are being wasted on some dude in a polo shirt, khakis, and docksiders? Perhaps. Would that piss me off enough to whip out my phone to make a video to document the disaster-in-the-making for my single girlfriends on TikTok?</p><p>No. Because I would at least wait until <u>after</u> the date to put him on blast.</p><p>However, and this is important to highlight, I haven't been on a first date since the late 1990s. Not only were there no cellphone cameras or social media, but like I said in the set-up, once upon a time the Cheesecake Factory would have won him cool points for making an impressive and thoughtful choice. I was a broke-ass college/law student dating other broke-ass college/law students, so I realize that alters my perspective of what is considered to be a well-planned and thoughtful first date. Not only would I have been impressed by the choice of restaurant, but I would also have been thrilled that he offered to pick me up and drive. That is downright chivalrous! </p><p>But here's the part that really got me--the complaint that the restaurant is a chain, as if most restaurants in most major cities aren't part of a corporate restaurant group or some Mom and Pop watering hole in the wall. Here in DC, every restaurant is either owned by <a href="https://joseandres.com/">José Andrés</a> or some former <a href="https://www.bravotv.com/top-chef">Top Chef</a> contestant, so what other options are there? If he had taken her to some suburban strip mall spot, I imagine her complaint would have been that he took her to some dinky checkered laminated tablecloth joint where they serve tacos or pasta. Which leads me back to the premise that the Cheesecake Factory is at least a safe choice because if it doesn't require a lot of thought, and that means fewer worries. That menu has options to accommodate food allergies, dietary restrictions, spicy or bland palates, a variety of drink preferences, and almost any cuisine you could imagine. If you can't find something to eat on their menu, then there's a reason why you're still going out on first dates.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">You Say Oyster; I Say Hasta La Vista</h4><p style="text-align: left;">Now this one had me crying, because whew chile, the ghetto! The audacity! The sheer ridiculousness! The fact that this warranted an <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/tiktok-date-48-oysters-atlanta-1234852998/">article</a> in <i>Rolling Stones</i>, so there goes my free articles for this month...(in case you've used your allotment too, you can read it <a href="https://www.msn.com/en-us/foodanddrink/foodnews/tiktok-dragged-her-for-eating-48-oysters-on-a-date-restaurant-manager-says-its-nothing-new/ar-AA1i86Uo">here</a>.)</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/3UtNHE5gUObYs/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="160" data-original-width="245" height="160" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/3UtNHE5gUObYs/giphy.gif" width="245" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">I am not on TikTok, so forgive me for not knowing that there is an entire genre of videos where people film themselves eating called <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mukbang-watch-what-they-eat/"><i>mukbang</i></a>, and folks tune in to watch. I cannot even wrap my head around such foolishness, because that sounds like the very definition of food porn, but people have their various kinks, so we'll just leave it at that.</p><p style="text-align: left;">However, because I was clueless and unaware, it now makes sense why the woman mentioned that she agreed to the date because she needed "content". I could go on a rant about why this type of booshay is exactly why I refuse to refer to myself as a "content creator"--because I'm an <a href="https://youtu.be/gHNv_VdkSbM?si=aTEXQvyxwiV-oV9M"><b>artist</b></a>, and I'm sensitive about my shit...(and that would take us too far off-topic). But at least now I understand a few things, such as why the future of humanity is in doubt if y'all find this entertaining.</p><p style="text-align: left;">The gist is that some woman in Atlanta videotaped herself on a date during which she consumed 48 oysters, a plate of potatoes, crab cakes, and then washed it all down with a few cocktails. The gentleman who invited her out apparently watched this, and during a lull in the action, excused himself and left her there with the bill and a pile of dishes. He must have had a slight change of heart because he texted her and offered to pay for his one drink, which appeared to be a glass of wine or some sparkling water in a goblet that looked untouched. Y'all, I can't even write about this without laughing. What in the world???</p><p style="text-align: left;">And folks had jokes, good ones, so there isn't any additional spin I can offer to make this any more or less ridiculous. I can't imagine that there is even a legitimate side to be taken because who da fuq doesn't realize that entire scenario was a future SNL skit? I mean, dude sat there and watched her eat four trays of oysters and didn't try one? If this was in fact a real date, at what point didn't she realize that they weren't having any conversation because she was too busy slurping oysters or adjusting her camera? Where is his video, because surely, there is alternative plate-by-plate commentary? Was he gone for a lot longer than she realized, as in hours? What kind of cheap reject oysters are they serving for $15/dozen in a city that isn't on the water (we don't have deals like that and I live in a coastal city)? </p><p style="text-align: left;">And how can we be sure that this was NOT just an elaborate set-up for one of those food porn videos because according to the article, dude came back and they left together!!! You know what, nevermind.</p><div><h4 style="text-align: left;">Ice Scream, You Screen?</h4><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/Ut0KAqxNhAvD2/giphy.gif" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="132" data-original-width="245" height="132" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/Ut0KAqxNhAvD2/giphy.gif" width="245" /></a></div><p></p></div>Ok, this one is a bonus I recall seeing from the summer, when somebody's spoiled child got on Blue Ivy's internet to complain that a meeting for ice cream was a waste of her time. I'm wondering if this was the same chick who scoffed at the Cheesecake Factory; but it doesn't matter because she's still out here kissing frogs and wishing on stars as if this is all some <a href="https://movies.disney.com/enchanted">Disney movie</a>.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Or she's lactose intolerant, because I cannot imagine that someone would pass on an ice cream date after this <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/08/14/1192716856/july-was-the-hottest-month-ever-recorded-on-earth">hotter than July</a> summer we just had. Some guy offers to meet you and treat you to some ice cream and you decline because you would have preferred that he put more thought into planning your first meeting? A first meeting at Starbuck's or Applebee's involves more effort and planning? Okay.</p><p style="text-align: left;">You could have worn a sundress with pockets on a first date, but you said no thanks I would rather go all out with the nails, hair, and heels because all of that involves e-f-f-o-r-t. Sis, you do know that if the issue really was lactose intolerance, you could have had sorbet...with sprinkles! GTFOHWTBS</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">It's a Date, Not a Trip to the Dry Cleaners</h4><p>Lest you think I only have smoke for these whiny women, Imma need these baby boys to grow up and to stop itemizing their actions as if anybody other than your little friends are keeping score. Courtship requires much more of you than just expressing interest in a woman, and at the end of the night, no one owes you anything. Which, ironically, is one of the reasons why <i>WHMS</i> is such a great film to use as a frame of reference for modern dating and romance. Too many of you are out here thinking like Harry--that women are only worthy of your time if you can get some (or as you young people like to describe having sex, if you think you can smash).</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/11W0LI3Xs7tSZq/giphy-downsized-large.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="186" data-original-width="344" height="186" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/11W0LI3Xs7tSZq/giphy-downsized-large.gif" width="344" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">And throughout the movie, it is clear that sex isn't that hard to get. According to Harry, sex is the singular reason why most men interact with women and why platonic male/female friendships are impossible to maintain. It's a persuasive thought bubble, even when he runs into Sally for a second time and talks about his pending nuptials. He admits to wanting to settle down because he had grown tired of the <a href="https://youtu.be/oRsmpQRbeuM?si=2T7yAr5QlcJAGsK7">single life</a>. However, when he meets Sally a third time five years later while in the process of getting divorced, he makes the choice to befriend her, which allows him to have a more meaningful relationship with her while reverting to his earlier stance of only dating to pursue sex. Becoming friends with her exposes him to developing genuine feelings, which finally breaks him of his pursuit of superficial and unfulfilling dalliances with women. </p><p>In other words, these transactional situationships that y'all brag about on social media for clicks and comments are similarly unfulfilling and inadequate. Some of these women who are down to smash after your bare minimal effort will reciprocate by giving you next to nothing in return. Because you ain't nobody special to her either; yet y'all want to get on social media to complain that you can't write love songs about these women. No, and they aren't willing to sign onto becoming your maid and mama for as long as you both shall live, so there's that.</p><p>And one more thing, because some of you who describe yourselves as "nice guys" don't seem to understand that not being a psychopath still doesn't entitle you to anything. Rejection happens, but you don't stop applying for jobs, so why stop dating? As the old folks used to say (and I guess I am now old folks as well), there are a lot more fish in the sea. There are plenty of women out there who will appreciate your effort. </p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">A Jerry Springer Moment: Final Thoughts</h4><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKYD_iCepUNUd5hGdcn_asyWPgztWFYKrmPzrncC7BUqCJlLWuUq0_VxrB3ciF_DDXJQPlKwMrIjpcF44yjl7gy-ywgHAags3LhoZV1c_om-46ESwZ4eQGNOTb83of0kDLIwqzLYZeM5R128pWOhSv3atdm-8PN5gk06OdnAVLLnxM3G0tTkcO2zDY0_rI/s940/phone-call-icon.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="940" data-original-width="900" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKYD_iCepUNUd5hGdcn_asyWPgztWFYKrmPzrncC7BUqCJlLWuUq0_VxrB3ciF_DDXJQPlKwMrIjpcF44yjl7gy-ywgHAags3LhoZV1c_om-46ESwZ4eQGNOTb83of0kDLIwqzLYZeM5R128pWOhSv3atdm-8PN5gk06OdnAVLLnxM3G0tTkcO2zDY0_rI/w122-h128/phone-call-icon.png" width="122" /></a></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Auntie isn't suggesting that anybody should settle, but instead of being disappointed that your date took you to the Cheesecake Factory, you might try to get past that and find out more about the IT guy who probably built up the courage for weeks to ask you out. I bet he doesn't live in his mother's basement nor does he have to pick up his kids in the McDonald's parking lot every other weekend. But you do you. To every dude who thinks that women are only agreeing to dates with you for the free meal, you do know that having an adult conversation in advance of making the date can save you a LOT in the long run. That means that instead of exchanging a bunch of text messages or DMs, you might need to press this green button to communicate. Imagine that!</p><p>I said this a few months ago but will repeat it here in case you missed it: relationships are between the two people involved, not the spectators who have gathered to see how the car crashes. If you are more concerned about posting your every move and expressing every profound thought you have on social media, then your engagement isn't with that other person, it is with your audience. No wonder why y'all are so bitter and disillusioned. You spend more time "creating content" for these elaborately staged encounters instead of experiencing life.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/cLiOAvpdFZqAo/giphy.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="272" data-original-width="480" height="181" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/cLiOAvpdFZqAo/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Once the people get their fill of you and your <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120382/">Truman Show</a> drama, what comes next? Because some of you are so needy for attention, I worry that losing followers or engagement is a bigger deal than having an embarrassing viral story written about you. By next weekend, we will have someone else's dating disaster to deconstruct...so how do you plan to <a href="https://youtu.be/6k_-G3lxqNw?si=Jp8SNW3oAFh9KaV9">top that</a>?</p></div>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-91683283636489752482023-09-26T08:14:00.000-04:002023-09-26T08:14:02.769-04:00Projectile Vomit<p>These days, social media can seem a lot like that iconic scene from the original first <i>Star Wars</i> movie where our heroes are caught in the <a href="https://youtu.be/6u3QInIMVME?si=AguV_FYUUyh8C1sR">trash compacting room</a>. In essence, we are all swimming in garbage, desperately trying to keep ourselves from being crushed by garbage, or perhaps we have just enough time to escape...</p><p>I am referring specifically to X, the site formerly known as Twitter, and what it has become of it since the Muskrat took over nearly a year ago. Like many people, I have remained out of a morbid sense of curiosity to see just how bad things could get. Well, if you recognize my <i>Star Wars</i> analogy, then we might be at the point in the scene where the walls are closing in but C-3PO wants Luke to listen to his misadventures with R2-D2 evading storm troopers. In other words, democracy has only a slim chance of survival while we are fretting over foolishness. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR1mZ0mEzcpL1cbHNDsF6yP7JKa8RQ6I8A7B5w5bp4UXt2pRUwcDHlb8kPUGrSc1vPsn9-D8B2qnLTcexmzpdWjgRq9BJSdGjhv-2oNjijQl6ndQFog4VRHhQEA_J8TIEzyf7Zj-j-rJ8VPnwXaK8SY4Vs9nDBrjPqsV0b2vKMJqjdXSDLbZB0lrlfkjG2/s1200/Keith%20Olbermann.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="803" data-original-width="1200" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR1mZ0mEzcpL1cbHNDsF6yP7JKa8RQ6I8A7B5w5bp4UXt2pRUwcDHlb8kPUGrSc1vPsn9-D8B2qnLTcexmzpdWjgRq9BJSdGjhv-2oNjijQl6ndQFog4VRHhQEA_J8TIEzyf7Zj-j-rJ8VPnwXaK8SY4Vs9nDBrjPqsV0b2vKMJqjdXSDLbZB0lrlfkjG2/w200-h134/Keith%20Olbermann.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">Every now and then, since I won't pay for a blue check, I say something on that platform that gets noticed and I have to admit, it gives me a thrill to think that for a brief, shining moment, I'm not just some random person shouting into the cyberverse. That was, until last Sunday when I spoke out against the tirade posted by Keith Olbermann prior to the debut of Kristen Welker as the new moderator of <a href="https://www.nbc.com/meet-the-press">Meet the Press</a>. From that one <a href="https://x.com/ayannadamali/status/1703382801762976188?s=20">tweet</a> came a variety of responses, the kind where people unwittingly tell on themselves, particularly those who claim to be allies.</p><p>To recap, I was scrolling Twitter early Sunday morning on the 17th. I saw a series of <a href="https://x.com/KeithOlbermann/status/1702455968192180572?s=20">tweets</a> posted by the aforementioned Olbermann, whom I follow because I used to be a fan of his now-defunct show, <i>Countdown</i>, when it aired nightly on MSNBC in the early aughts. Back then I looked forward to his bombastic and hyperbolic rants against the Bush Administration, especially his nightly <a href="https://youtu.be/v9kMPWYqpvA?si=qNbHA6W0nlH6AhQE">Worst Person in the World</a> segment (framed by Bach's <a href="https://youtu.be/ho9rZjlsyYY?si=yzxnU81WugyFm5SY">Toccata and Fugue in D Minor</a>). His most recent incarnation in media is as host of a <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/countdown-with-keith-olbermann/id1633301179">podcast</a> of the same name, which I assume follows the same format of ranting and raving about whatever annoys him on any given day.</p><p>Now, it is significant to highlight how this is Olbermann's latest incarnation having had a long broadcast career that has involved stints at <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/keith-olbermann-leaves-espn-for-youtube-political-show-4072550/">ESPN</a>, FOX Sports, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/richard-adams-blog/2011/jan/22/keith-olbermann-msnbc-nbc-terminated">MSNBC</a>, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Current_TV">Current TV</a>, and TBS. At the conclusion of these high-profile media gigs, Olbermann has often <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/exit-olbermann-again">left</a> in a blaze of inglorious self-immolating and obnoxious defiance (and I'm using all of these SAT words in homage to this brilliant <a href="https://youtu.be/rO5-owAQOEw?si=8DB8ls0ztsTK2ybn">SNL skit</a>). In simpler terms, he's a blowhard who gleefully juggles lit matches that burn everything and everyone in his wake. We all know people like him, brilliant yet dangerously toxic, so while I found his schtick entertaining 20 years ago, hubris isn't what one would call an endearing personal quality.</p><p>Yet, I still follow him, and even after last week, I haven't gone so far as to mute or block him because as long as we're all still using Musky's platform, we're all just wading in a galactic trash heap on a doomed Death Star. I know that KO's rhetoric is over the top, and there are instances when he can be: (a) hypocritical; (b) sexist; and (c) wrong. He's now leaning into stereotypical <a href="https://www.salon.com/2023/06/20/the-podcast-bros-profiting-off-the-loneliness-epidemic/">podcast bro</a> territory, while I'm another long-winded mommy blogger (so make of those caricatures whatever you want). Once upon a time, people like us were on the same side, shouting into the void.</p><p>To be clear, my issue with Olbermann's tirade was that of all people who have been extended grace throughout their career (and he's been at this for 30+ years), he ought to be willing to do the same. He could have let the interview air <b>before</b> denouncing Welker as a failure on her first day on the job. If you read any of his tweets from last Sunday (and the week prior), he had a <a href="https://x.com/KeithOlbermann/status/1703274065392185357?s=20">LOT</a> to say. FWIW, I have an opinion on that interview which I most certainly plan to express without conducting a Salem witch-level trial and execution. Read on.</p><p>I hit send on my <a href="https://x.com/ayannadamali/status/1703382801762976188?s=20">tweet</a> and gathered my things. You see, those of us who live in the real world have more important isht to do than scroll Twitter all day. I headed over to my parents' house, so that meant that I wouldn't be at church that morning. Thus, I had time to actually watch the interview in real time to judge for myself whether it was as bad as it appeared from the pre-released clips circulating on social media. In the meantime, my tweet stirred up a little dust, beginning with some lady demanding to know who I was.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/8YWZEVxzqAtEUfDgus/giphy.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="180" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/8YWZEVxzqAtEUfDgus/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Now here's where this all got interesting because I could have ignored her and kept living my best life, but I was feeling froggy and decided that her snarky so-who-do-you-think-you-are deserved a clapback. Because I think that it is rather ironic to be confronted by a fellow unverified "nobody" on Twitter as if that question is supposed to make me feel ashamed for daring to call out someone's bullshit. <i>I am who I am</i>, I replied, to which this KO groupie responded that I was probably just some desperate clout-chaser. At that point, I got curious, checked her profile, and saw that we were ideologically aligned. In the real world, one might even say that we would be protest allies, so I decided to end the exchange with a go forth and #BeBest. </p><p>I went about the rest of my day and came back to Twitter several hours later. There were a few more responses to my tweet, some aghast that I had deigned to challenge the wisdom that had erupted from Mt. Olbermann. One twit hit back at me three times with commentary about Welker's inadequacies for the role that went from 0 to sexist/racist in 60 characters. I stretched my Twitter fingers, took a deep sigh, and calmly replied that I had never mentioned Welker's race or gender in my original tweet. Because the point of my tweet to Olbermann had been to point out the hypocrisy that he who had been given numerous chances to screw up and piss folks off throughout his career would come down so hard against someone barely into her first day on the job. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/3osxYs8nH06bdeCw6Y/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="269" data-original-width="480" height="112" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/3osxYs8nH06bdeCw6Y/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div>Nevertheless, they persisted in suggesting that I was making excuses for Welker because she was a Black woman, so again, I reiterated that I had not mentioned race or gender, nor had I defended Welker. I went to bed and woke up to more of their nonsense, so as I had done with the first KO groupie, I peeped this person's profile and determined that they were probably another so-called ally. Yeah, go feed your cats and #BeBest.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">All week, what nagged at me about these petty skirmishes was how these attacks were coming from the same pink pussy hat, safety pin, middle management, pumpkin spice coffee club folks who walk their dogs past my house but don't speak. We're allegedly on the same side, until I dare to express an opinion that goes against their community standards. Suddenly, they can see my nearly 6-foot-tall frame to clearly glean enough of what I said to tell me what they thought I <i>meant</i> to say.</p><p>No bish, <b>you</b> said that. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCct8ETMZBr_WVKM_7_2zZN7_adXticqKjMbUuj04j2YZnKRlAW2XC0-BUl1OFDDSRNGNUZHF6pQmlliWuYyNw1wvFdWR7ZTpm45RNMyIO2NMYXPBmNfOvPbe2SDFlaQh75ucc1IfR-hjU-yVxRvYDTwNK9n7d7_TAjiuyIJZt3_C8B1R2GdDO9gnk5Oi/s1200/Kristen%20Welker.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCct8ETMZBr_WVKM_7_2zZN7_adXticqKjMbUuj04j2YZnKRlAW2XC0-BUl1OFDDSRNGNUZHF6pQmlliWuYyNw1wvFdWR7ZTpm45RNMyIO2NMYXPBmNfOvPbe2SDFlaQh75ucc1IfR-hjU-yVxRvYDTwNK9n7d7_TAjiuyIJZt3_C8B1R2GdDO9gnk5Oi/w200-h133/Kristen%20Welker.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">However, since <b>you</b> raised the topic of Welker's race and gender and her ability to perform the job, let's discuss. Because y'all are good for propping women of color up for failure by setting impossible expectations and then demeaning their achievements as unearned. Kristen Welker is only the most recent example in a long line of Black women who find themselves targeted and undermined by so-called allies. For when else is it acceptable to denounce someone's job performance <i>before</i> they even show up for work?</p><p></p><p>Before I bring out any CVS receipts, I need to emphasize that these attacks don't just come from our suburban athleisure clad fellow keyboard warriors. Sometimes the loudest haters are the men who fight alongside us while secretly listening to and agreeing with <a href="https://thebreakfastclub.iheart.com/featured/charlamagne-tha-god/about/">Charlamagne tha God</a>.</p><p>Days before the interview aired, I expressed <a href="https://www.facebook.com/facebook/videos/10153231379946729/">skepticism</a> whether this was the right move for Welker's maiden show. I was concerned that her bosses at NBC were using this interview to ensure high ratings for her debut, but also setting her up for the predictable fallout that followed. I believe that platforming Donald Trump is always irresponsible and dangerous, regardless of the newsworthiness of his position in the polls. I imagine that back in 1939 when <i>TIME Magazine</i> designated <a href="https://newsfeed.time.com/2013/02/27/time-turns-90-all-you-need-to-know-about-modern-history-in-90-cover-stories/slide/1939-adolf-hitler-man-of-the-year/">Adolph Hitler</a> as its Man of the Year, they thought they were doing the world a service by publicizing his views because he too was a compelling public figure. The difference as I see it is multifaceted--not only did we learn our lesson by legitimizing Hitler, but we should have known better than to underestimate Trump's appeal after 2016. We now know what manner of destruction he can instigate after January 6. He could have held a rally to broadcast his lies and spew the same poison, so why put a Black woman in the position of facilitating our demise?</p><p>I watched the interview (twice) and was dismayed that the edit we saw did not put Trump on the defense; instead, it allowed him to prate on unchallenged and unrestrained. He has posted many of the same fabulist boasts and dubious claims on his Truth Social without the imprimatur of NBC News. That Welker showed deference to the office he previously held didn't bother me (because every former President is addressed as 'Mr. President') as much as there appeared to be some manner of deference to him personally as well. The fact that I had to go look for the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/full-transcript-read-meet-the-press-kristen-welker-interview-trump-rcna104778">full fact-checked</a> edit and potentially sit through that booshay a third time annoys me. It is unlikely that any of that previously unaired footage will get replayed or reposted as a rebuttal to his mendacity. Furthermore, it shouldn't be our responsibility to discern whether he was lying when the entire point of interviewing him should have been for us to see in real time how much of a prevaricating huckster he is. </p><p>Yet, I'm clear that the network's goal was achieved--Welker's debut drew <a href="https://deadline.com/2023/09/kristen-welker-meet-the-press-wins-total-viewers-1235550810/">more viewers</a> than her competitors. Whether that will continue is yet to be determined, but the gamble paid off and folks watched either to affirm their pre-emptive biases or like me out of curiosity. That doesn't mean she deserves any high fives, and I'm not dapping her up because that first Sunday was a stunt. The real work of retaining viewers and proving her chops starts this week.</p><p>Notice how I did not argue that she deserves a pass because she happens to be the first woman of color in the Sunday morning news anchor chair. Nope, I'm saying that she deserves the opportunity to <u>prove</u> that she can do this job the same as the others who preceded her. <a href="https://www.washingtonian.com/2014/12/21/how-david-gregory-lost-his-job/">David Gregory</a> served as the moderator for six miserable years before the job went to <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/chuck-todd-out-nbc-meet-the-press-kristen-welker-moderator-1235506892/#!">Chuck Todd</a> who dragged us through nine more. To suggest that Welker is a failure as compared to her predecessors after <b>one</b> show is...I need to think of a more appropriate word than ridiculous. Furthermore, to argue that she deserves the same chance to sink or swim isn't making an excuse for her race or gender; it is consistent with what has been the pattern and practice prior to her assuming the job.</p><p>And because it was discussed on Twitter, Welker <i>is</i> qualified for the job. So are any number of other journalists who may have been considered. To assume that she only got the job because of her race and gender, but not on the merit of the work she had done to get to this point is an affront to EVERY woman of color in journalism. To say that she is qualified is not the same as saying she is the right fit to host this show, but she deserves the chance to convince us. Or not.</p><p>Which brings me back to Olbermann and his groupies who seem to think that his past role as a voice for our left-leaning frustrations against the system were supposed to buy him perpetual loyalty. Umm, no he can catch these Twitter fingers just like anybody else. He's hardly on the level of elder news-statesmen Dan Rather or Ted Koppel--he's a former sports anchor with strongly held political opinions and a perpetual axe to grind. If he's baying at the moon in the wee hours of a Sunday morning about someone else's job performance at the network where he used to work (and to which he was willing to <a href="https://variety.com/2022/tv/news/keith-olbermann-msnbc-return-rachel-maddow-1235208577/">return</a> as recently as a year ago)...trust I'm not the one who is desperate for attention.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/zzkKhsPWRAGYw/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="221" data-original-width="290" height="152" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/zzkKhsPWRAGYw/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div>Finally, off the top of my head, I said I could produce receipts on the biases shown against Black women in visible positions, so let's start off with none other than Vice President Kamala Harris and the calls to <a href="https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2023/09/13/mccaskill_why_is_vp_kamala_harris_considered_a_problem_and_not_an_asset_she_has_done_nothing_to_deserve_this.html">replace her</a> as Biden's running mate. I took note of how my Spelman sister <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucejapsen/2023/09/01/roz-brewer-out-as-walgreens-ceo/?sh=65b3561a479f">Roz Brewer</a>, the only Black woman serving as a CEO in the Fortune 500 until last month, was ousted from that position after less than two years. If we thought they had run out of tiki torches for the mob that organized to keep Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/06/us/howard-university-nikole-hannah-jones-ta-nehisi-coates/index.html">Nikole Hannah-Jones</a> from receiving honorary tenure at her alma mater, they had sufficiently re-stocked to prevent the appointment of journalist <a href="https://www.texastribune.org/2023/07/11/texas-a-m-kathleen-mcelroy-journalism/">Kathleen McElroy</a> at Texas A&M University. In Georgia, the legislature passed a law intended to <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/republicans-pass-bill-that-could-oust-georgia-prosecutor-taking-trump-1798817">reign in prosecutors</a> who pursue criminal justice reform with designs to test it out against DA <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/will-fani-willis-impeached-georgia-republican-plan-explained-1820733">Fani Willis</a> just as she is about to try her biggest case. <p></p><p style="text-align: left;">But those are just coincidences, right? According to that second twitter heckler, this is just another day of playing BINGO for me, because I can't imagine a world wherein a Black woman might be judged fairly on her job performance and come up short. Okay, cat lady, I can produce more than a paragraph of receipts: I wrote <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/10/open-season.html">this</a> and <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2021/07/protect-your-peace.html">this</a>, and <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/09/fear-of-black-princess.html">this</a> when y'all were traumatized by a Black actress being cast as the heroine in a children's movie. You're probably still bitter about your <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2020/06/the-liberation-of-mammy-and-jemima.html">pancake mix</a>. So yeah, it <b>is</b> exhausting because sexism with a chaser of racism feels like a relentless deluge when allyship is so transactional and performative.</p><p>I said what I said, and so did <a href="https://quotefancy.com/quote/453/Maya-Angelou-When-someone-shows-you-who-they-are-believe-them-the-first-time">Maya Angelou</a>. I didn't accuse Olbermann of bias; I called him a hypocrite. If you insist on reading more into what I twote, comprehension is just <u>one</u> of your problems.</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-47308784651540856512023-09-05T14:17:00.003-04:002023-09-05T14:17:51.745-04:00Lionesses, and Tabloids, and Heirs (Oh My)<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2AcDDZWMWxLKbzr-haGAz7B11b7O2SB2lo9h3Fp8wJ53XDjC2w2TihTiQmGSi6YoJUlDUQ2r6DSmSph0tkUjpwMueV1DoYTleTxLg37ZMlH9c_OhFQ9mh4vI2IKJnJwiQI8sUUUj7v2E7yfMNFowPkAYvAdoYwvdlEUG84V28vChcqkxTb3_uENabYNck/s474/Prince%20William%202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="353" data-original-width="474" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2AcDDZWMWxLKbzr-haGAz7B11b7O2SB2lo9h3Fp8wJ53XDjC2w2TihTiQmGSi6YoJUlDUQ2r6DSmSph0tkUjpwMueV1DoYTleTxLg37ZMlH9c_OhFQ9mh4vI2IKJnJwiQI8sUUUj7v2E7yfMNFowPkAYvAdoYwvdlEUG84V28vChcqkxTb3_uENabYNck/w200-h149/Prince%20William%202.jpg" width="200" /></a></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">I know this is two weeks after the fact, but I could not resist jumping into the fray...because for this most recent installment of #RoyalNewsYouCantUse, the refrain shall be: You had ONE job!</p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;">I am referring to the PR debacle that is the British Royal Family under the almost year-long reign of King Charles III. Maybe it's me, but for someone who waited 70 years for this particular opening, he shouldn't keep having these kinds of amateur hiccups. I know he isn't the one mucking things up, but his royal handlers should be better at doing their jobs...unless they want us to think of King Midas with <a href="https://www.getty.edu/education/kids_families/do_at_home/artscoops/midas_apollo.html">donkey ears</a> whenever we hear <i>God Save the King</i>. As for Prince William the Favorite, he sure seems to be stumbling through this on-the-job apprenticeship, so things don't look that promising for his eventual ascension to the throne.</p><p>And you can't even blame this one on Harry and Meghan, although I'm sure someone will try.</p><p>Before we entertain those potential headlines, allow me to set the stage for what took place in the real world. The Women's World Cup Games were played in Australia on August 20, with the final match between England and Spain (definitely an <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/spanish-armada-defeated">ancient rivalry</a>). Since soccer is a big deal everywhere else in the world except America, and our team had been <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/womens-world-cup-us-eliminated-womens-national-team-sweden/">eliminated</a> several rounds ago, all eyes were on them. I had stopped paying attention, and don't know much about the history of either team, but I did notice an uptick in chatter on the social media app formerly known as Twitter. Prior to the game, some people were expressing concern that there would be no high-profile cheering section of spectators for the English <a href="https://www.englandfootball.com/england/womens-senior-team">Lady Lionesses</a>, namely no one from Downing Street and no one representing the newly coronated King. However, to demonstrate their support of the team, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak posted <a href="https://twitter.com/RishiSunak/status/1692943590081909019?s=20">several messages</a> including a <a href="https://twitter.com/RishiSunak/status/1693219801240359206?s=20">picture of himself</a> at a pub; King Charles dictated a <a href="https://twitter.com/RoyalFamily/status/1693002243220398213?s=20">few words</a> of well wishes; and Prince William took 15 seconds to post <a href="https://twitter.com/KensingtonRoyal/status/1692919573488587101?s=20">this video</a> with his daughter, Princess Charlotte. Problem solved, right?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0b5WGq6eYi21JfQkSdvFgmj8FYYuP2zi12UmvcXM4VE7il4SkUumGcNFwjZQhC6eD4qfd84KS4gP7R2qo3u0I_cVhv1iodt8VmLQuH2StLifcu1Dwe-d2fe5W162bPDCVd2Hd80Pytu3MpZ4EiT8i9PkS9GSJG6XttWBsX0A6H2iIPUJt6XcSLNA6mrHd/s1022/Queen%20Letizia%20of%20Spain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1022" data-original-width="562" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0b5WGq6eYi21JfQkSdvFgmj8FYYuP2zi12UmvcXM4VE7il4SkUumGcNFwjZQhC6eD4qfd84KS4gP7R2qo3u0I_cVhv1iodt8VmLQuH2StLifcu1Dwe-d2fe5W162bPDCVd2Hd80Pytu3MpZ4EiT8i9PkS9GSJG6XttWBsX0A6H2iIPUJt6XcSLNA6mrHd/w110-h200/Queen%20Letizia%20of%20Spain.jpg" width="110" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">No. Because we keep forgetting that there are other royal families in the world, the Spanish <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/royal-family/queen-letizia-spain-age-felipe-daughter-b2396168.html">Queen Letizia</a> attended the game <b>in person</b> with her daughter, Infanta (Princess) Sofia. Her presence caused quite a bit of excitement, especially since she got to <a href="https://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/royals/queen-letizia-celebrates-with-spain-after-world-cup-win-as-englands-prince-william-remains-on-other-side-of-the-world/news-story/acfe7739e616978a996ce56a11b2e8cf">celebrate</a> her team's win after she had been photographed congratulating the English team. Meanwhile King Charles commissioned someone to scribble his <a href="https://twitter.com/RoyalFamily/status/1693246993689133266?s=20">congratulations</a> on an official notecard, and Prince William posted <a href="https://twitter.com/KensingtonRoyal/status/1693234344398053599?s=20">this tweet</a>. </p><p>As an American, the optics of this ain't none of my business, but I'm going to talk about it anyway! There isn't much happening on this side of the pond these days (unless you think the fourth round of indictments for our former game show host con man wannabe DESPOTUS is news you can use.)</p><p>Therefore, yes, I'm picking on the Prince of Woes because among his various assorted titles and honors, he is the President of the English <a href="https://www.thefa.com/">Football Association</a> (FA). And as we have already established, football (called soccer only here in the US), is a very big global deal. Even if his leadership of that organization has been a ceremonial formality since 2006, it would seem to me that once the British team advanced to the final rounds, someone should have made travel plans. Even the President of the Spanish Football Federation was there, kicking up his own <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/08/26/1196181267/spain-soccer-suspended-luis-rubiales-kiss-fifa-world-cup">PR disaster</a> <i>in Australia</i>. I've seen the various <strike>explanations</strike> excuses for Prince William's absence, and each one is a gem. He was on holiday (vacation) with his family. It is asking much of him to jump on a plane to fly 20 hours for a game. It would have been a breach of royal protocol to visit Australia before the King. It isn't like anyone else was paying that much attention once the Americans got eliminated. It is the women's game and nobody cares...wait, isn't there some nonsense we can make up about Harry and Meghan to keep you all distracted?</p><p>Well, let's go through these one-by-one. It was August and summer is almost over, so the Prince and his family are entitled to spend <a href="https://people.com/kate-middleton-prince-william-return-royal-duty-following-summer-break-7964529">time away</a> before their kids go back to school. I'm sure that they deserve a break from all of their duties: garden parties, charity dinners, handing out medals at military parades, and gosh, what else do they do on a daily basis??? Not that I don't understand how it would have been a logistical nightmare to pack up the Princess, three children, nannies and attendants, and security for a plane ride to the other side of the world, especially on a mere three days advance notice. It takes at least that long to get just the right tone on a message from King Charles. Perhaps after His Junior Majesty compared fares and found that he would have to pay extra for everyone to be seated together, it wouldn't look right to fly solo. And though he might have been able to catch a ride with Queen Letizia and her daughter to share that carbon footprint, there is that pesky matter of British Royal Protocol.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0LqaDLm64KHAPbjCwSeHS_0zUkR0YvSxYHYKxf7n-U59BIt5y5u0-79KELsBKDHcMU6QAlArs2uEZaJptvWdFS9zkpZUheL7Xe5DnIoUSr5ldvjBSfXPpAASjEpwT-aY9EkXz14fhAiEJ9g595TI80E_Sc5ocAbbIVkGDYUcR1Jc5Y4H2Ohvq46p-HB8k/s1622/Queen%20Letizia%20World%20Cup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1622" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0LqaDLm64KHAPbjCwSeHS_0zUkR0YvSxYHYKxf7n-U59BIt5y5u0-79KELsBKDHcMU6QAlArs2uEZaJptvWdFS9zkpZUheL7Xe5DnIoUSr5ldvjBSfXPpAASjEpwT-aY9EkXz14fhAiEJ9g595TI80E_Sc5ocAbbIVkGDYUcR1Jc5Y4H2Ohvq46p-HB8k/s320/Queen%20Letizia%20World%20Cup.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Which means the future King of England couldn't so much as share a carriage ride through the streets of London in a gilded pumpkin carcass with his father, let alone share an airplane with a rival royal family. It would be against protocol, or am I conflating that with the edict that he can't visit any of their realms before an <a href="https://www.theroyalobserver.com/p/prince-william-skipped-world-cup-reason-revealed">official visit</a> from the reigning monarch? Is that why the Prince can come to America later this month, because we're no longer part of the British empire? He's coming to New York for a two-day trip to attend an <a href="https://earthshotprize.org/">environmental summit</a>...</p><p>Before I get stuck in a room full of Prunellas reciting rules and arcane rituals associated with the Crown, I noted that their foreign trips are formally announced at least a month in advance. So perhaps the future King, ceremonial President of the FA, had reason to believe back in July that the Lady Lionesses (still ranked 4th by FIFA since 2019) would not have finished high enough to warrant any effort. Even though this had been dubbed the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/football/2023/aug/04/womens-world-cup-2023-hailed-as-most-successful-in-history-at-halfway-point?ref=popsugar.com&=___psv__p_5337842__t_w__r_www.popsugar.com%2Famphtml%2Ffitness%2Fworld-cup-spain-unwanted-kiss-49261849_">most successful women's sporting event</a> in history, his women's national team made the finals for the <a href="https://www.popsugar.com/fitness/england-lionesses-world-cup-2023-49252204">first time</a>, so everybody was anticipating the final match, it wasn't like protocol dictated the presence of royal family members at these kinds of event. Merely a coincidence that his <a href="https://youtu.be/Dau4icemNnE?si=8mxPBX7us_TiZ7pL">late grandparents</a> (at the 2:50 mark) were in attendance at England's last World Cup appearance at the finals in 1966.</p><p>If the U.S. had stayed in the tournament, we wouldn't have expected President Biden to have flown halfway around the world; instead, we might have dispatched the First Lady, who seems perfectly willing to fly off to spread goodwill anywhere they tell her it is needed. However, around that same time, we were dealing with wildfires in Hawaii and a <a href="https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/earthquakes/earthquake-hurriquake-california-la-ventura-hurricane-tropical-storm-hilary/3209652/">hurriquake</a> in California. Therefore, the next person in our delegation of official goodwill ambassadors would have been <a href="https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/news/story/doug-emhoff-leads-us-presidential-delegation-womens-world-101335101">Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff</a>, whom I bet would have gleefully turned the plane around to be <i>that</i> Dad on the sidelines. You know, the one who does the absolute most for his girls? Like that time he didn't wait on the Secret Service to jump in to protect his wife from a heckler...</p><p>Before anyone derides women's sports as unimportant or insignificant enough to plan a state visit, feel free to continue to argue amongst yourselves why women's sports have become ground zero in our culture wars over <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/23/sport/world-athletics-transgender-ruling-spt-intl/index.html">identity</a> and <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/07/21/1189252886/soccer-star-megan-rapinoe-says-patriotism-means-demanding-better-of-ourselves">patriotism</a>. But I digress. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5X5y2yPmcK69Q4DNjkTvztPyY_waO3W5ZRHGQmoptQhUNVZZ1Bt6JqQT6CDevmndtGTd8aGVbJ6ZKPwEj6I-eUDEnZl6Pl2-GrTEJi0Phcdy5E_7LXycHAk4lePkYdR6Rg9kg-55ClouE1ZRWRLw7BXmBboX9mc_7bhDblXnflp5-Aexw5eCxN5bRfSn5/s474/British%20soccer%20fans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="474" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5X5y2yPmcK69Q4DNjkTvztPyY_waO3W5ZRHGQmoptQhUNVZZ1Bt6JqQT6CDevmndtGTd8aGVbJ6ZKPwEj6I-eUDEnZl6Pl2-GrTEJi0Phcdy5E_7LXycHAk4lePkYdR6Rg9kg-55ClouE1ZRWRLw7BXmBboX9mc_7bhDblXnflp5-Aexw5eCxN5bRfSn5/w200-h133/British%20soccer%20fans.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Prince William has ONE job. <p></p><p>The job of the Prince of Wales is to ensure the continuity of the Crown that he hopes to inherit. Part of that is to stay alive along enough to get married and have children, which he has done. Another aspect of his job is to show up at all of those fancy garden parties, ribbon cuttings, charity dinners, military ceremonies, etc., but also to comfort and console the nation in times of grief and tragedy. Attending a soccer game doesn't fit into either of those columns, but neither did having tea with <a href="https://youtu.be/7UfiCa244XE?si=DySri3rWkwH1mT_p">Paddington Bear</a> or jumping out of a plane with <a href="https://youtu.be/1AS-dCdYZbo?si=-WI6NbHa2b8wZQVM">James Bond</a>. Nobody expected him to have his face painted with the Union Jack, but cheering for your home team ought to feign more enthusiasm.</p><p>That this generation of British Royals keeps getting tripped up over protocol, all of these years after the tragic death of Princess Diana exposed most of those rules as arbitrary and superfluous, just fuels the anti-monarchist point. It is an archaic and excessive institution that serves no real purpose other than to perpetuate itself. These rules about flags and travel protocols aren't chiseled in stone, yet they have become part of a number of convenient excuses whenever someone is called out for hypocrisy. Is it "royal protocol" that keeps Prince Andrew from facing trial or any culpability for his inappropriate sexual fetish for young girls? I have to know, what tightly coiled chignon-wearing society matron from the Australian outback would have had her girdle twisted that she had to settle for tea with the future Queen instead of the current Queen consort? </p><p>All of this brings us to the matter of Harry and Meghan, who have been quietly living their best lives in sunny California doing yoga, meditating, and staying hydrated. My search algorithms tend to reflect whatever I have been researching, so guess what has been trending in my feed since I clicked on a few articles about the World Cup and the Lady Lionesses? Would you believe just as many articles about the Sussexes as escándalo engulfing the Spanish Football Federation <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/Sports/wireStory/spanish-soccer-federation-asks-president-rubiales-resign-after-102630368">President Luis Rubiales</a> accused of inappropriately kissing a player? Call it a coincidence or confirmation bias that there are always more negative headlines about Harry and Meghan whenever the working British Royals get into some kind of PR mess.</p><p>Imagine how relentless the British tabloids would have been if this had been a faux pas committed by the Spare instead of the Heir. There would have been news panels of Royal experts assembled to dissect every misstep by the spoiled Duke and the entitled American commoner he married if they had allowed themselves to be upstaged by a royal from another country who visited one of their realms and got feted like she was the Queen. Oh wait, that actually happened back when the Sussexes <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-45859284">visited Australia</a> when they were still working royals...</p><p>This is where my petty impulses kick into a higher gear. It sure does look like the peak of ironic hypocrisy to invoke protocol as an excuse for someone not doing their job when that same excuse became a reason to criticize someone else for doing their job <b>too</b> well. You might recall that in 2018, the late Queen Elizabeth sent Meghan and Harry to Australia on an official visit. After it was deemed a success, they returned home to some <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/how-harry-and-meghan-s-australian-tour-proved-the-turning-point-in-royal-drama-20210308-p578uj.html">resentment</a> from the rest of the Royal family. Then the tabloids began ripping the Duchess over everything from her <a href="https://www.elle.com.au/fashion/meghan-markle-controversial-outfits-18618">attire</a> and <a href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/beauty/nails/a35254595/kate-middleton-and-meghan-markle-royal-manicure-nail-polish/">nail polish</a>, to her collaboration with <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2019/sep/21/edward-enninful-vogue-meghan-markle-criticism-racist">British VOGUE</a>, and eventually her love of <a href="https://www.iheart.com/content/2019-01-23-meghan-markle-facing-backlash-for-eating-avocado-toast/">avocado toast</a>.</p><p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8A_5wVdIEfcLqJzYiiSjmB7r-UR5ZKL_vkLidjRx1SprWfA5PmDI74-H_E_wv6EDkwdW8tYWDsHEx1uValGuoD8XQNPdQcjIc_gfGafbzD9oXO1nvyzl6LU23A2yHLaxi8j4gU6novIE6udCeOD0lPFjRIoey2QfzijLhIGjMmCPU7M25eRJ3HZ5mWE5O/s474/Prince%20William.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8A_5wVdIEfcLqJzYiiSjmB7r-UR5ZKL_vkLidjRx1SprWfA5PmDI74-H_E_wv6EDkwdW8tYWDsHEx1uValGuoD8XQNPdQcjIc_gfGafbzD9oXO1nvyzl6LU23A2yHLaxi8j4gU6novIE6udCeOD0lPFjRIoey2QfzijLhIGjMmCPU7M25eRJ3HZ5mWE5O/w200-h113/Prince%20William.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p><p></p>It must suck to be Prince William, caught in that eternal damned if he does or doesn't place between a rock and a hard place. Heavy is the head that awaits the crown, especially when the one person who could have shut down all of this criticism has remained conspicuously silent. King Charles put more effort into the announcement of his forthcoming <a href="https://twitter.com/RoyalFamily/status/1694666011960901721?s=20">state visit</a> with his <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/hundred-years-war">frenemies</a> in France, thus signaling to the press that it was fine to accuse William of <a href="https://www.theroyalobserver.com/p/prince-william-throws-king-charles-firing-line">shirking</a> his royal duties. Notice how <u>everything</u> for the Prince changed the moment he donned that ridiculous costume, bowed, and pledged his everlasting loyalty in front of the entire world?<p></p><p>As the British are about to mark the one-year anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth II, we can all imagine that Prince William is feeling it because what a difference this year without his grandmother has been! She was beloved and as long as she was alive, so was he. However, since her death he has received more scrutiny and bad press over just about everything. Remember when he was the favorite? How quickly the tides have turned...</p><p>So I just have one more observation to make, since it is clear after all of these years that Prince William hadn't been made aware of this most important aspect of his job: do NOT upstage the King! Neither with too much gushing positive press, and certainly not with this kind of embarrassing negative press. As far as KC3 is concerned, he fulfilled his royal duty in siring an heir; raising, loving, and protecting his son was someone else's job. That man waited all of his life for that Crown, so if need be, there will be blood. </p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-8470284648782627802023-08-11T10:37:00.000-04:002023-08-11T10:37:06.359-04:00Barbie, Beyonce, and Bucket Lists<p>If someone asked me to provide a description of my first weekend of August 2023, those would be the words I would use. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZSD_r6QcLJ3cftawpHb0GK49bnFME0h6XSlnwBCvDDhWZv7sndQxH6G4i5FaPmOwD0bYvsvKUgSYhpPcDAljFc49ur-_w0ylstrEcP7G07B3fDxISdnTcZF3_ReV5DsauReavTGAKVn0TlcBxi19c6d6ACKaJFBIx2ttz9wsrTJ-fZ9PLOVh0hGhshyEg/s474/Barbie%20Movie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZSD_r6QcLJ3cftawpHb0GK49bnFME0h6XSlnwBCvDDhWZv7sndQxH6G4i5FaPmOwD0bYvsvKUgSYhpPcDAljFc49ur-_w0ylstrEcP7G07B3fDxISdnTcZF3_ReV5DsauReavTGAKVn0TlcBxi19c6d6ACKaJFBIx2ttz9wsrTJ-fZ9PLOVh0hGhshyEg/w200-h113/Barbie%20Movie.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div>I know that I said that I wouldn't do a recap or review of the <a href="https://www.elle.com/culture/movies-tv/a44475609/barbie-movie-plot-themes-explained/">Barbie</a> movie, and while this is kind of a cheat, I do feel compelled to offer a brief paragraph or two of my perspective. Because I have seen all kinds of opinions and <a href="https://youtu.be/bJLSIP9TD3k">weird takes</a>, and I swear, some of you just want to something to complain about. Which is ridiculous since it is a movie based on a toy.<p></p><p>Perhaps everyone is used to movies about toys being <a href="https://youtu.be/tN1A2mVnrOM">overly sentimental</a> or centered on the ones that explode or <a href="https://youtu.be/ahYjx0rQvqQ">destroy things</a>, I guess the very non-violent and only mildly dystopian premise of a Barbie doll that gains sentience and crosses over from a land of make-believe into the real world really warped your sense of things for a minute or so. I mean, it must have been really hard to fathom a world in which a fictional depiction of the Mattel corporate boardroom as <a href="https://twitter.com/billmaher/status/1688648703660404736?s=20">men in suits</a> or warring factions of <a href="https://youtu.be/KLqfVqDkXaI">Ken dolls</a> fighting for relevance in a <a href="https://youtu.be/meZbLQMR8rE">music video</a> wasn't intended to convince your daughters to challenge the patriarchy. Of course it was, but then again, was it? </p><p>Think about this way: Mattel is pre-selling <a href="https://creations.mattel.com/products/weird-barbie-barbie-the-movie-hyb84?utm_term=bc-hyb84-body2-img-astrangekindofsage&utm_source=Klaviyo&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=BC-US-ECOM-L-080423-HYB84-BarbieMovieWeirdBarbie&_kx=6WDGrgW6KUCfdxHrv-NI78EMEhdyAPXY9QGFmmPrvR0%3D.RbzuTn">Weird Barbie</a> for $50, which is more than what I've paid for every <a href="https://creations.mattel.com/collections/barbie-inspiring-women-series#?page=1">Inspiring Women</a> series Barbie doll that I won't let my Kid touch. Now, there are various collectible dolls selling for many times that amount, but the point was and still is that this film is nothing more than a 2-hour commercial meant to sell dolls...to grown women! Because the audience for this film is not your rebellious teenage daughter who stopped playing with her Barbies right after you built her that Dream House that takes up too much space in the garage.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QRpy94xdDrDW3ijitFsjwU1T63u1ahaGeuku3HmyCOAkBl_F3UgWwy2R2bm3LcxKNBfX-PNQx2dkgvdOPeVUhyw_EQkvwlWCm9bmeR2fC8FEiQ9MGTN6UZWaWm4TK16ww0Ye2mGfc82fHaQrm_WxOdo29xEZDDWrh_99IbaQM6egFwNnfLzxar4-kFoH/s1498/Beyonce%20Show%20A.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1411" data-original-width="1498" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QRpy94xdDrDW3ijitFsjwU1T63u1ahaGeuku3HmyCOAkBl_F3UgWwy2R2bm3LcxKNBfX-PNQx2dkgvdOPeVUhyw_EQkvwlWCm9bmeR2fC8FEiQ9MGTN6UZWaWm4TK16ww0Ye2mGfc82fHaQrm_WxOdo29xEZDDWrh_99IbaQM6egFwNnfLzxar4-kFoH/w200-h188/Beyonce%20Show%20A.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Now we're going to do an abrupt pivot to the Beyonce concert (because I have a lot more to say about that, and I'm bursting at the seams to share)! I realize that even revealing the details of how I decided to get tickets will polarize people into various factions: those who think it was <b>crazy</b> to spend that kind of money to see Beyonce; those who <i>wish</i> they had that kind of money to spend on Beyonce tickets; and those who enjoyed the show because seeing Beyonce live is a <a href="https://youtu.be/0-Sl8hYzjkg">BFD</a>!<p></p><p>Let's start with the latter group. In February, I floated a query to a group of friends regarding tickets and for the most part, most of them responded with disinterest. So it was on a far-fetched whim that I even put my bid into the lottery system to purchase tickets because I figured it was a long shot in the dark. Worst case scenario, I wouldn't make the lottery; best case scenario, I would get a chance, see the prices, and get a good laugh once my credit card got declined. Welp...</p><p>A week later I got notification that I was in the lottery and suddenly, I felt like this was akin to playing high stakes poker with a <a href="https://www.polygon.com/21623336/james-bond-casino-royale-poker-scene-breakdown">Bond villain</a>. I logged into my Ticketmaster account an hour earlier than the appointed time and made it clear to everyone in the house that I was not to be disturbed. I refreshed my screen and dove into the queue, where I was informed that I would have to wait behind at least a thousand people. But that process went very quickly and within half an hour, I was clicking around the seating chart to see what seats were affordable and still available. As it turns out, I got pretty good seats for someone who approached this on a whim and a long shot (four tickets plus fees for less than my monthly mortgage). </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9E8g_uyDSk94FVfMQCHk0u-fU2HdeGe2s8pZXS7_rwMgfn09uadKqHotcg8-g9PiOIO6JJYtvKPYHyeedSvz26nTttqxn_g_Bd0QWzlMItnt3_tq3AYHHwgR8Nk_VInocX-1Sc20U0gUZEnBV4STH1zlb9H4carqmQX56Eg26tJvdxn6jXmZ3UhpTONgu/s2048/Nasya%20at%20Beyonce.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1542" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9E8g_uyDSk94FVfMQCHk0u-fU2HdeGe2s8pZXS7_rwMgfn09uadKqHotcg8-g9PiOIO6JJYtvKPYHyeedSvz26nTttqxn_g_Bd0QWzlMItnt3_tq3AYHHwgR8Nk_VInocX-1Sc20U0gUZEnBV4STH1zlb9H4carqmQX56Eg26tJvdxn6jXmZ3UhpTONgu/w151-h200/Nasya%20at%20Beyonce.jpg" width="151" /></a></div><p></p></div><p>I decided that I would reserve one ticket for the Niece, and I think she had a good time (as you can see from this picture, it's hard to tell with teenagers). My friend AH claimed the other two tickets for her and her daughter. Several people asked, but no, the Kid was never in my plan because of her age and my belief that it all would have been way too much for both of us, so I took videos to share with her afterwards. My other Niece, same age as the Kid, made me pinky-swear promise to take her the next time, so God willing and the creek don't rise, I've got at least two more companions for the next Beyonce show that comes our way. So yes, that answers your next question.</p><p>To answer your third question, <b>YES</b>, it is worth making such a promise to make plans to see the next Beyonce show, even if that means I need to start saving my pennies now. Beyonce is worth ALL of the hype, similar to how many of us felt when Michael Jackson and Prince were alive. I can say that I saw both of them perform live and those experiences were unforgettable. She is definitely on that level. I am sure that there are others (<a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/07/09/1186677312/elton-john-last-concert-farewell-yellow-brick-road-tour">Elton John</a> comes to mind) and I wish that I hadn't missed that boat when it came sailing through. No matter though, because I have a bucket list of performers and will make it my business to be blessed to see each one. To be totally honest though, Beyonce wasn't even on that original list.</p><p>So let's address the desires of those who <i>wish</i> they could have been there. Several years back, an acquaintance posted on Facebook about folks needing to be ready with their Beyonce ticket money at a moment's notice, and I thought, hmm easy to say when one doesn't have responsibilities. At the time, I believe my Kid was still a Toddlersaurus and the Niece was about her age now. I didn't bother to look into getting tickets nor did I survey any of my friends, even though several people I knew ended up going. In one case, someone had an extra ticket and asked a friend if he wanted it. Sometimes we get blessed at random when someone decides to cast their bread upon the waters.</p><p>For the rest of us who want to see Beyonce or check off some adventure from our bucket lists, we've got to just decide to do it. That isn't just about concerts, but about most things in life. A lot of people assumed that the ticket prices would be beyond reach, so they didn't try, but it wasn't like that at all. Some people even bought tickets the day of the show for pretty reasonable regular prices, and I'm happy for them. Broadway tickets are sometimes sold at a same-day discount, so maybe one day the Kid and I will stumble into <i>Hamilton</i> or some other fabulous show she wants to see (such as <a href="https://www.broadway.com/shows/six/?msclkid=981db553390417b23dded186b8ddd83f">The Six</a>). Most times, however, fortune favors the brave; therefore, make up your mind now that you <b>do</b> have Beyonce ticket money. Decide that if the opportunity presents itself, you will just throw caution to the wind, throw your shit into a <a href="https://www.messinabottle.com/collections/mugs/products/message-duffle-bag?variant=4764006449182">bag</a>, and just go for it! </p><p>Mind you, I am not always that impulsive, but as I have gotten older, I've accepted that sometimes it makes so much more sense to roll the dice than to play it safe. I'm not saying that I was too cautious when I was younger (actually, yes I am), but I think that if I had been a little less so, I wouldn't feel like I missed out on so much. I only saw MJ once, in 1984 because that's the only time an effort was made. I was blessed with free Prince tickets in 2004, but that was random luck. Looking back, maybe I should have been more willing to venture outside of my comfort zone instead of telling myself that I might not succeed so why try...</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7aDReiLBTy3yTymcvFM5w1A8tu7BACaN8JLaLH6n8QjO5oG1tMyUAGkTX-Yh30I2BNjeZTPikR48vo_nyK77xpItfhEqext7M2vwnw2mDMQFZcjuZx7T0Es7uOxJKEMYH_MYl4Q7WeFou2rkJK4Za_SWL3G8k4sf2lDxkG4xJ7owCuZT8JSy8zNxaoVJG/s2048/Stage%20Sign%20A.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="825" data-original-width="2048" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7aDReiLBTy3yTymcvFM5w1A8tu7BACaN8JLaLH6n8QjO5oG1tMyUAGkTX-Yh30I2BNjeZTPikR48vo_nyK77xpItfhEqext7M2vwnw2mDMQFZcjuZx7T0Es7uOxJKEMYH_MYl4Q7WeFou2rkJK4Za_SWL3G8k4sf2lDxkG4xJ7owCuZT8JSy8zNxaoVJG/s320/Stage%20Sign%20A.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">I know, we were talking about Beyonce tickets, so to those who think it was <b><a href="https://youtu.be/ViwtNLUqkMY">crazy</a></b>, you are right! And I've already declared that I would do it again, so there's that. So as not to provoke too much social media envy, I have been very mindful about over-sharing because it feels like the exact opposite of a humble brag. Yet at the same time, I'm not sure why I should feel any kind of way considering how many of y'all post pictures of your vacations on Martha's Vinyard and Dubai. I've never been to either of those places, but now I'm thinking of a master plan.</p><p>I'm not mad at you...YOLO so Carpe diem!</p><p>Which brings us to the topic of bucket lists. Last year, many of my friends turned 50 and as some of you are aware, the Busy Black Woman will reach that golden shore later this year. I am all over the place with various emotions. There are days when I think YAY, and then there are days when I look back and wonder where the years went and how did I get here. Actually, my thoughts use more colorful language, but the end result is the same. Not only are these gray hairs hella disrespectful, but so are these hot flashes and the accompanying brain fog. I cannot believe I have lived almost 50 years!</p><p>With four months to go, I have no idea how to celebrate. I think the Hub had plans, but then our bedroom ceiling collapsed, and the Kid keeps growing taller. So that means being practical...but is that how I want to start my next half century? What did <a href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-barbie-anniversary-idUSTRE52603B20090307">Barbie</a> do? I think she changed her hair and stopped wearing heels, but she's a toy, so maybe a better question is what will Beyonce do? I'm pretty sure I'll get my answer when I take the girls to see her on her next world tour.</p><p>Since I don't have <a href="https://about.mattel.com/">Mattel</a> or Jay-Z money, I believe a viable alternative to <a href="https://youtu.be/kbMqWXnpXcA">renting the Louvre</a> or opening my own <a href="https://www.matteladventurepark.com/">amusement park</a> is to just say Yes. I have already alluded to that with respect to having your ticket money ready, but this is about more than just going to shows. This is about being open to living and experiencing more than what you have been doing. It means setting intentions--not just of the things you want to do before you kick some metaphorical bucket (because we know not the day nor the hour), but what things do you want to have done that will fill your bucket with memorable experiences? Did you want to backpack across Europe at some point? Did you want to go on Safari in some African country? Did you want to drive cross-country in an RV? Did you want to ride every wooden roller coaster that you were too young to ride as a child? Did you take a language and wish you had become fluent? Did you play an instrument?</p><p>Are you getting the point? </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilTwWaJWRrXcxiATH9mDFXqIqdfHnf2t2glUEPuQUod2kndz5_Cg8ChsRHZgVAPUpiOjk4-l_EpMb-_fwrzNvFkV-VdJ0EKJ7vPmWSPeiSA5h_OOM6dR60liX6ShDJLRObP6QyfHz5lxqeWSpBOuTVwoKFG6rSgVxPntUl58HtF7HIAHEEQI35dD0m_GGc/s2048/Ayanna%20in%20Black.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilTwWaJWRrXcxiATH9mDFXqIqdfHnf2t2glUEPuQUod2kndz5_Cg8ChsRHZgVAPUpiOjk4-l_EpMb-_fwrzNvFkV-VdJ0EKJ7vPmWSPeiSA5h_OOM6dR60liX6ShDJLRObP6QyfHz5lxqeWSpBOuTVwoKFG6rSgVxPntUl58HtF7HIAHEEQI35dD0m_GGc/w150-h200/Ayanna%20in%20Black.jpg" width="150" /></a></p></div>Now back to the <i>Barbie</i> movie, because the ending offers the perfect message for concluding this piece: once you get a taste of living, it is hard to go back to just existing. It becomes an existential dilemma to return to your box or your imaginary world where things seemed perfect. You've got to make moves, decisions, take action. You went to see Beyonce and now you're thinking as you are preparing and packing for a week at the same beach where you've been going for about ten years that maybe next summer you'll go somewhere different.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">It's time to go back to Homecoming for the first time in years. It's time to put that passport to use, even if you're not crossing the ocean, just playing in it. When was the last time you went to an amusement park and rode an old wooden roller coaster? Now that you've gone out into the real world, it's hard to go back to being stereotypical Barbie. Or to being a predictable, practical Busy Black Woman.</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-57231211528051401112023-07-28T07:48:00.000-04:002023-07-28T07:48:05.127-04:00Who's Grooming Who?<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p style="text-align: left;"><i>I started this piece the weekend the documentary premiered on Amazon Prime, but got distracted by a variety of things, including the rather traumatic collapse of my bedroom ceiling...which is now the story of how I spent my summer in case you were wondering </i>😩</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdLqA_gT77kNWNdflxfGE-AjhPIGvr2p0kp-sq5rTu5W5aribrXWiBiFCATsjMXdiTVmb0KY8yZ_PKqn99m3qG6coF8tqnmz0TkKQQi7JDt6o93EsFd5uxq_RBPTF6cYu3ifZosCTBR0RDlKhzn57j96cowAE9_VM3EgwGtAvgBeFcU-oglYgcFyJ07g/s474/Shiny%20Happy%20People.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="277" data-original-width="474" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdLqA_gT77kNWNdflxfGE-AjhPIGvr2p0kp-sq5rTu5W5aribrXWiBiFCATsjMXdiTVmb0KY8yZ_PKqn99m3qG6coF8tqnmz0TkKQQi7JDt6o93EsFd5uxq_RBPTF6cYu3ifZosCTBR0RDlKhzn57j96cowAE9_VM3EgwGtAvgBeFcU-oglYgcFyJ07g/w267-h156/Shiny%20Happy%20People.jpg" width="267" /></a></p>Since y'all have been saying it LOUD and PROUD (how much you hate the rainbow people) and June is almost done, tell me why you haven't descended on the <a href="https://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/duggar-house-tour-146112/">Duggar Family compound</a> and burned it down to ashes? Because after the documentary I watched earlier this month...<p></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;">A few weeks ago in a rare instance of me sitting down to watch whatever happened to be trending in real time, I saw #ShinyHappyPeople trending on Twitter, and I thought, oh really so now y'all hate <a href="https://youtu.be/YYOKMUTTDdA">R.E.M.</a> and the <a href="https://youtu.be/9SOryJvTAGs">B-52s</a>??? Or just the <a href="https://youtu.be/J9G1FhQUnSo">Sesame Street parody</a> (since it took about 6 hours for the backlash to <a href="https://twitter.com/sesamestreet/status/1664644095434715136?s=20">this post</a> to get underway). Then I clicked, and <a href="https://time.com/6284603/shiny-happy-people-duggar-family-true-story/">oh my</a>, where to begin?</p><p>Let's start with the fact that I was skeptical about the Duggars from the very beginning. Call it my spidey senses for whenever certain shows on cable tend to glorify a particular kind of family structure that reinforces "values" that would have been labeled as dysfunctional or pathological had those families come from my hood. In other words, of course a suburban white family from Arkansas with 19 children (and counting) would star in a hit reality show whereas a Black or Latinx family would have been derided as irresponsible drains on societal resources. (I can only imagine if the Duggars weren't white, y'all would have been complaining about your tax dollars going to support all of <i>those</i> children, regardless of their economic situation. Furthermore, someone would have either called Child Protective Services or found some way to launch a criminal investigation to catch the family engaged in welfare or immigration fraud.)</p><p>So no, I was never interested in anything about them. I knew what I knew about the way that certain themes could be sold as <i>wholesome</i> depending on how blonde and blue-eyed and All-American it was packaged to appeal to certain demographics. In that same vein, a show like <a href="https://www.mtv.com/shows/teen-mom-the-next-chapter">Teen Mom</a> (originally called <a href="https://www.mtv.com/shows/16-and-pregnant">16 and Pregnant</a>) could become a hit on MTV, but if it had aired a single promo on BET, Black Church Mothers United™ would have demanded Bob Johnson's head on a platter.</p><p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0h8K-Q63AyxebNax2BH89Awp_sEMiIp-ZmDjNXHFMttv2DxqvtOr7f3xBULh5eOf3lIfXOImn1Xa_SGSwi6riahLo3Gcii_EtSypKGMtLrRK5kFhpmAbDJQKr6yZnaUFEuKs5z2Z5sEr6xqEnW3UQodODE39TaEszIWK72gBa8grWoICDHJe850HQKcQB/s736/The%20Waltons.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="486" data-original-width="736" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0h8K-Q63AyxebNax2BH89Awp_sEMiIp-ZmDjNXHFMttv2DxqvtOr7f3xBULh5eOf3lIfXOImn1Xa_SGSwi6riahLo3Gcii_EtSypKGMtLrRK5kFhpmAbDJQKr6yZnaUFEuKs5z2Z5sEr6xqEnW3UQodODE39TaEszIWK72gBa8grWoICDHJe850HQKcQB/w200-h132/The%20Waltons.jpg" width="200" /></a></p>The <a href="https://youtu.be/qpmRcP8S7Bo">Duggars</a> offered a twist on <a href="https://youtu.be/O64pR4IfYB0">Eight is Enough</a> with the prairie ethos of <a href="https://youtu.be/HikMKdl6Rnc">Little House on the Prairie</a>. I imagine it was the kind of stuff that folks who reminisce about the good old days eat up like a dessert with whipped cream and a cherry on top. We heard a lot about family values in the early aughts, perhaps as a response to the social changes brought by the 90s (racial and ethnic diversity, women changing the modern workplace, expansion of LGBT rights before more letters were added to the acronym). For my part, I had declared my refusal to watch any reality TV programs that gave off even the slightest stench of resembling a circus act, so I had no interest in watching these modern-day <a href="https://youtu.be/qpmRcP8S7Bo">Waltons</a>. <p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Instead of focusing on them (right now), I want to talk a bit about their subliminal proselytizing for the <a href="https://iblp.org/">Institute for Basic Life Principles</a> (IBLP), the religious organization that was referenced throughout the docuseries. Because whew, I had more than a few flashbacks to some of the stuff I was exposed to while growing up. Now, before anyone gets upset and suggests that I am mis-remembering or mischaracterizing things, I want to issue this important disclaimer: <b>I was NEVER sexually abused, nor am I accusing anyone of doing that to me or anyone I knew. </b>What I will address is how the ideology I encountered parallels some of the teachings that the Duggars followed and as was represented in the documentary. Thus, the second part of my disclaimer: <b>I was NOT raised in a cult.</b></p><p>I was raised in the Baptist church in the 1980s and many of those churches, particularly in the South, tended to be <a href="https://www.christianity.com/church/denominations/what-does-the-term-evangelical-really-mean-here-are-10-things-to-know.html">evangelical</a>. Although that was not our official affiliation due to the <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/04/southern-baptists-wrestle-with-the-sin-of-racism/389808/">historical racism</a> of the Southern Baptist Convention, I would characterize the theological leanings of my church as <i>influenced by</i> many of the same traditional fundamentalist teachings. While I don't believe that any of the material developed by the IBLP was formally incorporated into what was offered to us in our youth-centered fellowship, it is accurate to suggest that we were exposed to teachings that were consistent with its more conservative leanings with respect to the role of women and girls.</p><p>For example, as teenagers we spent our Friday nights in fellowship with like-minded church kids in chaperoned activities. We were encouraged to date the young men in our peer group (and in hindsight it is ironic to recall that not a one of those church-arranged couples ever married each other). Young women from our church who did get married were expected to include the word <i>obey</i> in their wedding vows. Those who got pregnant out-of-wedlock were brought in front of the congregation to apologize for their promiscuity and fornication (never saw where any young men were similarly punished). It was expected that the girls would serve as ushers, in the choir, and as the youth clerk (which I did), but never as the worship leader. </p><p>Women served under similar restrictions as most churches did not ordain women or allow them to preach. My pastor did not allow women in the pulpit except on Women's Day, and those speakers were never licensed ministers. Women who felt they were called for more than teaching Sunday School typically left for progressive congregations. Or they stifled their ambitions, accepted honorary titles, and channeled their spiritual gifts to other forms of service to the Lord as assigned.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHLQtab8tt8ak72ctqP_qi7VXDBIWeRtCOF3P9Szq-XpmIPU_OmKHQalGw3PWoCvrG-jJlM_uYYzJvX2P0bY9-HSSNObIiuzWoqiqfPlJeWv-QuFicU03o_uTnnIFu2ySR3ZDz4dVnma_gNf2tSdlOv8sJAhnryy9Lgt4nRbgiETHEBaFL03pniaxNyg/s582/Forehead%20Barcode.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="384" data-original-width="582" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHLQtab8tt8ak72ctqP_qi7VXDBIWeRtCOF3P9Szq-XpmIPU_OmKHQalGw3PWoCvrG-jJlM_uYYzJvX2P0bY9-HSSNObIiuzWoqiqfPlJeWv-QuFicU03o_uTnnIFu2ySR3ZDz4dVnma_gNf2tSdlOv8sJAhnryy9Lgt4nRbgiETHEBaFL03pniaxNyg/w200-h132/Forehead%20Barcode.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are older than I am, but we grew up in the same era. Obviously, their upbringing in small town Arkansas differed from mine, but I'm assuming that they had access to the same pop culture that I did in the 70s and 80s. In church we were constantly told that what we enjoyed as entertainment contained demonic messages and inappropriate themes; therefore, they would show these <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@ChristianMovies">Christian movies</a> at our youth retreats and gatherings. They were terrible, more akin to <a href="https://youtu.be/CplsZBV5B3s">Christian horror</a> even though they were packaged like Afterschool Specials. Imagine being eight years old and watching a film that claimed barcodes were the mark of the beast (Satan) and that half the people you knew were <a href="https://youtu.be/42TbA8hu9ec">going to Hell</a>? <p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Even worse, I had relatives who held the same strong opinions against pop culture, so if I was allowed to watch television at their homes, it was only <a href="https://youtu.be/x3Cdu5mnC2M">Praise The Lord</a> (PTL) or some other televangelist (ditto for listening to the radio--only <a href="https://listen.klove.com/80s">Christian radio</a> programs). You want to know what was more traumatic than missing <i>The Superfriends</i> or <i>Looney Tunes</i> on a Saturday morning? Having to sit through hours of <a href="https://youtu.be/c2pxXYdJ2UY">Tammy Faye Bakker</a>'s singing, <a href="https://www.jsm.org/">Jimmy Swaggert</a>'s histrionics, or watching some preacher <a href="https://youtu.be/TQ72jpoq7N4">speak in tongues</a> (because that was supposed to make more sense than talking cartoon rabbits and ducks). </p><p>Thankfully, my parents didn't impose restrictions on our entertainment options based on religious beliefs. In fact, I don't believe they even knew some of the extremes of what we were being exposed to, and I certainly don't plan to tell them now! In particular, my Dad would have objected to any whiff of fundamentalism even as a previously lapsed Catholic, now ordained Deacon. Any objections he had to aspects of popular culture were always political or ideological (because he's been woke since the 60s). As for my Mom, I think she conveniently ignored certain things in order to keep the peace since the fundamentalists were her kin and she was a Preacher's Kid. Perhaps she figured that a little fire and brimstone would keep us appreciative and humble, a clever manipulation tactic in case we thought the grass was greener elsewhere.</p><p>The key word here is <i>exposure</i>, as opposed to <i>indoctrination</i>. No one ever said, this is how you <u>must</u> live, and these are the rules that you <u>must</u> follow in order to make it into Heaven. Instead, these were general ideas and concepts that even the most holy and supposedly sanctified folks were willing to ignore if they were impractical. Most of the women worked outside of the home. There were only a handful of families where there were more than four children. Rarely did anyone come to church dressed like Laura Ingalls and no one was sent home for wearing a short skirt (ask me how I know). For all of the talk about demonic influences in the secular world, no one was <a href="https://www.parents.com/kids/education/home-schooling/homeschooling-101-what-is-homeschooling/">home-schooled</a>. In fact, at least half of us attended Catholic school, but that is a rabbit hole for another time.</p><p>My point is, for people who were raised in a biome of wholesomeness as opposed to those of us who were <a href="https://youtu.be/Nu95a_RiH54">living in the city</a>, there were always people who had similar concerns about our mortal souls. The divergence in our paths came down to the choices that we were allowed to make for ourselves. No one expressed any qualms about me choosing college instead of marriage after high school, nor did anyone object to my choice to pursue a profession in a male-dominated field. The social changes that came as the decades progressed were disruptive for some of the people in my orbit, but most of them adjusted. I can only surmise that for those who reluctantly had to accept the reality of women having the agency of choice (and not just with respect to having children), the Duggars were the embodiment of their nostalgia for simpler times. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSzM6LigpYPhgfk7AqRSLW7llkjfsQW4-9lIuW5DPDNYTYzf-oS83LWQZOqBf2FsSP6RT66K671Keu-pgHDXYlKdHTc_PLtJVYH2u9OJANX_TwwEV0T9EmWv0Wf6meTu6WkWNGDs01JKkmpjkSG-SsRPA2UslsULeiQBdg471G2-Exq71m6IEmzqx70Q6S/s537/Ozzie%20and%20Harriet.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="474" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSzM6LigpYPhgfk7AqRSLW7llkjfsQW4-9lIuW5DPDNYTYzf-oS83LWQZOqBf2FsSP6RT66K671Keu-pgHDXYlKdHTc_PLtJVYH2u9OJANX_TwwEV0T9EmWv0Wf6meTu6WkWNGDs01JKkmpjkSG-SsRPA2UslsULeiQBdg471G2-Exq71m6IEmzqx70Q6S/w176-h200/Ozzie%20and%20Harriet.jpg" width="176" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">From my perspective, however, the Duggars are no more authentic than the characters on most TV sitcoms. Even a classic show like <a href="https://youtu.be/aEwLpYPg8YA">The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet</a> was scripted--it <i>starred</i> the Nelson family of actors in various fictional situations. We all know that reality television is staged to maximize interest, so even if the Duggars were this wholesome ideal family on camera, the truth behind the scenes is far from what they portrayed. Half of their children were <a href="https://www.cheatsheet.com/entertainment/counting-on-how-does-the-duggar-familys-buddy-system-work.html/">raising each other</a> while the others were shooting footage for the show for little or no pay. It is rather convenient that the network "found" them right after Jim Bob's political ambitions had been derailed; lucky for him to have had an heir-apparent in eldest son Josh.</p><p>It was also lucky that Josh's sexual assault victims, his <a href="https://defamer.gawker.com/josh-duggar-accused-of-molesting-several-sisters-as-a-t-1706096839">SISTERS</a>, weren't in a position to demand that he be prosecuted. Instead, they smiled for the cameras and helped him plan his <a href="https://youtu.be/xGKKO-KvgI0">wedding</a>, with the promise that they would soon be of age to be <a href="https://www.distractify.com/p/how-many-duggar-kids-married">courted and married off</a>* to the delight of millions. By the time the full story of his transgressions against them would be brought to light, the statute of limitations had run. The very idea that a <a href="https://people.com/tag/counting-on/">subsequent derivation</a> of the show kept going as if writing Josh off in lieu of getting him therapy or until he finally got convicted for <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/25/entertainment/josh-duggar-sentenced/index.html">much worse</a>, is...</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/SWnkIljuDhdi5nmfwP/giphy.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/SWnkIljuDhdi5nmfwP/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Exactly the kind of "family values" we ought to exemplify??? Forgive me for regarding Michelle Duggar as the <a href="https://youtu.be/6L60sNSVClY">Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe</a> instead of some kind of paragon of ideal motherhood. In fact, judge me for wrinkling up my nose and changing the channel when she announced baby #20 on the <a href="https://youtu.be/nSgICNcXNJg">TODAY Show</a>. And remind me why these people deserve anything other than scorn for the way they trapped <a href="https://people.com/tv/josh-and-anna-duggar-relationship-timeline-photos/">Anna Duggar</a>, their own daughters, and are trying to ensnare other young women in their <a href="https://youtu.be/y7w_npYAaBI">Cult of True Womanhood</a>!</p><p style="text-align: left;">Since you're not reading this in June at the height of the hysteria against the celebration of PRIDE, you've had more than enough time to consider an honest answer to the question posed by my title. Who is being 'groomed' if the worst thing that happens after a drag story hour is your child having questions about makeup? How does being exposed to someone different translate into vandalizing clothing displays at Target? Meanwhile, after watching the Duggars scam that poor girl into marrying their child molester son who also happened to be a used car salesman...</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmsjVuoJUl44eB5Szt7LGOUU6wzZW134VcTem0WDNcAbM8-aeZPUnnOCR8iq12CJoKihKbBgNlD_6fxyUp4XAAZIURzSS9Ef9nd6IP-I_zIlhJCGh6fRG5RidNH-92k6THmh7POGc_4nxujksUAJydZg1-gZSn0Zh53TEioIpJ_SWsdPzlUwgUKmOBWB3m/s474/horse%20grooming.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="284" data-original-width="474" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmsjVuoJUl44eB5Szt7LGOUU6wzZW134VcTem0WDNcAbM8-aeZPUnnOCR8iq12CJoKihKbBgNlD_6fxyUp4XAAZIURzSS9Ef9nd6IP-I_zIlhJCGh6fRG5RidNH-92k6THmh7POGc_4nxujksUAJydZg1-gZSn0Zh53TEioIpJ_SWsdPzlUwgUKmOBWB3m/s320/horse%20grooming.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">* <span style="font-size: x-small;">For research purposes, I went searching for footage of Josh Duggar's wedding to Anna Keller and came across this first video linked above of their wedding planning. I didn't notice the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@joshduggarcrap6335">name of the account</a> until after I had watched about 10 minutes, and then noted that there was a <a href="https://youtu.be/_rxNBo2WgrM">second part</a> of the wedding planning and a <a href="https://youtu.be/eqaXXVlrH7g">betrothal</a> video. I am posting those here without comment. Until I sat down to watch the documentary, I had no idea that the Duggars popular enough to fuel an entire cottage industry of tabloid media interest, much like Hollywood celebrities and the British Royals. But also so that everyone is clear, I am not judging their beliefs since I recognize that how God speaks to each of us is personal. The fact that the Duggars and I are on opposite ideological ends of the political spectrum and hold different views on the function of our faith isn't surprising. What did surprise me is what prompted this piece--how exposure and choice impact our outcomes in this life. Regardless of what I was exposed to as a child, I was ultimately free to choose my path in life, and that would be true for most people.</span></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-12615330777069043082023-07-22T17:43:00.000-04:002023-07-22T17:43:16.222-04:00When Our Children Cry Wolf<p>All of us are familiar with the story of the <a href="https://youtu.be/42OY8d-t6Dw">boy who cried wolf</a>. For those who aren't, it was about a boy who was tending sheep in the pasture, got bored, so he cried "wolf" to see what would happen. The villagers came running to save him but found him doubled over in laughter at his prank. He did this a second time, so later, when a wolf did appear and the boy called out a third time, the villagers did not come to his rescue and his flock was eaten. In some versions of the tale, the boy was also eaten by the wolf.</p><p>Therefore, I understand the various reactions to the story of what might have happened to <a href="https://eurweb.com/2023/carlethia-carlee-nichole-russell-missing-after-helping-a-toddler/">Carlethia "Carlee" Russell</a>--was she abducted as she claimed, or was this some elaborate cry for attention? Are we entitled to demand an explanation from her, or should we just move on with our lives like those villagers and not come running when the next <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/carlee-russells-case-gave-hope-missing-black-women-finally-mattered-do-rcna95331">woman of color</a> goes missing?</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3xbEpG4RwshptmBtuL7IjIN-EJFErmcB_qNk18kO4DgMphCbeZ6tF7ZsTJiUmXv-1S5ExwM5hFwemQ6uyyVmPghoPP0w9NT-bDmaEIsyFD6DmUb2i617drNdzEC1AtLtGmdKMFcLGo6nw6Ug4y4S3qf34uk48iHjkurneEtARGZQ1LfJRuFdbkzUo9m1U/s474/Carlee%20Russell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3xbEpG4RwshptmBtuL7IjIN-EJFErmcB_qNk18kO4DgMphCbeZ6tF7ZsTJiUmXv-1S5ExwM5hFwemQ6uyyVmPghoPP0w9NT-bDmaEIsyFD6DmUb2i617drNdzEC1AtLtGmdKMFcLGo6nw6Ug4y4S3qf34uk48iHjkurneEtARGZQ1LfJRuFdbkzUo9m1U/s320/Carlee%20Russell.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">I have a lot of conflicting thoughts, some that I shared on social media in response to a post by a classmate that this had been a hoax from the outset. I saw his posts and initially ignored them (because he tends to be provocative), but I also did wonder if there was more to this story than was being reported. What about the wandering toddler on the side of the highway, did no one else who was driving along at that same time see him? Was there any video surveillance that could assist? And once it was reported that she had returned home, when could we expect a statement issued or an interview with Gayle King to warn other young women who might similarly be vulnerable?</p><p>Because I was attending a conference, I could not follow the chatter, but I happened to be scrolling my Twitter feed when the news of her return was released. At the time, I just sent up a prayer of thanksgiving that she was found, but I must admit that the details provided regarding her return were suspicious. So I waited patiently for some kind of update that would quiet my skepticism. That didn't happen, because as I watched the briefing offered by the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/cops-havent-verified-carlee-russell-story-says-nude-photos-taken-missi-rcna95065">Hoover Police</a> in real time, my heart sank without hearing much of what they had to say. The presser wasn't even finished when I saw the first wave of "I told you so" vindication posts and the inappropriate memes. </p><p>Since quite a few comments referenced him, I thought back to a few years ago when the <a href="https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/jussie-smollett-trial-verdict-watch-12-09-21/index.html">Jussie Smollett</a> saga generated a lot of righteous outrage due to its perfectly scripted homophobia and violence fueled by Trumpism. While everyone was offering messages of support, I recall sitting on my Twitter fingers waiting for a new twist. As his story unraveled, I was actually relieved (not because of the resulting fallout that destroyed his acting career and <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/jussie-smollett-verdict-disaster-kim-foxx-prosecutor-who-let-him-off-hook-1658032">threatened the career</a> of Cook County State's Attorney), but because such a brazen attack in Chicago at 2AM that no one heard or saw was too ridiculous to be true.</p><p>Thus, as Russell's disappearance was initially shared on social media and calls were made to amplify details to ensure that her case would be treated with urgency, I will simply say that I was praying for her safe return. And I still am praying for her, even if she was not the victim of some predatory crime as we were led to believe. </p><p>This story hit a lot of my buttons, especially as I prepared to take another solo road trip down South this past week (more details to share soon). It was upsetting to think that she could have been possibly lured into a trap that involved using a small child as bait. I fretted that I would have to add this to my ever-growing list of concerns about raising girl-children without the wisdom of my own village mothers. I mourned the potential devastation that would have overwhelmed this young woman's family and community if there had been an alternative unhappy ending. And I was frustrated that just weeks ago we sent the Coast Guard to search for five people on a <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/24/us/missing-titanic-submersible-timeline/index.html">private joy ride</a> to see an underwater graveyard, whereas a minimal dispatch of resources deployed to find an adult runaway would most assuredly be deemed a waste.</p><p>While there has been no definitive pronouncement, public sympathy has decidedly shifted. The villagers have extinguished their torches, put away their weapons, called off the hounds, and are grumbling on social media. It upsets me that the loudest voices of condemnation are coming from within the Black community. And not just from men, so what should we call it when we are determined to disbelieve one of our children unless the outcome of her peril had turned tragic? Why are we so quick to dismiss this as merely the actions of an attention-seeking narcissist instead of as a very public plea for help?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/26AHwfL8CFFBpiNpe/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="353" data-original-width="470" height="150" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/26AHwfL8CFFBpiNpe/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div>Do we really need her to explain herself, or do we need to give Russell the space to heal herself? I'm not convinced that we need to know everything if the point of inquiry is to subject her to more ridicule. That doesn't mean I am against her facing <a href="https://nypost.com/2023/07/21/carlee-russell-fired-from-alabama-spa-job/">consequences</a>, but I believe that once it crosses the line to irredeemable public shame, no lessons will be taught or learned. A lot of people act out for attention, and we don't respond with this level of indignation, not even when their antics are fueled by mental illness, substance abuse, a toxic -ism or phobia, or just immaturity. In most cases, we accept that the matter will be addressed privately and move on.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">For example, in my area <a href="https://amberalert.ojp.gov/">Amber Alerts</a> go out whenever a young person goes missing (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_Alert">Silver Alerts</a> for senior citizens with dementia). In three cases where I have personal knowledge of the outcome of a local Amber Alert, there were <b>no</b> demands for public accountability because we were just relieved that each child was returned home. In one case, the girl who was a classmate of my Niece, was transferred to a new school. In another instance, the mother, whom I knew online through a FB group, updated us and then deactivated her social media account. And in the case where I actively took part in a search, the girl's family expressed their gratitude for our community efforts, but I haven't seen them since. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Someone reading this might assume that by referring to Russell as an adult runaway and inferring from the title that she is a child, I am infantilizing her to absolve or excuse her behavior. I assure you that I am well aware that she is a grown ass woman who had a job, a car, a concerned boyfriend (<a href="https://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/carlee-russells-boyfriend-removes-her-photos-from-social-media/">ex?</a>), and two loving parents who went on <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/parents-alabama-woman-went-missing-48-hours-express-relief-return-rcna94728">national television</a> to elicit sympathy for what now appears to be a tall tale. Unlike the three young girls I described, Russell is not some impulsive child who ran away to escape some parental restriction or punishment. </p><p style="text-align: left;">So what.</p><p style="text-align: left;">People from her community and across the nation were invested in finding her, including <a href="https://youtu.be/zmro2F0dQV8">Angela Harris</a>, who mobilized volunteers and dedicated resources from her nonprofit to search for Russell because she lost her own daughter under tragic circumstances. Instead of responding in anger, Ms. Harris modeled the kind of <a href="https://www.al.com/news/2023/07/aniah-blanchards-mother-angela-harris-says-its-not-her-place-to-judge-carlee-russell.html">community response</a> that we ought to emulate in this instance--determination and resolve. We ought to be ready to search under every rock and comb through every field for our missing loved ones, not just because they are well-connected or because their stories get media attention, but because it is the right thing to do. The wrong thing to do is to adopt the attitude of the villagers in the fable and let the wolves have their fill.</p><p style="text-align: left;">My fellow Gen Xers remember when almost every TV sitcom aired a runaway episode. The plot centered on the main character and/or a best friend who made a pact to do something crazy that a parent explicitly forbade, like Vanessa Huxtable (part <a href="https://youtu.be/bYpVzc3qunE">one</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/oI7x-lA5Qnk">two</a>) sneaking off to have <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2019/09/big-fun-with-wretched.html">BIG Fun with the Wretched</a>. Of course, the outcome of that episode was unforgettable hilarity, as were other light-hearted runaway storylines such as twins Tia and Tamera plotting to run away in order to stay together (<a href="https://youtu.be/fYtRyaFw88g">Sister Sister</a>); or baby sister <a href="https://youtu.be/4ROofxgM-I4">Jennifer Keaton</a> slipping away while big brother Alex isn't paying attention to her (<i>Family Ties</i>). </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpRIyt36hGprcMQCRI8dIEj5sDae20W89nyM4swFGEf9h3zqveLwMMn81ebiEgC5g71nWd4yoVuBuoQy6IrBJgYv7H08P2hu3UfxpI9nbGnX422O3sDRziZ6IT2Jj8dS8xKjUnxFIT08SvUptAQsCBeuLiwFjYN-08GU-XP2A3s94kVYYBLXPgFr8Sm6I_/s230/Tootie%20runs%20away.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="184" data-original-width="230" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpRIyt36hGprcMQCRI8dIEj5sDae20W89nyM4swFGEf9h3zqveLwMMn81ebiEgC5g71nWd4yoVuBuoQy6IrBJgYv7H08P2hu3UfxpI9nbGnX422O3sDRziZ6IT2Jj8dS8xKjUnxFIT08SvUptAQsCBeuLiwFjYN-08GU-XP2A3s94kVYYBLXPgFr8Sm6I_/w200-h160/Tootie%20runs%20away.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">There were also the kind of very special episodes that were intended to caution/scare us such as the runaway episode from <a href="https://decider.com/2014/08/28/the-facts-of-life-the-runaway/">The Facts of Life</a> that seems most analogous to this situation. Tootie disobeys her parents and Mrs. Garrett by running away to visit New York City on her own. She gets robbed and retreats to a coffee shop where she meets a friendly girl named Kristi who chats her up and buys her lunch. Tootie doesn't realize that this is all part of a set up to recruit her into prostitution. Right before she gets duped into joining Kristi and her pimp, a waitress tips her off to the scam. Mrs. Garrett arrives just in time to whisk her home to safety.</p><p>That episode aired 40 years ago, and the message is as poignant today as it was when I was in the fourth grade. There are wolves in these woods, and we need to be vigilant and wary. It isn't a waste of effort or resources to protect our sheep. Furthermore, to mix in another metaphor from <a href="https://youtu.be/CZX_fuAcS58">Peter and the Wolf</a> (a different fable), we can't barricade our children in the house and expect that simply warning them against venturing out into the world will be sufficient. Due to their natural curiosity and inquisitiveness, some of them will stray, so they need to be equipped with the right tools to defend themselves when we aren't there to prevent disaster. And a good arsenal of tools should include discernment and common sense. Shame and ridicule are useless as they are intended to humiliate and break people, not correct and build them up.</p><p>Carlee is home. She has a family who can address her needs in private. There are others who have gone missing who still haven't been found. Still others languishing in foster care or who have just aged out of the system are vulnerable to being exploited in the very manner we feared Russell would be; hence, there are gaping holes in the safety net that don't catch everyone. Several nonprofits such as Angela Harris' nonprofit <a href="https://www.aniahsheart22.com/">Aniah's Heart</a>, the <a href="https://www.blackandmissinginc.com/about/">Black and Missing Foundation</a>, and <a href="https://www.nativehope.org/missing-and-murdered-indigenous-women-mmiw">Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women</a> could use more support and visibility. If it takes crying wolf to get us to come running, then we should ask ourselves why these children have everything else <i>but</i> our attention...</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-24895320279125352192023-07-13T13:14:00.001-04:002023-07-13T13:14:32.976-04:00Submission is for Job Applications and Poetry Contests<p>Literally, I have several unfinished drafts and too many open tabs and a gaping hole in my bedroom ceiling where the fan used to be...so the last topic I need to worry about is submissiveness in other people's relationships.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOdDv9wbFGMkEHgj4NaOxkta72L7ruUPvkOtVeuIZxA0Krr--RUW7-wUAnU1l0wjShNIn1NuCV56HIiv_F6ya2tzR9HFnY_MUOAKZx1ELOaKKmxiXLTfv0y-FLPqZLGq89-QrCGhDBULM0_RAaNrgRShDYl7pfHRenpDrvm1OBKIvCbvna6iSnUCCZpLpz/s390/Baby%20Boy%20Movie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="234" data-original-width="390" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOdDv9wbFGMkEHgj4NaOxkta72L7ruUPvkOtVeuIZxA0Krr--RUW7-wUAnU1l0wjShNIn1NuCV56HIiv_F6ya2tzR9HFnY_MUOAKZx1ELOaKKmxiXLTfv0y-FLPqZLGq89-QrCGhDBULM0_RAaNrgRShDYl7pfHRenpDrvm1OBKIvCbvna6iSnUCCZpLpz/w200-h120/Baby%20Boy%20Movie.jpg" width="200" /></a></p></div>Yet here I am opining on some nonsense, instead of trying to micro-blog it on the Book of Faces or writing a thread about it on the Dodo Bird App that no one will see because I refuse to pay the $8 monthly ransom for visibility. Therefore, here is your annual reminder from me that these man-baby tantrums y'all are having on social media about grown women's choices are why half of you are still living with your single Mamas.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Before we get too far into this, allow me to say that I am not commenting on any specific celebrity couple, but you can select the duo that resonates with you and feel free to agree or disagree as necessary. As an opening statement, I believe that we are all entitled to dance to the beat of our own drummer in relationships, including the celebrities who put their business out in the world for all to see. Everything ain't for everybody, as the old folks say, so it's okay if you aren't down with whatever the kids are doing these days.</p><p>Having said that, of course, the entire point of social media is to share, and as significant aspects of celebrity livelihood depends on what we know about their lives, once they post in on da' Gram, then they expect you to have an opinion. In the past few years, Auntie has opined on a variety of issues: <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2021/07/high-value-nonsense.html">driveway therapists</a>, <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2021/06/i-am-not-my-hair-bonnet.html">hair bonnets</a> in public, <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2019/12/kiss-lizzos-fat-azz.html">Lizzo</a>, and the "<a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2019/10/is-this-your-man.html">requirements</a>" that some men have for dating, and I welcome you to peruse my archives to get my take on those topics. My issue isn't about your inalienable right to an opinion, but with how you say what you feel compelled and/or obligated to say. Just recently, I issued a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/20531316728/posts/10154009990506729/">preliminary warning</a> about how some of y'all think being racist, sexist, homophobic, etc., is merely an exercise of your free speech until those consequences come back to bite you.</p><p>For the most part, I don't believe too many of my readers are rolling with the <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/archive/au/entry/white-nationalist-uniform_au_5cd36b96e4b0acea950083fd">Polo Tiki Torch Club</a> racists, so let's address the sexism and misogynoir disguised as tradition and respectability. Because some of you really need to be called out for the way you talk about and expect to be treated by grown women in relationships.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIdAeXq_awpDY88N7ARKTBqDrvU_nRF00n7W6waayzUun3_IlHZ__fu1A8GnlEM2ZtQy7xd2SddILruNKDsCHATM4Zovx-yCiGmUsA1xMQ4R0FCi2jBsPWg_5Im7MYOGZqnsPT2NQ8Ml6KP7m_do01wEMOPztxMngMq4ujoHUeP_lEsj3gLnmd_lp-jisf/s2048/rihanna%20cover%20vogue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1638" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIdAeXq_awpDY88N7ARKTBqDrvU_nRF00n7W6waayzUun3_IlHZ__fu1A8GnlEM2ZtQy7xd2SddILruNKDsCHATM4Zovx-yCiGmUsA1xMQ4R0FCi2jBsPWg_5Im7MYOGZqnsPT2NQ8Ml6KP7m_do01wEMOPztxMngMq4ujoHUeP_lEsj3gLnmd_lp-jisf/w160-h200/rihanna%20cover%20vogue.jpg" width="160" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">A few months ago, this picture of Rihanna and A$AP Rocky with their son had Blue Ivy's internet in a tizzy. Some of y'all were hot that this young father was demonstrating affection while standing in the background behind his partner. I read a number of complaints of how emasculating this image was, when to me, it was a beautiful family photo, especially after we all learned that there was another baby on the way. If anything, the only controversial thing is the <a href="https://people.com/rihanna-posts-sweet-photo-of-asap-rocky-baby-rza-7556668">child's name</a> (because <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2023/07/06/entertainment/rza-ballantine-music/index.html">RZA</a> ain't even <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RZA">his</a></i> government name)...but again, if that's what the kids are doing these days Imma scroll on and mind my business.</p><p>VOGUE is the fashion Bible, and RiRi, one of its Apostles has graced their cover countless times (this was the British edition). She has a <a href="https://www.savagex.com/dmg/5EF930?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=search_branded&gclid=8b4bf88193f21fb423219c299eeeaa17&gclsrc=3p.ds&&utm_campaign=US_SXF_Branded_Fenty+%2B+Terms&pcode=DSCID_71700000037368921&plabel=US_SXF_Branded_Fenty+%2B+Terms&scode=DSAGID_58700005521670585&slabel=savagefenty&ccode=DSKWID_p57595654287&subchannel=MICROSOFT&keyword=savage+fenty&promo=none&aid=81913714345891&msclkid=8b4bf88193f21fb423219c299eeeaa17">fashion line</a>, a cosmetics company, and as an It-girl of this decade, rightfully is in the forefront of this picture as the article that was written is about <a href="https://www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/rihanna-british-vogue-interview">HER</a>. The fact that her <a href="https://twitter.com/rihanna/status/1675987426458894337?s=20">Bajan boys</a> were even included in the photo, when most women featured in the magazine are highlighted for their solo accomplishments, should have shut down all of the ashy attempts at deconstructing the dynamics of their relationship.</p><p>Of course, it should be assumed that if one is unashamed to go forth amongst the people unlotioned, then that same level of audacity fuels most of their questionable opinions and decisions. A bunch of these same dudes idolized that <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/07/us/kevin-samuels-dead.html">brother</a> from Jos A. Bank who moonlighted as a relationship expert until he died under the most <a href="https://thesource.com/2022/05/06/kevin-samuels-police-report-reveals-he-was-with-32-year-old-nurse-before-he-died/">ironic circumstances</a>. They still quote his relationship advice while complaining about splitting checks on a first date at the Olive Garden, and we're supposed to take their opinions on Rihanna and how she minds her business seriously?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmh-DGos_9pLMvEhJpS6h4LwqHke4jhfWZDPnp7pzD2xMXpBUQWeAINBoO28VRC3WOaUTS-IHEtKHoed9rfYCEWg-yHwoukRdGkaVncZqkr8HbTuJbRZO9vRQ7ws3EavNGmVKJG6ytUCxQEoUn43IfkQnUM0GP0Mib8mfW3GE04bwao1z12_e_2aQAcJit/s270/Cedric%20the%20Entertainer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="270" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmh-DGos_9pLMvEhJpS6h4LwqHke4jhfWZDPnp7pzD2xMXpBUQWeAINBoO28VRC3WOaUTS-IHEtKHoed9rfYCEWg-yHwoukRdGkaVncZqkr8HbTuJbRZO9vRQ7ws3EavNGmVKJG6ytUCxQEoUn43IfkQnUM0GP0Mib8mfW3GE04bwao1z12_e_2aQAcJit/w200-h200/Cedric%20the%20Entertainer.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I get a lot of laughs while reading the polarized takes on how <i>real</i> men ought to assert themselves in relationships. It tracks that many of these are the musings of dudes who spent too much time with their uncles in the barber shop, but failed to notice the frequent address changes and the ever-changing number of cousins from various situationships. Uncle Eddie's definition of submission is to brag about how his woman fixes his plate because he's the king of his household; in reality, she does that to keep an eye on his diet, lest he ends up in another diabetic coma.<p></p><p>(I need to point out that I while my examples come from a specific cultural vantage point, there are parallels. I see those burly mid-westerners carrying their wives' purses at various tourist attractions and I chuckle to think what manner of lies they tell about being in charge.)</p><p>Listen to those Alpha male traditionalists on social media if you want, but behind the closed blinds, most of them don't run shit but errands. That's not intended as an insult lest you think being a reliable, stable, and dependable presence in one's family isn't the point of being "the man" in the household. The way I see it, you're still a man regardless of how the labor and expenses are divided, unless you're hung up on semantics and outward appearances. Nobody has to know anything as long as you keep your business out of the tweets. </p><p>If you're more engaged in showcasing relationship "goals" instead of being <b>in</b> the relationship, for better or worse, then you'll never understand how your parents and grandparents stayed together for 50+ years. For starters, they weren't starring in a never-ending reality show with cameras documenting every aspect of their lives. And trust me, it wasn't because those were so-called traditional relationships with a dominant male figurehead and a submissive female servant. What you saw was a private partnership, not a public power struggle. You saw two people who had enough respect for each other to disagree and still put forth a united front to the world as necessary. You saw two people who celebrated each other, made mistakes and took accountability, and who worked hard to stay together in spite of everything.</p><p><i>Everything</i>. Double shifts. Flirty co-workers. Unpaid bills. Children. In-laws. Somebody finding Jesus. Someone losing their religion. Chronic illness. Stagnation. Midlife crises. Menopause. Grief. Success. I could keep going, but you get the point. And in the event that your grandparents or parents didn't arrive at that golden milestone, it makes a lot more sense to learn from their mistakes than to follow the advice from a bunch of online hecklers and haters who revel in other people's misery.</p><p>Which brings us to the point where I admit that I lied..</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWVdMfcuMtQveEVe6QkfwgVuRZ98Un_jIqo-KW_a43M1q801zi3X52ElSQZqHbIBKRK0xni5APd0v8cC5kisEQh9L6BOQdtrAKL_eyo6onHZMdfBJCHACn9typ9laKlpORylWA-fZYIvwJf4cEiGDNZmEGXG0Tc6qbriOhI3D2HJWcea_9fUSfCzlBOh5G/s592/Keke%20black%20dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="474" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWVdMfcuMtQveEVe6QkfwgVuRZ98Un_jIqo-KW_a43M1q801zi3X52ElSQZqHbIBKRK0xni5APd0v8cC5kisEQh9L6BOQdtrAKL_eyo6onHZMdfBJCHACn9typ9laKlpORylWA-fZYIvwJf4cEiGDNZmEGXG0Tc6qbriOhI3D2HJWcea_9fUSfCzlBOh5G/w160-h200/Keke%20black%20dress.jpg" width="160" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">Of course, I saw the <a href="https://twitter.com/RNB_RADAR/status/1676606330482700288?s=20">video</a> of Keke Palmer dancing with Usher in a bathing suit and <a href="https://www.givenchy.com/us/en-US/dress-in-4g-tulle/3617010410995.html?cmpid&gclid=CjwKCAjw2K6lBhBXEiwA5RjtCcDK7zvkUlbAFCGI7Cq8vHktfUQZurrUyINAoMNDrQYTYcUyn4_5nRoC4ukQAvD_BwE">cover-up</a>. And I saw the <a href="https://twitter.com/dvulton/status/1676667813531111424?s=20">tweet</a> her man should NOT have sent while he was home alone, horny and drunk with a restless baby. And I saw where sides were chosen, and hard lines were drawn before she even got home. AND THEN I saw where the entire incident became a <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/06/entertainment/keke-palmer-darius-jackson/index.html">CNN news-worthy</a> headline instead of staying on the gossip blogs like the rumors about Tyler Perry buying BET.</p><p>And, well since it is already out there in the Twitterverse, left on Blue Ivy's internet for us to express our opinions (because all he had to do was send her a text message), now Auntie feels compelled to offer some advice from her Busy Black Book of Wisdom:</p><p><span> </span>Dear Keke,</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;"><span> <span> </span></span>Can I start off by saying that I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you are grown-grown, as in little <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0437800/">Akeelah</a> is almost 30 (and my old azz just wasn't ready to accept that yet)? So after I got over that shock to my system, I just feel the need to restate that fact for the people in the cheap seats, including that man you have (had?) living in your house--you a grown ass woman!</p></blockquote><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;"> <span> </span>Thus, there really isn't much more that I should have to say, unless I am expressing my opinion on your outfit, which I am not. Because you already <i>know</i> that you are a mother, having carried and birthed that baby with your own body, so that ain't no newsflash. However, since the talk in these tweets has been over the audacity of that man who lives (lived?) in your house to <a href="https://twitter.com/dvulton/status/1676667813531111424?s=20">make public</a> a disagreement that has obviously been a bone of contention between you, let Auntie offer a little advice: Move on.</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;"> <span> </span>Move on and try to figure out how you plan to co-parent your son with an insecure man-baby who thought he was making some giant leap for manhood in trying to have the last word in an argument by telling a grown ass woman how she ought to conduct herself in public. Then, instead of realizing the folly in airing his private relationship business in the tweets, he <a href="https://twitter.com/dvulton/status/1676727776341282817?s=20">doubled down</a> and then made matters worse with this very mature <a href="https://twitter.com/dvulton/status/1677076482726965248?s=20">response</a> (after aligning himself with two poster boys of male fragility <a href="https://twitter.com/dvulton/status/1677065174048731138?s=20">Con Baybay</a> and the <a href="https://twitter.com/dvulton/status/1677069355660750848?s=20">Muskrat</a>). Allegedly, he's deleted pictures of YOU from his IG page, so even if that original post was not typical behavior, he has now shown you who he really is 🚩 </p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;"> <span> </span>Now, I happen to enjoy petty, and if you had waited a week or so to get with Beyonce on a remake of <a href="https://youtu.be/2EwViQxSJJQ">Irreplaceable</a> before releasing your new <a href="https://twitter.com/KekePalmer/status/1677482854131855360?s=20">line of merch</a>, then I might have been inclined to buy a tee shirt. Because she's a <a href="https://youtu.be/XtG8qNyS1pc">Mom</a> too, and you don't see Jay Z issuing public rebukes of her attire or behavior (nor will he ever after <i>Lemonade</i>). I'm not comparing your situation to theirs, but I am pointing out that however Jay might feel about what his wife wears on stage or for promotional photos is irrelevant because no one bothers to ask him. Even if some ashy dude pumped full of audacity thought to inquire how Jay feels about his half-naked wife straddling a glass horse, I'm pretty sure Jay wouldn't take the bait.</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;"><span> <span> </span></span>Because not only is Beyonce a mother and a grown ass woman with <b>that</b> body after three children, she is also an entertainer. It is her J-O-B. It is Usher's JOB to give a show during his Las Vegas residency that includes serenading women in the audience. And I'm clear that it is also your JOB as a celebrity attendee at the Usher show to give a performance that entices other women to want a chance at the same experience. With everyone else being clear about their roles and responsibilities, why come your man (ex?) had to throw his ego in the mix as if any of this was about him?</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;"><span> </span><span> </span>I mean, what's up with the insecurity when just hours before all of this went down, you and dude had been rolling in the deep (because you posted <a href="https://twitter.com/KekePalmer/status/1676129230768467969?s=20">this</a>), so what happened? As if he hadn't posted pictures of you wearing something equally risqué in the past? If you were at the beach or the hotel pool bar, instead of front row at the Usher show...</p></blockquote><p></p><p>And now it all makes sense. This was never about what Keke was <a href="https://andscape.com/features/keke-palmer-dresses-like-a-motha/">wearing</a>, but the fact that she was seen enjoying herself with another man in public. Old boy was upset that image was going to make him look some kind of way, so he lashed out. And then suggested that he was only doing what any self-respecting man in his position would do to protect his ego. As I've said many times, when someone cannot control you, they will attempt to control how others see you.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKsJ0hYlaiBZdr2L1B-_jKPChQ4t4GbGGXPsn2OSV5eETcCCKOOGQgo5zBu3Bic27ufkhkaKhEwq_5cLWNAJABIMMrS9F6PWf4D_PySEphtyjClI1tkc5jBOjX9t19gMaW0cUNUio85VWjOVpPWxAKRxivF7B2fSo4RPEbBSEmKHfaupBI5LWYot_3xiXp/s474/Keke%20and%20Darius%20preggo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKsJ0hYlaiBZdr2L1B-_jKPChQ4t4GbGGXPsn2OSV5eETcCCKOOGQgo5zBu3Bic27ufkhkaKhEwq_5cLWNAJABIMMrS9F6PWf4D_PySEphtyjClI1tkc5jBOjX9t19gMaW0cUNUio85VWjOVpPWxAKRxivF7B2fSo4RPEbBSEmKHfaupBI5LWYot_3xiXp/s320/Keke%20and%20Darius%20preggo.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b>You a Mom</b>. Those three words might as well have parted the Red Sea. Because for every person who saw and understood Keke's <i>joie de vivre</i> at getting out for a few hours of much needed girl fun in Vegas (where what happens there is <b>supposed</b> to stay there), there were the furious slings and arrows of judgment coming from every angle. Deeper than trying to shame her was the implication that motherhood had stripped her of any agency, any power, any freedom she previously enjoyed. </p><p><b>You a Mom</b>, living with a man who exerted his prerogative to decide when to flaunt her assets on these same social media platforms. It was all good when he was posting the pics, but problematic when someone else did? <b>You a Mom,</b> because her body was for him to expose and exploit, not for her to be wiggling and giggling in a club with Usher. Three loaded words that revealed so much.</p><p>Such is the subtlety of misogyny, communicating several diminishing messages, delivered in a seemingly innocuous manner. We joke that this should have been kept private in a text, but the result would have been the same (just ask <a href="https://people.com/jonah-hill-ex-sarah-brady-claims-he-was-emotionally-abusive-7558308">Sarah Brady</a> about Jonah Hill). Offline, who knows what else he's said about her body, her clothes, or how she conducts herself in public? If you've read some of the responses posted in support of him, you would think she was lucky that he had attached himself to her. That as long as he was in her life, at least she could dream of a happily ever after (because the only thing worse than being a spinster is being a single mother). Now look at her, branded with a scarlet letter...<b>You a <span style="color: #cc0000;">Mom</span></b>, <i>but not a wife</i>.</p><p>I'm not reaching because I've read the first chapter in the Gospel of Submissiveness. Some of y'all resurrected Kevin Samuels; some of y'all are finishing up dissertations and Sunday sermons; and this <a href="https://youtu.be/3fbxdtZua8s">dude</a> gave a 30-minute TED Talk (of which I only got through a little over 5 minutes because I don't have that kind of time). So let me save you from learning this lesson the hard way--submission is another way of allowing someone to control you. You have a choice if that's the kind of relationship you want; it is <u>not</u> a requirement. Anyone who expects submissiveness and regards it as a prerequisite to commitment or building a life with you doesn't regard you as an equal but as a subordinate. As my Mom made it clear to me and anyone else who had issues with her outspoken independence, she was <b>nobody's</b> doormat. And just so you know, my parents have been married for 50 years.</p><p>PS: I'm not buying a <a href="https://shop.kekepalmer.com/products/im-a-motha-white-crewneck">tee shirt</a> because I'm waiting to see what happens next. One of the other truisms about these social media relationships is how a lot of stuff is staged, so Imma wait to see that duet with Beyonce.</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-36971885914477693742023-05-31T00:56:00.000-04:002023-05-31T00:56:28.586-04:00Part of Our World: Review of The Little Mermaid (2023)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVk64_L4oOPwM6Nh8unAZRGjMOlXTmrFEXSamoxH6OQ-VJ6JRqu8Thxoc11cd2hR7h8-OC5Sp2qQMG79LlThvgxKHfJnTzoWPtPeTL7xBuGDTXEw0iUJoa3AvnWi8xu-ZHL8EervZohRQOKgBOo3WslrFCNg3RntMEXxTuTlAzYTM_RBVPNvvAIdBuHA/s1481/Zuri%20at%20TLM.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1472" data-original-width="1481" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVk64_L4oOPwM6Nh8unAZRGjMOlXTmrFEXSamoxH6OQ-VJ6JRqu8Thxoc11cd2hR7h8-OC5Sp2qQMG79LlThvgxKHfJnTzoWPtPeTL7xBuGDTXEw0iUJoa3AvnWi8xu-ZHL8EervZohRQOKgBOo3WslrFCNg3RntMEXxTuTlAzYTM_RBVPNvvAIdBuHA/w200-h199/Zuri%20at%20TLM.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>The Kid and I (and friends) saw the live-action <a href="https://youtu.be/kpGo2_d3oYE">The Little Mermaid</a> (<i>TLM</i>) remake opening weekend and I am happy to report that she loved it. I am also happy to report that I enjoyed it (not quite to the point of loving it, but I will explain that). So, ladies and gentleman, I believe we have a <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/the-little-mermaid-box-office-opening-1235502303/">hit</a>!<p></p><p>I was thinking that I shouldn't spoil anything with this review, but I also assumed that anyone reading this is someone who has seen the original animated movie enough times to know how it all turns out in the end. (Let's pretend that the <i>other</i> <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/tv/2019/11/05/little-mermaid-live-review-abc-terrible-musical-not-live-enough/4166621002/">live action telecast</a> exists in an alternative universe.) So, there's no real sense in offering a review without pointing out the major distinctions between the two films; therefore, I will offer a disclaimer instead. If you have not already seen the new movie, come back to this review once you have, okay? Off you go...</p><p>Now if you are still with me, then you've seen both movies, so we can talk about what we liked and what we didn't and whether any of that will matter to this new generation of little girls who might be caught singing <a href="https://youtu.be/qcxr2xuVLUs">Part of Your World</a> into a dinglehopper. My guess is that it won't matter because kids like what they like, and what we think is irrelevant (which explains why <i>Bubble Guppies</i> is still on). To be honest, my daughter hasn't seen the original movie as many times as I have, and she has already declared her love for the current film, so there's that.</p><p><b>Prince Eric's Backstory</b> - Definitely a twist on the original, one that makes a lot more sense once you reflect on the absurdity of an orphaned Prince Eric still being referred to as a Prince at the start of the animated movie. We know from watching the British that those titles get upgraded immediately upon the death of the reigning sovereign, so why would the sole heir to the throne of wherever be out seafaring and exploring with no one at home to watch over the affairs of state at the castle? Furthermore, where is home, a question that was never answered in the animated film.</p><p>Thus, instead of the old story line of Prince Eric as a Bruce Wayne-bored billionaire heir under the guardianship of Sir Grimsby (or Alfred the butler who is now the Prime Minister), there is a Black Queen Mother and Eric is her adopted son. Which makes this an island kingdom probably somewhere in the Caribbean, and Eric the survivor of a shipwreck who was apparently found as a baby and taken to the castle. Still raises more questions without answers, but now at least there is a living parent to fuss and urge him to get married (like they do in every other fairytale). Since I'm inferring quite a few details here, my guess is that this island kingdom is what came of all those pirates who were gallivanting around with <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0325980/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0_tt_8_nm_0_q_pirates%2520">Jack Sparrow</a> once they finally decided to retire. Because this is Disney, they can conveniently omit any references to what was more historically accurate (so no colonialism or slave trading). Instead, everyone is happily living their best lives on <a href="https://www.aruba.com/us/our-island/one-happy-island">one happy island</a>.</p><p><b>The Daughters of Triton</b> - They got rid of <a href="https://youtu.be/TKcRh8__xcM">the sisters' song</a> from the animated film, but anyone who says with a straight face that they miss it is lying to you. It was never anyone's favorite, wouldn't fit in the new narrative, and I happen to like the new explanation that the daughters represent the <a href="https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/sevenseas.html">seven seas</a>. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT1ocSH8Zpn7G5a_JfzNmECnK2CM-MdiiM7borU-j5ABMwLo3CSmhEbtAVNtySiGX9w01gfNq5EKCd-qzAhQnJQbowDRJCV7C0z7Cf4ie7ziTr9C6_jBhCNIyKMGExxEOFn3_vrG6Mr8pQ6u0YJVIYluOxOGgA0WcncMiHA2UmvLiN3gMYlSbbsvAIiQ/s474/Ursula%20the%20Sea%20Witch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="237" data-original-width="474" height="100" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT1ocSH8Zpn7G5a_JfzNmECnK2CM-MdiiM7borU-j5ABMwLo3CSmhEbtAVNtySiGX9w01gfNq5EKCd-qzAhQnJQbowDRJCV7C0z7Cf4ie7ziTr9C6_jBhCNIyKMGExxEOFn3_vrG6Mr8pQ6u0YJVIYluOxOGgA0WcncMiHA2UmvLiN3gMYlSbbsvAIiQ/w200-h100/Ursula%20the%20Sea%20Witch.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;"><b>Evil Auntie Ursula</b> - This movie gave us some familial motivation for the animosity between King Triton and the Sea Witch, not that we've ever needed a backstory for most other Disney villains. I was tempted to compare this to a <i>The Lion King/Hamlet</i> redux, but sibling rivalry is as old as time itself. Therefore, I would be down for a <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-features/little-mermaid-melissa-mccarthy-javier-bardem-ursula-triton-1235499894/">prequel</a> that looks back on how an ambitious and scheming little Sis probably got Mrs. Triton killed by a human, thus setting the stage for a classic revenge showdown.</p><p>Javier Bardem seemed like a weird choice for King Triton to me, but he was solid. As for Melissa McCarthy as <a href="https://youtu.be/7QVXpjyZ-kc">Ursula</a>--perfection (ditto for <a href="https://ew.com/movies/the-little-mermaid-vanessa-actress-jessica-alexander/">Jessica Alexander</a> as Vanessa the voice-stealer)! But the big fight scene was so anti-climatic because it was hard to see the action (one of the drawbacks of the CGI special effects).</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/rGob8do6JKxsYUG03j/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="113" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/rGob8do6JKxsYUG03j/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div></div><b>The Singing Crab, Stuffed Flounder, and other Scuttlebutt</b> - The CGI did wonders in making us believe that the human characters were actually talking and singing underwater; however, the animation just made the talking animals look weird and seem out of place. Despite the voice talents of Daveed Diggs as <a href="https://youtu.be/8mwRuVk2fHY">Sebastian</a> and Awkwafina as <a href="https://youtu.be/FGySUl0vGkI">Scuttle</a> (who were <a href="https://youtu.be/sBo57NSr0BQ">perfectly cast</a>, so not up for debate), CGI talking animals only seem to work when we don't expect to see a talking animal, like in a 30-second commercial. Instead of seeming realistic, they just appeared flat or looked like props in extended interactive scenes. Thus, it made sense to nix <a href="https://youtu.be/64WK7ui6NDw">Les Poissons</a>, sung by the French chef in the animated film, because the CGI just would not have recreated what was so much fun about that scene from the original. Poor Flounder went from being a standout in the animation to the least vibrant fish friend in the entire ocean in this film. I'm not sure why they didn't just pull that classic <a href="https://youtu.be/2msq6H2HI-Y">Jerry tap dancing with Gene Kelly</a> trick because that would have been more believable (that is, if you believe in talking animals).<p></p><p>Some folks on social media were upset that Scuttle was <a href="https://www.thenews.com.pk/latest/1074438-director-rob-marshall-reveals-reason-for-scuttles-species-change-in-the-little-mermaid">changed</a> into a different species of bird (from a seagull to a <a href="https://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/northern-gannet">Northern gannet</a>) to allow for more underwater interaction with Ariel and the other characters. If the CGI had worked better, that change wouldn't seem that controversial, or maybe it would have made more sense 34 years ago to have chosen a different diving bird (like a <a href="https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_White_Pelican/id">pelican</a>). Honestly, why is any of this up for discussion since birds do not talk to people!</p><p><b>Lin-Manuel Miranda</b> - Look, there is no denying that you can always tell when the Kid's Tio <a href="https://people.com/movies/lin-manuel-miranda-the-little-mermaid-interview-exclusive/">Lin-Manuel</a> has been involved with a Disney soundtrack. Without even looking at the song credits...so when Disney re-adapts this movie for the stage, I cannot wait to see Awkwafina and Diggs perform <a href="https://youtu.be/QKlQu_p97KI">The Scuttlebutt</a> live. Thumbs up! </p><p>Because he tends to bring his people along wherever he goes, I hope Miranda puts in a good word for <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1862960/">Christopher Jackson</a> to portray King Triton (and maybe find some way to bring on a few other Hamilton alums. Just a thought...)</p><p><b>Once on This Island</b> - I saw that play on <a href="https://www.broadway.com/buzz/191349/the-cast-and-creatures-of-once-on-this-island-celebrate-100-performances/">Broadway</a> back in 2018 (on my first and only Busy Black <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2018/02/busy-black-womans-day-off.html">Momcation</a>), and darn if I didn't immediately think while I was watching <i>TLM</i> that I have seen some of this before. <a href="https://youtu.be/svc26VIJ2pM">Hmm</a>...and honestly, it connected once I was reminded that the play was inspired by the fairytale (and is reported to receive its own <a href="https://decider.com/2020/07/30/once-on-this-island-disney-plus/">film adaptation</a> for Disney +).</p><p>You've also seen the same kind of diverse casting in other productions such as <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0128996/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt">Cinderella</a> (1997), <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3440298/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0_tt_8_nm_0_q_descendants">Descendants</a> (2015), and <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6878820/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1">Z-O-M-B-I-E-S</a> (2018) --that is, if you have a child around the same age as mine and there was a chunk of your life when all they ever wanted to watch were Disney musicals. </p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPe-lKtluc3qDedfGLhy_kHsh1lBzD7VL5nFePsT3KNNvwySDTTEAPYak-g2-Lcp8TLNeJAaCq_BgC6-Lg9QiiwBwXtRZapSpXZyuaqL9XxvxTJFo7EX5xkFrhblxZeITsyKiBRwBDCzh3w1Z0qRRDxMWsySkr5O_HoW1sOjmK0KQ1anapYQSfQyhG9Q/s960/Once%20on%20this%20Island.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPe-lKtluc3qDedfGLhy_kHsh1lBzD7VL5nFePsT3KNNvwySDTTEAPYak-g2-Lcp8TLNeJAaCq_BgC6-Lg9QiiwBwXtRZapSpXZyuaqL9XxvxTJFo7EX5xkFrhblxZeITsyKiBRwBDCzh3w1Z0qRRDxMWsySkr5O_HoW1sOjmK0KQ1anapYQSfQyhG9Q/w200-h113/Once%20on%20this%20Island.jpg" width="200" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b>What's the Matter with Kids Today?</b> - No surprise that just like in the animated movie, Ariel gets so obsessed with the human world and Prince Eric that she disobeys her father and jeopardizes the ocean and the humans to get what she wants. And she realizes too late that her father's love for her transcends everything, even his own life. Having seen all of those themes (and <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/09/fear-of-black-princess.html">critiqued them</a>) in the original movie, all of that hits different when seated next to your own headstrong 8 year-old daughter. Y'all, my eyes got a little itchy.</p><p>Perhaps this is the most valuable aspect of the remake for me because it breaks the trance of getting so caught up in the nostalgia without paying closer attention to the story. That animated movie is <i>TLM</i> of my youth, released when I was teenager just a few months before I left the nest for college. This film will be <i>TLM</i> for my daughter and the children of her generation. Thus, to all of the parents and purists who claim to have so many precious memories of the original movie, snap out of it! If you're more upset by what changed than taking note of the real message in this story, then you missed the point. Our kids are going to grow up, they are going to have to make their own choices, and while we might not like those choices, we have to let them be free. And that sentiment is true whether uttered by an animated Jamaican nanny crab, or the CGI version.</p><p><b>A Star is Born</b> - Halle Bailey is phenomenal! I really don't need to say much more about her performance because that is all that needs to be said. Baby girl is a STAR! I caught that sweet symbolic nod from Jodi Benson in the marketplace scene (which has happened in several other films where the originator passes the torch to a younger actress), so there you have it. I refuse to respond to any haters, so anybody who gets on Blue Ivy's internet to suggest otherwise is truly a <a href="https://youtu.be/LuYEp--zoQc">poor unfortunate soul</a>.</p><p>The other star of this film, hands down, is John Hauer-King as Prince Eric. Y'all, we need to admit that Disney has been churning out the same bland guy as the love interests for their heroines, so it is about damn time we got the real deal! The original <a href="https://youtu.be/aB5qw-CH2rQ">Prince Eric</a> was meh (his dog Max was more interesting), the <a href="https://youtu.be/V2QrZz-n1Uk">Beast</a> was more compelling before he became human again, and <a href="https://youtu.be/ZleeiuYdpcE">Prince Naveen</a> was more charismatic as a <a href="https://youtu.be/bWIRrtygTeU">frog</a>. Bad boys <a href="https://youtu.be/mT_8FAMsmCM">Aladdin</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/hIsac9aViSY">Flynn Rider</a> were fun, but the other stories that were centered around male leads (such as <a href="https://youtu.be/KYEOhafvZ6Q">Tarzan</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/yOL-EJZjmp0">Hercules</a>) were not as good as the Princess stories which is why the marketing and branding campaigns were built around the ladies. This Eric holds his own, sings his <a href="https://youtu.be/BiRgpDIGY8k">song</a>, and doesn't fade into scenery. And the chemistry between Hauer-King and Bailey is fire!</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyqNHp4xNVJmsc5x0M78eZgwiGnvXGns3u2BmHoN6XaVMnHIxvG_XeD-uYGax8yEDN1Oy2Oug4oea3sBoXqNvV_9e38qylqYewt29mqQnqKjxhb3e7NIDg2fzQEnlrDAa92pcstyA6Ohzk7ajnheO8U3x5pSpRMSEyU0C0jljrjYu-20GQZbwgs43QMw/s474/Kiss%20the%20Girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyqNHp4xNVJmsc5x0M78eZgwiGnvXGns3u2BmHoN6XaVMnHIxvG_XeD-uYGax8yEDN1Oy2Oug4oea3sBoXqNvV_9e38qylqYewt29mqQnqKjxhb3e7NIDg2fzQEnlrDAa92pcstyA6Ohzk7ajnheO8U3x5pSpRMSEyU0C0jljrjYu-20GQZbwgs43QMw/s320/Kiss%20the%20Girl.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b>The Magic Kingdom vs. The Real World</b> - As I stated at the outset, I really enjoyed this film. I can't say that I loved it, not because it fell short of any expectations I had; however, as I alluded to a few paragraphs up, this story hits a lot differently at my age now. This adaptation remained pretty faithful to the animated movie, and depending on one's perspective, that wasn't necessarily an all-good or all-bad thing. Sixteen year old me (same age as Ariel in the film) probably thought it was pretty badass to be so impulsive and determined to make such a sacrifice for love...Busy Black middle-aged Mama me would have needed to weigh her options. </p><p>Which weren't presented to us in the Disney adaptation because they ditched so much of the <a href="https://americanliterature.com/author/hans-christian-andersen/short-story/the-little-mermaid">source material</a>. Ariel was the youngest of six girls (seven in the Disney version), so surely more than one of her sisters must have felt a similar longing to explore the human realm. According to the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, mermaids were granted that privilege once a year upon reaching the age of fifteen, but we don't get any indication if that tradition still was followed or if there was a reason why Ariel was explicitly forbidden to even discuss it with her father. Once you've committed to making a 2-hour live action movie from an 83-minute animated film, I'd say that you had more than enough time to offer a better justification for Triton's refusal to even discuss his daughter's curiosity. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/lVc1s09UpcnDLkis02/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/lVc1s09UpcnDLkis02/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>And that was something else that concerned me now as a parent looking back--King Triton's refusal or inability to communicate with Ariel about her feelings. It wasn't just her father, because NO ONE in her family took the time to talk to this girl or paid much attention to her until she had no voice. Imagine having older sisters and not being able to confide in any of them. Her mother was dead, her father couldn't relate, we didn't meet any other merlfriends, so her companions and confidants were animals: the meddling Nanny crab, a pet fish, and a clueless bird. The only adult who responded to what Ariel wanted was her predacious Aunt Ursula.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">That definitely triggered some adolescent memories of feeling unseen and unheard until I made some regrettable mistakes. And I could not help but to think that as we are caught up in this crazy culture war wherein the Governor of Florida has characterized the Walt Disney Company as an enemy of decency that <a href="https://www.sun-sentinel.com/2023/05/30/desantis-trump-spar-over-who-hates-disney-more-as-iowa-swing-begins/">sexualizes children</a>, some of y'all aren't going to wake up until it is too late to save your children (or this country). So caught up in pronouns, rainbows, who uses which bathrooms in public spaces, Second Amendment rights, and the politics of diverse casting...</p><p><b>To See or Not to Sea?</b> - (Yep, I love language puns), but in case I haven't made myself clear, YES! </p><p>Go see it, dress up like mermaids, buy more dolls, sign your babies up for swimming lessons, re-watch the <a href="https://youtu.be/ZGZX5-PAwR8">original</a>, go spend a fortune at <a href="https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/vacation-planning/?ef_id=f9c55c6f9e611ac072b93819dd9a772e:G:s&s_kwcid=AL!5060!10!80195760439635!80195743722064&CMP=KNC-FY23_WDW_TRA_DXF_W365_SCP_SCP_Gold%7CB%7C5231213.RR.AM.01.01%7CMYBUBPO%7CBR%7C80195760439635&keyword_id=kwd-80195743722064:loc-190%7Cdc%7Cwalt%20disney%20world%7C80195760439635%7Ce%7C5060:10%7C&msclkid=f9c55c6f9e611ac072b93819dd9a772e">Disneyworld</a> (or <a href="https://disneyland.disney.go.com/">Disneyland</a> if you are boycotting Florida), and if you have a kid older than 12 make sure they see <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088161/">Splash</a> (1984) so that they know that there are alternative happy endings for humans and merpeople. For good measure, also be sure to put the original <a href="https://americanliterature.com/author/hans-christian-andersen/short-story/the-little-mermaid">short story</a> on the summer reading list. Take them to the library to learn more about mermaids from other cultures, such as the water spirit <a href="https://youtu.be/U3hIek7Dfxw">Mami Wata</a> and the legend of <a href="https://greekreporter.com/2023/05/25/alexander-the-great-sister-thessalonike-mermaid/">Thessaloniki</a> so that they can offer a response to any foolishness that mermaids only come from one mythological source. It was kind of cheeky to have this trailer for <a href="https://youtu.be/u4uyD8FFUIw">Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken</a> (June 2023) air during the previews to <i>TLM</i>, so once again, Dreamworks is trolling Disney like they did with <i>Shrek</i> (and I'm here for it, so take your kids to <a href="https://www.dreamworks.com/movies/ruby-gillman-teenage-kraken">see that one too</a>). Most importantly, make time to talk to and listen to your budding pre-teens or teenage children, because before you know it, one day you won't be able to nail their fins down--you'll have to <a href="https://youtu.be/jnERX32FL24">let go</a>.</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-80169017298215726932023-05-27T10:55:00.000-04:002023-05-27T10:55:09.942-04:00Shades of Purple<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtQa74T2oNlgAgkoVTapo8bI0FSFnFdWy4U4vDMfWE18O3rrEcLKh1HI3VX3YmSY0zrhX9MbBuXCMq1Fkz9JmGjIUuJ4wW3un6dhx13fsUrxbk0DVvxK3zzhqikKkiRCvTvbzYBewUYir9Vxd0suBXwZjG_kfxx07C-DbdT2G-Pz0dj0idKQhLJZoqCw/s1600/TCP%20book%20cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1092" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtQa74T2oNlgAgkoVTapo8bI0FSFnFdWy4U4vDMfWE18O3rrEcLKh1HI3VX3YmSY0zrhX9MbBuXCMq1Fkz9JmGjIUuJ4wW3un6dhx13fsUrxbk0DVvxK3zzhqikKkiRCvTvbzYBewUYir9Vxd0suBXwZjG_kfxx07C-DbdT2G-Pz0dj0idKQhLJZoqCw/w136-h200/TCP%20book%20cover.jpg" width="136" /></a></p></div>Come gather 'round children, because your Busy Black Mother wants to tell you all a story about a book and ALL of the trouble it has caused ever since it was published back when she was in elementary school in the early 80s. It has been quite a while since she "read" it (almost 40 years), but from what she can recall, it tells a rather polarizing story about a woman who survives abuse. In fact, there are several women in the story who survive various forms of abuse. This book won several prestigious awards for its <a href="https://www.pbs.org/wnet/americanmasters/alice-walker-biography-and-awards/2894/">author</a>, became a critically acclaimed cult <a href="https://youtu.be/HzGrDgu08r8">classic film</a>, and was adapted as a <a href="https://youtu.be/lVlDUIPrp_A">Broadway musical</a> for the stage that will be re-released in a <a href="https://youtu.be/wPwzBUui1GA">new film adaptation</a> later this year.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><i>The Color Purple</i> ("TCP") is a story that deeply offends certain groups of people. Having been around all of these years to witness its various iterations and adaptations, I can speak both directly and indirectly to aspects of the controversy. The book has been <a href="https://bannedbooks.library.cmu.edu/alice-walker-the-color-purple/">banned</a> for its sexual explicitness which some find to be too mature for impressionable readers. The book and film have been <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1986/01/27/us/blacks-in-heated-debate-over-the-color-purple.html">criticized</a> for depicting negative images of men as abusive. The book, film, and play provide cultural references and timeless quotes, much like <i>The Godfather</i>, that are appropriate to offer in almost any situation. Your perspective in favor or in opposition to the story depends on how you self-identify: (1) as a <a href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/florida-mom-behind-amanda-gorman-book-ban-has-proud-boy-links">Florida Mom</a> who dislikes Oprah Winfrey's poetry; (2) some sanctimonious woman named Karen who only heard about the sex scenes in the book; (3) somebody's Black Grandfather or elder Uncle who saw the movie once in the 1980s; (4) some young man who may have seen the movie a couple of times on BET, but his impressions have been shaped by what his Grandfather or Uncle said about it at the barbershop; or (5) a Black woman.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWfASd5a6iDCErkgBQ_xFIeaP3DWO9rm536EznMCGG_8o53nGfMUgRVJM447voQmlhneCBUXtJ0LaJye6fkjT6ey83GVhUxS5M65ciy02SKfXu40dwqHv_oIiKHxdlN-h3_LLTeWcoV6_oxa-5NAAWoAK6rsL-ZmNj59EDpt-v62lfSr5mJlB2gaTqYg/s975/stepfordwives%20Glenn%20Close.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="650" data-original-width="975" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWfASd5a6iDCErkgBQ_xFIeaP3DWO9rm536EznMCGG_8o53nGfMUgRVJM447voQmlhneCBUXtJ0LaJye6fkjT6ey83GVhUxS5M65ciy02SKfXu40dwqHv_oIiKHxdlN-h3_LLTeWcoV6_oxa-5NAAWoAK6rsL-ZmNj59EDpt-v62lfSr5mJlB2gaTqYg/w200-h133/stepfordwives%20Glenn%20Close.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Let's quickly dispatch with the first two categories because they are in fact, the same person. It doesn't really matter what her real name is if she hasn't read the book but still insists on having it banned. I doubt that she's even taken the time to skim an <a href="https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/purple/summary/">online summary</a>, because if she had, she would have a better response to its sexual content other than to clutch her pearls. But then again, this same woman raises objections to most books that contain sexual references because she only had sex to procreate. Now that she has her 2.5 children, she can channel that energy into other hobbies such as riding her Peloton, micro-managing, and filing complaints against her neighbors with the home-owners association for petty infractions. <p></p><p>The targeted audience for this piece is the latter three categories of Black people. I am making an assumption that members of other communities aren't having these kinds of deep philosophical discussions about <i>TCP</i>, but if I'm wrong, feel free to associate with the group that makes the most sense. For example, if you happen to be a woman named Karen who read the book, likes/loves the movie and/or the play, then you are welcome to sit with like-minded Black women. Ditto if you are a Black man who knows that half of what you grew up hearing in the barbershop is unlotioned foolishness, while the other half is just something that some dude heard and repeated because it made him sound smart. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/z8vefMbdAj3xK/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="145" data-original-width="245" height="118" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/z8vefMbdAj3xK/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">If you are still unsure, no worries because the goal here is enlightenment. However, if you already know which side you are on and it isn't with the Black women...</p><p><i>The Color Purple</i> is a book about <u>Black women</u> written by a well-known <u>Black woman</u> writer named Alice Walker. The original movie is about <u>Black women</u>. The Broadway musical is about <u>Black women</u>. And I suspect that the new movie will also be about <u>Black women</u>. In <b>none</b> of these versions and iterations is <i>The Color Purple</i> about abusive Black men. Read that again because I said what I said: there are abusive Black men in <i>TCP</i>, but this story ain't about them!</p><p><i>TCP</i> is a story about a Black woman in rural 1930s Georgia who is a victim of horrifying sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. In fact, several of the women in the story are victims of abuse. For Celie, the main character, this abuse begins when she is a teenager and continues until she finds the courage to leave her abuser, many years later. The same is true for other women in the story. Therefore, I must emphasize that <i>TCP</i> is a story about how a group of Black women survive, overcome, and ultimately heal from the abuse that has been inflicted on <b>them</b>.</p><p>Let's back up some 40 years to when the book was published. As I stated above, I was in elementary school and I don't remember much about the accolades in real time, but I do recall that it won the <a href="https://www.pulitzer.org/winners/alice-walker">Pulitzer Prize</a> and the <a href="https://www.nationalbook.org/books/the-color-purple/">National Book Award</a>, and presumably that is why it was made into a movie. A few years later when I was in middle school, we heard that there were some steamy sex scenes contained therein, so like all curious pubescent teenagers, we needed to know. My Mom happened to be reading the book, so while I had access to it, I could not borrow it from her to read with my friends on our Metro summer commute. Thus, someone else's older sibling must have borrowed for us, and for about a week, we "read" the book to find these scandalous sex scenes. </p><p>Alas, the Karens were partially right in arguing that this content was too mature for young impressionable minds because most of us had no idea of what was going on. The most scandalous passages I remember reading contained nudity while bathing, self-discovery with a hand-held mirror, and two women sharing a kiss. None of the other themes made much of an impression because we were mostly scanning the book, not really reading it. I definitely did not get a full grasp of the lesbian relationship. The conclusion we all reached was that we would have to wait and see the movie to get a better understanding.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhANh9ITQDrD639LesrAPv65bCDRfgg3Q5_P1jZfiCWX6THTu6Odl_ICZU5lcvZtzSZ3bbUoM0YNX7PP_gXIIdY4mwVEvEiTneKLlyEEFNdh5CXDAFZag33mjKAwaQPJ2AEsYuHxzeV95dKfL_zkiz9Rt7l29NsTg7ibFPMFQxmnsMKKOfXZgm5gx7gUg/s711/TCP%20movie%20poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="711" data-original-width="474" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhANh9ITQDrD639LesrAPv65bCDRfgg3Q5_P1jZfiCWX6THTu6Odl_ICZU5lcvZtzSZ3bbUoM0YNX7PP_gXIIdY4mwVEvEiTneKLlyEEFNdh5CXDAFZag33mjKAwaQPJ2AEsYuHxzeV95dKfL_zkiz9Rt7l29NsTg7ibFPMFQxmnsMKKOfXZgm5gx7gUg/w133-h200/TCP%20movie%20poster.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Fast forward to the release of the movie in 1985 which I did not get to see in the theater because it was rated R and I was twelve. It must have been years later before it came on television (and my family didn't have cable when I was growing up), so I was probably in high school when I finally saw it for the first time. And I had forgotten all about the alleged scandalous sex scenes (which were omitted, so there's that). <p></p><p>Other specifics are also long-forgotten, but I do remember that my parents had opposing opinions about the movie. And it wasn't just a disagreement between them, because there was once a heated discussion about this film at a family gathering (no worries, no brown liquor was wasted), where sides were taken. My Dad, my Uncles, and some older male cousins expressed their opinion that the film was terrible; whereas, my Mom, my Aunts, and my older cousin who was in college were adamant that the menfolks were wrong. For my part, I did not express an opinion at that time because I was still in that gray area where kids were not allowed to participate grown folks' conversations. But I could listen. </p><p>And I could reflect on what I heard. My Mom bought a copy of the movie on VHS so I could watch it as much as I wanted to decide for myself. Eventually, the movie became a Sunday afternoon <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2019/01/the-bbw-tea-party-color-purple-revisited.html">staple on BET</a>, but we'll revisit that a little later.</p><p>Instead, let's skip ahead to when I was at Spelman in the early 90s. As most of you know, I was an English major so my undergraduate degree was essentially a concentration in Black women's literature. The literary and artistic era of that time overlapped with a lot of great work written by Black women that received both critical and mainstream recognition. Most notably, Toni Morrison received the <a href="https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/literature/1993/morrison/facts/">Nobel Prize</a> in Literature, while other authors such as Walker, Gloria Naylor, Terry McMillan, and Spelman alumna <a href="https://tinamcelroyansa.com/">Tina McElroy Ansa</a> were on best-seller lists and having their books made into movies. With our charismatic Sister President and the fact that Spelman was a magnet for practically every prominent Black woman at the time, it meant that on any given day, I could see some brilliant Black writer whose work I just read walking around on campus. This iconic picture captures the vibe that permeated the air at that time.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3qriucKT51d3-5dQ8aI3hW0oRsBjJGRr1_49IMeaVk3FwV4mHb1Bd-Q5deZUN6yKyi-LE888l4ktZ4Kg5cj6YQcKirVZB03MHHwy02aAu7IJ76C9MT2LGEhID9ug2_oY8Nbqh19Hfwy0kw-c_9tm0UId0WsoJX7oi-fNO_bXHyJVUQpaepNmZMCC3Rg/s1280/SAGE%20Journal%20picture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="863" data-original-width="1280" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3qriucKT51d3-5dQ8aI3hW0oRsBjJGRr1_49IMeaVk3FwV4mHb1Bd-Q5deZUN6yKyi-LE888l4ktZ4Kg5cj6YQcKirVZB03MHHwy02aAu7IJ76C9MT2LGEhID9ug2_oY8Nbqh19Hfwy0kw-c_9tm0UId0WsoJX7oi-fNO_bXHyJVUQpaepNmZMCC3Rg/s320/SAGE%20Journal%20picture.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">Not pictured here was the ever-inspiring and brilliant <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2021/02/claim-your-space.html">Dr. Gloria Wade-Gayles</a>, who was our resident Alice Walker scholar. She taught a mini-course on Walker that I had to sit in on once (don't remember why), where the students discussed her work and advocacy. It was a fascinating conversation that touched on a variety of topics, including Walker's reasons for leaving Spelman, her discovery of <a href="https://www.literaryladiesguide.com/literary-musings/how-alice-walker-rediscovered-zora-neale-hurston/">Zora Neale Hurston's grave</a>, as well as the controversy that had accompanied <i>TCP</i> movie. Ironically, it was the first time that I witnessed a group of Black women offer criticism of <i>TCP</i>!</p><p>But don't get it twisted, these women were adamant that the shortcomings of the film were due to <a href="https://newrepublic.com/article/161165/legacy-color-purple-alice-walker-book-review">choices</a> made by the filmmaker, the producers, and the actors, not the story as it was written. Certain characters were too cartoonish and some crucial elements of the book that were left out created unexplained gaps in the narrative. But at no point did any of these women argue that the male characters deserved to be judged with empathy, because at its heart, <i>TCP</i> was a story about the women.</p><p>The point of taking you on this side trip down memory lane was to set up what you must have assumed was the inevitable penultimate conflict that broke out in class between a group of my outspoken Spelman Sisters and some opinionated Morehouse Brothers. And you are half right, as there were several arguments that took place in Dr. Gayles' Images of Women in the Media class, except the argument I am recounting here was about another movie in another class.</p><p>Quite literally while I was thinking of some of the points I wanted to make in writing this piece on the new <i>TCP</i>, it was reported that rock icon <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/05/24/834507345/tina-turner-rock-and-roll-icon-dead-at-83">Tina Turner</a> had died. As the tributes to her (one forthcoming from me as well) poured in, one of the themes that kept getting repeated was how she was a survivor and feminist icon. And because those descriptions tend to trigger the denizens from Hotepistan armed with their pockets full of misogynoir pebbles, I knew it wouldn't take long before they would start throwing.</p><p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/czSUzICRJnXtm/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="245" data-original-width="325" height="151" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/czSUzICRJnXtm/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div><p></p>For it was during that same era when the Tina Turner biopic <a href="https://youtu.be/4YMzT2Uelts">What's Love Got To Do With It</a> (1993) was released, the summer before my return to Spelman for my senior year. During discussion in a class, some dude mentioned his frustration with the "constant" portrayals of Black men as abusive and made reference to <i>TCP</i> as part of what he saw as a "disturbing trend" in that direction. Record scratch...some sister stood up and asked incredulously (I'm embellishing): Brother, how do two movies released in a span of eight years point to a <i>disturbing trend</i>??? Are you serious? He countered that it wasn't just these two movies, but several works written by and about Black women that depicted Black men as evil, and then he offered this most incendiary shot across the bow: And half the women on this campus cheer that mess on because y'all hate Black men!<p></p><p>Now let me tell you, I don't know what happened to that dude, whether he made it back over to Morehouse with a full head of hair, or if he ever came back to class. Our inter-campus gender wars had been ongoing for years, so this wasn't anything that hadn't been heard or said before. Although I am pretty sure that this wasn't in Dr. Gayles' class, enough of us had been admonished by her in other courses to Claim Our Space, so the brother had <b>no</b> chance. He got ALL the smoke, with that original sister leading the charge. Since I cannot offer a play-by-play, I can tell you that the grand point that the sisters made that the brother ignored was this: These👏 Movies👏 Ain't👏 About👏 You👏 Boo👏</p><p>Like seriously, who goes to see a movie about Tina Turner's life with the expectation that Ike Turner ought to be depicted as a sympathetic yet misunderstood genius with no impulse control? Who reads a book written about an abused Black woman and expects that the story would urge readers to feel sorry for her abuser? Huh? In the canon of movies and books that had been written and championed by Black men, had there even been a fully-formed Black female character, someone who wasn't a two-dimensional cardboard cut-out simply placed in a scene to improve the optics? (Yep, here's looking at you Brother Spike.)</p><p>Furthermore, if Black women are telling stories about being abused, why is all this ire being aimed at the women for speaking up? Dead women can't speak for themselves, so the stories of survivors are what get told. Instead of being upset about the depictions of their abusers, perhaps get mad that there were/are men who subject women to that kind of treatment! We get it, not <i>all</i> men (just like not <i>all</i> white people, not <i>all</i> women named Karen, not <i>all </i>Christians, not <i>all</i> of any group, etc.), so if the accusation or depiction isn't reflective of who YOU are, then there is no need to be triggered or take it personally.</p><p>Literally, this is the same argument we've been having since before Al Gore invented the internet. Whether it takes place in analog or in these digital tweets, some of y'all refuse to accept that not <i>all</i> stories are going to tell your preferred narrative. Sometimes there are villains even among the disenfranchised, so your frustration that Mister and every other man in <i>TCP</i> were practically unredeemable isn't some statement against <i>all</i> Black men. Because this is Celie's story of surviving the abuse SHE endured, from her perspective, <b>NO</b>, there wasn't a single redeemable man who intervened to defend her, to rescue her, to protect her, or to avenge her.</p><p>And that ain't only true in fictional rural 1930s Georgia...</p><p><i>Some</i> of y'all never have anything positive to say about Black women. Now that we are having these arguments in digital spaces, I don't need to rely on my memory--I can pull up CVS length receipts as proof. For example, I need only mention one of the following names: Kamala Harris, Ketanji Brown Jackson, Meghan Markle, Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Stacey Abrams, Serena Williams, and I bet $100 that some ashy dude has been all over Blue Ivy's internet talking trash. Tina Turner hasn't been dead for more than 72 hours and <i>some</i> of y'all couldn't wait to blast her over having had a <a href="https://people.com/music/who-is-erwin-bach-tina-turner-husband/">white husband</a>. Not all Black men, but <i>some</i> of you hate any and every Black woman that you can't control. And just like <i>some</i> white people and <i>some</i> women named Karen and <i>some</i> Christians, if you can't control a Black woman, you will say and do whatever it takes to shape how others perceive her.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/JTrMPjPrj6RGw/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="145" data-original-width="245" height="145" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/JTrMPjPrj6RGw/giphy.gif" width="245" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">Ironically, that point is exactly what you missed if all you ever saw in <i>TCP</i> was <span style="color: red;">red</span> whenever Mister, Harpo, Old Mister, Shug's Daddy the Preacher, or Celie's stepfather were on screen. As long as Mister controlled everything in Celie's life, she only saw herself as he treated her. Harpo tried to beat his wife into submission. Old Mister didn't chastise his son for mistreating his wife. Shug's Daddy was more concerned about his reputation. And Celie's stepfather was a child-raping monster. You <b>should</b> be mad and ashamed <b><i>at them</i></b> and whenever men like them escape accountability.</p><p>Finally, back to BET and the fact that most of us have seen this movie more than enough times to appreciate and acknowledge its cultural relevance. It had been a staple of BET Sunday afternoon programming (until <a href="https://youtu.be/wfTyPryL3BQ">Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins</a> replaced it). In fact, <i>TCP</i> has to be in the Top Five of the most quoted/memed Black movies of all time. I know this is a generalization but is there a Black person alive (older than 16) who doesn't recognize the context of Sophia or Shug Avery declaring "I'se married, I'se married now!"; or someone being pulled aside and asked, "Harpo, who dis?"; or this stern reply in a perfect Miss Millie intonation, "I don't know him"? You mean to tell me that you grew up on this movie, can quote lines from this movie, but still missed the point?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCmHLcW7m9wVLIpNrBgQXP9TPwdE-pnwIyKdyZUzE1ToxhH5juS7sckypUM6IRXk7XQi4Sy_C8w8SRk0iNQTi_agism63Urfy6o33UXDDWYHbcnjCnsAMEV3Zp7QadvMJkUDNVXefxfWwep3BGDZxKwapMdGH66h8vGyNZ8a2MpetVlEpz-VlEHiPipg/s2000/MADEA'S%20FAMILY%20REUNION%20On%20this%20land.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1303" data-original-width="2000" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCmHLcW7m9wVLIpNrBgQXP9TPwdE-pnwIyKdyZUzE1ToxhH5juS7sckypUM6IRXk7XQi4Sy_C8w8SRk0iNQTi_agism63Urfy6o33UXDDWYHbcnjCnsAMEV3Zp7QadvMJkUDNVXefxfWwep3BGDZxKwapMdGH66h8vGyNZ8a2MpetVlEpz-VlEHiPipg/s320/MADEA'S%20FAMILY%20REUNION%20On%20this%20land.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>On this land??? (And if you caught that reference, then I KNOW your Grandmothers and Aunties would be ashamed if you are choosing the wrong side of this debate.) </p><p>Now, if you read this far, there's not much more that I have to say...except (begrudgingly) you can dislike <i>TCP</i> for any number of reasons including, but not limited to its depiction of Black men. It is a good film, not perfect. Some of the critiques that have been offered are valid, particularly that director <a href="https://www.indiewire.com/features/general/the-color-purple-debate-anniversary-1202217786/">Steven Spielberg</a> made certain creative choices that are problematic. And if you have paid any attention to Alice Walker over the years, she has become, shall we say Jim Brown-complicated--simultaneously wonderful for her past accomplishments and hideous the more we learn about her <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/04/25/alice-walkers-journals-depict-an-artist-restless-on-her-laurels-gathering-blossoms-under-fire-valerie-boyd">life and beliefs</a>. I find her <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/04/alice-walker-anti-semitism-new-yorker-essay/629711/">antisemitism</a> and <a href="https://www.out.com/news/jk-rowling-alice-walker">transphobia</a> to be especially troubling. (Perhaps I could be accused of similarly attempting to bury the lede on Walker, but trust, I <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2023/03/fake-feminism.html">have</a> and will revisit that can of worms another time.) As for the adaptation of the stage play for the silver screen, I must reserve judgment since I haven't seen the play (my parents did see it, and I am happy to report that it didn't provoke the same polarizing reaction). But still, just give it a chance as you should any other film. </p><p>PS: Don't hate on <a href="https://www.themarysue.com/the-color-purple-reactions-are-a-frustrating-reminder-that-not-enough-people-watched-zola/">Colman Domingo</a> for being too believable as Mister if you haven't seen him in <a href="https://youtu.be/KB0EJrV6k2U">Zola</a> (2021) (which I did and umm, yeah #IJS as a society, we need to be far more outraged by the way women are subjected to various kinds of abuse and exploitation)...</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-60646261214792330972023-05-25T14:48:00.000-04:002023-05-25T14:48:50.230-04:00The Proud Family<p style="text-align: left;"><i>This was one of several unfinished works-in-progress that I had in my drafts for over a year. Who knew that the pendulum of tolerance would swing so violently in that time? --ADH</i></p><p style="text-align: left;">A couple of years ago, I wrote a piece that expressed my frustrations with the <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2019/06/salty-pretzels-over-rainbow.html">commercial embrace</a> of PRIDE Month, specifically the blatant rainbow labels on everything and the hideous offerings of rainbow-adorned clothing being sold at major retailers. I haven't changed my tune, in case you were wondering (because so far, things are not much better this year). But I want to be clear that my issue was <b>not</b> with the celebration of PRIDE, so if you were hoping that I would be firing up a tiki torch to set bonfires with the polo shirt and khaki pants brigade, you should stop reading now.</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglAvpWkOvkd5QVxhkKPcUy_yNDTdhDlZvAZ6QHQ6bKDeWiBY4hQ7JaQBn7zUvcdILmSoMRedxlRB3Q2zNkgL5PptB40AkEcodEwUwNg3u1F0TZIEH47f_iZVgl7KoXy0FZSa5Zb0kGfVnzJZwN17snPTom2dQG_FyKRpr2rWluRAb96-akuOfYQ-kosg/s557/KHarris%20PRIDE.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="557" data-original-width="474" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglAvpWkOvkd5QVxhkKPcUy_yNDTdhDlZvAZ6QHQ6bKDeWiBY4hQ7JaQBn7zUvcdILmSoMRedxlRB3Q2zNkgL5PptB40AkEcodEwUwNg3u1F0TZIEH47f_iZVgl7KoXy0FZSa5Zb0kGfVnzJZwN17snPTom2dQG_FyKRpr2rWluRAb96-akuOfYQ-kosg/w170-h200/KHarris%20PRIDE.jpg" width="170" /></a></div>Last year I came to the conclusion that the corporate chase of the rainbow did indeed lead to a pot of gold. And I realized this after the Hub, the Kid, and I attended our very first Pride Parade. Last June marked the in-person return of the <a href="https://www.nbcwashington.com/entertainment/the-scene/your-guide-to-pride-month-in-the-dc-area-capital-pride-parades-events-and-more/3061624/">Capital Pride Parade</a> from its COVID hiatus, and so when I tell you that there were terrible rainbow tutus and sequined <a href="https://www.suspenderstore.com/rainbow-striped-clip-suspenders-2-inch-wide/?sku=0-42-RAINBOW-2-N&msclkid=ea730557490213474301613f543705ea&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=ECI%20-%20Google%20Shopping%20-%20Single%20Phrase%20-%20%22Men%27s%20Suspender%22%20%5BMed%5D%20%5BPBC%5D%20%5BCONS%5D%20%5BCONV%5D&utm_term=4582008556594134&utm_content=ECI%20-%20Suspender">Mork from Ork suspenders</a> in abundance, I am not exaggerating. I was almost embarrassed that I wasn't wearing something equally tacky. Almost...<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">I intended to share these two stories to re-emphasize the point that declaring a commitment to being an ally of the LGBTQIA+ community must mean more than wearing the <a href="https://shop.hrc.org/featured-shops/new-arrival/drag-conquers-hate-t-shirt.html">right tee</a> or <a href="https://www.etsy.com/market/rainbow_tutu_skirt">tutu</a> to your local Gay Pride parade. To think that I was so proud of myself for not getting taken in by the commercialism, only to realize that what I assumed was the fickle and faddish support of PRIDE could have broader consequences. Who would have thought that in 2023 folks would be boycotting companies like <a href="https://youtu.be/YyKOc8M5w-s">Starbucks</a> over their support of the LGBTQIA community? Some of <a href="https://twitter.com/patriottakes/status/1660455449903214592?s=20">those people</a> have been losing their minds over rainbows on children's clothes (so guess what I just bought for my family from <a href="https://www.target.com/c/pride/-/N-5589f">Target</a> this past weekend...)</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Story #1 - Eating Out</h4><p style="text-align: left;">Yes, I need you to read into that title. Our trio traveled to NYC for the Memorial Day holiday weekend, planned weeks in advance by the Hub who had arranged accommodations at an Air BnB in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn. In case you don't already know this about me, I have terrible packing anxiety, the kind that has only worsened with age despite years of experience, but glory be, on this Saturday, we managed to leave the house and arrive in NYC while it was still light outside! We found street parking, found our lodging, and the Hub picked out a local restaurant where we could catch dinner at a reasonable hour. BUT...</p><p style="text-align: left;">Yeah, it was all too good to be true. I will save the Air BnB fiasco for another time (quick synopsis addressed <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/09/the-most-septembering-september.html">here</a>) and skip ahead to where all of the signs clearly indicated that our good fortune in stress-free travel had been too good to be true. We headed out on foot to the pre-selected restaurant, but in the wrong direction, and after walking several blocks the Hub decided to hail a Lyft. By this time, the sun had begun to set, so by the time we were deposited on the corner in front of a restaurant right before 9pm, we assumed it was the place we had been trying to find. It was open air and not busy, so the hostess told us to choose a table, and we headed to a spot up against a wall. Instantly, I spotted some "colorful" artwork and then did a quick scan of the entire wall and took note that there was a theme. For once, the Hub also noticed, so we quickly re-seated ourselves at a table in the middle of the room.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Once we were settled, he handed the Kid his phone to keep her distracted while we discussed our options. At this point, I had completed a full survey of the restaurant decor and determined that it was not, shall we say, kid-friendly. The other patrons included a couple on a date, a few folks at the bar, and a table full of folks who were doing the typical Saturday night pre-game gathering of friends (something that us old-marrieds-with-child tend to forget happens in real life). Should we stay since it was already late and the Kid probably hadn't seen anything too risqué (yet)? What would be the likelihood that we could leave and grab a table at another restaurant as quickly? If we did leave, what would be our rationale? Are we <i><b>those</b></i> over-zealous parents who think children ought to be shielded from everything or are we <i>these</i> wannabe hip urban adventurers with a Kid in Montessori? How bad could it get, I wondered...</p><p style="text-align: left;">No need to drag this out for the sake of suspense because all went well. Although neither the menu nor the decor were TGIFridays family-friendly, the chef sent us out a plate of fries and that made the Kid happy. Our food and drinks were great, the server was cool and patient, and I found a way to avoid having to explain why there was a picture of two naked women kissing when I took her to the bathroom. We left and discovered that the restaurant where we had intended to go was around the corner next door, but it was crowded and loud, so I have nothing bad to report about our experience at <a href="https://www.maitebushwick.com/">Maite</a>. </p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Story #2 - When In Rome</h4><p style="text-align: left;">In fact, our positive dining experience at <a href="https://www.maitebushwick.com/">Maite</a> is what convinced me that we ought to affirmatively go to the DC Pride festivities two weeks later. If we are in fact these wannabe hip urban adventurers I believed us to be, then why <i>not</i> attend the parade? Again, what is the worst that would happen during the day?</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12eL8RqV0Gk9rBnnqq9ATfgrEEZ0RgDUqNAJVgLoHM2eaFDJ_iL7J7fiLl4fdLMMvc9p8RQerWM8lT9f9EwtbbEghwo0WFhie50eZO7e3-CyVY-G3zN3JQmHU3YqNJLJ-6-PurTCqA9pofP_Q2ATnuDHAV2vjf4HzecyNCglnF6jRrZqsaliPduNNJQ/s960/Pride%202022.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12eL8RqV0Gk9rBnnqq9ATfgrEEZ0RgDUqNAJVgLoHM2eaFDJ_iL7J7fiLl4fdLMMvc9p8RQerWM8lT9f9EwtbbEghwo0WFhie50eZO7e3-CyVY-G3zN3JQmHU3YqNJLJ-6-PurTCqA9pofP_Q2ATnuDHAV2vjf4HzecyNCglnF6jRrZqsaliPduNNJQ/s320/Pride%202022.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">As it turns out, nothing. We got a late start, so I assumed we had missed everything, but we went anyway and got there in time to see plenty of floats, bands, and corporate product placement. It was packed with people, all excited to finally be free from social distancing. Although we were still cautiously masked, the gentleman I was standing with just chatted me up about everything from what we missed to the church he attended as if COVID nor my mask were concerns. He was more intrigued by what had compelled us to bring our then 7-year old to the parade, so I shared my thoughts on aspiring to be a wannabe hip urban adventurer with a Kid in Montessori. In other words, when in Rome...</p><p style="text-align: left;">But more importantly, I explained that I have to set an example of tolerance and acceptance for my daughter in a world that is very different than the one in which I was raised. She has already come into contact with children whose gender identification is fluid; in fact, before the summer ended, she had befriended a trans child and seemed nonchalant that their identity might be polarizing to adults. I'm pretty sure that unlike most urban adventurers, the fact that we haven't encountered that many families with same gender-loving parents is an anomaly. So if anything, attending the Pride Parade should feel as normal as going to a <a href="https://www.mlb.com/nationals">National's baseball game</a>, complaining about the tourists during <a href="https://washington.org/dc-guide-to/national-cherry-blossom-festival">Cherry Blossom season</a>, or making a special effort to drive by the <a href="https://youtu.be/8F9V2lDA5_k">White House Christmas tree</a>. We live here and should take full advantage of all the special events and perks that come with living in the Nation's Capital. </p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Just Say Gay</h4><p style="text-align: left;">And if that had included <a href="https://www.capitalpride.org/events/drag-queen-storytime/">Drag Queen Storytime</a> when the Kid and I were regulars on the library <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2016/05/busy-black-baby.html">story hour</a> circuit, we would have been there! If her enthusiastic love for <a href="https://www.mtv.com/shows/rupauls-drag-race">RuPaul's Drag Race</a> is any indication, I would have had to move heaven and earth for her not to miss a moment. Her current obsession with the show was an unexpected fluke--one Friday night she came downstairs while I was flipping channels and the next thing I knew she had memorized the contestants' names and had designated her favorite queen. Kids like what they like, something the Hub and I have learned in spite of our efforts to steer her tastes away from shows like <i>Bubble Guppies</i> and generic recycled anime. That doesn't mean we can't influence what she watches; instead, it means we allow her to discover what she likes as long as it isn't harmful.</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYlIafEVwtIDXvtJf6HP7nONUcFPcxO9HTfZPJKSDq2bwAs8fJPDlrc7Y_5kLQGWKOX_PvEF4LbBuiuRZvVWMwwAEQBhEHcyFGFSmIUqLRBgWxGHzsS6YUQw8zzXo4tzvJdhcwsFEakmArzlXHeFcMHgk8_0vWiDqYxuPAIbCF8qYB-ys-rJQI15HKdA/s1500/Tootsie%20Poster.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="1000" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYlIafEVwtIDXvtJf6HP7nONUcFPcxO9HTfZPJKSDq2bwAs8fJPDlrc7Y_5kLQGWKOX_PvEF4LbBuiuRZvVWMwwAEQBhEHcyFGFSmIUqLRBgWxGHzsS6YUQw8zzXo4tzvJdhcwsFEakmArzlXHeFcMHgk8_0vWiDqYxuPAIbCF8qYB-ys-rJQI15HKdA/w133-h200/Tootsie%20Poster.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Harmful is the intolerant environment that has been created by these modern-day witch trials and scarlet lettering. One would think the cautionary tales of intolerance and repression as told by LGBTQIA Boomers and Gen Xers would have warned against this current climate. Of course it did, but <i>those</i> over-zealous culture warriors are relentless and shameless in their adherence to the rigid gender roles as assigned at birth. <i>Those</i> people don't care if queer children are more vulnerable to suicidal ideations, or if they run away from home, or if they become addicts. <i>Those</i> people don't have hearts or minds to which appeals for compassion can be made. <i>Those</i> people are why support organizations like <a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/">The Trevor Project</a>, <a href="https://www.glaad.org/">GLAAD</a>, <a href="https://www.glsen.org/">GLSEN</a>, and <a href="https://pflag.org/">PFLAG</a> are so necessary. In spite of their macho Alpha-male bravado, <i>those</i> people are threatened by the sight of men wearing dresses.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_L_O_UoUxhAmOGaBVNwXfs-vbzAh9zBn_7Dyr1Mw2kK5tYR42grt4Bfwp6_wYSnNyNXhiymGFLFJA01YBwKuvLBK4-rRYI_XKwIF1r3qNrizVbrhrJSwfEoR3iYL2-jo9lkMFHECGunbBul_p6laUarPQ2BFPSM42TtNFmauIBiWlLRYmODlgXXE5Bg/s768/Priests.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="768" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_L_O_UoUxhAmOGaBVNwXfs-vbzAh9zBn_7Dyr1Mw2kK5tYR42grt4Bfwp6_wYSnNyNXhiymGFLFJA01YBwKuvLBK4-rRYI_XKwIF1r3qNrizVbrhrJSwfEoR3iYL2-jo9lkMFHECGunbBul_p6laUarPQ2BFPSM42TtNFmauIBiWlLRYmODlgXXE5Bg/w200-h133/Priests.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">But apparently not all men in dresses, since I have yet to see the same organized fervor taken against the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/catholic-clergy-sexually-abused-nearly-2000-kids-illinois-state-finds-rcna85856">Catholic Church</a> as I have seen in the past year against drag queens. Or did I miss any of the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/drag-story-time-oregon-pub-draws-gun-carrying-protesters-rcna53901">armed protests</a> that were organized against Friday Night Bingo at St. Aloysius? Don't worry, I'm not only calling out the Church (especially since the <a href="https://www.vox.com/culture/23131530/southern-baptist-convention-sexual-abuse-scandal-guidepost">Southern Baptists</a> and the <a href="https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2022-08-04/sex-abuse-and-the-mormon-church-help-line-4-takeaways">Mormons</a> deserve just as much smoke, if not more), but I can tell you that more children were harmed by those clergy sexual abuse scandals than have been harmed by listening to Mistress Petty Pat read <a href="https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/banned-and-tango-makes-three/">And Tango Makes Three</a>. </p><p style="text-align: left;">So let's not gloss over the fact that many of the loudest "Christians" who have been yelling <a href="https://biblehub.com/luke/23-21.htm">crucify them</a> at the LGBTQIA community happen to be members of fundamentalist congregations. Particularly in the case of the <a href="https://www.hrc.org/resources/stances-of-faiths-on-lgbt-issues-southern-baptist-convention">Southern Baptists</a>, this entire crusade seems like a massive deflection from their denominational failure to root out and condemn the sexual violence committed within their ranks. The conflation of acceptance and tolerance as "grooming" is intentional given how many of <i>those</i> same people have advocated against choice in reproductive health care for women; supported book bans and efforts to promote anti-racism, diversity, and inclusion; and justified their bigotry as an expression of faith in order to self-righteously condemn everyone who disagrees with them as godless. </p><p style="text-align: left;">As I reflect back on that night from almost a year ago, all I knew at the time was that we had chosen to stay at a restaurant other than the one where we had intended to eat. That choice was not meant to be a political statement, but it has become symbolic of the kind of allyship we want to impart to our daughter. Because no, we are not <i>those</i> people (nor are we all that hip or adventurous as parents); however, we are the kind of parents who hope that she respects the humanity in everyone. I proudly accept being called godless by <i>those</i> people because I don't worship their gods and false idols. My God doesn't restrict love to man-made traditions. My God is love, and He put the rainbow in the sky as a covenant to us of that love. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Therefore, when I see the rainbows and the ever-expanding acronym of people who find meaning in each color, my first reaction isn't one of anger. Because how is there a hidden agenda in a tee shirt that depicts a dinosaur shooting rainbow beams from its eyes at spaceships (when neither dinosaurs nor spaceships exist)? How does a swimsuit with a tucking feature affect my child if she doesn't need to wear that? And why should I be triggered if some shy adult needs that feature so that they can feel more confident and comfortable? I am the Busy Black Woman, so trust, I don't have time to record a shaky TikTok video of myself looking and sounding deranged over the clothing selection at Target. I won't be stalking anyone in a public <a href="https://twitter.com/gabalexa/status/1656357653088464925?s=20">bathroom</a> to demand to know whether they were born male or female. Nor would I <a href="https://www.cnn.com/videos/business/2023/04/04/dylan-mulvaney-bud-light-kid-rock-anheuser-busch-boycott-cprog-orig-ff-llr.cnn-business">shoot up</a> full cans of beer that I bought because I don't like that one of their spokesmodels dresses like Holly Golightly.</p><p style="text-align: left;">And shame on <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2023/05/19/business/hrc-rating-bud-light/index.html">Anheuser-Busch</a> for <a href="https://abc7chicago.com/new-bud-light-ad-dylan-mulvaney-tiktok-anheuser-busch/13143534/">bowing</a> to that bigotry! To any other corporate brand that is contemplating how best to <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/-target-pride-merchandise-lgbtq-designers-pulled-criticism-rcna86036">respond</a> to this backlash, the right thing to do is stand firm. If your options include full or even a partial <a href="https://nypost.com/2023/05/19/starbucks-goes-full-bud-light-with-trans-ad-in-india/">retreat</a> then I guess I was right to be <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2019/06/salty-pretzels-over-rainbow.html">skeptical</a> about all of this back in 2019. Y'all are just selling us shit covered in rainbows. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Allyship isn't a fad nor is it a marketing strategy. PRIDE isn't supposed to conform to the politics of heteronormative respectability. And whether <i>those</i> people like it or not, the LGBTQIA movement won't be shamed back into the closet. Anyone who embraces repression and discrimination will find themselves on the losing side of history--maybe not in the short-term, but eventually. Because the moral arc of the rainbow is long, but it bends towards justice.</p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/QtWflWpaB6vL2/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="180" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/QtWflWpaB6vL2/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></div><p></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-16609106703737685662023-05-10T10:35:00.000-04:002023-05-10T10:35:17.600-04:00Fried Chicken Wednesday: The Coronation<p style="text-align: left;">For this installment of #RoyalNewsYouCantUse, I thought you might enjoy a recap of the Coronation of King Charles III, but with a little Busy Black Woman Fried Chicken twist. Because if you sat through it the first time and managed to stay awake...</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Bland Chicken Broth</h4><p style="text-align: left;">Whew Lawd, what a snooze! And to make matters worse, the British and American tabloid media keep pumping out headlines about the behind-the-scenes machinations leading up to and after the Boringest show on earth. We saw it all, and what we knew to be true some 40 years ago is absolutely still the case: King Charles III is a dud. Monarchy is a lot more interesting to see depicted in fairy tales, in costume dramas on PBS, and on Broadway. Perhaps he should have hired this guy as a <a href="https://youtu.be/ERYukmba5Vg">warm-up</a> act:</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/S40D3jiG5nGi3tuVdG/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="259" data-original-width="480" height="173" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/S40D3jiG5nGi3tuVdG/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jonathan Groff as King George III in <u>Hamilton</u></span></i></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="text-align: left;">(Then again, maybe not since <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/european-history/george-iii">he's</a> why most Americans think all of this is silly.) </p><p style="text-align: left;">As promised, I fully intended to watch this entire spectacle, and I <i>really</i> tried. My daughter woke up in the middle of the night with a cough, so she climbed into bed to share her cooties with me. And then I couldn't go back to sleep, so I began channel surfing and saw that <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/06/uk/gallery/coronation-king-charles/index.html">CNN International</a> had blocked off time to cover the Coronation as early as 1am EDT. I watched about ten minutes of commentary, and then it was a wrap--I was out like a light, even with the Kid's elbow jabbing me. When I woke up again a few hours later to the same boring commentary, I flipped over to PBS where there was less talk and more focus on the "action", which is the most ironic word to describe exactly what was <b>not</b> happening at that time.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Lemon Pepper Hot Wings</h4><p style="text-align: left;">I must have nodded off again because I jolted awake at the blare of <a href="https://youtu.be/rtqfn2Fy9yA">trumpets</a> during the musical overture before the start of the ceremony. To keep the guests entertained prior to his arrival, the King had several pieces commissioned, which were all very elegant and regal. Of course, the stand-out was the South African soprano <a href="https://youtu.be/PQYe8BOtJPU">Pretty Yende</a>, who made sure that she was not only heard (which was lovely), but also seen in this neon yellow dress: </p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPFS1Lnr5C9_rKUxo5aN7ZzO1dPh11fUaV6sdhYPiL6-7OrhGNWnmOzqvG6Ait9d7mi4Y-4LFHvSglxBEsomJ1ydX1pBILScspmjlllFBxsCSHfddgkMV6cf6FCDjRGMykK3QusS5SEJlIHJ8zssHLpbwcONV_9DqjNPfh15f4oyeJvRGfeTxKjbDdyQ/s474/Pretty%20Yende.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPFS1Lnr5C9_rKUxo5aN7ZzO1dPh11fUaV6sdhYPiL6-7OrhGNWnmOzqvG6Ait9d7mi4Y-4LFHvSglxBEsomJ1ydX1pBILScspmjlllFBxsCSHfddgkMV6cf6FCDjRGMykK3QusS5SEJlIHJ8zssHLpbwcONV_9DqjNPfh15f4oyeJvRGfeTxKjbDdyQ/s320/Pretty%20Yende.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Winner-Winner Chicken Dinner</h4><p style="text-align: left;">The long-awaited arrival of Prodigal Prince Harry was rather anti-climatic since without much fanfare, he walked in, shook a few hands, and made his way to his seat. It didn't matter that he wasn't seated in the front row or that his view was likely obstructed by his Aunt's hat, because of everyone assembled, he seemed to be the only happy person in the Abbey. The delight on his face in this picture is giving us several vibes: (1) Ha, it wasn't me pissing Father off this time (classic mischievous younger brother energy); (2) I think I can win the bet that I'll be back in the States in time to have that tray of Mama Dee's mac and cheese all to myself; (3) here comes my Crazy Aunt Anne, try not to laugh at that enormous goose feather on her Napoleon hat (too late); and (4) I wonder how unseemly it would look if I literally cartwheeled my way out of here right after the benediction?</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGErbUecPR9GM4rrC8292GBsgh-5RdPLxop0GExeH1ZEtx1Figbsnw9cAufiQUFxNBnv6I37hFY85YssGNqgzKnaa0n6_uwmmzqabHszFixTspsxQUsSAhs_0Hz6Qg1iM9QOOwbkXSxOWLCwx1hiWQgNn5bExsmpJGWFpB9w5PDLAGhz81gMcTL_MoQA/s474/Prince%20Harry%20smiles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="474" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGErbUecPR9GM4rrC8292GBsgh-5RdPLxop0GExeH1ZEtx1Figbsnw9cAufiQUFxNBnv6I37hFY85YssGNqgzKnaa0n6_uwmmzqabHszFixTspsxQUsSAhs_0Hz6Qg1iM9QOOwbkXSxOWLCwx1hiWQgNn5bExsmpJGWFpB9w5PDLAGhz81gMcTL_MoQA/s320/Prince%20Harry%20smiles.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Flipping the Bird</h4><p style="text-align: left;">Speaking of Crazy Aunt Anne, the Princess Royal, who in every photo I have seen of her since Queen Elizabeth died, looks like she's about to storm the Bastille:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFsOcf6JKGMBpLutssCJ80pqaNKYbt9eeQ6WTdYm2SlyJLGTOuxffP6jKa48NT5jguM5x_hvqZqzBi3hUC9BEG7ldiCLbtotHvz-PJbUh63d0ALj6dLAHZHikCxSyJlF9RcDIZ92cLiFmaP1CUoflI_XE8yBguQ8RrRaIc3Hl1QAE3jrdV54HXBSGNvA/s580/Princess%20Anne%20on%20horseback.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="580" data-original-width="435" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFsOcf6JKGMBpLutssCJ80pqaNKYbt9eeQ6WTdYm2SlyJLGTOuxffP6jKa48NT5jguM5x_hvqZqzBi3hUC9BEG7ldiCLbtotHvz-PJbUh63d0ALj6dLAHZHikCxSyJlF9RcDIZ92cLiFmaP1CUoflI_XE8yBguQ8RrRaIc3Hl1QAE3jrdV54HXBSGNvA/w150-h200/Princess%20Anne%20on%20horseback.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><h4 style="text-align: left;">Kate's Classic Chicken Pot Pie</h4><p style="text-align: left;"></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnFjzQJfYnVQBAeeSMvWrx75AOeo0NnLZX4L_5kWCjJYa1lHiAyAcZ3sY0jZwy3A3CO0sEPhUZ-f4fPNZ6A049x8Sf7EgnvHCqkl_QlGS8Bkbd0swtMnISbjmA3QGgJodHEsyIqhfK8PUqc3VVV1cgA1sD_nsDd87agGEvUR164qOq7IuLBdJppHXEsA/s1126/Jetstream.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1126" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnFjzQJfYnVQBAeeSMvWrx75AOeo0NnLZX4L_5kWCjJYa1lHiAyAcZ3sY0jZwy3A3CO0sEPhUZ-f4fPNZ6A049x8Sf7EgnvHCqkl_QlGS8Bkbd0swtMnISbjmA3QGgJodHEsyIqhfK8PUqc3VVV1cgA1sD_nsDd87agGEvUR164qOq7IuLBdJppHXEsA/s320/Jetstream.jpg" width="142" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Kelly Preston as Jetstream <br />in <u>Sky High</u></span></i></td></tr></tbody></table>I have to admit that Princess Catherine of Wales earned my sympathy because she was obviously having a terrible day, but still managed to put on a brave face. It cannot be easy to live under the constant glare of hot lights and to have your every move dissected on social media (just ask your estranged SIL). As for the state of their marriage, it has been 12 years and three children--William is lucky she agreed to wear that ridiculous superhero costume in public. <p></p><p style="text-align: left;">On the FB page, I joked that she reminded me of every Black mother I've seen rushing into church after the service has started: <i>thank God we made it, but dammit why are we always late?</i> My guess is that she had the same kind of morning I've had whenever I discover that my daughter has been playing in my makeup (and I swear it happens every single time when I have to be somewhere). After making sure that the Heirs and other children were dressed, Kate finally had a few minutes to focus on herself. As she was rummaging through her makeup bag, she discovered that Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis had been mixing her eye shadow colors again. Everything was a mess, and when she complained to William, he just stared at her and blinked nervously. For it was then at that moment he remembered that he had forgotten to tell her that per the Queen-to-be, Kate couldn't wear her favorite tiara. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Which not only explains why they were late, but also why everybody in her wingspan looked so tense and mortally afraid once they arrived at the Abbey. Kate must have cursed them all out, which threw everybody off their game. Poor Prince George was trying not to trip/step on Granddaddy's train. Prince William forgot the lines he had been rehearsing all of his life and had to read from the cue cards. Prince Edward, 38th in line to the throne, looking both bewildered and ecstatic to finally sit on the front row at one of these events was thinking <i>what the bloody hell did I do to her</i>?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQxS_tbIYBcr0C4rsr85IBCFLTyYl9fXpjv6EQZddQUlFYFhGrrFXP0uvYY6P_3xSUWkGnguCIUCrFWsNmj7NzCTK9LcwngU98AkbqoIcbm0HK54KsTSxPeOj-5WksHdBGCBdIEQEDcCCOBurdpEyF5VzoA8CI4ArDcSk7HeFsjXgO2h9yg6ESH0sDQ/s474/Princess%20Catherine%20of%20Wales.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="474" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQxS_tbIYBcr0C4rsr85IBCFLTyYl9fXpjv6EQZddQUlFYFhGrrFXP0uvYY6P_3xSUWkGnguCIUCrFWsNmj7NzCTK9LcwngU98AkbqoIcbm0HK54KsTSxPeOj-5WksHdBGCBdIEQEDcCCOBurdpEyF5VzoA8CI4ArDcSk7HeFsjXgO2h9yg6ESH0sDQ/w200-h133/Princess%20Catherine%20of%20Wales.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">And Kate, seething with the rage of a woman who found out at the very last minute that she couldn't wear the tiara she had pre-selected so she had to do something else creative with her hair, made everybody wait. She sent Charlotte into her room to find an old doily and on the car ride over to the Abbey, they went to work crafting a Mommy and Me hairpiece. Looks pretty good, if you ask me.</p><div><h4 style="text-align: left;">The Side Dishes</h4><p style="text-align: left;">Now I know what I said I wouldn't say, but you have to admit that Queen Camilla was serving Lady Elaine Fairchilde (before her modern <a href="https://danieltigerneighborhood.fandom.com/wiki/Lady_Elaine_Fairchilde">Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood</a> makeover):</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN3bKC27s_SMjzlm2uG_shheK5zH5SVP168woVdM0aeMZTV8x7V09c3gpXKST09u_KqsJsLldqX_IKqpf2DMyUY21YkvzpMlL3hfs-1SfEB-ODOVzOgEt3rJt9BKEU88B0xH3Fln-s1nw--nr4tBPjAfHy12lj21BufrIcV6DYATA4KAvYPqvWKNHDPQ/s228/Lady%20Elaine%20Fairchilde.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="221" data-original-width="228" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN3bKC27s_SMjzlm2uG_shheK5zH5SVP168woVdM0aeMZTV8x7V09c3gpXKST09u_KqsJsLldqX_IKqpf2DMyUY21YkvzpMlL3hfs-1SfEB-ODOVzOgEt3rJt9BKEU88B0xH3Fln-s1nw--nr4tBPjAfHy12lj21BufrIcV6DYATA4KAvYPqvWKNHDPQ/s1600/Lady%20Elaine%20Fairchilde.jpg" width="228" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">And Rose Hanbury could be a doppelganger for Lady Betty Aberlin if this were all taking place in the <a href="https://www.misterrogers.org/articles/the-neighborhood-of-make-believe/">Neighborhood of Make-Believe</a>:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmmaTy7t5QfftwUKlcT4cJbn_Uq7ctTTfDojaYHjtW_ALOAX4GJsQstuUEsLBcby0tb4h6LfPf7uXBf6Z2GmOOETqyi9es55unJeWDJmA3Z-F3nxhJvp_7m33EfFDRqHxRiN5_NbnT-bMVTrlxu2gEaR4gYsx1dZWLv7mE7TFVqaYphuKXu3uKvbOULQ/s200/Betty%20Aberlin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="145" data-original-width="200" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmmaTy7t5QfftwUKlcT4cJbn_Uq7ctTTfDojaYHjtW_ALOAX4GJsQstuUEsLBcby0tb4h6LfPf7uXBf6Z2GmOOETqyi9es55unJeWDJmA3Z-F3nxhJvp_7m33EfFDRqHxRiN5_NbnT-bMVTrlxu2gEaR4gYsx1dZWLv7mE7TFVqaYphuKXu3uKvbOULQ/w200-h145/Betty%20Aberlin.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><h4 style="text-align: left;">Chicken is the <a href="https://www.allrecipes.com/article/gospel-bird-how-fried-chicken-went-to-church/">Gospel Bird</a></h4><p style="text-align: left;">With Duchess Meghan and her Mama Dee sound asleep in California, I'm guessing the need to prove just how the British royals are "<a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/prince-william-not-a-racist-family_n_604a04fbc5b65bed87d8b64a">very much <i>not</i> a racist family</a>" was real. Therefore, the King wisely remembered that at one point in time, the sun never set on his Grandfather's <a href="https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/kings-coronation-draws-apathy-criticism-among-former-colonies-in-commonwealth">imperial spice rack</a>, so perhaps it would be a gesture of good will to sprinkle a little seasoning into the flour. Not only did he make sure to invite all of the various <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/king-charles-iii-coronation-royals-guest-list-who-attended-ceremony-world-leaders-gather/">heads of state</a> and assorted royalty, he also had their presence strategically photographed and announced:</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkg7Nh5hs6KJSgKaThPMFj17vfSav1DlXyqoOZlUU1JH7O3p-hC3KCE4TSMkW-0FFSIeq9xdk2ERfG60tc6_-_PoyU4emRQr8OGKFVWplUR2vwsRlhxPcnvWsOkCJneW4K-lcu_ebB1E2vVUtoNyoZgEd0OqsRBjhTuXKtkQ2_3zYCgV6zyzvHSJt73w/s620/Crown%20Royals%20of%20Japan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="410" data-original-width="620" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkg7Nh5hs6KJSgKaThPMFj17vfSav1DlXyqoOZlUU1JH7O3p-hC3KCE4TSMkW-0FFSIeq9xdk2ERfG60tc6_-_PoyU4emRQr8OGKFVWplUR2vwsRlhxPcnvWsOkCJneW4K-lcu_ebB1E2vVUtoNyoZgEd0OqsRBjhTuXKtkQ2_3zYCgV6zyzvHSJt73w/s320/Crown%20Royals%20of%20Japan.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Crown Prince Fumihito and Crown Princess Kiko of Japan</span></i></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="text-align: left;">Ditto for the ecumenical outreach in having representatives of every faith in full regalia as a nod to the religious diversity of modern UK and throughout the Commonwealth. The King even stopped for a quick <strike>photo opp</strike> chat with a few clergy before leaving the Abbey:</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2B6mjwNjsX1fsAIuE2-jxGqDS55zGuHdxlUhlyet_JP58nqOTruq6ig--LDyaUGQNg_7EMyf-GYhKTncgcyC-jNXrzBF0M7sBzPQ1Ih1RSH80vBvSdR3dhOtM0qqdrNb63u86AaNy2URi5JWb0RDKDnK1z5J6gAsMzKiv14-T6wIiCC7XXLooVWACgQ/s1376/Interfaith%20leaders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="918" data-original-width="1376" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2B6mjwNjsX1fsAIuE2-jxGqDS55zGuHdxlUhlyet_JP58nqOTruq6ig--LDyaUGQNg_7EMyf-GYhKTncgcyC-jNXrzBF0M7sBzPQ1Ih1RSH80vBvSdR3dhOtM0qqdrNb63u86AaNy2URi5JWb0RDKDnK1z5J6gAsMzKiv14-T6wIiCC7XXLooVWACgQ/s320/Interfaith%20leaders.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Lucky also, that the current Prime Minister <a href="https://www.yahoo.com/news/british-prime-minister-rishi-sunak-111349936.html">Rishi Sunak</a> had some free time on his calendar and hasn't gotten the sack yet:</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIS9vZ_i2-eyhl4ABKkFo8w7vssI_kpjJ7cXi-XwtQ0ps2ughRVkeDlFmSQMhtuZXK6O2j643Vfa0ikCPkBZTZWpwmgNnCm8gknbW31wkGUVtC59yv2n7cj1wTeJCMq-TZmXox5mZn6zvRdUq810Jf_gL-Kt0mRjW8ZTX5m5tPWLDBmICUou2hMR0jcA/s474/Rishi%20Sunak%20UK%20PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIS9vZ_i2-eyhl4ABKkFo8w7vssI_kpjJ7cXi-XwtQ0ps2ughRVkeDlFmSQMhtuZXK6O2j643Vfa0ikCPkBZTZWpwmgNnCm8gknbW31wkGUVtC59yv2n7cj1wTeJCMq-TZmXox5mZn6zvRdUq810Jf_gL-Kt0mRjW8ZTX5m5tPWLDBmICUou2hMR0jcA/w320-h181/Rishi%20Sunak%20UK%20PM.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">And finally, the Ascension Gospel Choir, an offshoot of the <a href="https://kingdomchoir.com/shows/">Kingdom Choir</a> that performed at Harry and Meghan's wedding day in 2018, made history as the first gospel group to <a href="https://youtu.be/0cQhxbM6gZ8">perform</a> at a coronation at the specific behest of His Majesty:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhdHszenOKjukOqTf3hZmJV_0PcV0Gf_4GUDGuovDg8jWTHQ15hSaiSoYFvmNdtDDRcyF2f8f1f4_W_atgwUEhxFe5arIaaL_TOKdYxB16Ch1TX07hfCpSGlU0g0zmpKXdGzVmHYxb5v-wbQsMnK_x796f5C3VJeqX30LRdKr-PQLm2QOrmKxKfNRjAw/s1200/Ascension%20Gospel%20Choir.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="1200" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhdHszenOKjukOqTf3hZmJV_0PcV0Gf_4GUDGuovDg8jWTHQ15hSaiSoYFvmNdtDDRcyF2f8f1f4_W_atgwUEhxFe5arIaaL_TOKdYxB16Ch1TX07hfCpSGlU0g0zmpKXdGzVmHYxb5v-wbQsMnK_x796f5C3VJeqX30LRdKr-PQLm2QOrmKxKfNRjAw/s320/Ascension%20Gospel%20Choir.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><h4 style="text-align: left;">Rubber Chickens</h4><p style="text-align: left;">There was a lot of talk about ancient rites and rituals which were allegedly modernized...but I didn't see much evidence of that. There were visible roles for <a href="https://people.com/royals/all-about-penny-mordaunt-the-politician-at-king-charles-coronation/">women</a> and we've already addressed the racial and religious diversity aspect. However, other than allowing the boys to wear pants <a href="https://www.goodto.com/entertainment/royal-news/how-king-charles-reportedly-broke-royal-tradition-over-prince-georges-uniform-at-coronation">instead of tights</a> and not having an assembly full of old men wearing powdered wigs, everything else looked exactly as <a href="https://people.com/royals/king-charles-coronation-all-about-crowns-swords-queen-camilla/">ostentatious</a> and over-the-top as it must have looked since the Dark Ages.</p><p style="text-align: left;">For example, that whole bowing to the King and pledging loyalty by the Prince of Wales was definitely strange, in a <a href="https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/king-lear/">King Lear</a> kind of way. Not only that, it gave off vibes of <i>remember Father, I'm the loyal son</i> and <i>it was Kate who made us late</i>. The fact that Prince William was the only person who had to perform that ritual formally, while everyone else simply bowed or curtseyed, was even weirder.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx5mkKs1__zcxIPydLVZe9TLSOivkZYumgQSY1m_JlChpHIumHjqflyP2IVmegHXQ1ZsR0-x4CFJhGG_xfgOkMQ9pthsUG5R6ZFhr1MjKW7O1GF9lCOaO6xVN9LrIYjflebWkcsTHVEch7uzTgQhGOtZQ9TmV7bIF6sAxlPASvubSDJ4hxsjZDeh6d6Q/s474/Prince%20William.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx5mkKs1__zcxIPydLVZe9TLSOivkZYumgQSY1m_JlChpHIumHjqflyP2IVmegHXQ1ZsR0-x4CFJhGG_xfgOkMQ9pthsUG5R6ZFhr1MjKW7O1GF9lCOaO6xVN9LrIYjflebWkcsTHVEch7uzTgQhGOtZQ9TmV7bIF6sAxlPASvubSDJ4hxsjZDeh6d6Q/s320/Prince%20William.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Not sure why Katy Perry, a judge on AMERICAN Idol, kept curtseying, nor shall we discuss the overall <a href="https://twitter.com/AmericanIdol/status/1655368113943113728?s=20">awkwardness</a> of this bit with the King and Lionel Richie. However, I think the fact that Brenda Richie both <a href="https://twitter.com/BrendaRichie/status/1655287676600479744?s=20">promotes</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/BrendaRichie/status/1654184635851591686?s=20">shades</a> her ex-husband in her tweets is finger-licking gold!</p><p style="text-align: left;">Finally, now that the food has been eaten and the servants are clearing the dishes, there are two extra crispy nuggets left behind that sum up everything you ever wanted to know about this Coronation. First, several of the <a href="https://thecommonwealth.org/">Commonwealth</a> nations are still intent on <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/News/monarchy-died-queen-commonwealth-countries-muted-view-ahead/story?id=99078801">dumping</a> the monarchy. They were only sticking around as a courtesy to Queen Elizabeth. Second, on <i>Morning Joe</i> the other day, Katty Kay, American-based correspondent for the BBC admitted that once she got back to the States, all of this coronation business looked rather silly. Because it IS!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5LjuO9zxIfEfXdc-bwb39HfVMms36aZuDXCfyMKtSvskQPT1tIP6rdws2i3xYjGfrZdicAY_clYiAb4kgvNIxSPuGRNXG5vdW2rnk8kgdBd0tvwa9gvlX1MiDmIvKQTrOilT9Kz79_zzB8NXxAG6jDCgw2ntarBPCNJsy5yJOgH92aKoU3GAizpUglQ/s474/Gold%20State%20Coach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="474" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5LjuO9zxIfEfXdc-bwb39HfVMms36aZuDXCfyMKtSvskQPT1tIP6rdws2i3xYjGfrZdicAY_clYiAb4kgvNIxSPuGRNXG5vdW2rnk8kgdBd0tvwa9gvlX1MiDmIvKQTrOilT9Kz79_zzB8NXxAG6jDCgw2ntarBPCNJsy5yJOgH92aKoU3GAizpUglQ/s320/Gold%20State%20Coach.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-9237655663233518282023-05-04T11:24:00.000-04:002023-05-04T11:24:35.676-04:00Too Many Open Tabs<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/4frInXA5y3lGNLjeHS/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="512" height="172" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/4frInXA5y3lGNLjeHS/giphy.gif" width="172" /></a></div>I just counted the number of open tabs at the top of my screen. There are 46, not including the 16 other tabs that may be open in a different window. I also have at least five unfinished drafts that I am struggling through and I'm sinking into a depression that I don't seem to be able to avoid.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">This isn't normally the type of piece I would want to publish from this blog. I prefer not to put energy into the universe that comes across as a plea for help, but I need to express a few things in order to break through from this cycle, hopefully to something else better. Because I am stuck...</p><p style="text-align: left;">I am over it. I am fried. I am frustrated that I don't seem to have any control over anything in my life, not even my own emotions or thoughts. I am sitting here contemplating if this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life--writing to myself since talking aloud to myself would be a sign of insanity. Is this just me jotting down my rantings and ravings for posterity?</p><p style="text-align: left;"><i>(By the way, I hate this new feature where the computer tries to anticipate what I am intending to say. I find this very fucking annoying <---it didn't guess that I was about to curse. For the record, I do not appreciate artificial intelligence trying to make my life seem easy when I really just want to think and brood for myself.)</i></p><p style="text-align: left;">For the past couple of weeks I have seriously thought to discontinue writing this blog. I have hit a wall, I don't think I'm saying anything new or interesting, and I barely get any readers anyway. I could try to take a break, but then what would I do? I don't have anything else going on in my life that doesn't involve taking care of someone or feeling as if I have to be in Olivia Pope survival mode ready to handle stuff. I am tired. </p><p style="text-align: left;">And I know I am contradicting myself, but I feel useless.</p><p style="text-align: left;">The last time I felt this way, I sat down and <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2021/05/reflections-on-ten-years-of-being-busy.html">wrote myself out</a> of the funk. Today I am unsure if that will do the trick. Tomorrow, who knows? Several years ago, I did stop writing for about 18 months or so, and I can tell you that I didn't feel any better about the state of things during <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2015/03/many-happy-returns.html">that hiatus</a>. But I don't know what else I can do, except maybe get away to someplace where all I need to do is think and write and read and sleep and drink. I just need to be.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhvhR1dVJ9FA1K9I2tyvLc9yD1hjLASinnw8cLmR1FShjR-RpfIpfxRqX-QlVDBr7ex8b8oC-_SZxb8nAf6L7IEix1sJULFDIXcyQPm4FdWwT4Jz8oxA-hU-pY_mg4YQgQPas2FC4qvphdgdsF4Tcc-a9coCo4h8Dp1aiF0WPeEN2is5HqcY3oRgQ9rg/s750/Demotivational%20poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="750" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhvhR1dVJ9FA1K9I2tyvLc9yD1hjLASinnw8cLmR1FShjR-RpfIpfxRqX-QlVDBr7ex8b8oC-_SZxb8nAf6L7IEix1sJULFDIXcyQPm4FdWwT4Jz8oxA-hU-pY_mg4YQgQPas2FC4qvphdgdsF4Tcc-a9coCo4h8Dp1aiF0WPeEN2is5HqcY3oRgQ9rg/w200-h160/Demotivational%20poster.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">I don't want anyone to reach out to me to offer encouraging platitudes, as if that would actually happen. I know it won't because it never has, even when it is obvious to everyone how miserable I am. Because that is the catch--no one notices, and even if they did, no one ever knows what to say to me. Either I'm really adept at putting on a happy face for the world, or I'm an expert at being ignored. Besides, these posters are annoying AF. </p><p style="text-align: left;">My life is a mess. That is not something I say just to have something to say, because literally I had to step over several piles of things to get to this little space where my computer and chair are in my cramped little office where I can't see the floor. I bought some cards for Teacher Appreciation Week that I cannot find, and I have a bunch of Mother's Day cards that I need to write and mail. At the same time, I am sitting here feeling a bit resentful that I make all of this effort and feel that none of it is appreciated. Who cares if I don't send Mother's Day cards with handwritten notes in them this year? I'm guessing no one.</p><p style="text-align: left;">While I'm navel gazing and stewing in my own pot, I got to thinking about the <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/wga-strike-hollywood-writers-ai-artificial-intelligence-chatgpt-screenplay-technology-1234728014/">writers' strike</a> in Hollywood and how I totally understand and can relate to sense that no one appreciates creativity anymore. People just assume that if they type in a bunch of concepts into a computer program, it will spit out a sequence of interchangeable scenarios that will eliminate the need for writers. Who needs a room full of people with mortgages and kids to feed when you just need one person to keep the paper from jamming in the printer. Isn't that essentially the Tyler Perry model of "<a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2020/01/fried-chicken-wednesday-tyler-perry.html">content creation</a>"? He's a damn billionaire who could be employing these talented moonlighting Door Dashers and Lyft drivers. I don't know how much he pays the actors (and we know he doesn't invest much in production), but if that is the future of scripted television and movies...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/KNFGs72QBMG8o/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="500" height="170" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/KNFGs72QBMG8o/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">I keep telling myself that money isn't everything. I look at the pictures from the <a href="https://www.vogue.com/tag/event/met-gala">MET Gala</a> and of course I would love to attend those kinds of functions, but then I think about all of the people who services I would need to employ to help me look like that. And then I remember that not only do I <i>not</i> have a job, I'm not anybody important, so it wouldn't even merit an invitation or I would be shunned like this <a href="https://twitter.com/Variety/status/1653211245137518592?s=20">cockroach</a>. Perhaps the <a href="https://www.timeout.com/newyork/news/10-fierce-fabulous-fits-from-the-2023-peoples-ball-in-brooklyn-050123">People's Ball</a> for the bridge and tunnel crowd is more my speed (not really, but maybe I will make that happen someday.)</p><p style="text-align: left;">A few months ago, someone posted about hosting a reading for their book and how <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/chelsea-banning-book-signing-no-shows-margaret-atwood-stephen-king-respond/">no one</a> came. That is exactly how I feel right now. I worry myself into a tizzy over sentences and punctuation and word choice, but when all is written and edited and I finally hit the "confirm" button to publish, I get these simultaneous feelings of relief and anxiety. Because then I have to figure out how to promote it, and after I agonize over that for a few minutes, then I get wound up in a knot with worry that I should have done this or that or rephrased...</p><p style="text-align: left;">(Yes, I go through this every single time.) So why bother? Because I have at least 9 faithful readers, and none of them is related to me, so no one feels guilted into reading what I've written because I might withhold sex or not speak to them. And honest to God, I am not complaining because it could be worse. Imagine if a certain person did feel obligated to read my blog the way they seem to feel compelled to faithfully listen to their baseball or foodie podcasts...</p><p style="text-align: left;">So now you know why I rarely want people to know that this neurotic side of me exists. Yet, I think it makes me seem more human in case there was some cause for doubt. I often entertain the thought of myself as an abject failure, and then I consider the alternative. I don't have as clear an image in my head of what that might entail, but I'm guessing that in the Alphaverse, that Ayanna doesn't wear yoga pants every day. Yep, I've seen <a href="https://youtu.be/wxN1T1uxQ2g">Everything Everywhere All At Once</a> quite a few times since it swept the Oscars; ironically, not entirely all the way through in one sitting.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/74YOukNONWnV0bk2uv/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="480" height="160" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/74YOukNONWnV0bk2uv/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">If I'm not screaming into the void, then I'm just another bewildered housewife living her worst life somewhere in the multiverse. That is actually a comforting thought--it feels good to imagine that somewhere out there, a version of me is the Ayanna I am looking for.</p><p style="text-align: left;">See, sometimes it does work to just write it all out. </p><p style="text-align: left;">That doesn't mean that I won't entertain any more thoughts of self-doubt. I am a good writer, but I'm no Lin-Manuel Miranda (remember him), finding award-winning <a href="https://youtu.be/7ZfzuJ8oVpE">inspiration</a> in the life of a forgotten Founding Father. I find my inspiration by scrolling social media and watching cable news. I write about experiences from my own life and my interactions engaging with others. I fancy myself as an undiscovered pop culture critic/political pundit, more accessible and unfiltered. I unapologetically stand up for women, Black women in particular, and despite what some unwoke provocateur might claim, my feminism isn't some issue I adopted in order to exclude the awkward people from the sorority. I am a Believer who sees Jesus in the cracks and crevices. I love this country, but I will do my part to push it to become what it claims to be, and I refuse to accept anything less. </p><p style="text-align: left;">If you are still reading, that is who the Busy Black Woman is. Nope, not a long-winded wannabe porn model--a writer. When I began this journey, my life was in a much different place. I thought I had a solid plan and attainable dreams, but then the ground under my feet shifted. At times it feels like the earth never stops moving long enough for me to find my footing. But I keep writing.</p><p style="text-align: left;">So while I am discouraged right now, I won't give in to despair. I will close some of these tabs and will finish and publish those pieces. I will send those Mother's Day cards and I may clear a path of floor in my office. I might listen to a few songs from the <i>Hamilton</i> soundtrack. While I hope this strike doesn't last long, I hope the writers <a href="https://apnews.com/article/hollywood-writers-strike-contract-expired-9a6882128a38e75041974f00f9344f53">hold the line</a> because talented people deserve to earn a decent living in their chosen profession (and that concept should apply universally). If it works for me to cross a few items off my to-do list, so be it, or I might just settle for leaving this house to sit in my car by the water somewhere for a change of scenery. Either way, I will write about it and let you know.</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-91335341298595642522023-05-03T08:49:00.000-04:002023-05-03T08:49:10.701-04:00That Depends on Your Definition of "Is"<p style="text-align: left;">It was 25 years ago that then-President Bill Clinton stumbled through <a href="https://slate.com/news-and-politics/1998/09/bill-clinton-and-the-meaning-of-is.html">a response</a> to a question he had been asked during a deposition in the <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/paula-jones-accuses-bill-clinton-of-sexual-harassment">Paula Jones</a> sexual harassment case. (Now there's a name that many of us forgot because the real drama centered on his dalliance with White House intern, <a href="https://time.com/5120561/bill-clinton-monica-lewinsky-timeline/">Monica Lewinsky</a>.) Clinton was trying to be lawyerly in offering a non-definitive answer, and many of us have invoked this phrase whenever we are attempting to offer nuance on the varying degrees to what could be and what IS now. </p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/WHLf9qDDS97EY/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="232" data-original-width="300" height="155" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/WHLf9qDDS97EY/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div>As in, there <i>is</i> a difference between the sky being blue and it being cloudy, but that difference is dependent on your perspective. It could be both, a blue sky filled with puffy clouds, or it could be an overcast sky that was blue about an hour ago. So, it depends--<i>is</i> the sky blue right now or <i>is</i> it a blue sky overcast by clouds so even though I am looking at gray, I know that there <i>is</i> blue somewhere out there...<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">For some reason, Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg decided that the Tuesday of Holy Week would be the right time to summon Defendant Zero to his former home state to be arraigned. In predictable fashion, his delusional supporters likened it to the unfair persecution of Jesus. As they made the rounds on the Sunday shows to lament the historic indictment of their beloved cult leader, I could not help but to think of how we are once again engaged in a symbolic debate over the meaning of what IS. <i>Is</i> this dude, who once bragged that he could <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-i-could-shoot-somebody-and-i-wouldnt-lose-any-voters/">shoot someone</a> on 5th Avenue and not lose any support, being mistreated because he is the subject of multiple ongoing investigations into his conduct? How is it the fault of the Manhattan District Attorney that a busy city had to shut down for an ex-President to arrive for his arraignment, when Trump's campaign events involve the same kind of security maneuvers? Is it fair that no matter what, we are stuck with this guy, his family of grifters, his supporting cast of carnival flunkies, and even his farts being the most important news story that sucks all of the oxygen from the airwaves??? </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil7XLhLK07G3oyJUeh18fnVDgTaKCxZLHrdabzwA7mfaFg-hdUS3dNmSzDysBQl0VljqkPzfULhgt_1ckv01XBp-LM0-Hszs4liw_WH68ojrllWuZFgr12pLnf8ZA4zP1nyl_WazLQxqsoyBlPKg-7Cp3AAoLXMT2Qs4dH0gAufA9E74OxP2gbpnqRBQ/s400/Bill%20Clinton.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="310" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil7XLhLK07G3oyJUeh18fnVDgTaKCxZLHrdabzwA7mfaFg-hdUS3dNmSzDysBQl0VljqkPzfULhgt_1ckv01XBp-LM0-Hszs4liw_WH68ojrllWuZFgr12pLnf8ZA4zP1nyl_WazLQxqsoyBlPKg-7Cp3AAoLXMT2Qs4dH0gAufA9E74OxP2gbpnqRBQ/w155-h200/Bill%20Clinton.jpg" width="155" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">Since I started off by quoting Bill Clinton, let's compare notes, since his Presidency has to have been the most chaotic until Donald Trump came along and said hold my <a href="https://www.trumpwinery.com/">wine</a>.<i> Is</i> it more scandalous to use state troopers to cover up your extra-marital dalliances or is it more scandalous to divert campaign funds to pay hush money to porn stars and <a href="https://nypost.com/2023/04/06/ex-trump-tower-doorman-dino-sajudin-spotted-after-indictment/">doormen</a> when you are allegedly a billionaire? Or in both cases, is the pursuit of the justice so motivated by politics that we tend not to recognize abuse and overreach? I thought it was overkill to prosecute Clinton for being a horny frat boy with an insatiable need for blowjobs in the Oval Office. I also don't care how many women the Donald has paid to keep silent about the size and functioning of his 'equipment'. However, in both cases, the salacious details were evidence of the lengths both men would go to cover up their abuses of power. Hence, the question <i>is</i> whether they can and should be held accountable for their conduct.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Mind you, the consequences for abuse of power at that level aren't all that severe. Clearly, the entire process of impeachment has proven to be a meaningless exercise in partisan saber rattling. Bill Clinton lost a law license he wasn't using and he likely had some donor to pay that settlement to Paula Jones. His wife negotiated that in exchange for standing by him, she would get to launch <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/hillary-clinton-elected-to-senate-new-york">her political career</a> out of the ashes of his humiliation. His Vice President did act like Peter and denied knowing him on the campaign trail in 2000 (and look at how that <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/presidential-election-al-gore-george-bush-too-close-to-call">worked out</a> for him). But Clinton still keeps all of the perks of having been President. The same is true for Trump, who survived two impeachments and is currently the GOP front-runner for 2024. He has yet to suffer any real consequences for helping to facilitate the Russian War with Ukraine or for threatening the life of his Vice President. At worst, Donald Trump lost the election in 2020 and will never get to be President again. </p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5j_3THZ-KG6mKLv0pWJIxAR_-bSVS6wcZcD1zS3skfol5Ky3fKhdtVhBdNZUJuRRMw5XjscnexHFCvawWqedZxdo8VjXJcLs0xtQgfhVBVMTFyRaiYRYKdPw7pnGciQnO8XRiEZmzCMlTANXhjsTR-ZLFu7P4NcuRRcEx9REhgaT43FC2lGOucW8erA/s700/Donald-Trump-Baby-Balloon.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5j_3THZ-KG6mKLv0pWJIxAR_-bSVS6wcZcD1zS3skfol5Ky3fKhdtVhBdNZUJuRRMw5XjscnexHFCvawWqedZxdo8VjXJcLs0xtQgfhVBVMTFyRaiYRYKdPw7pnGciQnO8XRiEZmzCMlTANXhjsTR-ZLFu7P4NcuRRcEx9REhgaT43FC2lGOucW8erA/w143-h200/Donald-Trump-Baby-Balloon.jpg" width="143" /></a></p></div>According to my definition of <i>is</i>, people in power get a lot more leeway than the rest of us. When they cry about being treated unfairly, it's hard to take those claims seriously. Trump got a Secret Service escort from his private golf course to his private plane. Agents were likely stationed throughout a radius around his private midtown building and outside of his penthouse. At his arraignment, he was flanked by a table full of lawyers, and he got to hold a campaign rally in another state later that very evening. He didn't spend more than an hour at the courthouse--there was no perp walk, no handcuffs, and he essentially got to dictate the terms of his "surrender". What about any of that <i>is</i> unfair???<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">A Black man with unpaid parking tickets would be lucky not to get killed at a stoplight in broad daylight for a broken taillight. <b><i>That</i></b> IS unfair. </p><p style="text-align: left;">On a community listserv recently, someone complained how it is unfair that they couldn't <a href="https://www.popville.com/2023/04/iunfair-to-players-dc-tennis-courts/">play tennis</a> on a public court because a local day care center allows the children to play there, and this overlaps with their free time. There is a playground close by, but it is closed due to construction, so this displaced would-be Serena Williams/Rafael Nadal feels that these interlopers should be reported. Several commentors offered suggestions on how to deal with this injustice, including the very helpful observation that since many of these day care workers are foreign-born, the language barrier might make it uncomfortable to confront them, so maybe follow them back to see where the center is located to register the complaint with the director. Another commenter complained that if these children enrolled in a private day care can't play elsewhere, stale cookies! It is an imposition on public resources to provide them with public outdoor recreational facilities; therefore, as someone who pays taxes and earns a lunch hour, they should have the right to evict the kids. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Y'all, I read that post and the comments and immediately wondered how it must feel to be so entitled. Initially, I thought the taxpayer assertion of rights was just trolling snarcasm, but they were serious. Imagine feeling displaced by <b>children</b> and fearing a language barrier that <i>might </i>exist between you and the underpaid foreign-born staff who watch over them? Literally, how is this a question of fairness? </p><p style="text-align: left;">A lot of the situations that get described as unfair are merely <i>inconvenient</i>. It certainly must have been inconvenient for Trump to have to give up two days of golf to travel to New York. And yes, it is inconvenient to encounter children playing on a public tennis court instead of another set of tennis players who got there first.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Unfair is what happened to the families of those <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/nashville-school-shooting-victims/story?id=98161083">three children and three adults</a> killed at that school in Nashville (and every other gun incident in April and this year so far). Unfair is what happened to <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/tyre-nichols-man-allegedly-murdered-5-memphis-police/story?id=96717732">Tyre Nichols</a>. Unfair is how the Tennessee Legislature drew the <a href="https://gerrymander.princeton.edu/redistricting-report-card/?planId=recBdf23VaDTOnrwR">legislative districts</a> to ensure a GOP supermajority that has been abusing its power this session. (I've got more to say about that, so just you wait.) </p><p style="text-align: left;">Since the situation with the <a href="https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/3932428-tennessee-lawmakers-stripped-of-committees-after-joining-gun-violence-protests/">Tennessee Three</a> was foremost on my mind when I began writing this piece, <i>unfair</i> is how the goalposts get moved whenever people who have always been in power feel threatened. <i>Unfair</i> is what just happened to a duly elected legislator in <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/now/video/zooey-zephyr-responds-after-being-silenced-by-republican-lawmakers-171469381558">Montana</a>. Imagine being censured for <b>doing your job</b> since the job of a legislator is to speak on pending legislation! But they didn't want to hear what she had to say, so they turned off her microphone and banned her. The same impetus is behind efforts in states around the country where bills are pending to '<a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/georgia-bill-latest-gop-effort-targeting-prosecutors-98170824">discipline</a>' prosecutors who prioritize fighting systemic corruption over filling prisons with petty criminals. It is <i>unfair</i> that as long as white prosecutors were building their careers on jailing the poor and the powerless, that was fine. But when a new wave of prosecutors are choosing otherwise, suddenly that is a problem worth legislating.</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtCXd9KNX-j_bhsaoKJD00WMHJszYuoXl2yFjIvinf16DPwmXt6APpLUGGU3_Deh_QrupGrDUIxfx22oxjEcnHz9hFceTTxxDFnqnx4U3Qaa5-RSFopB2xaK2dNlD7icfZ5BLbmABDBBM5C5ulHyx-f72QVfZ_dDjiH0Jn5s5NFYrjlSRkkGybSUJO3g/s1125/Fred%20and%20Consequences%20Meme.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1125" data-original-width="622" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtCXd9KNX-j_bhsaoKJD00WMHJszYuoXl2yFjIvinf16DPwmXt6APpLUGGU3_Deh_QrupGrDUIxfx22oxjEcnHz9hFceTTxxDFnqnx4U3Qaa5-RSFopB2xaK2dNlD7icfZ5BLbmABDBBM5C5ulHyx-f72QVfZ_dDjiH0Jn5s5NFYrjlSRkkGybSUJO3g/s320/Fred%20and%20Consequences%20Meme.jpg" width="177" /></a></div>Unfair are the various ways the rich and powerful abuse their power with impunity--and how they evade responsibility for their crimes and schemes that leave death and destruction in their wake. I alluded to that <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2023/04/hamburgers-from-golden-calf.html">here</a>, in case you need a reminder that the justification often implied <i>is</i> this phrase: <b>because I can</b>.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Unfair is how <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/carolyn-bryant-donham-dead-emmett-tills-lynching/?ftag=MSF0951a18">Carolyn Bryant Donham</a> got to live 68 years without uttering a word of remorse or regret for her part in the incident that made her infamous, and folks think we ought to feel sorry for her.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Most of the people with real problems don't get as much empathy as they deserve because they rarely have the time or garner the attention to communicate their grievances and needs. Someone struggling to survive can barely manage that. And that <i>is</i> unfair, because it would be great for life to send them a few wins instead of constantly setting up the losses. I can tell you a few stories of life being unfair, and trust, these aren't the whines of someone who is finally being forced to suffer the consequences of their actions.</p><p style="text-align: left;">According to my definition of <i>is</i>, Hell is a lot more crowded than we think. I believe in redemption, but most of the people who should be in line to ask for it are too busy complaining about the unfairness of having to. </p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-991528342620469972023-05-02T11:53:00.001-04:002023-05-02T11:53:08.085-04:00Age Ain't Nothing But a Number<p>A lot of people are going to disagree with me on this, but I can deal with that, especially since most of them don't read my blog. But y'all really need to stop talking about people being too old for things. And you need to be careful how you ridicule people about their age. All of us were young once, and if you asked us what we thought about getting older when we were in our teens and early twenties, we had these very idealistic notions of living to 100, but no clue about what would happen between the ages of 40 and 99. Now that many of us find ourselves in that range, trust, we are rethinking and reimagining what "old age" is supposed to look and feel like as the years stack up and whiz by.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/3b1JW7LxfsAKs/giphy-downsized-large.gif" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="281" data-original-width="500" height="113" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/3b1JW7LxfsAKs/giphy-downsized-large.gif" width="200" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">As many of you know, I am steadily walking on the road towards 50. God willing and if the creek don't rise (like the old folks used to say when I was younger), I will arrive at that golden shore later this year, and let me tell you...Baybee! While I never assumed I would not live to see this leg of the journey, I didn't see any of the stuff that would line my path. Like I had no idea what it would feel like to lose friends before they reached this same milestone. I had no idea what it would feel like to look back and recall things that happened 40 or more years ago. I have parents in their 70s, and I remember what it was like to have grandparents in their 70s when I was a kid. I have friends with grandchildren. Have we even discussed perimenopause? (As an aside, I am about to re-read and watch the new movie <a href="https://youtu.be/LzRzojHC3iE">Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret</a> because OMG, I have an eight-year old and it has been 40 years!!!)</p><p>I can clearly remember sitting in an elementary school classroom and being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. Then I remember the moment when I was in college, sitting alone in Sisters Chapel and how it inspired my personal statement for my law school applications. I remember sitting in a lecture hall where a professor was explaining some arcane legal concept that sounded very much like he was speaking in a foreign language. But it was in that moment when I said to myself, wow you are really here! I was 21 years old then.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/zZeCRfPyXi9UI/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="400" height="113" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/zZeCRfPyXi9UI/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">And then as if time suddenly sped up in a flash, I just read a FB post about a young man who had been one of my younger brothers' students in high school a few years ago. He just passed the bar! And it all seems surreal that just a few years ago, he was a high school senior escorting a young lady to her debutante ball, and during a break, he was chatting with me while I calmed my months old baby in my arms. I was at his college graduation that took place the weekend of my 25th College Reunion and chatted with him just a year ago about law school. Now that baby I was holding is almost as tall as I am and this young man is about to launch into the world. I tell you this because time waits for <i>no one</i>. <b>YOU</b> will be older sooner than you think in the blink of an eye. </p><p>My issue is not hyper-sensitivity to the ways in which we seem to be at war against aging, because hey, I am in an intense enough battle against going grey. It is the utter disrespect and disregard for the elderly that has become the norm in this society. While I was agitated by statements that were made this past week about the President, my frustration has been building against this intolerance for years. It is beyond sad when compared to how other societies revere their elders, we make tasteless jokes about people forgetting their names and needing to wear adult diapers. Ha Ha, very funny...</p><p>Just wait until you become the punchline of that joke. Trust, you won't be laughing.</p><p>When the issue was our societal intolerance for children, I <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2023/04/something-to-cry-about.html">chimed in</a> because I have a child and remember what it was like when she was younger, and the world turned a blind yet judgmental eye towards my perceived shortcomings. I was that mother on the plane, and I could share stories of other places where my child's behavior was less than angelic. Turns out, she has some neurodevelopmental processing issues, something I just learned. But nobody had time to show us any grace, except for ONCE at the Target from a cashier who immediately understood. Every other time, people have heaved and sighed or let her run into the street when I had difficulty managing her energy (but we'll address all of that another time).</p><p>Instead, let's talk about my experiences on the other end of the spectrum as a caregiver. I have been subjected to similar levels of intolerance when it comes to people's attitudes towards senior citizens. I have had people question why I took advantage of some <a href="https://www.aarp.org/membership/benefits/all-offers-a-z/?cmp=KNC-DSO-MBCH-MemberBenefits-NS-Eng-NonMember-General-NonBrand-Exact-35676-Bing-Discounts-Exact-NonBrand&gclid=2482796c8f6f199093bb1d235dda14f9&gclsrc=3p.ds&msclkid=2482796c8f6f199093bb1d235dda14f9&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=MemberBenefits-NS-Eng-NonMember-General-NonBrand-Exact&utm_term=senior%20discounts&utm_content=Discounts">innocuous perk</a>, such as a discounted movie ticket or meal, and feeling self-conscious (as if my Mom hadn't earned her free drink or popcorn). How the same accommodations that I needed for navigating a stroller in public are even more necessary when pushing a wheelchair, and how people will <i>still</i> act like they don't see you. How this entire debate over providing public unisex family bathrooms is both short-sighted and unnecessarily <a href="https://www.wcjb.com/2023/04/18/florida-house-advances-transgender-bathroom-bill/">transphobic</a>.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv8Mm4LxhmkvAvcB364AKR01j-WB6YnZYSrUaxwe9SIlvdcQtYbsURatfE2jVBNZ9XHgwkLjFcwE9GsU-7TL9QERmn_tLYxtPuG5L1j7yEYSZPaWpHf4blOsYeeOIRTc7IMZ-oC0xlrjSggzYXDARfY-HD-YDORMc7dJEToCsHWvIh_8uXYxBpqVe0RQ/s666/Unisex%20bathroom%20sign.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="666" data-original-width="450" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv8Mm4LxhmkvAvcB364AKR01j-WB6YnZYSrUaxwe9SIlvdcQtYbsURatfE2jVBNZ9XHgwkLjFcwE9GsU-7TL9QERmn_tLYxtPuG5L1j7yEYSZPaWpHf4blOsYeeOIRTc7IMZ-oC0xlrjSggzYXDARfY-HD-YDORMc7dJEToCsHWvIh_8uXYxBpqVe0RQ/w135-h200/Unisex%20bathroom%20sign.png" width="135" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">Admittedly, I take particular and personal offense to the <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2020/07/a-test-of-character.html">Alzheimer's and cognitive decline</a> jokes made at the President's expense because I live with the reality of both. Y'all think these tasteless elder abuse comments are funny because you disagree with his policies? Meanwhile, on your side of the political spectrum, the front-runner is a caricature of a former wannabe playboy who is only a few years younger. What else suggests that there are discernable differences between the 80 year old man who stutters and the 76 year old man who thinks every woman still wants to sleep with him? </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgukFdjwHOicYytsrhUeU1T8914MT5edX-nIDPGWZOMzEIn1sxEYZEFagngtUyWr6GKmueZ38gTgClIL3tfcRv1MhP8pHSV4ANhPcvDEoa4XgoBKltLjg-DWI5lYqO_PpV1mhboFMeH1rJ-9KR9UWtB3RSjRgdUCcSnXWtCu2TUXQHOU1u_VXqcfQqNEA/s1082/Nikki%20Haley.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1082" data-original-width="1012" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgukFdjwHOicYytsrhUeU1T8914MT5edX-nIDPGWZOMzEIn1sxEYZEFagngtUyWr6GKmueZ38gTgClIL3tfcRv1MhP8pHSV4ANhPcvDEoa4XgoBKltLjg-DWI5lYqO_PpV1mhboFMeH1rJ-9KR9UWtB3RSjRgdUCcSnXWtCu2TUXQHOU1u_VXqcfQqNEA/w187-h200/Nikki%20Haley.png" width="187" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">The assertion by former Ambassador Nikki Haley that Biden is <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/nikki-haley-biden-will-likely-die-five-years-rcna81740">likely to die</a> in the next five years is what prompted this rant. Because take a number lady, you could be dead in five years too! So could I. So could Donald Trump or anybody else for that matter. According to another saying from the old folks, no one knows the day nor the hour...</p><p>Let's revisit Haley's real intention in making that statement in a bit, because other people have been taking swipes and it should be unconscionable for this level of disrespect to be tolerated. I mean, why does the Speaker of the House, third in line to the Presidency, get away with making a joke about <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/kevin-mccarthy-joe-biden-soft-food_n_6425c1b5e4b0ba5d603892fb">soft food</a> without someone sending him jars of <a href="https://www.gerber.com/shop-by-product/baby-food">Gerbers</a> smashed peas to represent the balls he gave up in every round of voting he lost to get that job? (Yep, I think I will do just that when I'm done here). Like really, Sir, you don't even have a fully formed spine the way you bend over backwards to appease people...</p><p>But it struck me how this level of disrespect for the elderly isn't typical in other cultures. In a week, all eyes will be on the British again as they set to crown their 74 year old sovereign, a role he inherited upon the death of his 96 year old mother. He will become the <a href="https://www.insider.com/king-charles-iii-oldest-person-to-become-king-british-history-2022-9">oldest monarch</a> to ascend to the throne. Since I don't live in the UK, I can't know if people ever mocked Queen Elizabeth because of her age, but based on the outpouring of global respect that was shown at her passing, that would come across as unseemly. Other cultures demonstrate their reverence for their elders by giving them places of honor by respecting their life experience. In this country, we make jokes about dentures and walkers, while warehousing our elders in nursing homes and waiting for them to die. </p><p>Whether that observation gets written off as a hyperbolic generalization or truth is based on your perspective. What I have witnessed firsthand in these the last 20 years of my adult life is the constant centering of self over everything else. We've become so ruggedly individualistic that we don't care about anyone, except for our pets. I could veer way off topic with examples, but just scroll through social media and take note of how many of these self-care gurus actually have families, let alone <b>people</b> who like them. Theirs were some of the loudest voices against COVID mitigation, those who thought that the risks were acceptable to cull the herd, and if that meant losing grandparents and other elderly relatives, then so be it. To quote their patron saint, <a href="https://youtu.be/QP0B8hrOo0Y">Ebenezer Scrooge</a>, "If they would rather die, let them hurry up and do it to decrease the surplus population."</p><p>Thus, when I see calls for Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) to <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/sen-dianne-feinstein-faces-first-call-resign-member-congress-rcna79445">resign</a>, yes it rubs me the wrong way. I don't know the state of her health other than the published reports of <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/sen-dianne-feinstein-hospitalized-shingles-expects-full-recovery/story?id=97597135">shingles</a>. I understand that her extended absence brings the work of confirming federal judges to a halt, but the Senate has other constitutional duties to fulfill. And I think that if she has been in some form of cognitive decline since the <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/28/politics/dianne-feinstein-husband-dies/index.html">death of her husband</a> last year, she made the right call in choosing not to run for reelection again next year. However, we don't place age limits on public service, and she is the same age as <a href="https://www.grassley.senate.gov/">Senator Chuck Grassley</a> (R-IA), who just won reelection. I was a Hill staffer when the late Senator Strom Thurmond (R-SC) had to be escorted around the Capitol by his staff. Several Senators have continued to serve even as they battle serious heath challenges, and at least two very prominent ones died while in office. Just last year, another veteran Senator in his 80s <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/30/politics/patrick-leahy-hip-surgery/index.html">broke his hip</a>, and I don't recall hearing any impassioned pleas for him to resign before his term ended for the good of the country.</p><p>That doesn't mean that people ought to treat these jobs as lifelong entitlements, and I can respect the arguments made in favor of giving younger people a chance. I remember that fateful night in September 2020 when I saw the breaking news that Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg had died. Lots of <a href="https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/09/ruth-bader-ginsburg-retirement-question.html">think pieces</a> were written about her refusal to step aside and how that led to the current ideological leanings of the Court. Hard to say what the future might have looked like, and I'm guessing Ginsberg felt the same way right up to the moment before she died. And that is the actual point here: none of us knows the day or the hour, so as long as we're here, we have the right to give life the very best that we have.</p><p>That means we allow Clint Eastwood (92) to continue to direct films, if that's what he wants. If Rita Moreno (91) and Chita Rivera (90) want to stage a dance-off to see who the better Anita was in <i>West Side Story</i>, have at it. And we're not going to prevent Mel Brooks (96) from doing whatever the heck he wants, even if we're not sure that <a href="https://youtu.be/TIfMfLbCbzY">part two</a> will be as funny as the first part he directed 40 years ago. If William Shatner (92) ever gets another chance to really blast off into space, who's going to stop him? Dan Rather (91) is a lot more entertaining now that he isn't sitting behind a news desk. For her 90th birthday, Carol Burnett got a primetime <a href="https://www.nbc.com/nbc-insider/where-to-watch-carol-burnett-birthday-special">TV special</a>. We should be happy to learn that <a href="https://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/36316653/jack-nicholson-game-6-los-angeles-lakers-memphis-grizzlies">Jack Nicholson</a> (86) is still living his best life. Weren't y'all just praying for Betty White to live long enough to see her 100th birthday a year ago?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/KEHSIdxSMU8Qz2Ny72/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="480" height="191" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/KEHSIdxSMU8Qz2Ny72/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>If nobody is the least bit worried about <a href="https://youtube.com/shorts/CERhK15MdS0?feature=share">Smokey Robinson</a> (83) or <a href="https://www.therollingstones2023.com/">Mick Jagger</a> (80) breaking their hips onstage, why are we convinced that Joe Biden needing a phonetic spelling to help him from <a href="https://twitter.com/cmsub?s=20">mispronouncing</a> someone's name is some doomsday indication of mental frailty? The very idea that the country would be better off with a restored Regime of Donald the Trumpet or under the leadership of a cranky Bernie Sanders (81) versus jolly Joe Biden is...<p></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Which brings me back to the racist fear-mongering of folks like Nikki Haley in her sideways attack of Madame Vice President. This ain't the first time Haley has tried to score points by throwing cheap shots, but this recent <a href="https://twitter.com/TeamHaley/status/1651641660697092100?s=20">tactic of hers</a> proves that she is in dire need of attention. Mad that nobody cares that she's running for President too, she's made the cynical gamble that people are far more afraid of another Black President than they are of losing this democracy to authoritarianism. So what do you think they see when they look at you, Nimarata?</p><p style="text-align: left;">What y'all need to fear, more than Black people running the country again, is <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/marjorie-taylor-greene-calls-national-divorce-liberal-conservative-sta-rcna71464">Marjorie Taylor Greene</a> or some other loose cannon sycophant being chosen to ride shotgun with the Donald. Because if he is reelected, then that puts the inmates back in charge of the asylum, and they just might succeed in destroying the country this time. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Furthermore, I don't get why Haley isn't satisfied that she was the catalyst for Don Lemon's ouster from CNN as a <a href="https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/cnn-don-lemon-misogyny-history-nikki-haley-1235574286/">sexist jerk</a>. How many others have tried and failed to get him fired and cancelled? Girl, take that victory lap because that is the only decent fight you've picked and won in recent years. (Yeah, I said it--y'all seem to have forgotten how Lemon was famously uninvited to the cookout during the Obama years. Look at who is now past <i>his</i> prime and out of a job at 57?)</p><div><p>Let's begin our conclusion on that particular triumph, because ageism is the one form of discrimination that all of us will face, if we are lucky to live long enough. Everything that you ridicule can possibly become part of your lived reality if you don't screw up and die young. Describing a woman as <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/don-lemon-50-year-old-women-past-their-prime-nikki-haley-1781820">past her prime</a> isn't the worst thing that a man can say, but if that same man has a history of being an asshole, it can be the cherry on top of the shit sundae he gets served on the day he is forced to clean out his office. You still think dementia jokes are funny when the projection in global diagnoses is expected to <a href="https://www.verywellhealth.com/dementia-prevalence-expected-to-triple-by-2050-5216072#:~:text=Looking%20at%20Dementia%20Risks%201%20Age%20The%20expected,the%20coming%20decades.%20...%203%20Education%20Level%20">triple by 2050</a>? Where will you be in these <a href="https://www.prb.org/resources/fact-sheet-u-s-dementia-trends/">statistics</a>, one of the millions at risk, or one of their un/der-paid caregivers? Irony would be if one of these unruly toddlers you want to have banned from airplanes grows up to be the person who develops a cure. But karma is more likely: that child will be one of the Certified Nursing Assistants who is emptying your urinal and serving <i>you </i>soft food one day in some nursing home where your self-care centered grandchild will only come by to visit if his brunch plans fall through.</p><p>Yep, in 20 years, ANYTHING is possible if you are still here. </p><p>There is a reason why we give out participation certificates and honorable mentions to young children while reserving Lifetime Achievement Awards, <a href="https://youtu.be/iEJl9NQKGrM">Presidential Medals of Freedom</a>, and <a href="https://www.kennedy-center.org/whats-on/honors">Kennedy Center Honors</a> to folks over 50. We recognize what people have actually accomplished in their lives instead of what we see as their potential. We can all understand the excitement that comes from being the young phenom, but we respect the wisdom and knowledge that comes with age. We mourn when the lives of young people are cut short due to some tragic, unforeseen circumstances; we celebrate when beloved elders like <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/04/25/516446742/harry-belafonte-dead">Harry Belafonte</a> or <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2021/01/in-gratitude-cicely-tyson.html">Cicely Tyson</a> reach the end of a long journey of lives that enriched us so much.</p><p>Let our elders live and thrive! If they are still in positions of leadership or otherwise still able to contribute to the world in some way, be smart and patient. Sit with them to learn, be available to assist, and be wise enough to heed their warnings. In the words of an African proverb: The youth can walk faster, but the elder knows the road. </p></div>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-3957915610013675792023-04-26T15:15:00.000-04:002023-04-26T15:15:09.233-04:00Fried Chicken Wednesdays: When the Sun Finally Sets<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmoZ8kGkU2d30BBVGSkLYoIL_1ZuiZr6Nk1G2b5VeDR_z6lUixQ732x7LvCm9dnKjV9jcuc_ryMGCMf0wU3T8Fhy2elhkvXxjTiCNuUkV6TadcIZH7HiH2fVZuYiQPnBj8FlqR3ddMyRms34rLu2hKp6Yul2xGsINZ3r7WZYS-rgPtkJhA8VWh5dz3oA/s474/Orb%20and%20Sceptre.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="379" data-original-width="474" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmoZ8kGkU2d30BBVGSkLYoIL_1ZuiZr6Nk1G2b5VeDR_z6lUixQ732x7LvCm9dnKjV9jcuc_ryMGCMf0wU3T8Fhy2elhkvXxjTiCNuUkV6TadcIZH7HiH2fVZuYiQPnBj8FlqR3ddMyRms34rLu2hKp6Yul2xGsINZ3r7WZYS-rgPtkJhA8VWh5dz3oA/w200-h160/Orb%20and%20Sceptre.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I swear, even though I am an American and don't give a hoot about these things, I totally plan to set my clock to wake up earlier on May 6, and I might even set the DVR for the pre-game commentary. Of course I am referring to the long-awaited <a href="https://people.com/royals/king-charles-queen-camilla-coronation-timeline-events/">coronation</a> of the one and only King Charles the Third, a party the likes of which most of us haven't seen in 70 years. So, as I have done for other British Royal events, I will fix myself a spot of spiked tea, maybe find a cute fascinator to wear along with my bathrobe, and then I will scroll through Twitter to read all of the chatter about Meghan Markle, who won't even be there. <p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Yep, because I am 100% sure that her name will trend even though she will be at home in her bathrobe drinking spiked tea while making treat bags for the kiddies who will be at Prince Archie's <a href="https://people.com/royals/prince-archie-low-key-birthday-plans-coronation-day/">birthday party</a> later that day. And if I'm wrong about her absence being the story, then the presence of her husband, Prince Harry the Prodigal Son, will give them plenty to twat on about instead. It will be quite ironic to see how a day that has been in the planning for decades gets upstaged by a kid's fourth birthday party all the way in California.</p><p>In this latest installment of #RoyalNewsYouCantUse, I am stating at the outset that I expect the worst from the British tabloid media these next few weeks because everything, and I mean EVERYTHING to this point has proven that the Sussex Royals were right to jump ship when they did. I remain convinced of that position <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/12/when-big-mama-dies.html">since the last the time</a> I declared that I haven't read the book; nor watched any of the press interviews that promoted the book; nor listened to more than a few minutes of the podcast; nor bothered to get the password from the Hub to watch the Netflix special. None of that has changed. I don't make it a habit to peruse the tabloids for information about the British Royals, and I've even stopped watching my old favorite <a href="https://www.mpt.org/tea/">Brit-coms on PBS</a>. I wouldn't say that I lost interest in all things British after Queen Elizabeth died; however, to be honest, I have been preoccupied by the potential loss of democracy and rapid descent into authoritarianism in my country.</p><p>Yet, as we have all learned in the seven years since <a href="https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/a9664508/prince-harry-meghan-markle-relationship/">Harry met Meghan</a>, she is the most interesting person to become associated with that stodgy family since Princess Diana. The fact that she sells more papers on rumors of stuff she <i>didn't</i> actually say as opposed to anything anyone else does is proof. Like why have there been daily articles and opinion pieces written about her in the weeks since it was announced that she would <a href="https://www.instyle.com/prince-harry-attending-coronation-alone-7479680">stay home</a> from the coronation? Literally, no need to mention her name, let alone dredge up some <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/tabloid-daily-mail-meghan-markle-kate-middleton-slavery-racism-1794941">ridiculous story</a> to suggest that Meghan ought to be grateful to Kate Middleton's long dead ancestors for freeing hers. (Trust, we'll circle back to address that foolywang in a bit.)</p><p>Since the Muskrat has been pushing buttons at Twitter HQ without adult supervision, my algorithm gives me more information on the British Royal family than I care to know. That suggests that I have clicked too many times to see why certain names are trending (true), but it isn't like I spend a lot of time thinking about them the way they (the BRF) would like for people to think about them. Why should we care whether Camilla is referred to as the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/apr/04/camilla-to-be-crowned-queen-alongside-king-charles">Queen or the Queen Consort</a> (as if there is a discernable difference)? Does it matter that the real Queen has barely gone cold in her grave...what would she think of being succeeded by the woman who almost destroyed the monarchy? Oh wait, we <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-60274816">already know</a>, but I guess now that Charlie is the King, he can do whatever he wants without any royal rebukes from his dead Mummy.</p><p>Furthermore, why does it matter that Meghan opted not to attend? It isn't like she and the kids have a place to stay anymore since the <a href="https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ellievhall/harry-meghan-frogmore-cottage-evict-request-vacate">King evicted</a> them from the cottage and seems unlikely to put them up in one of his palaces. And anyone who has been paying attention to how shitty she's been treated by the British press should have known that she wasn't going nowhere near that coronation, not even just to stand by her man. The way she and Harry broke camp right after the Queen's funeral made it clear that Meghan ain't neva going back to England unless there is a compelling reason to subject herself to that nonsense. I can imagine the conversation and how she probably broke the news to Harry that he would be traveling solo: "That's yo Daddy; send my regards," and then followed up with "and these kids are staying home with me, so you can go if you want." Poor Harry probably tried to appeal to Mama Dee, who in classic Black matriarchal solidarity, put her hands on her hips, glared back at her beloved son-in-law, and said icily, "my daughter said what she said". And for the first time Prince Harry slept on the couch. </p><p>It should have been obvious to everyone that we didn't even need an explanation for her absence other than she's not going. Clearly, she understood and accepts that all attention should be on the King and the day he has been dreaming of since he was a kid. Why take the shine away from him when she can watch the festivities at home like the rest of the world in her bathrobe and a fascinator? That's exactly how Joe Biden plans to participate. As will a slew of others who either declined or weren't invited, like <a href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a43655731/sarah-ferguson-breaks-silence-king-charles-coronation-no-invite/">Sarah Ferguson</a>, Duchess of York. She'll be at home with the Queen's corgis she inherited, dressed in beefeater hats and drunk by noon. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/jj2dVdPydkajWiSTMd/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/jj2dVdPydkajWiSTMd/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>If anything, the story should be about why several <i>other</i> very important people opted NOT to attend. Since I mentioned President Biden, it is significant to note that <a href="https://youtu.be/0MztQ7bGdro">his motorcade and security needs</a> practically shut London down when he attended the Queen's funeral, so perhaps choosing not to cause a similar ruckus by attending the coronation is a good thing. There was some grumbling from the folks who <a href="https://twitter.com/darrengrimes_/status/1646964084435308559?s=20">live (or get paid) to be offended</a>, but that quickly died down when it was also explained that U.S. Presidents don't attend British coronations. Ultimately, Biden understands that his presence would be an <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/why-joe-biden-skipping-coronation-no-swipe-king-charles-1792099">unnecessary distraction</a>, so he is sending Dr. Jill. Then there is the fact that <a href="https://www.1380kcim.com/2023/04/24/lionel-richie-katy-perry-andrea-bocelli-to-perform-at-king-charles-iiis-coronation/">two of the headliners</a> for the entertainment portion of the festivities are judges from <a href="https://abc.com/shows/american-idol">American Idol</a>...because several British acts are <a href="https://youtu.be/0A-kqUsIxvw">too busy</a> to move things around on their calendars to perform for <i>their</i> King?<p></p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/7UfiCa244XE">Paddington Bear</a> found time to have tea with Queen Elizabeth last year, and a few years prior to that, she and <a href="https://youtu.be/1AS-dCdYZbo">James Bond</a> made a cameo appearance at the Olympics in 2012. Adele and Harry Styles are both booked on this final week of the <a href="https://www.cbs.com/shows/late-late-show/">Late Late Show with James Corden</a>. But the only person returning King Charles' phone calls is Katy Perry? And somehow that is also Meghan's fault because Elton John and the Spice Girls were previously booked for Archie's party? If I'm interpreting this correctly, the British people aren't all that <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-65326467">enthusiastic</a> about this coronation either; therefore, it is highly probable that the relevancy of the British Monarchy died with Queen Elizabeth. </p><p>Not my problem because as an American, the only reason why I find all of this so fascinating is the anachronism of monarchy in the modern era. My intrigue with the British Royals began with the wedding of then-<a href="https://www.history.com/news/prince-charles-lady-diana-wedding">Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer</a> some 40+ years ago when I was my daughter's age. Having read plenty of myths and legends about princesses and knights in shining armor and wizards and other mythical beings, I didn't believe any of those things were real until I learned about the enduring British monarchy. Instead of existing in some kingdom long ago and <a href="https://youtu.be/BY9Kxa6AdZ0">far far away</a>, they were live and on television! Watching them over the years never rose to the level of an obsession for me; thus, if it all went away tomorrow, I imagine my life would go on just fine without their <a href="https://youtu.be/ZNV_Hh5ZWaE">soap opera</a> running in the background.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd5UKvKGm4Fovd7M4UDSARlveYjqs-dhc0GAztiwrfA4b5qz0KDgguOYecHLpFsHCfETiPDbiWe-5UMBppiJz0qY8ypXTfZFmAHtCFrESgCnEzEphbvQYvpUPUhUlyr6Y02TJlEZwSa-YWPZlHAeRcVEcX9Nt2k5GFAOrJs0YVPjOMnzfdoQXIj7HG8w/s474/Far%20Far%20Away.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="246" data-original-width="474" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd5UKvKGm4Fovd7M4UDSARlveYjqs-dhc0GAztiwrfA4b5qz0KDgguOYecHLpFsHCfETiPDbiWe-5UMBppiJz0qY8ypXTfZFmAHtCFrESgCnEzEphbvQYvpUPUhUlyr6Y02TJlEZwSa-YWPZlHAeRcVEcX9Nt2k5GFAOrJs0YVPjOMnzfdoQXIj7HG8w/w400-h208/Far%20Far%20Away.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">However, I read somewhere that the British Royals generate billions in revenue, <a href="https://globalnews.ca/news/9123360/queen-elizabeth-death-economic-impact-royal-family/">BILLIONS</a>. So for every random article that is written about their every move, somewhere a cash register bell goes off, and somebody can rent a summer estate or go sailing that week. Too bad not enough of that <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/business-64452995">trickles down</a> to stimulate their economy. It is a brutal reality that nothing really changed in the wake of Princess Diana's tragic death--just the subjects of the media frenzy. After years of trying to sell us on Camilla Queen-to-be, Prince William and his brood of heirs and spares, and even lesser royal cousins, other than the late QE2 herself, no one else in the royal orbit has been as compelling as Prince Harry. Ever since he placed that letter atop his mother's coffin and bravely marched behind it, he opened his heart to the world, and we've responded in kind and remain besotted with him. We've watched him come into himself, unbound by duty and free to chart his own path. So when love struck him like a thunderbolt in the form of an American actress, of course we were riveted.</p><p>Who was this woman, not quite an A-list starlet, but definitely an up-and-coming standout on an <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1632701/">ensemble cable TV show</a>? How did they meet? Who are her people? Why her and not some well-bred Lady of the Glen?</p><p>We got the answers to those basic questions, and then some as their courtship evolved into a royal engagement and wedding, and then eventually into another branch of the royal family. Until they decided to step back from senior royal status, I doubt most Americans had any idea how vicious the press and the courtiers had been to her. Although I had detected the shift in the narrative from that of <i><a href="https://youtu.be/q1DDgNCLD84">who's that lady</a></i> to <i><a href="https://youtu.be/lPgOg4dg2ZM">who do you think you are</a></i>, I also assumed that finding favor with the Queen would have nullified the haters. </p><p>Hating Meghan Markle is more profitable and beneficial to the Firm. It sells more papers, it gives cover to the scandals of the lesser royals (Prince Andrew), and it improves the public perception and press coverage of those who had not yet won the hearts and minds of the people (Camilla). Sensing that his parents had finally grown too weary to weather more family drama, Charles did what any man in his position would have done--nothing. He had waited too long to let a few unflattering headlines about some woman ruin everything he had waited his entire life to claim, so in order to protect his crown, he allowed the wolves to have at the one member of the family who was most expendable.</p><p>The Spare. Let them feast on Harry since he was no longer needed to fulfill duties that could be farmed out to others. His charities and patronages could be reassigned. Although he spent ten (10) years in the British Army, he had retired from Her Majesty's service, so those <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/harrystripped-his-military-titleswill-soon-mark-major-milestone-1708093">military honors</a> could expire with her. If his strong Black wife couldn't handle life in the gilded cage like the other <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bird">birds</a>, then that's her problem. He should have allowed the Queen to pick out some dull English girl for him to marry, some naive little peasant who knew to be grateful for the privilege of becoming a member of one of Europe's oldest monarchies. Harry brought all of this on himself for marrying an American (and <a href="https://www.biography.com/celebrities/wallis-simpson">another</a> bloody American divorcee at that)!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU_NzPHFSDkfJZX9p3G6DNmhrN1lIAeCOZxKsIjlxQTcJUp3LDV1oAYHwDMBsXdAire7iZqZZv5IPtvjuEaAUcgZBurjdWaZibYjhumHoR8JYNpyX5H5dfmUH2PCe5pma1mH0NPbwmdvEz5oIBUnEC8_gZ32LagfnZxgWCPu5BqwNkpiGEDcGTc70uQw/s355/Macbeth.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="355" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU_NzPHFSDkfJZX9p3G6DNmhrN1lIAeCOZxKsIjlxQTcJUp3LDV1oAYHwDMBsXdAire7iZqZZv5IPtvjuEaAUcgZBurjdWaZibYjhumHoR8JYNpyX5H5dfmUH2PCe5pma1mH0NPbwmdvEz5oIBUnEC8_gZ32LagfnZxgWCPu5BqwNkpiGEDcGTc70uQw/w200-h150/Macbeth.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Michael Fassbender as Macbeth (2015)</span> </td></tr></tbody></table></div>So why am I making plans to watch the coronation of such a man? I am almost 50 years old, and I still like to read myths and legends. I know that not all of the men who are <a href="https://youtu.be/YqHhKuCQmoY">crowned King</a> are benevolent--some are ruthless and two-faced. Fairytales are full of evil stepmothers and queens, trolls, jealous courtiers, scheming rivals, and <a href="https://youtu.be/tdwGrD169hE">fire-breathing dragons</a>. There are also noble knights in shining honor who perform their duties for their sovereign, especially if there is a lovely maiden whose love he believes is worth fighting for.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Both children of divorce, H&M know how to navigate being pawns in the squabbles between parents. Often this requires making adult choices and sacrifices, such as Prince Harry having to attend this coronation that was knowingly scheduled on his son's fourth birthday. But it is important to his father, and like King Charles, Harry has been awaiting this day all of his life as well. He has a duty to be there to bear witness. If his mother Princess Diana was still alive, he would still have to be present, not only to support his father but also his older brother, the future King. The tabloids are already stirring the pot by quoting "royal sources" about the <a href="https://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity/royals/prince-harry-ten-rows-back-coronation/">seating arrangements</a> and VIP family who will get to appear with the newly crowned King and Queen <a href="https://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity/prince-harry-meghan-markle-balcony-coronation/">on the balcony</a>. But like the good soldier he is, Harry will do his duty regardless of the snubs and slights.</p><p>I'll be watching to support him and to see the beginning of this new story arc in the House of Windsor. Surely some unexpected plot twist will bring new drama (perhaps a stare-down between the future Queen and another <a href="https://www.thenationalnews.com/arts-culture/2022/01/03/what-does-a-lady-in-waiting-do-the-rules-roles-and-history-of-the-queens-closest-aides/">Lady-in-Waiting</a> to become mistress to the future King). I'll be watching to see how long Harry keeps a stiff upper lip and how many of the predictions made by royal "insiders" prove to be true. And since Meghan is on the West Coast, I'll be watching just in case she oversleeps (but more for Mama Doria since we know she's not getting up at 3am for these people). </p><p>Finally, I'll be watching to see if King Charles finally gets what's been coming to him. What will happen in that moment when the <a href="https://www.reuters.com/video/watch/idOV675621042023RP1">Archbishop of Canterberry</a> places the crown upon his head? I have this image in my mind of Charles transforming into a modern-day <a href="https://youtu.be/nn8YGPZdCvA">King Midas</a>, endowed with everything he ever wanted but also cursed with donkey's ears that pop out on either side of his head. Other than that, I expect this entire affair will be a snooze fest, like <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2011/04/recap-post-wedding-itis.html#more">William and Kate's</a> wedding.</p><p>Which brings me back to that particular revelation that no one asked for regarding the ancestors of the <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/09/the-choice-is-yours.html">two wives of Windsor</a>...and if there had been any doubts that all of this back and forth is the fault of a fame-seeking missile called Meghan, believe what you want. But to prove some inane point of privilege and moral superiority, somebody went <a href="https://www.pbs.org/video/extended-trailer/">Henry Lous Gating</a> through the past to come up with that bit of information and published it. Are you effing serious???</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/z8vefMbdAj3xK/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="145" data-original-width="245" height="145" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/z8vefMbdAj3xK/giphy.gif" width="245" /></a></div><p></p></div>Of course it was seriously intended to put Meghan in her place, because there has been no supply-chain shortage of gall coming from the folks who feel the need to show us who they are in every possible way. Between that and the <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/22/entertainment/meghan-markle-king-charles-letter-update-intl-hnk/index.html">alleged leak</a> of the correspondence between the Duchess and the King from two years ago, this kind of nonsense is why Meghan and Mama Dee said they are sending a Hallmark card through Harry. <p></p>Signed on behalf of the entire Diaspora. And the late Princess Diana.<p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVrqVVOml2yZz-pyh7oWLXj3XHQ-nMaY1s5nNRZdvzvXuxsXW0Ijjf0Md-N_UcRrajoep09LBdUFlqwYVfhxwFOsfjlJGvB-DnDkP6qgO6XtB_dWJXph03ewLRGWBXi6ISmkXaWm1-a2doi-JBVm44yaRNeHFvJnY9i3TKqddamdzZabmpL6gPaKyIMg/s700/Nick%20Bottom%20KK.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="468" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVrqVVOml2yZz-pyh7oWLXj3XHQ-nMaY1s5nNRZdvzvXuxsXW0Ijjf0Md-N_UcRrajoep09LBdUFlqwYVfhxwFOsfjlJGvB-DnDkP6qgO6XtB_dWJXph03ewLRGWBXi6ISmkXaWm1-a2doi-JBVm44yaRNeHFvJnY9i3TKqddamdzZabmpL6gPaKyIMg/w134-h200/Nick%20Bottom%20KK.jpg" width="134" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Kevin Kline as Nick Bottom in <br /><i>A Midsummer's Night Dream </i>(1999)</span></td></tr></tbody></table>After the final benediction, let's pray that Harry gets out of there in time to make his flight back to the States. For my part, I will take a nap, upgrade my drink, adjust my fascinator, and wait for the <a href="https://sports.nbcsports.com/2023/04/14/what-to-know-kentucky-derby-2023/">Kentucky Derby</a> which Charles surely knew was the same day, especially since <a href="https://royalcentral.co.uk/uk/queen/the-time-the-queen-and-prince-philip-attended-the-kentucky-derby-fulfilling-a-lifelong-dream-159457/">horse racing</a> was a passion of the late Queen. (And with that, I hereby concede that I know way too much about these people.) Yet, he and <a href="https://youtu.be/2xHlngY6Bgk">Lady Macbeth</a> forged ahead with their plans anyway, so yeah, I'm tuning into to see which other ghosts come back from beyond to watch him fully transform into the ass he's always been.</p><p> <a href="https://youtu.be/XZGRxn9eCxU">God Save the King</a></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-42228733073515915012023-04-21T11:52:00.005-04:002023-04-21T11:52:42.573-04:00Something to Cry About<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/xB34Mp0xiJWKsOFdF7/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/xB34Mp0xiJWKsOFdF7/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div>I swear, every single day, somebody gets on Blue Ivy's internet to complain about having to put up with something, such as other people's children in public spaces, and well...I understand. Truly, I do since I have a child who is the absolute most on her good days. So yes, there are times when want to I release her into an unsuspecting world, and just walk away like Angela Bassett in this scene because some of y'all deserve ALL of this smoke.<p></p><p>But I know better.</p><p>I have written on this topic several times, and I already know that I won't say anything that will convince any of these bitter lemons and <a href="https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/national-international/viral-video-shows-airplane-passenger-yelling-about-a-crying-baby-on-the-flight/3017620/">short-tempered man-babies</a> that there are times when kids will be kids and sometimes, you just need to join the madness. Not in every situation, but more often than not, this demand that children be seen and not heard in public is unrealistic. Ask me how I know.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/r9PXSvEDccUaP5XtYp/giphy-downsized-large.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="480" height="167" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/r9PXSvEDccUaP5XtYp/giphy-downsized-large.gif" width="200" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Currently, I am holed up in our hotel room writing because it is quiet up here. I would like to chill poolside with a beverage and watch my daughter play, but there are several factors that make that expectation impossible. For one, we are staying at a hotel that allows pets, and after ten minutes of exposure to that the other day my allergies went into overdrive (even after I had taken my meds). The only available pool is indoors, and because it is Spring Break, there are other people staying here with their children and dogs (it isn't warm enough for them to play in the outdoor pool). After I got splashed several times, the last thing I need is a new computer because somebody's cannonball got a little too close. And finally, since I am writing, I need to situate myself in an environment conducive to that, which is not in a room full of screaming children.</p><p>So let me rewind that for you so that I make a few things clear: (1) yes, I should be able to sit poolside to get some work done if that is what I want; (2) and children also should be allowed to play in the hotel pool as rambunctiously as they like because that is why it is here. In weighing my rights versus those of the children (while not even addressing the pet issue and why y'all feel the need to impose them into every situation), the bottom line is that I will be just fine if I opt to stay in my hotel room. I have a lovely view of the Bay from the balcony. There is no need for me to complain or to get indignant because this is one of those scenarios when I have to accept the situation for what it is and deal. </p><p>That is called being an ADULT. If you are above the age of 21, you are legally required to get used to having to do this on a daily basis.</p><p>I saw that <a href="https://twitter.com/LaCienegaBlvdss/status/1648291549078515718?s=20">video</a> of the passenger who got upset about the crying baby on a plane, and I read some of the predictable commentary about <a href="https://twitter.com/Armadillidium45/status/1648371875683221504?s=20">bad children/parents</a>, and I read the <a href="https://twitter.com/MelissaRyan/status/1648372722282672129?s=20">sympathetic</a> commentary about traveling with children (including those with special needs). Well, I have an opinion to share on the matter because there are broader points that needs to be made. We live in a society. We have public venues and spaces where all kinds of people are going to interact and engage. If you can't handle a few minor inconveniences without losing your shit, then YOU are the problem!</p><p>Let's chat a bit about how folks traveling on airplanes have all of these issues with being considerate of families. When did we become so self-centered? Like why all of the resentment towards someone who asks if you would mind switching seats so that they can sit with their kids? You are allowed to decline the request, and I certainly do not condone what happened to this <a href="https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/travel/woman-refuses-to-swap-plane-seats-with-family-mom-lets-child-climb-on-her-entire-flight-as-revenge/ar-AA15tgOE?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=171270f6bff54d40bc2e4d7fdd8a6206&ei=15">person</a>. However, I do have to ask if this is the hill you want to plant your flag on--the one where you insist that you would rather sit next to my squirmy kid for two hours while I am seated two rows back? Alrighty...</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExMmQ4NWQ3YWQ4NDkwNWRkYWRlNzYwNzY3NzAxNmQ4ZGY1ZTk3YzM5ZiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZzX2dpZklkJmN0PWc/OcldYrF5srXoY/giphy-downsized-large.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExMmQ4NWQ3YWQ4NDkwNWRkYWRlNzYwNzY3NzAxNmQ4ZGY1ZTk3YzM5ZiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZzX2dpZklkJmN0PWc/OcldYrF5srXoY/giphy-downsized-large.gif" width="200" /></a></p><p>I have read treatises on social media about how annoyed people get when asked, and how they believe that saying no makes them some kind of hero to other self-righteous assholes. Bravo. Let me offer the alternative perspective of what it entails to travel with children (or adults with special needs) and the absolute nightmare it is to try to arrange for seats together. A few years back, I had to find an affordable flight for my parents and me to fly out to Las Vegas for my brother's wedding. At the time, my Mom was still mobile, but definitely beginning to have more cognitive issues due to the progression of her Alzheimer's. It was important for us to have a layover, because at the time I thought that would help us manage her needs. </p><p>I began my search for tickets a few months in advance, including the fare watcher so that I could buy at the right time. And that was a game of cat and mouse because there were times when the flights were affordable, but the layovers were ridiculous (like flying to Boston from DC, then flying to Chicago, and then to Las Vegas in a 10-hour stretch). Other times, I found the right flight, but not one with the seats together (only middle seats). Literally one month before we needed to travel, I finally found the best accommodation, which included an acceptable layover but with only two seats together. I took it and figured that was better than nothing. I do not recall that I had the option to pay extra for a third seat, which is sometimes available atop the other fees I paid for checking my bags; however, on all four flights it was occupied by a solo traveler who wanted a window. It worked out for me to sit with my Mom while my Dad sat by himself, but I still was anxious the entire time both ways. </p><p>A few years later, we had a similar issue in trying to book three seats together to travel with the Kid, who was still in baby carrier mode. Again, the best we could get was two seats together. So this claim that parents (and caregivers) have to do better at planning is the kind of entitled booshay that grates like nails on a chalkboard. Like yeah, I can plan my life around watching airline fares and seat assignments or I can look after my parents, raise my kid, and hope that we get seats together on the plane. I've never felt entitled enough to ask that someone change seats for me to sit with the Hub, but I would think that if someone asked me, I would consider it a small kindness that might get repaid in some karmic way.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidHB8lHKPOGBr6Y3tvez1s1Yxi0jI9XSD0Rc0FupNUj51D2TLByaEqZLCU9JAWiOUoZElCrn-OEiZpaAt6X43QpNb1_EnudPDIMzCUwauUeUAG-gv5SOVT55EpJh9qvGf6DXMm1s2JtjCJaaWey4Zq6wuJO6SX7ZN4OiG5tA0MmFWqF7HKtxwOr0aK4w/s960/Zuri%20on%20a%20Cruise%20in%20Chicago.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidHB8lHKPOGBr6Y3tvez1s1Yxi0jI9XSD0Rc0FupNUj51D2TLByaEqZLCU9JAWiOUoZElCrn-OEiZpaAt6X43QpNb1_EnudPDIMzCUwauUeUAG-gv5SOVT55EpJh9qvGf6DXMm1s2JtjCJaaWey4Zq6wuJO6SX7ZN4OiG5tA0MmFWqF7HKtxwOr0aK4w/w200-h200/Zuri%20on%20a%20Cruise%20in%20Chicago.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Of course, I know that ain't how Karma works. I could write a book about the rudeness and nonchalance I was subjected to when the Kid was still stroller-age from people standing in the curb cuts to having to heavy doors not held open for us. Most relevant to airline travel, there was the unforgettable flight home from Chicago on September 11th when I was subjected to additional TSA searches because of the snacks I had packed for her in my carry-on. I followed the guidelines, but because of the date and heightened airport security upon our return, her applesauce and Cheerios set off every red light on the monitors. After they went through every single thing in my bag, they took the stroller and had me carry everything that would have been attached, including her in the baby carrier. The Hub took what he could, but that still left me with a backpack, a 50-lb carrier with a crying child, and about 5 minutes to reach our gate. NO ONE helped us, except for the gate agent who allowed me to board with the priority group of passengers after I asked (but just me and the Kid). Of course, our seats were at the back of the plane, so when I got back there in the vicinity, I put the carrier down in an empty seat and loaded our stuff into the overhead. I thought I was at the right row, so I settled in to try to calm my child, who at this point had been crying since the TSA drama.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLCyfDr75vxUSPd0X_R6FM3slcnguGjJ7EkmkJUn03vUYgvUvTy2lGJ0qhlKe7Dv_p4WrjiaexiUhUsXUJ6uN_iuhoGvcNuDBZkxKYbSqaXjZ2bNichcK-imxSHcpPBvP6Mg32D5OUZscoKuL2tDTNwYyJw8RO0oZGV1KTSS0ufH96U67ngJryYK4TKw/s960/Zuri%20crying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="528" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLCyfDr75vxUSPd0X_R6FM3slcnguGjJ7EkmkJUn03vUYgvUvTy2lGJ0qhlKe7Dv_p4WrjiaexiUhUsXUJ6uN_iuhoGvcNuDBZkxKYbSqaXjZ2bNichcK-imxSHcpPBvP6Mg32D5OUZscoKuL2tDTNwYyJw8RO0oZGV1KTSS0ufH96U67ngJryYK4TKw/s320/Zuri%20crying.jpg" width="176" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">As the plane filled with people, the Hub boarded in what must have been the last group. Ahead of him was this woman who stopped at the row where I was seated with the baby. She glared at me and complained that I was in her seat. Apparently, my seats were one row back, but she insisted that I needed to move with the baby carrier from the seat that she had paid for. And guess what happened? The flight attendant made us move, even after some kind Samaritan offered to switch seats with her so that I could stay put and try to calm the baby. That kind-hearted person then offered the Hub his seat so that we could sit together, and once we got re-situated, the Kid calmed down for a bit when she saw him. But as soon as that plane took off...baybee it was a long two-hour flight. </p><p>I had snacks. I had toys. We tried using music and apps. We held her. I tried to nurse her. When the plane hit turbulence, we had to put her back in her seat. Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I had ALL the things and NOTHING worked. She kept crying until the plane landed in DC. So I can imagine that someone on that plane could relate to how the shouting guy felt, because I heard the other passenger grumbles about why we couldn't get our child to calm down. I can also relate to any humiliation felt by a parent or caregiver in that same situation.</p><p>In my child-free era, I recall taking a flight from somewhere back to DC and there was some kid (not a baby) who made a ruckus the entire time. I mean, he was non-stop active and it was super annoying. I need to search through my old tweets to see what I said about that because whew, it was a lot. And I remember thinking how his mother should have made more of an effort to keep her kid from being <i>that</i> kid...but then Karma showed up in 2016 on a two-hour flight from Chicago to DC.</p><p>And let me tell you, that was bad, but my daughter's meltdown in the Atlanta airport in 2020 was 10x worse. I am surprised we didn't go viral from that drama.</p><p>So if you want to judge me for not being the kind of parent your Big Mama was, go back and ask her how she handled travel with your family on long trips. I had to think back and guess what--we didn't fly <b><i>anywhere</i></b> when we were kids! My Mom flew to Michigan with my brother and me one time (more than 40 years ago), and since I can't ask her how that went, I can only imagine it must have been a nightmare she refused to repeat. All of subsequent our travel was by car, and I remember how she would pack everything--snacks, books, puzzles, etc., to keep us from complaining of hunger and boredom. And it didn't matter because we were kids, and that meant we were always hungry and bored. Because of that, I'm pretty sure that your family probably didn't travel by airplane as much either. </p><p>There are plenty of other reasons why there are not many comparable travel scenarios from my Gen-X past, but suffice it to say, kids have always been annoying on trips. There is an entire <a href="https://youtu.be/FHThGmVfE3A">genre of movies</a> about road trips and Dads on family vacations because that is how we rolled (yes, <a href="https://youtu.be/Jpc4ZDJnsjI">Black families</a> too). Rest stops, weird <a href="https://www.roadsideamerica.com/">roadside attractions</a>, and regional amusement parks were integral aspects of those trips so that we could burn off that excess annoying energy. How and why the world shifted towards more airplane travel is beside the point, but it is a more efficient way to travel long distances so that means more children commingled into more public spaces. Why that is so much more of an inconvenience than people's need for <a href="https://usserviceanimals.org/certification?utm_content=Bing;Search;ECD;EmotionalSupportAnimal3;emotional%20support%20animal;100&msclkid=04ca1380a1c61e56af9477c1ca85f5d5&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=ECD&utm_term=emotional%20support%20animal">emotional support</a> animals is beyond me...</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8y2Z9Ob_SLtQMZzJVRDZ0oqZRBhHarCysV9kFyiVyNdYxDnO-QP5hdzDa3AqFpEUTNlw72ii-nChtaAZcyHmww2u9yKsY3C_5AazmLi3ClZn30mHSIr9AZYk3bIjJgZF7Adj184_f7wQ9WeI92m1VERiM1IrygDjkk5sF4dewZNVsYBvdBc7MzaqGYA/s890/Are%20We%20There%20Yet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="890" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8y2Z9Ob_SLtQMZzJVRDZ0oqZRBhHarCysV9kFyiVyNdYxDnO-QP5hdzDa3AqFpEUTNlw72ii-nChtaAZcyHmww2u9yKsY3C_5AazmLi3ClZn30mHSIr9AZYk3bIjJgZF7Adj184_f7wQ9WeI92m1VERiM1IrygDjkk5sF4dewZNVsYBvdBc7MzaqGYA/s320/Are%20We%20There%20Yet.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p>And here is where the people who don't have children or whose children were allegedly perfect angels chime in with their <a href="https://twitter.com/IAmTracyBrown/status/1648662048312549376?s=20">two cents</a> to opine on the obligation of parents to intervene to protect the quiet enjoyment of other adults in public... And yeah, you can throw those pennies in the fountain and make a wish, lady! So that you can enjoy <i>your</i> flight in peace, <b>YOU</b> need to be better prepared. You paid good money to be on that flight in that window or aisle seat, so it is not my problem that you didn't anticipate the various scenarios you might encounter on a public mode of transportation.</p><p>If the only person you have to worry about is yourself, then do that. If you forgot your anxiety meds or didn't buy an adult beverage when it was offered in-flight, that isn't my kid's problem. I'm not drugging my child to calm your nerves. If you didn't invest in noise cancelling headphones or didn't bring your tablet with your favorite movies/shows downloaded for the duration of the flight, that sucks for you. In addition to packing, I was up half the night making sure that I had various entertainment options, electronics fully charged, and had generally planned for every possible contingency. AND, I had to pack for two people in one suitcase that needs to weigh less than 50lbs to avoid paying another fee. So if you can't accept that there are reasons why a baby might be crying for 45 minutes straight despite a parent's best efforts to soothe them, and your reaction is to match that energy by shouting expletives, thereby forcing the plane to land in a different city, YOU deserve all of the infamy that comes from being <i>that</i> dude.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/d2lcHJTG5Tscg/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="281" data-original-width="500" height="113" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/d2lcHJTG5Tscg/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p><p></p><p>No, the world does not have to accommodate any of us. I would be a lot less miserable if people didn't assume that everyone wants to be around their pets, but apparently that isn't realistic anymore. So I take allergy medication with me everywhere. Because I know that my child can be a lot, I load up my ginormous Mommy bag with puzzles and games to keep her occupied. I recognize it is my responsibility to manage my stuff, and the only assurance you have is that I will try my best. Deal with it or call the manager, Karen, but just know that there might be a day when you will be in my shoes. I pray that someone extends you a bit of grace instead of a load of grief.</p><p>Final word, bruh YOU are the reason why everyone had to de-plane in Orlando, not that inconsolable baby! As annoying as 40 minutes of crying must have been, nobody expected the plane to land in a whole different city to calm a child, but they had to do that in order to shut your grown ass up. So I don't care how many people offered you virtual high fives in defense of your tirade after the fact, because if I had been on that plane, I would have been pissed to have ended up in Orlando instead of where I was supposed to land. Here's the key difference between you and the baby--crying is the worst thing that child did. An unruly adult passenger on an airplane post-9/11 poses a far greater threat, so you deserved to have been arrested on principle even if all you did was yell profanities. YOU created an unsafe environment for everyone on that flight by refusing to control YOUR temper.</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/5DuLAerVIvj5m/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="250" height="146" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/5DuLAerVIvj5m/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>Even if the crying was excessive, your "adult" response was to bully the flight attendants because you couldn't yell directly at a frantic mother with an inconsolable child. None of these folks coming to your defense on social media would trade places with you nor would they contribute to your bail had you been hauled off to jail. I don't know what you deserve for being an asshole, but may you be forever known as a Cowardly Lion who woke up cranky from his nap, undone by the cries of a baby.<p></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-52733817220870414502023-04-07T08:28:00.004-04:002023-04-07T08:28:57.536-04:00Hamburgers from A Golden Calf<p>I wrote an entire mini-blog on the Facebook page about last week's mass shooting in <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2023/03/29/us/nashville-tennessee-school-shooting-what-happened/index.html">Nashville</a>, then erased it. Lately, I find it hard to express my feelings succinctly; yet, I know that most people couldn't be bothered to read a rambling long-form piece either...but I press on, hoping that maybe this isn't all an exercise in futility.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5_qP-4CZOws7fdPxwVFcmxjUP5YQLkHSlrt2Ke1d-6oFODdV8iEekw-pD9tqFVlZBWp_0rwjkAbfuWvrlivh-BDYPUKHjai-ZR0Qq9wxzdwzOvj9d--lGjnHVEkq75Db_7IbJ0jwyZXRVip63pGueezaKLZJDD-SHWr1E0nBSBulGnDzGhaX20puiXA/s975/broken-flag.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="650" data-original-width="975" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5_qP-4CZOws7fdPxwVFcmxjUP5YQLkHSlrt2Ke1d-6oFODdV8iEekw-pD9tqFVlZBWp_0rwjkAbfuWvrlivh-BDYPUKHjai-ZR0Qq9wxzdwzOvj9d--lGjnHVEkq75Db_7IbJ0jwyZXRVip63pGueezaKLZJDD-SHWr1E0nBSBulGnDzGhaX20puiXA/w200-h133/broken-flag.png" width="200" /></a></p></div>We are broken as a society. <p></p><p style="text-align: left;">That is my short take. We are screwed. We are doomed. And all because we place more value on the things we acquire than on the blessings we have been given.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Life is a blessing, but if you spend it in the unending pursuit of acquisition, what is the point? A couple of weeks ago, I started to watch that documentary about that <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2125666/">couple in Florida</a> that tried to replicate the French royal palace at <a href="https://en.chateauversailles.fr/">Versailles</a>, but I fell asleep midway and now it is no longer available on Amazon Prime. I did look up the family because one little detail got stuck in my head--how the husband had been involved in the Florida <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/david-siegel-george-w-bush-election_n_1725152">election debacle</a> of 2000. Hmm, I thought, right before it dawned on me that instead of probing into the machinations of his election frauds from behind bars, he's the subject of a movie about his unfinished house. His wife is starring in a <a href="https://youtu.be/cIJ3_1tFDqk">reality series</a> and they will soon be featured in a <a href="https://people.com/theater/kristin-chenoweth-and-jackie-siegel-meet-ahead-of-queen-of-versailles-musical-exclusive/">Broadway musical</a>, because why not? It's the American dream...</p><p>I saw enough of the documentary to be introduced to the eldest daughter, <a href="https://people.com/movies/victoria-seigel-queen-of-versailles-jackie-seigel-on-daughters-overdose/">Victoria</a>, who has since died from a drug overdose. That is tragic beyond words, so upon reading that in her memory the family set up a <a href="https://victoriasvoice.foundation/">foundation</a> that distributes Narcan and engages in other prevention advocacy, I won't center her as the object of my criticism. However, it is her death, as well as the other senseless and avoidable deaths of children and innocents that bring me to my central premise: we are broken because we aren't more mindful of what we value.</p><p>Do we value life or things? Because it really comes down to that. We are given ONE life, and during its course, we are presented with various choices of how best to live. Some people are blessed with circumstances that allow them an array of options while others have to struggle for every crumb. Many of us fall somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. And most of us are deluded by thinking that we would be better off <i>if only</i> we had more, including those who already have more than enough. </p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/pwyW4XDmtqjG8/giphy.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="312" data-original-width="400" height="250" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/pwyW4XDmtqjG8/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">The title of this piece is a metaphor of how we can have everything, but in the end, it amounts to very little. What does it mean to amass everything and still have nothing of value? I thought of a video I saw during the pandemic of a <a href="https://youtu.be/NHxYXFH92JM">24-carat gold-encrusted steak</a>, and how utterly ridiculous and wasteful it seemed. If gold is one of the world's most precious and valuable metals, then who thought it was a good idea to ingest it? Of course, once someone utters these three indulgent words, <b>because I can</b>, it no longer matters if they've ordered a steak or a hamburger, because it's still going to be shit in a few hours.</p><p style="text-align: left;">This latest school shooting is just another poignant example of how our society chooses its things over life itself. What life or death battles need to be fought in the aisles of Walmart or at a <a href="https://nypost.com/2020/05/11/protesters-carry-weapons-into-north-carolina-subway/">Subway sandwich</a> shop? Most of y'all allegedly live in these nice suburban neighborhoods where you claim life is so splendid and wonderful, so why do you need an AK-15 to carry out your daily errands? Nobody in this country needs a military-style combat weapon for personal protection, but when asked to explain what purpose it serves, you all stumble through the same jumble of words about Founding Fathers, freedom, liberty, Donald Trump, and then ultimately arrive at <i>because I can</i>. Yet, when it comes to considering any kind of compromises aimed at preventing mass tragedy, you suddenly become <a href="https://twitter.com/brenonade/status/1640512268927418368?s=20">powerless</a>. </p><p>It isn't as if gun violence is some unpredictable natural disaster or act of nature. Guns are manmade tools, and each lethal incarnation is someone's intentional creation. The entire point of having a gun is to shoot something (or imply that you will). For the sake of argument, let's agree that gun collecting is an acceptable waste of your hard-earned money. Your priceless collection isn't just piled up on a tacky TV tray; it is inside some kind of display case or it is locked away in a safe. It is protected, because the last thing you want is for Junior to take your antique Civil War era pistol to school in his backpack to pass around for show and tell. </p><p>You <b>choose</b> to secure that which you deem priceless and valuable. So why can't we think of better ways of keeping people safe in public places? Because we choose <i>not</i> to do so.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj2KPgfcfnl1iuzET5JyPlD569-sNhU2WbTH28GRk6V6XS5Br08EChxJJda1SOLmoJoTrA9SuUxNzbb1X01DHi7aO2AznvH1khLnOiMq-RoA17cqFV3qX0l7JVCMzdgdVdJPe2RzesrtHpb2aJ6YYP02qnOHNuJ3YEJyLezDdqBLwajReZQiMkxS97KQ/s1024/McDonald's%20old%20bldg.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="762" data-original-width="1024" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj2KPgfcfnl1iuzET5JyPlD569-sNhU2WbTH28GRk6V6XS5Br08EChxJJda1SOLmoJoTrA9SuUxNzbb1X01DHi7aO2AznvH1khLnOiMq-RoA17cqFV3qX0l7JVCMzdgdVdJPe2RzesrtHpb2aJ6YYP02qnOHNuJ3YEJyLezDdqBLwajReZQiMkxS97KQ/w200-h149/McDonald's%20old%20bldg.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">Some of you know this, but I have been around these debates over gun control for a long time. I have been taking note of how our country responds to these incidents for even longer. My first vivid recollection of a gun massacre took place at a McDonald's outside of San Diego in <a href="https://fox5sandiego.com/news/border-report/mcdonalds-massacre-near-border-is-nearly-forgotten-38-years-later/">San Ysidro</a>, California in 1984. I was ten, and I read every gory detail that had been published about the shooting spree that left 21 workers and patrons dead. I remember how it would be weeks before I felt comfortable going into a McDonald's restaurant. It was a well-known fact that certain locations were more dangerous than others, which I knew first-hand from having been warned most of my life which ones to avoid after dark.</p><p>Of course, I came of age in a city <a href="https://youtu.be/sjn0lhe9eyI">wrecked</a> by the crack epidemic that resulted in a daily tally of drug and gang-related murders. If you took the time to watch that <i>Nightline</i> clip, just know that I grew up in one of the neighborhoods that was identified as a warzone. Notice that they didn't interview any community leaders from that West of the Park quadrant, because none of them had to wrack their brains for solutions to urban gun violence. Their kids did drugs too (ask me how I know), but as I got older, it became clear to me that safety was a function of access--on the one hand to the resources that could keep one's home and streets secure, and on the other hand to the instruments that made another person's neighborhood unsafe. As long as the danger was confined and kept off their streets, our problems could and were avoided. We weren't worthy of attention until the crime in DC became a national embarrassment. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/Sv3gtcjKr0wCjlnoCE/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="200" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/Sv3gtcjKr0wCjlnoCE/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>Marinate on that point, because it needs to be emphasized: It was <b>embarrassing</b> that our murder rate was high. Not tragic, but <b>embarrassing</b>, the same word used to describe what it feels like to have a zit on the tip of your nose on picture day.<p></p><p>I referenced the San Ysidro Massacre because I keep seeing all of these heartfelt pleas from families to protect the lives of our most vulnerable, but we weren't moved by the picture of a dead child lying next to his bicycle, nor by the descriptions of how the gunman indiscriminately shot babies and seniors alike. That was nearly 40 years ago, and none of the subsequent mass tragedies moved the needle. NOT A ONE. I was a Hill staffer during the gun control debates after the <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/a-massacre-at-columbine-high-school">Columbine High School</a> massacre, and I have never forgotten how then-Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY) recounted the personal tragedy of having lost her husband in the <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/commute-of-terror">Long Island Railroad Massacre</a> just a few years earlier. No one changed their votes. When that gunman opened fire at <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/charleston-church-shooting/nine-killed-historic-emanuel-church-charleston-south-carolina-n377436">Mother Emmanuel AME Church</a> in South Carolina, the Confederate flag finally came down (allegedly), but no reforms to gun laws. <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/gunman-kills-students-and-adults-at-newtown-connecticut-elementary-school">Sandy Hook Elementary</a>, <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/tree-life-synagogue-deadly-shooting-n925291">Tree of Life Synagogue</a>, <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/anatomy-las-vegas-mass-shooting-deadliest-modern-us/story?id=59797324">Route 91 Harvest Music Festival</a>, <a href="https://www.npr.org/2016/06/16/482322488/orlando-shooting-what-happened-update">Pulse Nightclub</a>, <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/reported-mass-shooting-upstate-york-tops-supermarket/story?id=84721175">Tops Friendly Market</a>...</p><p>I guess no one is embarrassed enough yet.</p><p>The claim that none of those incidents could have been prevented is patently false when we've taken decisive action to prevent subsequent tragedies. Perhaps we could not have stopped the Kennedy assassination, but we no longer allow the President to go anywhere without sufficient security, not even an <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/live-updates/former-president-donald-trump-arrives-in-new-york-to-face-arraignment-manhattan/">ex-President</a> going to his arraignment. When a gunman <a href="https://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/july-24-1998-225952">killed</a> two Capitol police officers in the Rotunda, they erected cement barricades and built a Visitor Center to screen entrants to the Capitol. Because there used to be an explicit ban on firearms, the January 6th Insurrectionists had to resort to <a href="https://www.npr.org/2021/03/19/977879589/yes-capitol-rioters-were-armed-here-are-the-weapons-prosecutors-say-they-used">flagpoles and bear-repellant</a> spray as weapons. And all of us are familiar with the various security measures implemented after 9/11, with not nary a <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/shoe-bomber-richard-reid-flight">shoe bomber</a>.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVwwDo913Nq936vV6ekV1aHExx_L2_Da9krPCWIUSMBXt24T1g7PxXdBCCzRohmxo5L4QWZbrbsW2SD68i0g7zyR3qS-neSi04sLScM5oBju0x7eH9LyoOsaTkpkC8NkKjjWFbagpbGFtjJy-p5fAIellRupRRfKSzIMwoOcHOW3FqjA2MtBkbWmWdlg/s948/Charlton%20Heston%20NRA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="948" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVwwDo913Nq936vV6ekV1aHExx_L2_Da9krPCWIUSMBXt24T1g7PxXdBCCzRohmxo5L4QWZbrbsW2SD68i0g7zyR3qS-neSi04sLScM5oBju0x7eH9LyoOsaTkpkC8NkKjjWFbagpbGFtjJy-p5fAIellRupRRfKSzIMwoOcHOW3FqjA2MtBkbWmWdlg/w200-h113/Charlton%20Heston%20NRA.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">However, because you can, you claim that your Second Amendment rights are more important than safety at the grocery store, at church, on the Vegas Strip, at a nightclub, and for children while at school. Yet, if you were to demand that Jerry Jones grant you a waiver to bring your guns into his skybox at <a href="https://attstadium.com/">AT&T Stadium</a>, I'm 100% sure he wouldn't even entertain the thought. Because <i>he</i> can.</p><p>In response to more senseless and preventable death, the people with power can spin the wheel to choose who lives and who dies. Drop <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/desantis-signs-bill-carry-concealed-guns-permit-98324060">permitting and licensing</a> requirements (so now any and everybody can claim to be a "good guy with a gun"). Arm the underpaid <a href="https://www.usnews.com/news/national-news/articles/2023-04-05/tennessee-advances-bill-to-arm-teachers-after-deadly-nashville-school-shooting">teachers</a> (and shift the liability to them for failing to save lives). Post the <a href="https://time.com/6269110/texas-bill-10-commandments-schools/">Ten Commandments</a> in every classroom (to blame the godless atheists when bad things happen for their disbelief). <a href="https://www.sacurrent.com/news/no-free-lunch-school-lunch-programs-in-san-antonio-are-at-a-crisis-point-31321474">Refuse to feed</a> any hungry children at lunchtime (too expensive to feed them in school, so we'll wait until they're incarcerated). Sanitize the retelling of history so that the 'bad guys' are always the people who were enslaved or annihilated, or who protested against enslavement and annihilation (everything that isn't old-fashioned America-is-exceptional patriotism is Critical Race Theory and communism). Turn everything inside out so that people are more upset that <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/brief-history-of-drag-queen-story-hour_n_64077824e4b0e0a15960a4a0">drag queens</a> are reading to children than they are that the <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2022/07/21/us/drag-lgbtq-rights-race-deconstructed-newsletter-reaj/index.html">protestors</a> against these events have come with loaded guns.</p><p>In another reminiscence from my childhood, I recall when John Lennon was killed in the doorway of his Manhattan apartment building. Apart from not knowing who he was at the time, I later saw a political cartoon that had a line-up of various notable people who had been assassinated that included the Kennedys, MLK, and Gandhi with the caption, "Guns don't kill, people do." While I have never been able to track down that image, it has stayed with me all of these years. The slogan itself has morphed into a perpetual meme, with different phrases added such as 'men with mustaches', 'Dads with daughters', and whomever your political enemies of the moment might be. This 1980 editorial by <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/1980/12/14/machineguns-dont-kill/4b08bd82-6ea6-4c4b-9a2b-bd48a4d2b4ba/">Mike Royko</a> accurately satirizes the sentiment that we would rather choose to preserve and protect gun rights instead of people. </p><p>Because we would rather have ALL the things, the choice to protect guns is just like the greed of <a href="https://youtu.be/nn8YGPZdCvA">King Midas</a> in requesting the golden touch--already blessed with abundance, but still not satisfied with anything. It took the loss of his daughter for him to realize what was worth more than his possessions. In the 40 years since San Ysidro, the only people living with the nightmare of what happened were those who were there. It's the same with every other mass shooting and any weekend murder tally from <a href="https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-chicago-homicides-data-tracker-20220426-iedehzuq5jdofbhwt3v2w6cjoy-story.html">Chicago</a>, especially now that tragedy strikes with such regularity that the media can only devote a few hours to each in a 24-hour news cycle. As long as the threats don't get too big or too close (to adapt a phrase that my Dad often uses when commenting on how white people feel about Black people in the South and North, respectively), this is DC in the 80s all over again. The <a href="https://www.thetrace.org/2022/12/gun-violence-deaths-statistics-america/">statistics and body counts</a> won't matter unless and until those chickens come home to roost.</p><p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNsG4Qv5VzInDjxlMQPb-Cf6bmW0HZaI2MU5Q-Y3MnxcOOmVXU91QucUlxMiVbm8oPRAn06Lkx3ItVLuE_zFnwQHbhMXXzsOOKWRMZLGxPlClKneRynWtioMrLaud2uGNLnQ8bj_AV9J5hXDsXAvcj5F1VBv1S-NK-ighEY5jk3-nRudJETEY02SLU8A/s2000/Golden%20Calf.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="2000" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNsG4Qv5VzInDjxlMQPb-Cf6bmW0HZaI2MU5Q-Y3MnxcOOmVXU91QucUlxMiVbm8oPRAn06Lkx3ItVLuE_zFnwQHbhMXXzsOOKWRMZLGxPlClKneRynWtioMrLaud2uGNLnQ8bj_AV9J5hXDsXAvcj5F1VBv1S-NK-ighEY5jk3-nRudJETEY02SLU8A/w200-h150/Golden%20Calf.jpg" width="200" /></a></p>Having lost so many lives and seeing no desire to choose differently from the people who have been in power, we're at this inflection point: either doomed to wander in the wilderness until we perish or choosing to demolish our idols and false gods in order to be saved. To briefly revisit the Siegels, note that they aren't donating their fortune to provide Narcan to prevent other addicts from dying like their daughter; they're trying to figure out how to resurrect the remains of their American Versailles. <i>Because they can...</i> <p></p><p>What can we do? Keep fighting like hell. Getting back up when we get knocked down. Showing up. Speaking out. Standing up. Sitting in. Refusing to take whatever they give us as a consolation for not keeping us safe. Fighting for what we believe is worth more than hamburgers ground from a Golden Calf.</p><p><i>* I've been mulling over this piece for a few days, while paying attention to the shenanigans on the ground in Tennessee. First it was the proposal to arm teachers (cited above), then the threat to expel three Democrats for staging an "insurrection" by using bullhorns on the floor of the legislature out of turn. Last night, the two Black Members in the trio, Justin B. Jones and Justin Pearson, were expelled. While everyone, myself included, had a visceral reaction to the optics, I would like to add that my reaction now isn't just anger and resignation, but resolve. Yes, these young men are Black, and it should be noted how attacks and efforts to curtail and undermine the rise of Black lawmakers is not new. This is 21st Century Redemption, wherein the rules are being changed and enforced to disempower...<u>because they can</u>. Not unless we allow it.</i></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-23626374997450945362023-03-31T20:18:00.002-04:002023-03-31T20:18:24.631-04:00Fake Feminism<p>I was called a fake feminist because I don't have an issue with a <a href="https://dylanmulvaney.com/">transwoman</a> becoming a model for <a href="https://twitter.com/katespadeny/status/1641209155569479683?s=20">Kate Spade</a>. This happened on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/BusyBlackWoman/posts/pfbid07NhAtUxSeT1MoSDzNuWRGJ9egky6dVsMh3hAHLy57exVGqwdeiPnwvTZ2UEwXFEFl">Book of Faces</a>, where I had posted my musings about the ridiculousness of being offended about some influencer/TikTok model when we have much bigger issues. I mean, the world is on fire, but let's focus our righteous indignation on who should wear a pink poofy dress. However, before I get started, let us send up a round of applause for that commentor who thought she was insulting me:</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/xTka02xuli2hh9GnhC/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="180" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/xTka02xuli2hh9GnhC/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Welcome to the Busy Black Woman's new feature, The Library. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Interestingly enough, I had been planning to address this issue long before this exchange. I have been concerned about the growing tension with our mothers and grandmothers from the <a href="https://www.womenshistory.org/exhibits/feminism-second-wave">second-wave of feminism</a> who aren't quite sure of how to welcome transwomen into our midst. After all, when they were burning bras and denouncing the patriarchy in the 60s and 70s, the closet doors had only opened a crack with the <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots">Stonewall uprising</a>.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Sixty years after Betty Friedan published <i>The Feminine Mystique</i>, here we are, on the last day of Women's History Month (also <a href="https://www.glaad.org/tdov">Transgender Day of Visibility</a>*), in the year of our Lord 2023, worried about who gets to be called a woman. Well, transwomen are women. Period. </p><p style="text-align: left;">I understand why that might be a concern for the patrons in a Kate Spade boutique, but as for me and my space, I said what I said. Maybe this would bother me if I were on the hunt for a pink poofy dress to wear on Easter Sunday, but I'm not. My Kid's birthday is on Easter Sunday this year and I'm trying to decide if we can spare a few eggs to dye given these <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/29/business/egg-profits-cal-maine/index.html">high prices</a>. And <span style="color: #e06666;">pink</span> is <b>not</b> my color...</p><p style="text-align: left;">Therefore, I find it rather curious that we are now defining feminism in such a narrow-minded way since I was taught that the central point of the movement was to upend the notion that biology determines our choices and destiny. Originally, we wanted girls to grow up to believe that they could be anything because they are more than the functioning of their reproductive organs. So how am I a fake feminist because I believe in choice, not just for women but also for men? And because I regard that right to choose as inclusive of one's gender identity? How sway...</p><p style="text-align: left;">All of us come to some pivotal moment in our lives when we get to decide who and what we are. Perhaps it was in elementary school at a career day assembly or maybe one day on some dead-end job when you decided that you had enough. Maybe one day you looked at yourself in the mirror and decided that you would dye your hair, pierce your tongue, or get a tattoo. Or maybe you would try on your mother's discarded makeup and realized how your eye color popped with the right shadow. After a particularly brutal encounter with a bunch of playground bullies, imagine feeling so worthless that you locked yourself in the bathroom with thoughts of suicide until you heard the <a href="https://youtu.be/eAfyFTzZDMM">lyrics to a song</a> that reassured you that it would get better. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/l378q1hrsjcMWn8qI/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="262" data-original-width="474" height="111" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/l378q1hrsjcMWn8qI/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">Because my definition of feminism allows space for women who were born male, but who <u>choose</u> to live as women, I don't understand how that makes me fake. In this same society where women spend millions on artificial enhancements such as cosmetics, breast implants, and Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBLs), a transwoman who has had gender reassignment surgery is still just a man playing dress up? Does Caitlyn Jenner know that?</p><p style="text-align: left;">In this same country where the rights I was born with regarding my reproductive choices have been all but eliminated for my daughter, I ought to be mad about the outfits worn by an influencer on TikTok. I must say, after three years of pandemic, it finally feels good to shift my attention from the virus to more pressing life or death issues. I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/03/23/1164284891/book-bans-school-libraries-florida">book bans</a>, gun violence in schools, or whether hungry children receive <a href="https://news.yahoo.com/schools-could-more-easily-free-154426900.html">free lunch</a>, because it is far more important to keep drag queens from <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/brief-history-of-drag-queen-story-hour_n_64077824e4b0e0a15960a4a0">reading books</a> to children at story time.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Should I leave it to the real men, born male, to decide if and when girls need access to menstruation products <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/idaho-bill-provide-free-period-products-schools-fails-98157374">in school</a> too?</p><p style="text-align: left;">Which brings me to the concerns of these older feminists who are worried that the inclusion of transwomen de-centers attention from women's overall struggle for equality. In my mind, it doesn't. Yes, it changes our language and how we frame certain issues. I have to get used to the concept of cis-gender as a way of distinguishing different kinds of women's issues. But it is a trick of the devil to convince us that discrimination against women is somehow more likely if we advocate for transwoman as well. Are we seriously going to act like the <a href="https://www.womenshistory.org/exhibits/feminism-first-wave-0">first wavers</a> who didn't want to include women of color in the fight for suffrage? </p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/l0IukNXgBnxRXVjYA/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="113" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/l0IukNXgBnxRXVjYA/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div>If so, then we're just a bunch mean girls who feel entitled to bully transwomen because we can ignore their unique plight. Since we never had the option of giving up the rights and privileges of patriarchy, we can express our resentment by denying transwomen seats at our lunch table. Just like the Plastics in high school, we can brand them as freaks and try to drive them away from any place they might find refuge. On Wednesdays we wear pink...<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Take this sudden push for equity in girls' sports. Do you honestly believe this battle is being fought by a bunch of concerned girl dads who coach soccer or softball? You can't even watch the Women's NCAA Basketball championship games without cable, but the most pressing challenge is whether <a href="https://www.popsugar.com/fitness/world-athletics-ban-trans-women-athletes-49131040">transwomen</a> have unfair physiological advantages. Admittedly, that is a complex issue but if we've figured out how to make all kinds of other opportunities that were once only available to men accessible to women, we can figure this one out too.</p><p>Since this all started over a Kate Spade advertisement, let's offer an illustration of fake feminism by taking a trip to the <a href="https://www.mallatprincegeorges.com/">nearest mall</a>. Oh wait, there isn't a Kate Spade store at my local mall because it doesn't serve their core demographic. Instead, I can either travel <a href="https://www.katespade.com/stores/us/dc/washington/994-palmer-alley-nw">downtown</a> or out to the suburbs to get a look at the spring collection. Hmm, as I walk through the door, there is a $500 <a href="https://www.katespade.com/products/showdog-fringed-3d-dog-crossbody/KB164.html?frp=KB164%20CU3">shaggy dog purse</a> that greets me, and I think, how cute, maybe I can carry my car keys, lip gloss, and a few credit cards in it when I wear it to brunch on Easter Sunday. And oh look, here is the infamous <a href="https://www.katespade.com/products/twist-bodice-puff-sleeve-dress/KB061.html?frp=KB061%20VE4%20%2010">pink dress with the poofy sleeves</a> for $400, and a pair of <a href="https://www.katespade.com/products/palm-springs-crystal-slide-sandals/K7110-101.html?rrec=true">white sandals</a> for $260, so look a whole outfit for under $1200!</p><p>A feminist is more concerned that the salesperson receives a decent commission or that they earn enough to afford health coverage or that this job offers Family and Medical Leave. Instead of shaking my fists and expressing my outrage on social media that the model prancing around in a <a href="https://twitter.com/CatchUpNetwork/status/1640952458871721985?s=20">TikTok video</a> used to be a man, I care that this young woman feels accepted for who she is and uses her platform to <a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/">support others</a> who need reassurance to find their truth. In my eyes, that makes her a more authentic woman than anyone who denounces her as a lady boy.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Finally, let me close this Library session by weeding out a few authors from the shelves, namely <a href="https://www.glamour.com/story/a-complete-breakdown-of-the-jk-rowling-transgender-comments-controversy">J.K. Rowling</a> and <a href="https://www.salon.com/2023/03/10/alice-walker-defends-jk-rowlings-terf-views-in-new-essay/">Alice Walker</a>. It pains me to admit that <a href="https://www.vox.com/identities/2019/9/5/20840101/terfs-radical-feminists-gender-critical">their divisiveness</a> has become a distraction from the real shit that weighs us down. Because women shouldn't waste time on silly disagreements that benefit the patriarchy, so while we are arguing over who can call themselves women, the tyrants are running amok. From the Taliban banning <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/20/asia/taliban-bans-women-university-education-intl/index.html">women and girls</a> from obtaining education; to <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-64062900">Iranian protests</a>; to <a href="https://www.aclu.org/legislative-attacks-on-lgbtq-rights">legislation</a> in states across this country that seek to restrict LGBTQIA+ rights. Transwomen aren't protected from harm because they used to be men. Oppression is everywhere. None of us can fight it on every front, but we can be allies and do no harm. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIQU4XVvcSomdardtT9tAUnJYZamaXRzH1gqcd1MbHi0OECLUYLe8IIZJZgJW0cU6V5AZAmCzYyrjmRHarERIKDkVPZoWOEYvP-myNblmxQmOriHG3Tn5horAlWxPnomLpyLQqUU-5fKEftbkqST66_Uli-YgWDeioLLEKaPexbqgUUuZQaoOobwXe-A/s474/TGDOV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="474" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIQU4XVvcSomdardtT9tAUnJYZamaXRzH1gqcd1MbHi0OECLUYLe8IIZJZgJW0cU6V5AZAmCzYyrjmRHarERIKDkVPZoWOEYvP-myNblmxQmOriHG3Tn5horAlWxPnomLpyLQqUU-5fKEftbkqST66_Uli-YgWDeioLLEKaPexbqgUUuZQaoOobwXe-A/w200-h113/TGDOV.jpg" width="200" /></a></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">To that end, I can admit that I am still learning and evolving, so I expect to be wrong about certain things, and I am willing to accept correction and be educated. I can tell you that I cringe at some of my past behaviors and opinions when it came to acknowledging the personhood and humanity in others, so I am not speaking from some self-righteous perch of having known the truth all along. As a card-carrying women's college alumna of almost 30 years, my identification as a feminist ain't some designer label I just adopted so that I could win arguments with strangers on Al Gore's internet.</p><p style="text-align: left;">You can take your selections to the check out desk and have a nice life. The Library is now closed.</p><p style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">* After working on this for most of the day, I found out that today is Transgender Day of Visibility, so I accept that as a sign that I am evolving in the right direction.</span></i></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-47960150885186567142023-03-17T10:48:00.000-04:002023-03-17T10:48:01.876-04:00Angela Bassett: The Queen of Our Hearts<p style="text-align: left;"></p><p style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/7SeaFA7XzP00VaXEFY/giphy.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="269" data-original-width="480" height="112" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/7SeaFA7XzP00VaXEFY/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p>I waited a couple of days (and some change) to comment on this matter because understandably, folks have mixed feelings. We all want to believe that opportunities are apportioned accordingly, and that credit is given when and where it is due. We all want to believe that the sun is bright enough to shine on all of us. Therefore, I am not upset that Angela Bassett <a href="https://www.vibe.com/news/entertainment/angela-bassett-oscar-loss-social-media-reacts-1234741908/">lost</a> the Best Supporting Actress Oscar this year.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">I said what I said.</p><p style="text-align: left;">I saw <i>Wakanda Forever</i> (2022) opening weekend. I have a piece in draft that I have been working on since last November that expresses some of how I felt about that movie and her stellar performance. It was great and worthy of the nomination.</p><p style="text-align: left;">I have not seen <i>Everything Everywhere All At Once</i> (2022) all the way through yet (keep missing the first hour), so I can't say if Jamie Lee Curtis was deserving of the hardware; therefore, I also cannot argue that her co-star <a href="https://youtu.be/57se_y4DpXE">Stephanie Hsu</a> was <i>more</i> deserving. Instead, I can suggest that this was obviously a sentimental nod to Curtis, who has reached a certain stage in her career, thus very on-brand for Hollywood to honor her in this way. (But I know nobody really wants to hear that right now.)</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivBwT7zrcH3KiBn5B1Gscthq-AVFjFFFW8d-px5Q4PXA1rvX8sYvpJu5k6UqHUCcNaGeQvQ30cm8nlTxS3DJ2C9hpVcf8D5z_4xGRj5wS-480A-CbGOqZDyk3N7eNQLesMY7EsM88t0fOx2x38Dn_rGuzo9XqeLSY0PX_0wVGwHHMPTgbiplbCNsUfgA/s474/Angela%20Bassett%20purple.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="355" data-original-width="474" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivBwT7zrcH3KiBn5B1Gscthq-AVFjFFFW8d-px5Q4PXA1rvX8sYvpJu5k6UqHUCcNaGeQvQ30cm8nlTxS3DJ2C9hpVcf8D5z_4xGRj5wS-480A-CbGOqZDyk3N7eNQLesMY7EsM88t0fOx2x38Dn_rGuzo9XqeLSY0PX_0wVGwHHMPTgbiplbCNsUfgA/w200-h150/Angela%20Bassett%20purple.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">However, and I hope that this can be an agreeable consolation, I fully expect that Bassett <b>will</b> get her Oscar. Not as a supporting actress mind you, but in the category that is most befitting of our Supreme Sister Auntie Queen. And on that glorious evening, my hope is that we will all look back on this current snub and humph in satisfaction that her triumph happened in due time and course, and not as some kind of consolation prize in response to an #OscarsSoWhite trending hashtag.</p><p style="text-align: left;">This year of our Lord 2023, the Oscar blessings went to badass Michelle Yeoh. And to the inspirational Ke Huy Quan. And to Brendan Fraser for wearing a fat suit. And yes, even to the Dean of the <a href="https://youtu.be/PH1FaPQN07U">Scream Queens</a>, Jamie Lee Curtis.</p><p style="text-align: left;">There may be reasons to believe that these were not the best choices, but those are debates for the critics and among the <a href="https://www.oscars.org/about/join-academy">Academy members</a> who saw each nominated performance. As we recently learned, we can't even guarantee that most of those voters <a href="https://ew.com/awards/oscars/2023-oscars-secret-ballot-academy-awards-voters-share-juicy-picks/">actually saw</a> all of the films. As to Jamie Lee Curtis, I say we dispense with the grumblings because this has to be the high-water mark of her career at this point. Yes, she's a veteran actress with <a href="https://people.com/movies/all-about-jamie-lee-curtis-parent/">famous parents</a> and a considerable list of IMDb credits, but unlike some of her peers who have been nominated multiple times like Meryl Streep, Cate Blanchett, Frances McDormand, or Dame Judi Dench, the likelihood that Curtis will ever grace that stage to claim another statue is low. This is just one of those lucky flukes. </p><div style="text-align: left;">No offense, but for someone who just released another <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10665338/">Halloween</a> movie in 2021, what else is there for her at this point, other than to portray someone eccentric and weird? Here you have a working actress who's been around for long enough not to be too jaded or too impressed by what she does for a living. If she even had to audition for this part, it would shock me, but for the sake of argument, let's assume she went in to read and when the casting director called her agent, their discussion went something like this: </div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Casting director: You know what would be a hoot?</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Agent: What? Jamie Lee trying her hand at martial arts? </div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Casting director: Yes, but what if we had her look like a crazy cat lesbian who could perform martial arts?</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Agent: Can we do that? And what if we put her in a bad wig and give her floppy hot dog fingers too?</div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Casting director: Sure, why not? Who will even notice?</div></blockquote><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ATfyUyJJqJSNcP6A5GODrDTO-fmI9cVNlNvbYH1QEL8Gg7cyux4KUnxCXYNQYErlkOCviyxCoJiz922aLXm2BHaubjTFbLSUas6SQdrHKhZ55-JnuCTALLqHv8X5zams73SM05c0W9aLeLGlJ8sVY8-KFjdixkYAwGg23LaH7SkIrzgrHT_g4sxkPQ/s474/Jamie%20Lee%20Curtis%20EEAAO.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="248" data-original-width="474" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ATfyUyJJqJSNcP6A5GODrDTO-fmI9cVNlNvbYH1QEL8Gg7cyux4KUnxCXYNQYErlkOCviyxCoJiz922aLXm2BHaubjTFbLSUas6SQdrHKhZ55-JnuCTALLqHv8X5zams73SM05c0W9aLeLGlJ8sVY8-KFjdixkYAwGg23LaH7SkIrzgrHT_g4sxkPQ/s320/Jamie%20Lee%20Curtis%20EEAAO.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">And Curtis loved the idea because who would have noticed her as a supporting character in a quirky film like <i>EEAAO</i> for a sporadic 10-15 minutes worth of screen time? There is <u>no way</u> she expected any of this attention until the nomination came and suddenly the momentum behind the film took her like a wave. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Furthermore, that is the entire point of honoring a Best Supporting Actor. S/he isn't the star--s/he's some random scene stealer who had an interesting/pivotal line or transitional moment. Either s/he died, killed, saved, or taunted the hero/ine: <a href="https://youtu.be/RfqGNrwaDTc">Louis Gossett, Jr.</a> mocking Richard Gere as "Mayo-naise" while he slithers through the mud during basic training or a half-naked <a href="https://youtu.be/ulJXiB5i_q0">Anne Hathaway</a> coiffed in a buzzcut and dying of tuberculosis. Everybody honored in that category enjoys their moment in the spotlight, then they disappear quietly to try their hand at something else like bee farming or Broadway.</p><p style="text-align: left;">That is not the career trajectory we should want for Angela Bassett. Quite honestly, it still doesn't sit well with me that <a href="https://www.today.com/popculture/viola-davis-becomes-first-black-star-win-oscar-emmy-tony-t108623">Viola Davis</a> got talked into submitting her name for that supporting category in 2017 because now it will take her another 20 years to ever get nominated again. We could have a whole debate over the value of an Oscar nomination as opposed to a win, and then more discussion about how it doesn't even benefit women as much as men in the grand scheme of things. We could engage in all manner of debate over the meaning of an Oscar versus the quality of roles in an actor's career. We could write these long think pieces about the snubs and slights and slaps, or...</p><p style="text-align: left;">We could write <a href="https://filmmakermagazine.com/76634-screenwriter-john-ridley-talks-12-years-a-slave/#.ZBCbehXMLrc">screenplays</a>. We could write songs. We could compose <a href="http://www.terenceblanchard.com/about/">music scores</a>. We could design <a href="https://www.ruthecarter.com/">exquisite costumes</a> and sets. We could be directors and producers. We could advocate for more opportunities for jobs in the industry. We could take notice of the fact that most of the people who win multiple Oscars are the folks who put in the work behind the scenes.</p><p style="text-align: left;">That isn't to say that our complaints that the #OscarsSoWhite weren't valid or that the improvements only lasted for a few award cycles. By drawing attention to the Academy's lack of diversity, changes did come. It came with everything, everywhere (all at once) from who got nominated to the kinds of projects that were greenlit. A <a href="https://www.oscars.org/news/cheryl-boone-isaacs-elected-academy-president">Black woman</a> was elected President of the Academy and we finally got a <a href="https://youtu.be/xjDjIWPwcPU">Black superhero movie</a> with a <a href="https://filmmakermagazine.com/people/ryan-coogler/#.ZBHUghXMLrc">Black director</a> from the Blackest city on the West Coast. All of that set the stage for <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/ruth-e-carter-becomes-1st-black-woman-win-2-oscars-rcna74709">Ruth Carter</a> to win two Oscars (and I bet no one even realized that she's been designing costumes since the 80s). Calling out Hollywood's highfalutin snooty predilections for English period dramas and biased historical fiction got them to broaden the categories to consider a wider range of films. </p><p style="text-align: left;">This is why I say we shouldn't sweat this. We can't adopt the same mindset that excluded us by suggesting that a win for one person or community is a loss of opportunity for another marginalized community because it isn't. No, an Oscar isn't a participation trophy, but neither is an Olympic Gold medal or a Superbowl ring. Everybody isn't going to get one but it's a good thing when more people are allowed to compete on that level. And in that sense, everybody does win. For too long, that wasn't the case, not just for Black people but for every excluded group in Hollywood. There is a world of talent--a whole world, and we've barely scratched the surface.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDXNS82DY-Ru2GF1tNJdIMO4nooOdIVZZ3_d0iFd2LH3UyQBOhh17e1EMTb09hVw2Xqci8enA7jjTfRNH2hR_APrCFSCM3PtSg7Lahg0UgncFpQnYVjuAu_zjJvuzpG0QBenVwPK0c_ZGa98rbeTcPmQTy9MI7LEu4h9pZ6_ifDUPb9C-KVGl5HrxcNw/s300/Miyoshi%20Umeki.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="234" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDXNS82DY-Ru2GF1tNJdIMO4nooOdIVZZ3_d0iFd2LH3UyQBOhh17e1EMTb09hVw2Xqci8enA7jjTfRNH2hR_APrCFSCM3PtSg7Lahg0UgncFpQnYVjuAu_zjJvuzpG0QBenVwPK0c_ZGa98rbeTcPmQTy9MI7LEu4h9pZ6_ifDUPb9C-KVGl5HrxcNw/w156-h200/Miyoshi%20Umeki.jpg" width="156" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">A few months ago, I spent a Saturday afternoon watching Turner Classic Movies, and I got to see the musical <a href="https://www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/75214/flower-drum-song#overview">Flower Drum Song</a> (1961) with <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0880855/">Miyoshi Umeki</a>, the first East Asian American actress to win an Academy Award (Best Supporting Actress for <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050933/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0">Sayonara</a> in 1958). By my math that was 65 years ago, and I had never heard of her despite the <a href="https://ew.com/oscars/2018/02/22/miyoshi-umeki-sayonara-oscars-profile/">historic nature</a> of that career accomplishment. It took decades to get to <a href="https://youtu.be/0nYDMp1LdT8">The Joy Luck Club</a> (1993) amid the incremental progress of <a href="https://charactermedia.com/legends-a-look-back-at-asian-american-hollywood-history-asian-american-actors-timeline-asian-american-actresses-sessue-hayakawa-anna-may-wong-merle-oberon-jadin-wong-keye-luke-philip-ahn-richard-loo-j/">individual Asian actors</a>. And then it still took years to get films like <a href="https://youtu.be/HKH7_n425Ss">Mulan</a> (1998), <a href="https://youtu.be/-jTdOdcMKoY">Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon</a> (2000), and <a href="https://youtu.be/ZQ-YX-5bAs0">Crazy Rich Asians</a> (2018), so if Black people are complaining that #OscarsSoWhite...and Mickey Rooney's cameo in <i>Breakfast at Tiffany's</i> occurred three years after Umeki's win, then I don't think we're done complaining about the lack of diversity in Hollywood.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Not when we just find out that the first Asian actress to receive an Oscar nomination in 1936, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/mar/06/merle-oberon-oscars-best-actress">Merle Oberon</a>, was passing for white so there is a disclaimer to the description of Michelle Yeoh's historic nomination. Not when we just learned that there are other regions in India (<a href="https://variety.com/2023/awards/awards/rrr-oscars-naatu-naatu-performance-song-1235551442/">Telugu</a>) that produce energetic musicals other than Bollywood. Not when <a href="https://variety.com/2023/scene/columns/patty-jenkins-oscars-no-women-best-director-1235550827/">women</a> are still overlooked as directors in spite of turning in excellent work.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Which brings me to the inevitable backlash from the disgruntled old Hollywood guard. We start with that anonymous Cowardly Lion quoted throughout <a href="https://ew.com/awards/oscars/2023-oscars-secret-ballot-academy-awards-voters-share-juicy-picks/">this article</a>, the critically acclaimed Actor. I wasted a lot of time thinking about who this person might be and how best to express my disdain for him in the most unflattering way possible. I settled on a caricature--some former teen heartthrob, pretentious Tesla-driving, recurring <i>CSI</i> guest, nepo baby. In other words, another limousine liberal who claims to be vegan but only because he chews his steak and then spits it out (I'm pretty sure the interviewee is not <a href="https://majorityreportradio.com/">Sam Seder</a>, but you have to admit this <a href="https://youtu.be/sTDih-HS-hs">clip</a> perfectly illustrates the jab). Whomever he is, I hope karma comes in the form of his being fired by Gina Prince-Bythewood "the lady director" on some really prestigious project because he failed to "sit [TF] down, shut up, and relax" as told, so he's replaced by Cate Blanchett, who then goes on to win her third Oscar. As for <a href="https://twitter.com/paul_posts/status/1635321401812078593?s=20">Paul Schrader</a>, that sleepy old fart...</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/KdlxvZK2ecKA2zM3yE/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="480" height="160" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/KdlxvZK2ecKA2zM3yE/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">Finally, I have a few words for all of these body language experts on social media who seem to know what was going on in Angela Bassett's head when her name wasn't called for that Oscar. WTF? Are y'all just determined to make Black women the villain in everybody's origin story? She looked surprised and disappointed. Perhaps she assumed that if she was going to lose, it would have been to Stephanie Hsu or Kerry Condon. If you look at the pictures of her husband, <a href="https://twitter.com/EbonyLathan/status/1635470758511013888?s=20">Courtney B. Vance</a> in the same moment, he's the one who's mad. He was hoping that an Oscar win would mean the kind of salary bump per project that would allow them to put their twins through college.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Instead, <a href="https://twitter.com/DailyMail/status/1635267539289743363?s=20">folks</a> and I mean snarky assholes like <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/piers-morgan-hypocrite-angela-bassett-oscars-loss-1787837">Piers Morgan</a> in particular, want to sell this narrative that Bassett should have appeared more gracious, as if others haven't had similar reactions to losing in the past. I vividly remember how the late Lauren Bacall looked absolutely pissed in 1997, and apparently that was not my imagination because she's included on this <a href="https://www.wmagazine.com/story/oscars-most-honest-reactions-to-losing-best-actor-actress-gifs">entire list</a> of other disgruntled nominees. A really shitty and sore loser reaction would have been to storm off and leave like Morgan did <a href="https://youtu.be/Lc7o7ZB1Cow">here</a>...but whatever snowflake.</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh53Y1ksl7nX09bSeRd_4ueLw6YIO1-0tDawLbMWeiDUzKjSVvDG1-4vTDbJ6__MU3LNEAj-M6XfpExRPZBqRjhTlinpSwlda6Hl2EOtKcUvYZEBgpeKSBE2ofBhqbxUlr_ZFMbs9UfHMbQLc5JHoD1xgIdfxZCxzsneLDPclb763IU6SmOhEUVdIFHSQ/s1440/Many%20faces%20of%20Angela%20Bassett.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1284" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh53Y1ksl7nX09bSeRd_4ueLw6YIO1-0tDawLbMWeiDUzKjSVvDG1-4vTDbJ6__MU3LNEAj-M6XfpExRPZBqRjhTlinpSwlda6Hl2EOtKcUvYZEBgpeKSBE2ofBhqbxUlr_ZFMbs9UfHMbQLc5JHoD1xgIdfxZCxzsneLDPclb763IU6SmOhEUVdIFHSQ/w178-h200/Many%20faces%20of%20Angela%20Bassett.jpg" width="178" /></a></div>Dear Beloved Angela, you already know that I'm not here to urge you to take comfort in just being nominated because we're past that at this stage of your career. You did the thing, which was to carry the whole weight of that movie on your majestic shoulders in the wake of the incalculable loss of its fallen star. Notwithstanding the fact that some people couldn't appreciate that kind of fortitude, it remains my contention that your performance was <i><b>too</b></i> good for the Oscar in that category. And that isn't shade to the <a href="https://deadline.com/gallery/oscars-best-supporting-actress-winners-photo-gallery/mcdevev-ec061/">past winners</a>, it is just stating facts. This was hardly your defining career moment.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">So on your behalf, I have already declared and decreed that this won't be the last time you'll be nominated; if anything, this will be the last time anyone can make the claim that you aren't worthy of an Oscar. You've proven that time and again since 1992 when you were first nominated for portraying Tina Turner. This entire controversy is a distraction meant to rationalize why the Academy has been dragging its feet in acknowledging you and how they messed up the televised <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/oscars-2023-in-memoriam-snubs-anne-heche-tom-sizemore-missing-1235350689/">In Memoriam</a> segment again. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExN2IyYTg0Yzg2NzQ5ZjUyNmU5YzdkMDM1MGM0YjkzZDM4NmY2NmE4NiZjdD1n/pwPkO6sbSHz76Dco4T/giphy-downsized-large.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="113" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExN2IyYTg0Yzg2NzQ5ZjUyNmU5YzdkMDM1MGM0YjkzZDM4NmY2NmE4NiZjdD1n/pwPkO6sbSHz76Dco4T/giphy-downsized-large.gif" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">That's all I have to say. I'm pretty sure that Courtney, your kids, <a href="https://www.indiewire.com/2023/03/angela-bassett-held-austin-butler-hand-during-best-actor-oscars-1234818981/">Austin Butler</a>, and everyone else has bestowed you with flowers and all manner of consolation. Michael B. Jordan and Jonathan Majors already let the Academy know they messed up when they took to the stage. And in spite of these hit pieces written by the publicists of some other disgruntled actresses, we are confident that you remain unbothered and thoroughly unfazed. You and Jamie Lee Curtis will be photographed getting drinks and this will blow over. You know who you are, and so do we.</p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-890958400000719466.post-7016082147283582592023-03-07T12:10:00.000-05:002023-03-07T12:10:54.458-05:00Not In Front of White People<p>By that title, you might already have an idea where this piece is headed. Every Black person raised in the United States (possibly elsewhere throughout the diaspora), has been admonished that there are certain behaviors that are intolerable in public. Kids are warned not to go inside this store and do anything embarrassing, like steal something stupid (and get caught) or have some kind of meltdown requiring the Wrath of Mama and Her Shoe to be unleashed. Teenagers are told to act like they have some kind of sense in mixed company. Grown adults are reminded to check certain attitudes and to fine-tune their code-switching skills, especially at work and even more importantly at networking functions where a good impression might result in a job, a promotion, or some much needed philanthropic generosity to a worthy cause. I could offer quite a few more examples, but by now you all get the point that one of several "talks" Black people have been subjected to over the years has been to act accordingly in front of white people, lest one inadvertent slip-up results in the eradication of every inch of progress made since 1865.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/oAqtNNqDaPcvC/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="209" data-original-width="400" height="209" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/oAqtNNqDaPcvC/giphy.gif" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: left;">That was a very long-winded introduction to the idea that all of us have been raised with that unmistakable nod towards the politics of respectability, and that at some point in our lives, someone has lectured us on our responsibility to represent ourselves, our families (and indeed, the entire race) with a certain kind of dignity. Let me get straight to the point and say yes, I got this title from watching the final punchline from the Chris Rock live comedy special on <a href="https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/how-to-watch-chris-rock-live">Netflix</a>. No, I have not watched the entire special nor do I intend to. No, this will not be another long think piece about The Slap (not entirely). Yes, I have opinions on the matter, but I have already shared those so I will refer you what I have already written. Because in my opinion, this entire mess is a case study in the futility of respectability politics. And yes, I said what I said, even after a most tumultuous and disgraceful Black History Month, but this time it wasn't Black folks' fault, not in the least.</p><p>From the various snippets that I have seen, Chris Rock performed for a live audience in Baltimore this past weekend and finally took time to address The Slap. A lot of folks have already weighed in with their <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-reviews/chris-rock-selective-outrage-review-netflix-live-will-smith-1235341301/">reviews</a> of the special, and since I don't plan to watch it, there isn't much reason for me to opine on the substance of that which I have not seen. As for what I did see in snippets and soundbites, I can say that Rock kind of kept his word in keeping Jada Pinkett Smith's name out of his mouth; instead, he opted to refer to her as THAT BITCH. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5dqp2LT1lQM0E4aZRiPmIlWokb6Lw_eUyer8g9lGipCpaHF61x18mPOWmjPYMl8kxoYNliTWJz33w3IzoRHtTZWzMl4YK8g0CQ8En3Y0V_qT2Fae1nJ3ee1FAkRzqcke4QVVeO5-jJpqGyBcHMrfgzvw9uL_NVEeDIBdHIhfOiC1lsOUojdfCsTmAdQ/s1200/chris-rock-will-smith.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="1200" height="105" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5dqp2LT1lQM0E4aZRiPmIlWokb6Lw_eUyer8g9lGipCpaHF61x18mPOWmjPYMl8kxoYNliTWJz33w3IzoRHtTZWzMl4YK8g0CQ8En3Y0V_qT2Fae1nJ3ee1FAkRzqcke4QVVeO5-jJpqGyBcHMrfgzvw9uL_NVEeDIBdHIhfOiC1lsOUojdfCsTmAdQ/w200-h105/chris-rock-will-smith.jpg" width="200" /></a></p></div>A year later, it is obvious that there is still a lot of bitterness and anger directed at <b>her</b> over hands that <i>she</i> didn't throw, so I'm reposting this picture as a reminder of what happened and who did what. For the record, I don't see Jada Pinkett Smith anywhere in that frame.<p></p><p>Yet, because Rock claims that he was taught not to fight in front of white people, he waits a whole year to unleash a metaphorical beatdown on a woman in front of an audience of Black people in her hometown. Bravo Pookie. Or should I say, good job <a href="https://youtu.be/dgRSPJupgwA">Bony T</a>...</p><p>The utter contradiction of respectability politics is how it condemns one set of objectionable behaviors while excusing others. Last year, Will Smith was castigated for what he did, and rightfully so. But I swear most of the Black people who were so <a href="https://variety.com/2022/film/columns/harry-lennix-will-smith-chris-rock-slap-oscars-1235228965/">outspoken</a> then and now seem to have been more upset that it happened on stage at the Oscars instead of at the Source Awards. Because fighting at the office party is different than fighting at the BBQ?</p><p>Of course it is, and for all intents and purposes, the <a href="https://www.oscars.org/oscars/ceremonies/2023">Oscars ceremony</a> is a work function for every attendee. Folks just can't roll up to the venue because they have nothing better to do on a Sunday night for seven hours and they want to play dress up--you have to be there because of a nomination or because you were invited to perform or present. Anyone who pays attention to the Entertainment Award Season, knows that this is the Grande Finale, the Superbowl, Game 7 of the NBA Championships or World Series, the Gold Medal Match. Because it is a live telecast, <i>every</i> moment is a scripted performance which is why most of us thought that The Slap was just another corny bit until we found out otherwise.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/uWJOV9PqLDt4hGN7gL/giphy.gif" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="480" height="167" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/uWJOV9PqLDt4hGN7gL/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></div><p></p></div><p style="text-align: left;">Anybody who has worked in an office has that one coworker...the one who always burns popcorn in the microwave or who uses all of the paper in the copier but doesn't refill the tray. But you tolerate that person because they get along with the managers and you don't really work together in the same department. For the most part, you mostly encounter each other in the bathroom, the breakroom, or at official functions. At the most recent annual company retreat, you end up in a conversation with this person and you find out that your views on certain topics don't align, so you politely excuse yourself from the conversation to get a drink. But instead of taking the hint, the person follows you to the bar to continue to argue a point that you don't believe is appropriate in that setting. So you diplomatically say, hey let's agree to disagree, but the person keeps talking. Then you say, hmm I don't see things in the same light, so why don't we just change the subject, but the person has now enlisted another coworker to weigh in and you're standing there getting more and more annoyed. One final time, you say, look I'm going to the bathroom, talk to you later, and you turn around to walk away. To which this person says something offensive that stops you in your tracks.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExYTVhNGIyMzg4MjgzZWViNzcxNWU4YjcyZTZmYTEyNWFlZTAxMGY2OCZjdD1n/fGX80AAczeBEOOwEoK/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="276" data-original-width="460" height="120" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExYTVhNGIyMzg4MjgzZWViNzcxNWU4YjcyZTZmYTEyNWFlZTAxMGY2OCZjdD1n/fGX80AAczeBEOOwEoK/giphy.gif" width="200" /></a></p></div>At the office party, you are supposed to take a breath, count to ten, and then keep walking to the bathroom. You might file a complaint with HR, or just keep your distance. At the BBQ, you are likely to turn around, walk back, and exchange words. And we all know what choice Will Smith made, so perhaps we should explore how and why.<p></p><p style="text-align: left;">Last year, I wrote about how the Oscars were produced by <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/03/were-not-talking-about-bruno.html">Will Packer</a> and how several of the changes he made to the ceremony might have been too much for some of the folks who are used to the standard four-hour format. He definitely added some flourishes that leaned more towards the NAACP Image Awards instead of the BAFTAs (and yes, <a href="https://youtube.com/shorts/QFztBrUZIrU?feature=share">Ariana DeBose</a>, <b>you</b> did the thing, those stodgy coots just weren't ready). So it is possible that at this office party, planned by the Black people in marketing to be a different flavor than what Hollywood is used to, folks forgot where they were. </p><p>That still doesn't justify what happened, so I reiterate that Will Smith was wrong. But not only because he slapped Chris Rock in front of the white people at work--he slapped Rock knowing that there wouldn't be any immediate repercussions. Whether it was a reaction to a bad joke or if he had just taken enough ribbing from Rock over the years and snapped is debatable, but like I said last year, they could have handled that in the alley behind Roscoe's. Everybody knew Smith was going to win the Best Actor Oscar, so all he had to do was sit there and wait for his golden moment. It isn't like he's some amateur who could blame adrenaline for sending him across that stage too soon, like a sprinter who takes off before the starter pistol. He's a professional, so hitting his mark (literally) is what Smith does for a living. </p><p>And don't waste your outrage on behalf of Chris Rock because he is also a professional--a smug, shit-talking dude who wrote a whole <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460637/">TV show</a> about his daily blooper reel of embarrassments in front of the white people he grew up with. So I call bullshit on his mic drop moment because if he's claiming that he was taught <i>not</i> to have certain arguments or fights in mixed company, he sure did pick a fine time to finally listen to his parents. Remember when his signature riff was differentiating <a href="https://youtu.be/7zIcK8SKWn8">Black people from n**gas</a> for his largely white audiences? I do. Did you see <a href="https://youtu.be/MazokEvX63I">Good Hair</a> (2009) and initially think that he was trying to illuminate an issue for Black women (before realizing that it was just a mockumentary-style joke told at our expense)? I did.</p><p>(Quick true story: I saw Chris Rock when I was in law school and he was still touring and performing stand up college campuses. The entire BLSA membership had decided to go to the show along with the other Black graduate students and undergrads, so we took up the entire front half of the theater. Rock told several of the jokes that eventually made him super famous, such as the <a href="https://youtu.be/J8TqhBIEbWA">OJ "I understand" bit</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/zywIR_ZFLts">platonic friendships</a> with women. He told a joke about the ending of M*A*S*H and until that point, we had been unaware that the entire audience behind us was full of white people [because they got the joke and we didn't], so he made fun of us for thinking we were at a <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103356/">BET Comic View</a> show.)</p><p>It doesn't matter which side you choose, since neither #TeamChris or #TeamWill is blameless nor are they suffering in shame. The entire PR department of The Fresh Prince Enterprises earned double their salary last year for handling the fallout from The Slap. That man is an ex-communicated A-lister, practically radioactive...who just won an <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CpHIO3CL6Xw/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y%3D">NAACP Image Award</a>! Chris Rock went on tour just days after The Slap and has been performing in front of sold-out audiences all over the country for a year. He earned $40 million for one night of work. I'm guessing that cold hard compress of cash he uses to soothe his cheek after each show must feel right nice. </p><p>But you know who is still reeling from The Slap? The woman who didn't act a fool in front of the white people.</p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9Ncj1crjBFxoXQHszUVMl6IMKIxQ-KDnj8oI4tpw9k_iY7ILyA-Zazkz3n9xbfee2DlA6uQ0LX7uH4wcdaEdIDl1gOSCq276_V0sT2JqRYiKzDyXQZ1fmWkKyP-WnsI0UdBzdgdEXIRacE58MNnuQeWR40xFmTxBhhGdTpkfyhOoUTCLmqK5XIdpzA/s305/set-it-off-Jada.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="305" data-original-width="305" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9Ncj1crjBFxoXQHszUVMl6IMKIxQ-KDnj8oI4tpw9k_iY7ILyA-Zazkz3n9xbfee2DlA6uQ0LX7uH4wcdaEdIDl1gOSCq276_V0sT2JqRYiKzDyXQZ1fmWkKyP-WnsI0UdBzdgdEXIRacE58MNnuQeWR40xFmTxBhhGdTpkfyhOoUTCLmqK5XIdpzA/w200-h200/set-it-off-Jada.jpg" width="200" /></a></p><p>I've had <a href="http://www.busyblackwoman.com/2022/03/the-devil-in-green-dress.html">my say</a> about the way the world turned Jada into a modern-day Eve in blaming her for how both of these two grown ass men cut up a year ago on live television, and my opinion remains unchanged. If anyone's career suffered collateral damage in all of this mess, it was hers. This past year for her must have been a lot like being accused of writing a bad check or having your credit card declined while at the checkout at the grocery store with a cart full of fried chicken and watermelon. In the old days, they used to post a Polaroid picture by the cash register to shame the person from ever returning to the store. Other than <a href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/film-tv/a42639072/girls-trip-sequel-release-date-cast-rumors-details/">Girls Trip 2</a>, what new projects are clogging her inbox? Do you see her walking the red carpet or attending the Oscars <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61018821">ever again</a>?</p><p>Notice how I can talk about The Slap without conflating it to any of the tabloid noise about the Smiths' marriage or resorting to dehumanizing name-calling. Y'all care so much about what goes on in other people's bedrooms, with all kinds of big opinions about how married folks ought to live. Self-righteous Christian condemnation heaped on Jada for her entanglement, but y'all lined up to hear Chris Rock confess to <a href="https://youtu.be/gnjEycBo7F4">cheating on</a> his wife, and then turn around to call every woman who's rejected or slept with him a bitch. For his part, Will Smith has never acknowledged any of his rumored dalliances, but let's talk about the production that went into this <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CgmVDHXoAw8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link">apology video</a>.</p><p>Because THAT BITCH Jada...</p><p>Who is also a mother. A daughter. A woman with flaws. A woman who was likely hurt at points in her marriage, and someone offered her comfort that her husband didn't provide. A woman with a past and some rough edges from Baltimore. A woman who married a man with his own past and a bunch of issues. In front of white people, this Black woman has been called everything but a child of God and I'm supposed to find the humor and take a joke. At the expense of <b><i>her</i></b> dignity. </p><p>I knew writing this would make me angry, so I am taking breaths and breaks, because I don't think people appreciate the irreparable harm caused by keeping up appearances or upholding respectability. For the benefit of whom? For what? To say it loud and proud that it matters more what <a href="https://kareem.substack.com/p/will-smith-did-a-bad-bad-thing?s=r">white people think</a> than how a Black woman might feel about what has been said about her to her face?</p><p>For all of the feigned concern that was expressed about the negative impact The Slap might have on Black Hollywood, things are no better or worse as a result. Yes, there were some great films and performances that were overlooked and possibly <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/woman-king-till-oscar-snubs-viola-davis-failing-black-women-2023-1">snubbed</a>, but that happens every year. And clearly this year the momentum is behind <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/michelle-yeoh-first-asian-actress-oscar-nominee-2023-1235308034/">Michelle Yeoh</a> and her film, so we're not going to complain if she earns that hardware this year and makes history as the first Asian Best Actress. Given Hollywood's history of racism from blackface, colorism, to Mickey Rooney in <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054698/characters/nm0001682">Breakfast at Tiffany's</a> (1961), it's the white people who ought to be ashamed. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/8CqTBWFBFZIxa/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="151" data-original-width="180" height="151" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/8CqTBWFBFZIxa/giphy.gif" width="180" /></a></div>That last sentence was supposed to be my mic drop, but nah, I have a few more words for Willard, Christopher, and every other Black person who thinks that the opinions of white people ought to matter more than the example you set for your own families. For all of the tap dancing, running gags, the laughs, the buffoonery--these same white folks y'all been entertaining all of these years chose sides with a quickness. Nobody died, but you wouldn't know it from the way people claimed to have been so ashamed. Meanwhile, I feel let down that we've allowed The Slap to define what is considered acceptable behavior, not only front of white people, but on behalf of our families and communities. At the end of the day, both of you are still expendable and with the flip of a coin, Randolph and Mortimer Duke can determine the fate of their next <a href="https://youtu.be/wjkdynBFHuQ">Billy Ray Valentine</a>.<p></p><p>For the right amount of money, some of y'all would put your wife, your daughter, even your mother in front of someone's open hand to take a hit. And that really hurts.</p><p></p>Ayanna Damalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05040669310555707201noreply@blogger.com0