Can I be honest? I have been faking the funk these past couple of days.
I am mad. I do want to get out there and take to the streets and raise hell. But I have been in my house, either curled up in the bed or on the sofa. I have been writing to keep from crying. I am going through every stage of grief on a continuous loop like this is Groundhog Day.
I know that I am not alone in feeling so utterly confounded by what happened on Tuesday. I am not as surprised as I am disappointed. I look at this and wonder if I have been living in the Twilight Zone for the last 30 years.
Because for me, this is less about what happened to HRC than it is what is happening to the rest of us who saw this country make a LOT of progress from the stories we heard from our parents and grandparents. For me, this is less about seeing the first Woman or the first Black family or the first Latina, Muslim, Hindu, Asian-American, etc. in positions of power that were previously only occupied by white men. This is about seeing folks celebrate the victory of a person elevated on the strength of his bigotry and ignorance. This is insane!
So let me get this out of the way so that everyone understands that this is not about sour grapes that a Democrat did not win. We have lost plenty of elections, and believe me, NO ONE would be out in those streets in protest if Jeb Bush, John Kasich, Marco Rubio or even Ted Cruz had won. Hell, even a Romney win four years ago would have been met with disappointment, but definitely not protest. And an HRC win would not have resulted in protests either because in spite of the hatred she inspires, NO ONE thinks that her presidency would have meant the end to our civilization as we know it.
I am trying to minister to myself here (and maybe to the three other folks who read this blog), because I know that almost no one who voted for him reads this blog...but if by chance you happen to come across this and get curious, please understand the reason why so many of us are just inconsolable right now. We thought we had evolved past mob mentality.
My husband called me in tears on Election Night. TEARS. This man has only called me in tears one other time in our marriage and that was when his mother passed. He expressed his fears about what this means for our daughter. You might think that is over the top, but you have to consider that she is Afro-Latina. Her father believes people are going to look at this child and hate her on sight and not consider her life as having the same value as the pretty blond girl seated next to her. Other black parents like me understood this all along...and he just got it the other night, but not because his Nuyorican life has been so rosy. He got it the other night because his life has NOT been all that rosy and like every other parent, he wants the world to be better.
Unlike some of my peers who are cursing at third party voters, I applaud your courage in NOT yielding to the temptation of choosing between choices you found unconscionable. Believe it or not, that was the right thing to do. Anyone who thinks that voting for someone you hate is easy, well at least those people did not choose HATE. So you've missed me with that anger.
No, my ire is at every voter who just made it clear that you could care less about the least of these in this world. All of you so-called Christians. Have you seen the pictures of Aleppo? You are worried about refugees, but not their plight, just whether they will come here and stain your suburban world. And by the way, you voted for the man who admires the Communist dictator who supports the dictator who created Aleppo...yeah because that is what Putin is in case you haven't been paying attention. A real fucking Communist (which by the way, Obama was not). And because I am so mad about that, I just need to remind you that it is Veterans Day and the fight against Communism is why we went to Korea, Vietnam, and spent billions on a Cold War which is why we have been in Afghanistan for decades--but you wanted your country back, and just gave it away!!!
And that isn't even the surface of what pisses me off about this election because I have yet to address racism, sexism, religious intolerance, and every other box of bigotry that gets checked off every time he opens his mouth or takes to Twitter to insult someone. Let's just focus on the fact that the man who will become the next President is a BULLY who takes pleasure in insulting people based on their looks, their infirmities, and their perceived weaknesses.
I'm almost done with my rant...but that is pathetic.
But in order to be a light in this darkness, I will not fight fire with fire and call anyone names. I will not demean anyone with insults. I am going to pray for you, your families, your communities, and your lives. I will pray for mercy, understanding, and grace. I will even pray for the President-elect.
God help us.