OJ, Trojan Horses, and Other Magical Negroes We Shan't Discuss

I began working on this piece in April 2024 in lieu of a long rant on the FB page. Well, since I'm going back in the drafts to see what can be revisited and published, albeit belatedly, there is no hook, but I did I finally see that really bad movie about Magical Negroes. --ADH

So let's not mince words here because you already know where this is going: not all skinfolks are kinfolks...

Let's not forget that as we contemplate whether to reinvite certain people back to the barbecue this summer. I don't care if those old ladies stayed up all night in the church kitchen, we not going anywhere near that funeral. We haven't forgotten. Some of y'all weren't even born yet, so don't allow any of these folks to rewrite history or act brand new. So yes, I am obviously referring to that Black lady at the Chick-fil-A in Georgia who went viral for fellating Trump after he bought her one of those homophobic milkshakes. And I am also referring to a certain sportswriter who got on Al Gore's internet with his version of small-b history--lacking not just the proper capitalization, but also any kernel of truth. There are a few other honorable mentions, such as those Podcast Bros who can't spell DEI, let alone define it, as well as a very specific and particular pick-me who is trying to act like she's always been down like the four flat tires on that LTD in her uncle's car port.

Yeah, okay Candy O. But first, let's start with a proper eulogy for the man we knew as 'The Juice'. 

Orenthal James: When You Just Don't Stay Black and Die

A consistent mistake made by some Black people who want to be seen as 'transcending race' is to believe that such a feat is possible. Well, the last time I checked, this skin pigmentation does not fade with time, and no matter how articulate, clean, bright, and good-looking a person might be, in some places, ALL of those accomplishments can be derided as unearned exceptions in the blink of an eye. Just another example of 'DEI hiring' the minute you let the mask slip and someone spots a characteristic that confirms whatever misgivings they had. It happens to all of us at some point, and in June 1994, it happened to OJ Simpson. 

Not only am I old enough to remember the trial, but I am old enough to remember when he was still playing professional football (although I am not old enough to remember which team he played for without consulting Al Gore's internet). But let the record show, I recall that he was prominently featured in a series of Hertz rental car commercials and that he was in the first episode of the original Roots miniseries. And because I was an avid and dedicated reader of JET Magazine, I remember that he, along with a few others were certified, bona fide Black football GODS (Jim Brown, Rosey Grier, Mean Joe Greene, and Tony Dorsett were his peers). 

Thus, when he was accused of killing his second ex-wife in 1994, it was THEE most earth-shattering didn't-see-that-coming and who-knew-he-was-an-abusive-asshole...very much in line with the revelation that Bill Cosby had been drugging and raping women for decades and no one said anything. Because WTF??? But I'm not going to revisit history by offering my opinion on what might have happened or why the verdict remains controversial and contested to this day. Nor am I going to say anything that can be misinterpreted as sympathy because what is the point? Folks are going to believe what they want, and to some, OJ did it or he didn't. He's still dead.

However, what OJ did, inadvertently due to the intergalactic interest in the outcome of that trial was: (1) begat 24/7 news coverage; (2) cultivated the audience for tabloid "news" shows like TMZ, Inside Edition, and even The View; (3) redefined the 21st Century notion of housewifery via the career of one Kristen Mary Houghton Kardashian Jenner; and (4) disproved any illusion that America was close to becoming post-racial. The first three points require no further analysis because the fact is there was no 24-hour cable news coverage of anything other than the most serious of news events until OJ led the police on that low-speed highway "chase" in Al Cowlings' white Ford Bronco. Media personalities Harvey Levin, Star Jones, and Leo Terrell are just a few of the "legal analysts" who made big names for themselves because of that trial. And yes, we need to blame OJ for the ubiquity of all things Kardashian.

I know...this is not OJ

As to the fourth point, to all of the delusional Gen X frat boys who want to misremember the 80s and 90s as being post-racial on social media, the OJ Simpson Trial of the Century remains Exhibit A that there is a list of lies y'all need to stop telling yourselves. There is NO such thing as being post-racial. While there are Black people who get to leave the 'hood, experience great success, amass enormous wealth, and even happily marry someone white, none of those elements combine into some magic elixir that causes race to disappear. Allegedly, OJ infamously quipped that he wasn't Black because he was OJ Simpson; and until that fateful night in June 1994, his legend transcended what it meant to be Black. Mind you, there were police reports and documented accusations of his domestic abuse, but he wasn't demonized as dangerous, unmarketable, or unheroic until his blond ex-wife was found slaughtered in her home. Suddenly he reverted into King Kong, a beastly Black brute that had to be destroyed. 

So yes, OJ was guilty of myriad sins and transgressions, and that may have probably included murder. The lingering dilemma these 30 years later isn't whether he killed his wife, but how his Blackness convinced people that he did it before any evidence was presented in court. How did he become the sole suspect, how did the police mishandle the investigation, or how might the world have reacted if the victim had been his first ex-wife? Do we pretend that none of those questions matter because it is more socially acceptable to insist that race was not a central reason why this case became such a BFD--that it was his celebrity and the gruesomeness of the crime?

Really? Because from where I sat and watched everything unfold, it was his race that allowed the LAPD to redirect attention from their misconduct (exposed and exploited by the defense team at trial), which ultimately that contributed to the acquittal. It matters that women still can't expect to receive any empathy when they are the victims of sexual violence, especially when their abuser is a famous man. It matters that there is and always has been a two-tiered system of justice that favors the affluent, in spite of the sanctimonious pronouncements that Justice is the great blind equalizer. It matters that some of y'all who are still mad about OJ Simpson being acquitted are going to boldly and unapologetically vote for another rich asshole who mistreats women to be President again...

Trojan Horses

If you studied any ancient folklore, computer science, or happened to see this Lunchables pretzel commercial, then you are probably familiar with the myth of the Trojan Horse. If not, then get thee to Google, and then come back here to read about these folks who think they we're too stupid to know who sent them and what manner of foolishness they plan to unleash if we let them into to the cookout. We see you, boo. 

Therefore, young lady from Trump's early April campaign stop at the Vine City Chick-fil-A, nice try, but there's a reason why your milkshake stunt didn't bring more folks from the Yard. We all knew that you were a GOP operative, and not some random customer because you were just a little too eager. Everybody knows that these kinds of campaign stops/photo opportunities are staged by both sides. Given that Trump isn't known for his ability to ignore hecklers or take a joke, of course, the "customers" needed to be his supporters or willing to appear as such on camera, lest it turn into a Biden church rally. However, you made a couple of unforced errors, starting with the choice to go to a fast-food place that serves fried chicken on Fried Chicken Wednesday! No wonder you couldn't entice more than a handful of students to leave their campuses. And whose bright idea was it to promote the fantasy of Trump as some kind of rich-man-of-the-people by ordering 10 milkshakes he didn't even pay for? 

Was that your entire paycheck for the month of April?

We can all see a blatant pander for votes coming from miles away, such as promising to cancel student loan debt or inviting the cast from A Different World to the White House. We aren't that naive, even though the Vice President happens to be an alum of Howard University, located a few subway stops uptown. And yeah, we'll concede that the announcement of President Biden giving the commencement address at Morehouse might be another stunt to secure the Black Mother of the Church vote. However, other than making a quick campaign drive by at a Chick-fil-A franchise near six HBCU campuses, what else has Trump done to cultivate Black voters? He touts his strong support of HBCU funding as an accomplishment of his Administration, yet his reluctance to actually visit one where he could have met with that same handful of College Republicans is...more authentic?

Presuming that someone who actually wants our votes (and not fighting tooth and nail to have them disqualified or suppressed) would make a more substantive or genuine effort that doesn't reinforce certain stereotypes, consider that the audience for this stunt was not undecided or ambivalent Black people. This Trojan Horse was sent to reassure Trump's base that he is still viable, especially if he was willing to go to the hood for a handful of votes. He just pulled off a similar visit to a bodega in Harlem, so expect more of these I'm-a-victim-like-just-like-you popups if they appear to help his poll numbers.

Candace Owens is another wolf in sheep's clothing, conveniently free to speak for herself now after being fired from The Daily Wire. She claims to have always been pro-black (lowercase b), and she might have gotten away with that lie if she had done her exit interview with Sherri Shepherd instead of Charlamayne tha Clown...

We see you too, gurl. And nobody is buying your belated Saul-to-Paul conversion on the road to Damascus act if you didn't know that God is good all the time and all the time God is good. 

The Year of Magical Negroes

No, I hadn't seen that movie (at least not when I began writing this in the Spring*), but I understand the trope (thank you, Roy Wood, Jr.). Although some of you still seem confused...

Geordi LaForge,
not Levar Burton,
is the Magical Negro 

So allow me to break it down like this: it might feel super special to be that all-knowing Negro translator/soothsayer that white folks turn to and trust, but your job is NOT to diminish and/or misrepresent the culture. For example, you don't go out of your way to agree that pumpkin pie is superior to sweet potato pie, because it ain't! Nor do you need to engage in that kind of debate--let them enjoy their overpriced pumpkin spice whatever and just carry on. We've got bigger issues.

Thus, when a certain sportswriter strayed way out of his lane to explain the history of Lift Ev'ry Voice and its designation as the Negro National Anthem to a bunch of trolls on El Muscato's internet platform even though Google is still free...

First of all, let me start by saying that I have been waiting for just the right moment to address Jason Whitlock's fuckery for quite a while. I was aware of him, but not being that rabid a sports fan, I never bothered to delve that deeply into his work. Then I happened upon this ridiculous movie review he gave for The Woman King (2022) and wondered what Black woman shanked him and left him for dead, because whet? Thereafter, I was further annoyed that by clicking on that foolywang, more of his nonsensical musings kept showing up in my TL (thanks to them allowing the elongated muskrat to play with the buttons at HQ unsupervised). I knew it was just a matter of time before Whitlock would resurface to make ashy grunts again (maga)--his way of being relevant so that I would have a legitimate reason to respond. And I've finally got some time...

Since we, the Blacks, don't get to vet these magical negroes, we're already suspicious of them and their motives. There is always something not quite right--like being goth or vegan, which might be part of their charm; nevertheless, it ain't none of our business unless that quirkiness ventures beyond its designated area of influence. Meaning, we don't mind that the weird Black dude speaks Klingon as long as he doesn't try to convince us to try potato salad tastes better with raisins. 

Nobody asked for that, so (I repeat) in a world where Google is free, why would anybody decide that Jason Whitlock's self-loathing ass is a more credible resource on Black culture and history? Especially when several other learned and credentialed Black people had already provided factual information on the topic...unless the point was to stoke more faux outrage, sow discord, and seek engagement. The very idea that Whitlock sent out that white power-washed history of Lift Ev'ry Voice that received 3000 likes, as if he stayed up all night binging old Boondocks episodes to get that Uncle Ruckus impression just right, is a level of tomfuckery that requires new words <-- see what I did there?

Such is the problem with magical negroes. Working for the Black community doesn't offer the same amenities or benefits, so it is understandable why the promotion from regular to magical is so alluring. As I have observed from my visits to the other side, they got nice stuff over there...but they have made it clear that there is a quota. No redundancies or aspirations, so once a magical realizes how lucky they are, the rest of us can go straight to hell. 

Fried Chicken Wednesday: The Coronation

For this installment of #RoyalNewsYouCantUse, I thought you might enjoy a recap of the Coronation of King Charles III, but with a little Busy Black Woman Fried Chicken twist. Because if you sat through it the first time and managed to stay awake...

Bland Chicken Broth

Whew Lawd, what a snooze! And to make matters worse, the British and American tabloid media keep pumping out headlines about the behind-the-scenes machinations leading up to and after the Boringest show on earth. We saw it all, and what we knew to be true some 40 years ago is absolutely still the case: King Charles III is a dud. Monarchy is a lot more interesting to see depicted in fairy tales, in costume dramas on PBS, and on Broadway. Perhaps he should have hired this guy as a warm-up act:

Jonathan Groff as King George III in Hamilton

(Then again, maybe not since he's why most Americans think all of this is silly.) 

As promised, I fully intended to watch this entire spectacle, and I really tried. My daughter woke up in the middle of the night with a cough, so she climbed into bed to share her cooties with me. And then I couldn't go back to sleep, so I began channel surfing and saw that CNN International had blocked off time to cover the Coronation as early as 1am EDT. I watched about ten minutes of commentary, and then it was a wrap--I was out like a light, even with the Kid's elbow jabbing me. When I woke up again a few hours later to the same boring commentary, I flipped over to PBS where there was less talk and more focus on the "action", which is the most ironic word to describe exactly what was not happening at that time.

Lemon Pepper Hot Wings

I must have nodded off again because I jolted awake at the blare of trumpets during the musical overture before the start of the ceremony. To keep the guests entertained prior to his arrival, the King had several pieces commissioned, which were all very elegant and regal. Of course, the stand-out was the South African soprano Pretty Yende, who made sure that she was not only heard (which was lovely), but also seen in this neon yellow dress: 

Winner-Winner Chicken Dinner

The long-awaited arrival of Prodigal Prince Harry was rather anti-climatic since without much fanfare, he walked in, shook a few hands, and made his way to his seat. It didn't matter that he wasn't seated in the front row or that his view was likely obstructed by his Aunt's hat, because of everyone assembled, he seemed to be the only happy person in the Abbey. The delight on his face in this picture is giving us several vibes: (1) Ha, it wasn't me pissing Father off this time (classic mischievous younger brother energy); (2) I think I can win the bet that I'll be back in the States in time to have that tray of Mama Dee's mac and cheese all to myself; (3) here comes my Crazy Aunt Anne, try not to laugh at that enormous goose feather on her Napoleon hat (too late); and (4) I wonder how unseemly it would look if I literally cartwheeled my way out of here right after the benediction?

Flipping the Bird

Speaking of Crazy Aunt Anne, the Princess Royal, who in every photo I have seen of her since Queen Elizabeth died, looks like she's about to storm the Bastille:

Kate's Classic Chicken Pot Pie

Kelly Preston as Jetstream
in Sky High

I have to admit that Princess Catherine of Wales earned my sympathy because she was obviously having a terrible day, but still managed to put on a brave face. It cannot be easy to live under the constant glare of hot lights and to have your every move dissected on social media (just ask your estranged SIL). As for the state of their marriage, it has been 12 years and three children--William is lucky she agreed to wear that ridiculous superhero costume in public. 

On the FB page, I joked that she reminded me of every Black mother I've seen rushing into church after the service has started: thank God we made it, but dammit why are we always late? My guess is that she had the same kind of morning I've had whenever I discover that my daughter has been playing in my makeup (and I swear it happens every single time when I have to be somewhere). After making sure that the Heirs and other children were dressed, Kate finally had a few minutes to focus on herself. As she was rummaging through her makeup bag, she discovered that Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis had been mixing her eye shadow colors again. Everything was a mess, and when she complained to William, he just stared at her and blinked nervously. For it was then at that moment he remembered that he had forgotten to tell her that per the Queen-to-be, Kate couldn't wear her favorite tiara. 

Which not only explains why they were late, but also why everybody in her wingspan looked so tense and mortally afraid once they arrived at the Abbey. Kate must have cursed them all out, which threw everybody off their game. Poor Prince George was trying not to trip/step on Granddaddy's train. Prince William forgot the lines he had been rehearsing all of his life and had to read from the cue cards. Prince Edward, 38th in line to the throne, looking both bewildered and ecstatic to finally sit on the front row at one of these events was thinking what the bloody hell did I do to her?

And Kate, seething with the rage of a woman who found out at the very last minute that she couldn't wear the tiara she had pre-selected so she had to do something else creative with her hair, made everybody wait. She sent Charlotte into her room to find an old doily and on the car ride over to the Abbey, they went to work crafting a Mommy and Me hairpiece. Looks pretty good, if you ask me.

The Side Dishes

Now I know what I said I wouldn't say, but you have to admit that Queen Camilla was serving Lady Elaine Fairchilde (before her modern Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood makeover):

And Rose Hanbury could be a doppelganger for Lady Betty Aberlin if this were all taking place in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe:

Chicken is the Gospel Bird

With Duchess Meghan and her Mama Dee sound asleep in California, I'm guessing the need to prove just how the British royals are "very much not a racist family" was real. Therefore, the King wisely remembered that at one point in time, the sun never set on his Grandfather's imperial spice rack, so perhaps it would be a gesture of good will to sprinkle a little seasoning into the flour. Not only did he make sure to invite all of the various heads of state and assorted royalty, he also had their presence strategically photographed and announced:

Crown Prince Fumihito and Crown Princess Kiko of Japan

Ditto for the ecumenical outreach in having representatives of every faith in full regalia as a nod to the religious diversity of modern UK and throughout the Commonwealth. The King even stopped for a quick photo opp chat with a few clergy before leaving the Abbey:

Lucky also, that the current Prime Minister Rishi Sunak had some free time on his calendar and hasn't gotten the sack yet:

And finally, the Ascension Gospel Choir, an offshoot of the Kingdom Choir that performed at Harry and Meghan's wedding day in 2018, made history as the first gospel group to perform at a coronation at the specific behest of His Majesty:

Rubber Chickens

There was a lot of talk about ancient rites and rituals which were allegedly modernized...but I didn't see much evidence of that. There were visible roles for women and we've already addressed the racial and religious diversity aspect. However, other than allowing the boys to wear pants instead of tights and not having an assembly full of old men wearing powdered wigs, everything else looked exactly as ostentatious and over-the-top as it must have looked since the Dark Ages.

For example, that whole bowing to the King and pledging loyalty by the Prince of Wales was definitely strange, in a King Lear kind of way. Not only that, it gave off vibes of remember Father, I'm the loyal son and it was Kate who made us late. The fact that Prince William was the only person who had to perform that ritual formally, while everyone else simply bowed or curtseyed, was even weirder.

Not sure why Katy Perry, a judge on AMERICAN Idol, kept curtseying, nor shall we discuss the overall awkwardness of this bit with the King and Lionel Richie. However, I think the fact that Brenda Richie both promotes and shades her ex-husband in her tweets is finger-licking gold!

Finally, now that the food has been eaten and the servants are clearing the dishes, there are two extra crispy nuggets left behind that sum up everything you ever wanted to know about this Coronation.  First, several of the Commonwealth nations are still intent on dumping the monarchy. They were only sticking around as a courtesy to Queen Elizabeth. Second, on Morning Joe the other day, Katty Kay, American-based correspondent for the BBC admitted that once she got back to the States, all of this coronation business looked rather silly. Because it IS!

Fried Chicken Wednesdays: When the Sun Finally Sets

I swear, even though I am an American and don't give a hoot about these things, I totally plan to set my clock to wake up earlier on May 6, and I might even set the DVR for the pre-game commentary. Of course I am referring to the long-awaited coronation of the one and only King Charles the Third, a party the likes of which most of us haven't seen in 70 years. So, as I have done for other British Royal events, I will fix myself a spot of spiked tea, maybe find a cute fascinator to wear along with my bathrobe, and then I will scroll through Twitter to read all of the chatter about Meghan Markle, who won't even be there. 

Yep, because I am 100% sure that her name will trend even though she will be at home in her bathrobe drinking spiked tea while making treat bags for the kiddies who will be at Prince Archie's birthday party later that day. And if I'm wrong about her absence being the story, then the presence of her husband, Prince Harry the Prodigal Son, will give them plenty to twat on about instead. It will be quite ironic to see how a day that has been in the planning for decades gets upstaged by a kid's fourth birthday party all the way in California.

In this latest installment of #RoyalNewsYouCantUse, I am stating at the outset that I expect the worst from the British tabloid media these next few weeks because everything, and I mean EVERYTHING to this point has proven that the Sussex Royals were right to jump ship when they did. I remain convinced of that position since the last the time I declared that I haven't read the book; nor watched any of the press interviews that promoted the book; nor listened to more than a few minutes of the podcast; nor bothered to get the password from the Hub to watch the Netflix special. None of that has changed. I don't make it a habit to peruse the tabloids for information about the British Royals, and I've even stopped watching my old favorite Brit-coms on PBS. I wouldn't say that I lost interest in all things British after Queen Elizabeth died; however, to be honest, I have been preoccupied by the potential loss of democracy and rapid descent into authoritarianism in my country.

Yet, as we have all learned in the seven years since Harry met Meghan, she is the most interesting person to become associated with that stodgy family since Princess Diana. The fact that she sells more papers on rumors of stuff she didn't actually say as opposed to anything anyone else does is proof. Like why have there been daily articles and opinion pieces written about her in the weeks since it was announced that she would stay home from the coronation? Literally, no need to mention her name, let alone dredge up some ridiculous story to suggest that Meghan ought to be grateful to Kate Middleton's long dead ancestors for freeing hers. (Trust, we'll circle back to address that foolywang in a bit.)

Since the Muskrat has been pushing buttons at Twitter HQ without adult supervision, my algorithm gives me more information on the British Royal family than I care to know. That suggests that I have clicked too many times to see why certain names are trending (true), but it isn't like I spend a lot of time thinking about them the way they (the BRF) would like for people to think about them. Why should we care whether Camilla is referred to as the Queen or the Queen Consort (as if there is a discernable difference)? Does it matter that the real Queen has barely gone cold in her grave...what would she think of being succeeded by the woman who almost destroyed the monarchy? Oh wait, we already know, but I guess now that Charlie is the King, he can do whatever he wants without any royal rebukes from his dead Mummy.

Furthermore, why does it matter that Meghan opted not to attend? It isn't like she and the kids have a place to stay anymore since the King evicted them from the cottage and seems unlikely to put them up in one of his palaces. And anyone who has been paying attention to how shitty she's been treated by the British press should have known that she wasn't going nowhere near that coronation, not even just to stand by her man. The way she and Harry broke camp right after the Queen's funeral made it clear that Meghan ain't neva going back to England unless there is a compelling reason to subject herself to that nonsense. I can imagine the conversation and how she probably broke the news to Harry that he would be traveling solo: "That's yo Daddy; send my regards," and then followed up with "and these kids are staying home with me, so you can go if you want." Poor Harry probably tried to appeal to Mama Dee, who in classic Black matriarchal solidarity, put her hands on her hips, glared back at her beloved son-in-law, and said icily, "my daughter said what she said". And for the first time Prince Harry slept on the couch. 

It should have been obvious to everyone that we didn't even need an explanation for her absence other than she's not going. Clearly, she understood and accepts that all attention should be on the King and the day he has been dreaming of since he was a kid. Why take the shine away from him when she can watch the festivities at home like the rest of the world in her bathrobe and a fascinator? That's exactly how Joe Biden plans to participate. As will a slew of others who either declined or weren't invited, like Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York. She'll be at home with the Queen's corgis she inherited, dressed in beefeater hats and drunk by noon. 

If anything, the story should be about why several other very important people opted NOT to attend. Since I mentioned President Biden, it is significant to note that his motorcade and security needs practically shut London down when he attended the Queen's funeral, so perhaps choosing not to cause a similar ruckus by attending the coronation is a good thing. There was some grumbling from the folks who live (or get paid) to be offended, but that quickly died down when it was also explained that U.S. Presidents don't attend British coronations. Ultimately, Biden understands that his presence would be an unnecessary distraction, so he is sending Dr. Jill. Then there is the fact that two of the headliners for the entertainment portion of the festivities are judges from American Idol...because several British acts are too busy to move things around on their calendars to perform for their King?

Paddington Bear found time to have tea with Queen Elizabeth last year, and a few years prior to that, she and James Bond made a cameo appearance at the Olympics in 2012. Adele and Harry Styles are both booked on this final week of the Late Late Show with James Corden. But the only person returning King Charles' phone calls is Katy Perry? And somehow that is also Meghan's fault because Elton John and the Spice Girls were previously booked for Archie's party? If I'm interpreting this correctly, the British people aren't all that enthusiastic about this coronation either; therefore, it is highly probable that the relevancy of the British Monarchy died with Queen Elizabeth. 

Not my problem because as an American, the only reason why I find all of this so fascinating is the anachronism of monarchy in the modern era. My intrigue with the British Royals began with the wedding of then-Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer some 40+ years ago when I was my daughter's age. Having read plenty of myths and legends about princesses and knights in shining armor and wizards and other mythical beings, I didn't believe any of those things were real until I learned about the enduring British monarchy. Instead of existing in some kingdom long ago and far far away, they were live and on television! Watching them over the years never rose to the level of an obsession for me; thus, if it all went away tomorrow, I imagine my life would go on just fine without their soap opera running in the background.

However, I read somewhere that the British Royals generate billions in revenue, BILLIONS. So for every random article that is written about their every move, somewhere a cash register bell goes off, and somebody can rent a summer estate or go sailing that week. Too bad not enough of that trickles down to stimulate their economy. It is a brutal reality that nothing really changed in the wake of Princess Diana's tragic death--just the subjects of the media frenzy. After years of trying to sell us on Camilla Queen-to-be, Prince William and his brood of heirs and spares, and even lesser royal cousins, other than the late QE2 herself, no one else in the royal orbit has been as compelling as Prince Harry. Ever since he placed that letter atop his mother's coffin and bravely marched behind it, he opened his heart to the world, and we've responded in kind and remain besotted with him. We've watched him come into himself, unbound by duty and free to chart his own path. So when love struck him like a thunderbolt in the form of an American actress, of course we were riveted.

Who was this woman, not quite an A-list starlet, but definitely an up-and-coming standout on an ensemble cable TV show? How did they meet? Who are her people? Why her and not some well-bred Lady of the Glen?

We got the answers to those basic questions, and then some as their courtship evolved into a royal engagement and wedding, and then eventually into another branch of the royal family. Until they decided to step back from senior royal status, I doubt most Americans had any idea how vicious the press and the courtiers had been to her. Although I had detected the shift in the narrative from that of who's that lady to who do you think you are, I also assumed that finding favor with the Queen would have nullified the haters. 

Hating Meghan Markle is more profitable and beneficial to the Firm. It sells more papers, it gives cover to the scandals of the lesser royals (Prince Andrew), and it improves the public perception and press coverage of those who had not yet won the hearts and minds of the people (Camilla). Sensing that his parents had finally grown too weary to weather more family drama, Charles did what any man in his position would have done--nothing. He had waited too long to let a few unflattering headlines about some woman ruin everything he had waited his entire life to claim, so in order to protect his crown, he allowed the wolves to have at the one member of the family who was most expendable.

The Spare. Let them feast on Harry since he was no longer needed to fulfill duties that could be farmed out to others. His charities and patronages could be reassigned. Although he spent ten (10) years in the British Army, he had retired from Her Majesty's service, so those military honors could expire with her. If his strong Black wife couldn't handle life in the gilded cage like the other birds, then that's her problem. He should have allowed the Queen to pick out some dull English girl for him to marry, some naive little peasant who knew to be grateful for the privilege of becoming a member of one of Europe's oldest monarchies. Harry brought all of this on himself for marrying an American (and another bloody American divorcee at that)!

Michael Fassbender as Macbeth (2015) 

So why am I making plans to watch the coronation of such a man? I am almost 50 years old, and I still like to read myths and legends. I know that not all of the men who are crowned King are benevolent--some are ruthless and two-faced. Fairytales are full of evil stepmothers and queens, trolls, jealous courtiers, scheming rivals, and fire-breathing dragons. There are also noble knights in shining honor who perform their duties for their sovereign, especially if there is a lovely maiden whose love he believes is worth fighting for.

Both children of divorce, H&M know how to navigate being pawns in the squabbles between parents. Often this requires making adult choices and sacrifices, such as Prince Harry having to attend this coronation that was knowingly scheduled on his son's fourth birthday. But it is important to his father, and like King Charles, Harry has been awaiting this day all of his life as well. He has a duty to be there to bear witness. If his mother Princess Diana was still alive, he would still have to be present, not only to support his father but also his older brother, the future King. The tabloids are already stirring the pot by quoting "royal sources" about the seating arrangements and VIP family who will get to appear with the newly crowned King and Queen on the balcony. But like the good soldier he is, Harry will do his duty regardless of the snubs and slights.

I'll be watching to support him and to see the beginning of this new story arc in the House of Windsor. Surely some unexpected plot twist will bring new drama (perhaps a stare-down between the future Queen and another Lady-in-Waiting to become mistress to the future King). I'll be watching to see how long Harry keeps a stiff upper lip and how many of the predictions made by royal "insiders" prove to be true. And since Meghan is on the West Coast, I'll be watching just in case she oversleeps (but more for Mama Doria since we know she's not getting up at 3am for these people). 

Finally, I'll be watching to see if King Charles finally gets what's been coming to him. What will happen in that moment when the Archbishop of Canterberry places the crown upon his head? I have this image in my mind of Charles transforming into a modern-day King Midas, endowed with everything he ever wanted but also cursed with donkey's ears that pop out on either side of his head. Other than that, I expect this entire affair will be a snooze fest, like William and Kate's wedding.

Which brings me back to that particular revelation that no one asked for regarding the ancestors of the two wives of Windsor...and if there had been any doubts that all of this back and forth is the fault of a fame-seeking missile called Meghan, believe what you want. But to prove some inane point of privilege and moral superiority, somebody went Henry Lous Gating through the past to come up with that bit of information and published it. Are you effing serious???

Of course it was seriously intended to put Meghan in her place, because there has been no supply-chain shortage of gall coming from the folks who feel the need to show us who they are in every possible way. Between that and the alleged leak of the correspondence between the Duchess and the King from two years ago, this kind of nonsense is why Meghan and Mama Dee said they are sending a Hallmark card through Harry. 

Signed on behalf of the entire Diaspora. And the late Princess Diana.

Kevin Kline as Nick Bottom in
A Midsummer's Night Dream (1999)

After the final benediction, let's pray that Harry gets out of there in time to make his flight back to the States. For my part, I will take a nap, upgrade my drink, adjust my fascinator, and wait for the Kentucky Derby which Charles surely knew was the same day, especially since horse racing was a passion of the late Queen. (And with that, I hereby concede that I know way too much about these people.) Yet, he and Lady Macbeth forged ahead with their plans anyway, so yeah, I'm tuning into to see which other ghosts come back from beyond to watch him fully transform into the ass he's always been.

 God Save the King

Dining While Black

A friend of mine helped to organize a celebration of Black-owned restaurants in the DC area, and though I missed the official kick-off, my intention is to visit one or two of the spots before the end of the week. Both to support his work, and to lend my support to some local restauranteurs. I've been shut up in the house for over a year, so I need to find some new places to hang. And as an ongoing objective that I've been pursuing here at Busy Black Woman, this gives me a chance to seek out and support more small businesses owned by Black, Latinx, LGBTQIA, and women entrepreneurs.

Does that make me a racist? Apparently it does because I should not care about the gender, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation of the business owner. I should only care that the product serves my needs. To pay attention to those attributes of the owner means that I am not adhering to MLK's dream of a colorblind society and I am only contributing to the division of our already polarized world by taking notice of something that I am supposed to pretend doesn't exist.

Yeah, whatever man.

I am tired of explaining this, but here we go--representation matters. It matters for people to see themselves as part of this society. It matters for our children to have role models. It matters for you and your children to see that competency and success are not reserved for the few but available to all. It matters because I say so!

It matters that when starting a business, women and people of color start off with real deficits. It is a fact that some business owners are less likely to receive start-up capitol from banks, or that they might face repayment terms that are more onerous than others. It is a fact that there is discrimination imbedded in the system that affects where businesses are located. In addition to financing and location, there are 50/11 reasons why small business ownership is a challenge for anyone, so when the owner happens to belong to a historically marginalized or underrepresented group, those challenges are magnified.

So why are y'all so triggered that someone thought that Black-owned restaurants deserve a little advertising boost for a week? Like seriously, how is that any more racist than Taco Tuesday?

Let me put this another way, because as we head into the holiday season and folks are advertising Black Friday sales and deals, I don't hear any complaints. I have yet to see any whining about there being no White Friday sales or how unfair it is to capitalize the word "Black" in those advertisements. I haven't seen any ALL Fridays matter backlash; I see y'all opening your wallets to buy whatever you can at a 25% discount.

Nope, not the same because there is a reasonable explanation for singling out the Friday after Thanksgiving versus the other 51 Fridays on the calendar...right?

I said what I said. I'm tired of the knee-jerk backlash and the intellectual laziness. This isn't that hard. Nobody is forcing you to participate if you don't care to. If you would rather eat homophobic chicken nuggets because their customer service is better, then have at it. Or if you would rather have the pizza from the same chain where the owner got caught on tape using the n-word because they deliver, that is your business. Do you also go into the Chinese food take-out in your neighborhood to complain that calling it Chinese food is discriminatory against other kinds of cuisine? Still mad because there are no Cracker Barrels in the city?

Let's say that you're right. You don't need to know the race or gender of the restauranteur who is serving your truffle fries and ceviche. But you need to know that where you do business impacts more than just that owner, their employees, and their families. Your dollars help to stabilize and sustain communities. If you don't believe that, then drive through the hood or through some small town where the lone factory just closed. 

When I became intentional about supporting small businesses, it was after I decided to try my hand at selling tee shirts to support this blog. I reasoned that it would be good karma to support other small business owners, so wherever possible, I would buy cards, books, candles, jewelry, and other knick-knacks from vendors I encountered at bazaars, street festivals, and on social media. Then it became integral to my Busy Black ethos to disengage from mass-produced merchandise in order to highlight unique goods and products. Sure, I could buy a generic box of all-occasion cards for cheaper at the Big Box, but these cards produced by my Spelman sister are cuter. I can give my Kid a lunchbox or a tee shirt with affirming messages about the beauty of her Blackness. These earrings are one-of-a-kind, this hat is dope, and wow, this is an interesting combination of scents in this hand-poured candle. And so on.

I also noticed the importance of a vibrant Main Street as opposed to a booming Wall Street. Local economies depend on localized economic activity. And big corporate chains don't always see the value in investing in certain communities. However, the Mom and Pop shop that hires local teens who need some spending money and something productive to do outside of school has been around for years. Small diners and restaurants employ single mothers as waitresses and returning citizens as busboys and cooks. The old man at the repair shop inherited the business from another resourceful old man who taught him that shops like these are valuable training centers for skills and life. So what do you mean it doesn't matter?

You mean it matters in those homogenized Hallmark movies, but not in the city, especially in neighborhoods that haven't been gentrified or where there hasn't been the same level of economic development. We don't need to emphasize the existence of small Black or Latinx businesses that will employ local kids and instill in them the value of hard work. They don't need to see entrepreneurship up close when there are jobs downtown. They don't need to know that money deposited in a Black bank will provide the financing for a start up company that couldn't get a PPP loan. That community-based businesses are more likely to sponsor uniforms and equipment for the Pop Warner football and Little League baseball teams than the corporate conglomerate. These kids don't need to be inspired by the story of the intergenerational family who all worked in the restaurant started by their immigrant patriarch who came here to escape civil war. 

No, let's insist that race doesn't matter and that we don't need ethnic hair salons and barbershops because everybody can just go to Supercuts. 

Riddle me this: for all of the complaining on Blue Ivy's internet about highlighting the race of these restauranteurs, is it racist to be told that the owners are Black or more racist to find out and then opt to eat somewhere else? In a city where folks line up for overpriced Top Chef burgers, $15 salads, and $4 doughnuts, y'all are offended by a listing of Black-owned restaurants? But it's okay to go on Yelp to look for whatever other ethnic cuisine... 

In a past life I was a civil rights lawyer who advocated for affirmative action. I will never forget the time I stood next to a small business owner in line outside the Supreme Court during oral arguments over a federal contracting case. This man told me that his business was adversely harmed by set-asides that guaranteed portions of government contracts to qualifying minority-owned small businesses. He got plenty of other contracting work, but because he couldn't compete for every contract, that was unfair to him and his family. When I pointed out that like his, these businesses were vying for taxpayer-funded contracts and the set-asides ensured equitable distribution of work that those businesses would not have access to otherwise, he stopped talking to me.

To illustrate with a restaurant metaphor, he had his own table (one of the best in the place), but he still wanted someone else's table as well.

We are emerging from a global pandemic and the fact that some of these places are still open should be a cause for celebration. Last month y'all were complaining that people don't want to work for $2.13 an hour; last week the debate was over the ethics of tipping at least 15%; and now the issue is not wanting to know that the owner is Black. I'm detecting a theme here...

But don't let me call you on your bullshit and risk not having your support for teaching American History.

I'm done, because I need to make lunch plans. I've got some new places to try and some old faves to track down (since a lot has changed in a year). The holidays are approaching, so I need to gear up for my Busy Black Woman Holiday Giving Guide and get on with my Busy Black business. In the wise words of someone, everything ain't for everybody, but you won't know if you don't try. Ciao!

Peace, Love and Soul Train!

Forgive me for not paying closer attention to the date, but ya'll, Soul Train premiered nationally 50 years ago on October 2!!!

The lazy way of acknowledging this major milestone in pop culture history is to point out that I wrote an ode to this show ten years ago, so this piece will refer you back to that one and build on it just a tad. I'm not saying that what I wrote back then was perfect (because Lord knows it wasn't), but a lot of what can be said about Soul Train doesn't need to be re-written. It doesn't need a scholarly re-examination, nor does it require another long-form essay from some Gen X blogger who lives for nostalgia. 

Okay I'm lying...

Because I effin' LOVE Soul Train. Sadly, the reruns haven't been aired on TV for quite some time, so for the most part, I only get to see the clips on YouTube when I make #PlaylistProject updates. In that earlier piece, I was able to include some of those video clips until someone tipped off the lawyers, and my lack of coding knowledge means that I cannot just update that piece with links without possibly losing the content. Therefore, I will update, expound, and opine on a few of my other favorite aspects of the show, not included in that original piece:

1. Al Green performing with a live band and then breaking into a church revival, twice. Clearly this was from the very early days when the emphasis was more on the live performances, because Green took up a full twelve minutes in that first set, then nearly seven in this second segment, and then there was this third song that I did not remember. I might have seen this in real time as a baby in 1974, but once I saw it for real, I assure you that this is one of the most iconic performances EVER. And that is saying a lot since Green was a semi-regular on the show.

2. The Jackson 5 performing Dancing Machine in 1973. There are a lot of reasons to love this clip and this performance, but for me, it is recognizing that Michael was such a boy wonder. It isn't just the voice or the moves, but he had ALL of the charisma, so when the other brothers stand back to watch him do the robot, it is as if they already knew.

3. Kim Fields' performance (1984) is one of my favorites, and I think it is the perfect follow up to that Jackson 5 clip because it speaks to the phenomenon of MJ during that time in the early 80s when he truly was the GOAT. What Fields accomplished was nothing less than extraordinary--she got a fan letter through to him! As someone who wrote plenty of my own, perhaps I love this clip because it was insane to think that Kim Fields, who was still on The Facts of Life, had a fan crush on Jackson like the rest of us. And let's not forget that she had that episode two years earlier where her character had been in love with Jermaine...clearly because MJ was already too big for a mere TV appearance.

An important side note is that Fields' fan letter was a remake of a solo MJ effort of the same name that he had released ten years earlier. While I've known that for some time, I did not know that in 1984, so I guess she was his number 1 fan... 

4. This 1975 Elton John performance has quite an interesting back story according to the dramatization provided on American Soul, the BET original series that offers us a look at the early days of Soul Train. I won't spoil it if you haven't seen that episode, but it certainly proves that host Don Cornelius was a shrewd poker playa because I bet your Grandma can still sing all of the lyrics to "Benny and the Jets".

5. Of all the clips I could have chosen to epitomize the crazy 80s, I cannot believe I chose Pebbles...when I could have gone with this very early appearance from The Deele.

6. I must have been in a rush to finish that piece or something because all I did was mention that ridiculous Scramble Board. Easily the most disposable of segments, we still looked forward to seeing it, if only to see if anyone would ever guess wrong, which no one ever did.

7. As part of the promotion for American Soul, the producers tracked down several of the iconic dancers and talk about a blast! I didn't remember any of the first wave of dancers from the 70s, including the late greats Fred 'ReRun' Berry and Adolfo 'Shabba Doo' Quiñones. However, when the 'Best Of' series aired on Bounce TV a few years ago, I got a chance to see them and quite a few others in action (check out ReRun here at 1:07). My era was the 80s, so of course it was dancers like Cheryl Song and Reggie Thornton that stood out. There were definitely others, like the guy my Dad and I called the Poser and that dude who wore the Foxtails.

Part of the fun of watching those interviews and just remembering individual dancers was learning more about one of the greatest gifts that the show gave the culture, and that is the Soul Train line! It was absolutely one of my favorite parts of the show, and of course no Black dance party is complete without one. Definitely take some time to watch some of those clips, especially one of my faves with The Don himself making a trip down the line with Mary Wilson. 

8. The commercials that aired during Soul Train were just as memorable as the show itself. All of these years later, there are certain commercials we don't necessarily remember seeing in real time, but we knew about them because who could forget that there was an Afro Sheen commercial that starred the ghost of Frederick Douglass?! Or that ST dance alum ReRun and his group the Lockers also starred in a Schlitz Malt Liquor ad? Part of what made thee Billy Dee Williams THEE MAN in the 80s were these Colt 45 malt liquor ads. And because remembering random and obscure pop culture trivia is kind of my thing, I first saw Robin Givens as the Dragon Lady in this anti-smoking public service ad!

But what I did not realize at the time, but so appreciate now is how many celebrities and singers were in those ads. One of ST's main corporate sponsors was a Black-owned Chicago-based hair care company, Johnson Products. That company and its history are deserving of more recognition, and when one of its founders, Joan Johnson, passed away in 2019, I posted a tribute to their commercials on the Busy Black Woman Facebook page. Stay tuned for more about them in a future post.

9. Don Cornelius was supposed to have received his own paragraph in that original piece, so let's give him more than that one sentence. He deserves that and much more for being the visionary who recognized in the years before there was Black Entertainment Television (BET) and Music TeleVision (MTV) that Black music needed an outlet to be heard and seen beyond local radio. Of course, Black artists performed on American Bandstand, the Ed Sullivan Show, and others, but Cornelius gave us our own show. Actually, it was his show, which he created, produced and hosted--almost unheard of at the time.

Almost...because there were several Black owners in media when Cornelius' Train left the station: Berry Gordy and Motown; Al Bell rising through the ranks at Stax; Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff at what would become the iconic Philadelphia International label; the Johnson Publishing empire that gave us Ebony and Jet magazines; and countless other local radio stations across the country. While some might argue that Cornelius simply adapted the format of local dance shows and syndicated it for national audiences, my interpretation of what he did was to create a prototype for how music content would be delivered in the decades to follow. 

In that sense, Cornelius was not just a veteran deejay with super suave stage presence, nor was his TV show merely a performance venue for Black entertainers. Behind the scenes, ST was a music label, a production company, and a talent agency. Beyond the TV screen, ST was an unapologetic ambassador of Black culture and promotor of Black business. In addition to the Black actors in every commercial, did anyone else get the not-to-subtle hints from the public service announcements that success and uplift could come from joining the military or going to college? Even the corny Scramble Board trivia was intended to teach us pride in being Black, as several of the questions were about Black historical figures. Once a week for more than 20 years, Don Cornelius was the maître d' of the Blackest hour of television!

10. When I was growing up, in DC Soul Train came on every Saturday at 5pm. It didn't matter what we were doing, but somehow, everybody in the 'hood knew that e-v-e-r-y extraneous activity needed to be completed or suspended in time to watch ST. And for a good deal of its run, those were in the days before we had VCRs, so we couldn't afford to miss any episodes, in whole or in part. 

What fuels my Gen X nostalgia for a show like Soul Train is the realization that it was one of the few shows that we ALL watched, not just as a family, but as a community. Almost nothing has that kind of universal appeal, or involved a full-scale shut down of activity that beckoned us to all crowd around a communal television at a designated time. Of course, that was in a different time and space, since now we have with limitless options and content is accessible on a variety of platforms. And that isn't lost on me as you read this updated piece with YouTube links and GIFs on your phone or laptop, brought here by a link you saw on social media, an email subscription, or just curiosity. 

Thus, I find it surprising that this anniversary came and went without much fanfare given how HUGE an impact Soul Train had. I mean, where was the weekend marathon from the 'Best of' shows on BET (which owns the rights)? Did Vh1 air The Hippest Trip In America and I didn't know? Did y'all pay tribute at the 2020 Soul Train Awards and can I see it online? Or am I supposed to wait for the 2021 Soul Train Awards? I saw that there was a dance party in Detroit, but what about in Chicago where it all began? Is this all you got NPR? What did I miss???

And now here is an abrupt segue with a few of my bonus thoughts and observations (because I told you I was lying earlier):

The aforementioned scripted drama, American Soul, is an interesting project, one that offers a history of the show via dramatizations of past performances with current artists. I hope it will return to production soon. However, as I was binging that show one weekend last summer, the concept felt slightly familiar...kind of like the show American Dreams, which aired 2002-2005 and used that other dance show, American Bandstand, as its backdrop.

So that brings us to the inevitable comparisons of Soul Train and American Bandstand, and more broadly to comparisons of Don Cornelius and Dick Clark. Having said my peace about Cornelius, I don't have anything negative to say about Dick Clark. Although I was not a big fan of AB, I certainly did watch it on occasion. I would categorize it as one of several mainstream music shows that I saw over the years such as America's Top 40 with Casey Kasem and Solid Gold. Unlike Soul Train, none of those other shows left the same indelible impression on me. 

That there was a rivalry between Clark and Cornelius doesn't surprise me. Clark probably did not appreciate the competition and he must have resented the fact that his show had been on for 15 years already. But that's capitalism, and there was a marked difference between the products that each man was selling. If Cornelius presided over the Blackest hour on television, Clark helmed one of the whitest. Clark's show featured Black musical guests pretty regularly and he spoke about the process of integrating the studio audience here. However, the primary goal of his show was to showcase American music, which at various times throughout Bandstand's 37 year run was rock n' roll, some country, easy listening, disco, and dance music. Train was strictly for the culture.

Thus while many of the Black artists that went on ST also appeared on AB, these were not interchangeable platforms. Bandstand was a mainstream show, while Train clearly targeted a niche audience. Most mainstream artists never needed to go on Train to sell records unless they were trying to cultivate a Black fan base (i.e. Elton John, Teena Marie, Michael McDonald, Hall & Oates, and The Beastie Boys). Alternatively, the Black artists that went on Bandstand already had some crossover appeal. Of course there were notable exceptions, and perhaps that is a rabbit hole worth exploring at another time. 

For most artists, Soul Train supplemented urban radio airplay with television exposure that made lesser known performers Black-famous such as Maze featuring Frankie Beverly, Angela Bofill, Midnight Star, and Switch. If you don't know any of these artists then you have never flipped through your Auntie's old vinyl, and you can probably guess why they were profiled on Unsung...

But let's be clear that Black artists, no matter how big they got, never took Soul Train for granted either. For example, before Michael Jackson went supernova, he appeared on the show with his brothers and as a solo artist. I found this clip of his final live appearance in 1979 that came right after he finished filming The Wiz and right before Off the Wall dropped. Other members of his family continued appear on the show, including Jermaine, Rebbie, and Janet who performed Control in 1986. MJ, who was slated to perform at the Soul Train Awards in 1993 did so with an ankle injury while seated on stage. He later performed for the Soul Train Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Special in 1995. When Janet received the Lena Horne Award at the Lady of Soul Awards in 1997, she reflected on how important it was to remember where she began.

And that is a good place to pull this train into the station. We all have dreams and so many of us start with little more than some DIY, some slight-of-hand camera angles, perseverance, and a bucket of fried chicken. That is certainly how this blog got started...but more importantly, it is the vision and the audacity to pursue those dreams. And you can bet your last money on that, honey!