Fake Feminism

I was called a fake feminist because I don't have an issue with a transwoman becoming a model for Kate Spade. This happened on the Book of Faces, where I had posted my musings about the ridiculousness of being offended about some influencer/TikTok model when we have much bigger issues. I mean, the world is on fire, but let's focus our righteous indignation on who should wear a pink poofy dress. However, before I get started, let us send up a round of applause for that commentor who thought she was insulting me:

Welcome to the Busy Black Woman's new feature, The Library. 

Interestingly enough, I had been planning to address this issue long before this exchange. I have been concerned about the growing tension with our mothers and grandmothers from the second-wave of feminism who aren't quite sure of how to welcome transwomen into our midst. After all, when they were burning bras and denouncing the patriarchy in the 60s and 70s, the closet doors had only opened a crack with the Stonewall uprising.

Sixty years after Betty Friedan published The Feminine Mystique, here we are, on the last day of Women's History Month (also Transgender Day of Visibility*), in the year of our Lord 2023, worried about who gets to be called a woman. Well, transwomen are women. Period. 

I understand why that might be a concern for the patrons in a Kate Spade boutique, but as for me and my space, I said what I said. Maybe this would bother me if I were on the hunt for a pink poofy dress to wear on Easter Sunday, but I'm not. My Kid's birthday is on Easter Sunday this year and I'm trying to decide if we can spare a few eggs to dye given these high prices. And pink is not my color...

Therefore, I find it rather curious that we are now defining feminism in such a narrow-minded way since I was taught that the central point of the movement was to upend the notion that biology determines our choices and destiny. Originally, we wanted girls to grow up to believe that they could be anything because they are more than the functioning of their reproductive organs. So how am I a fake feminist because I believe in choice, not just for women but also for men? And because I regard that right to choose as inclusive of one's gender identity? How sway...

All of us come to some pivotal moment in our lives when we get to decide who and what we are. Perhaps it was in elementary school at a career day assembly or maybe one day on some dead-end job when you decided that you had enough. Maybe one day you looked at yourself in the mirror and decided that you would dye your hair, pierce your tongue, or get a tattoo. Or maybe you would try on your mother's discarded makeup and realized how your eye color popped with the right shadow. After a particularly brutal encounter with a bunch of playground bullies, imagine feeling so worthless that you locked yourself in the bathroom with thoughts of suicide until you heard the lyrics to a song that reassured you that it would get better. 

Because my definition of feminism allows space for women who were born male, but who choose to live as women, I don't understand how that makes me fake. In this same society where women spend millions on artificial enhancements such as cosmetics, breast implants, and Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBLs), a transwoman who has had gender reassignment surgery is still just a man playing dress up? Does Caitlyn Jenner know that?

In this same country where the rights I was born with regarding my reproductive choices have been all but eliminated for my daughter, I ought to be mad about the outfits worn by an influencer on TikTok. I must say, after three years of pandemic, it finally feels good to shift my attention from the virus to more pressing life or death issues. I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about book bans, gun violence in schools, or whether hungry children receive free lunch, because it is far more important to keep drag queens from reading books to children at story time.

Should I leave it to the real men, born male, to decide if and when girls need access to menstruation products in school too?

Which brings me to the concerns of these older feminists who are worried that the inclusion of transwomen de-centers attention from women's overall struggle for equality. In my mind, it doesn't. Yes, it changes our language and how we frame certain issues. I have to get used to the concept of cis-gender as a way of distinguishing different kinds of women's issues. But it is a trick of the devil to convince us that discrimination against women is somehow more likely if we advocate for transwoman as well. Are we seriously going to act like the first wavers who didn't want to include women of color in the fight for suffrage? 

If so, then we're just a bunch mean girls who feel entitled to bully transwomen because we can ignore their unique plight. Since we never had the option of giving up the rights and privileges of patriarchy, we can express our resentment by denying transwomen seats at our lunch table. Just like the Plastics in high school, we can brand them as freaks and try to drive them away from any place they might find refuge. On Wednesdays we wear pink...

Take this sudden push for equity in girls' sports. Do you honestly believe this battle is being fought by a bunch of concerned girl dads who coach soccer or softball? You can't even watch the Women's NCAA Basketball championship games without cable, but the most pressing challenge is whether transwomen have unfair physiological advantages. Admittedly, that is a complex issue but if we've figured out how to make all kinds of other opportunities that were once only available to men accessible to women, we can figure this one out too.

Since this all started over a Kate Spade advertisement, let's offer an illustration of fake feminism by taking a trip to the nearest mall. Oh wait, there isn't a Kate Spade store at my local mall because it doesn't serve their core demographic. Instead, I can either travel downtown or out to the suburbs to get a look at the spring collection. Hmm, as I walk through the door, there is a $500 shaggy dog purse that greets me, and I think, how cute, maybe I can carry my car keys, lip gloss, and a few credit cards in it when I wear it to brunch on Easter Sunday. And oh look, here is the infamous pink dress with the poofy sleeves for $400, and a pair of white sandals for $260, so look a whole outfit for under $1200!

A feminist is more concerned that the salesperson receives a decent commission or that they earn enough to afford health coverage or that this job offers Family and Medical Leave. Instead of shaking my fists and expressing my outrage on social media that the model prancing around in a TikTok video used to be a man, I care that this young woman feels accepted for who she is and uses her platform to support others who need reassurance to find their truth. In my eyes, that makes her a more authentic woman than anyone who denounces her as a lady boy.

Finally, let me close this Library session by weeding out a few authors from the shelves, namely J.K. Rowling and Alice Walker. It pains me to admit that their divisiveness has become a distraction from the real shit that weighs us down. Because women shouldn't waste time on silly disagreements that benefit the patriarchy, so while we are arguing over who can call themselves women, the tyrants are running amok. From the Taliban banning women and girls from obtaining education; to Iranian protests; to legislation in states across this country that seek to restrict LGBTQIA+ rights. Transwomen aren't protected from harm because they used to be men. Oppression is everywhere. None of us can fight it on every front, but we can be allies and do no harm. 

To that end, I can admit that I am still learning and evolving, so I expect to be wrong about certain things, and I am willing to accept correction and be educated. I can tell you that I cringe at some of my past behaviors and opinions when it came to acknowledging the personhood and humanity in others, so I am not speaking from some self-righteous perch of having known the truth all along. As a card-carrying women's college alumna of almost 30 years, my identification as a feminist ain't some designer label I just adopted so that I could win arguments with strangers on Al Gore's internet.

You can take your selections to the check out desk and have a nice life. The Library is now closed.

* After working on this for most of the day, I found out that today is Transgender Day of Visibility, so I accept that as a sign that I am evolving in the right direction.

The Sport of Kings

Some days, my people can be really exhausting. The day it was announced that Ralph Lauren would be releasing a limited-edition capsule collection of fashion inspired by the HBCU experience, I immediately got tired that morning and stayed lethargic for the rest of the day.

I wrote an abridged initial reaction on the Facebook page that covered the basics--yes, this is a good thing. No, it isn't better than celebrating a collaboration with a Black independent designer. Maybe, it would be great if other schools were featured other than Spelman and Morehouse. Yes, this is a good PR move for the Polo brand and for the young concept designers. No, that does not absolve Ralph Lauren for its decades of contributing to the lack of diversity in the fashion world. No, the scholarships aren't that big. Yes, I plan to mention #HBCUJustGive, again.

I have a lot to say.

No, I do not plan to buy a Polo-inspired Spelman letter sweater or another over-priced canvas bag or a plaid wrap skirt to wear around town with knee high socks and penny loafers at my age. However, I am always on the hunt for a nice white dress. And after two years on lock-down, I will definitely need a new one. Because of this collaboration, I might buy one from the Ralph Lauren section. 

If I see a great white dress from an independent Black designer that I can afford, I will probably buy that one too. The good thing about being a Busy Black Woman is that I have sorority functions that also require white attire. Of course, I am conscious of labels and want to look good when I step out into the world. However, with a soon-to-be 7 year-old whose legs are almost as long as mine, I do not have the luxury of spending her future Spelman tuition on clothes that aren't ready to wear. And that Georgia sun is HOT in May, so I don't want to ruin a one-of-a-kind designer dress with sweat stains.

I have a few indie label frocks from Black designers that I scored thanks to a few good sales at Lord & Taylor and their mass market collaborations with Target. I got particularly excited over those Target collabs, even when I was less than enthusiastic about the actual dresses once I received them. As I write this, I am staring at a very loud and colorful dress I bought last summer that I did not get to wear because we were still on lockdown. I'm guessing I can wear it to brunch at Twelve Oaks and flirt with the Tarleton Twins...

My point is that there are many of us who buy Black whenever we can. Upon learning that the concept designer of this collection is a young Black man means that I will be adding his name to my list of designers to watch in the next installment of #BlackinFashion. It reminds me that many of these indie designers cut their first patterns for the big-name fashion houses, so we may have already been supporting other up-and-coming Black designers without knowing it. For example, the late designer Virgil Abloh, artistic director of Louis Vuitton menswear and founder of his own label Off-White, began his meteoric rise as an intern at Fendi just over ten years ago.

It is true that this is not an entirely original concept. I have now been introduced to a few other brands thanks to the reactions to the Ralph Lauren line such as Chicer Collegiate. Alumni with that coin can support everyone. Folks like me will do what I can, when I can. I still want a Sergio Hudson belt to wear with my jeans and tee shirts. I would settle for a buckle, since a floor-length duster to go over all of these custom tees I buy to support your side hustles is out of the question until somebody pays me for my eloquent musings. But for those of you that vacation on the Vineyard annually, I look forward to seeing your pictorials.

James Jeter is a Morehouse alumnus. The story that has been shared is that he worked his way up from the retail floor at the Georgetown store to a corner office at Ralph Lauren HQ in New York City. During the first year of the pandemic and the summer when folks were marching for Black Lives in response to George Floyd's death, Mr. Polo was addressing his staff before heading off to a weekend in the Hamptons and offered the corporate version of Black Lives Matter--let's revive an old campaign with Tyson Beckford, but find a picture where he looks angry, yet sexy. Then Mr. Jeter stood up and gave the kind of speech that would make Dr. Anne W. Watts (retired Professor of Public Speaking) proud. He was passionate, persuasive, and persistent that more was called for in this moment than a billboard. Mr. Polo told Jeter to write up the specifics by Monday morning, and the rest is history.

Here is where I break character and speak directly to the SpelHouse HATERS. Because y'all are the reason why I am so tired of repeating myself when it comes to acknowledging these kinds of accolades. STOP the hate and shut the FUCK up!

I am serious about this point, because some of y'all have been complaining NON-STOP these last couple of years on social media. I have come to this blog on several occasions to make the case that ALL of our institutions need support from alumni and that call has not changed. As some of you gleefully pointed out, there are moldy dorms, old buildings, and disgruntled faculty at every HBCU. And in case you hadn't noticed, some very rich people have heard your pleas and have been blessing our schools with multi-million dollar guilt love offerings. These blessings have been constant from Mackenzie Scott, who has made philanthropic revenge spending a thing, so we are here for it. Not to be outdone several other corporate philanthropists have also been very generous, as have rich HBCU alumni who have quietly amassed FORTUNES without anyone noticing. Hell, even the Department of Education found some money to offer HBCUs more protection in the wake of these fake bomb threats that have disrupted classes throughout this school year.

But some of y'all are on Blue Ivy's internet sulking that whenever Kamala Harris, Phylicia Rashad, and Ta-Nahesi Coates, all Howard University alumni, get mentioned in the press (good and bad), that allegedly sucks up all of the oxygen from: Meharry Medical School receiving $20 million dollars; North Carolina A&T University cutting the ribbon on a $90 million engineering complex; or Shaw University being featured in one of the best Coca-Cola commercials since Mean Joe Green?!?!

Pinky Cole, a Clark Atlanta University alum is out here expanding her empire of plant-based burgers that folks stand on long lines to try because the buzz is just that hype. Coach Neon Deion is out here pissing off the NCAA and the ESPN analysts off with every recruit he snatches away from the Big Name Universities and signs at Jackson State. I'm betting on Norfolk State University to upset Baylor just because that's what we do every year during March Madness whenever an HBCU makes the tourney. We root for everybody Black! 

Nobody and I mean N-O-B-O-D-Y from the HowardSpelHouse community (I saw that on Twitter) ever talks shit when these kinds of announcements and accolades come to other institutions and their alumni. In fact, we applaud and circulate the news. I have never seen a tweet from one of us go out that whines about how we could have used the money that Mackenzie Scott bestowed on some other HBCU. We don't catch feelings that our athletics never become the stuff of national debates over social equity. We know that there are wonderful things happening at every school and that makes us all proud.

It didn't used to feel this personal, but then I see posts on social media that tear us down whenever something positive happens on our campuses. It hurts to know that whenever someone says something disparaging about one of your schools, the HowardSpelHouse community gets ready to rise up and fight, but that energy isn't always reciprocated. I don't like to generalize and say that it is Everybody vs. Us, because many HBCU alumni aren't that petty. But some of y'all...

Therefore, I will repress the urge to clapback because in the grand scheme of things, it accomplishes nothing but to sour feelings in unproductive ways that don't benefit any of us. At the end of the day, and I say this constantly, none of us are as well off as these PWIs that can give each student a laptop, their own bedroom with a private bathroom, and other amenities that would have been off-campus grad school luxuries for most of us. As a recruiter, I have had to tell parents the honest to God truth that most students who need financial aid to matriculate at Spelman will get a loan package because only a few students receive scholarships. And trust, it is painful to watch the gleam go out when a parent counters by telling me how other schools put more on the table than just a prominent brand name.

I never bash when one or more of those other schools are HBCUs. I would never suggest that someone was making a mistake by not choosing to attend Spelman.

Shall we talk about this $2 million that we're getting from Ralph Lauren? Or should I remind you that we did this a few years ago when Beyonce wrote a check for that same amount and after all was said and done, it only paid a year's worth of tuition for one student...

Instead, let's talk about how the real winner here is Ralph Lauren. He'll still be the default designer for First Ladies and the American Olympic team. He will still promote his aesthetic of yacht club leisure and country club brunch as quintessentially Americana. In a few years when this collaboration has been forgotten, his people will quietly call the booking agent at Wilhelmina and tell them to send over their most American looking models for his latest campaign. And no one will call him out because all of the other fashion houses and magazines will claim that diversity on the runway is out and homogeneity is in.

That is my cynical take, but my eternal optimism is that it won't matter what Mr. Polo will be doing in a few years. When I get that coveted invitation to attend the Harlem Fashion Row NYFW show, I will be more concerned about clinking glasses of CAU alum Donae Burston's La Fête du Rosé with Ruth Carter (Hampton), Oscar winner Aunjanue Ellis (I'm claiming it Tougaloo), and Will Packer (FAMU). And when Beyonce leans over to inquire where I got my badass ensemble, I will say Target darling, but my hair was styled by a sister from Hampton and my shoes were designed by my Spelman Sister Tori Soudan, with ALL of the confidence and swagger that one expects from a proud HBCU alum.

Black in Fashion III - September Issues and Fashion Week

New York Fashion Week has come to an end and as I sit here in my unfashionable sweatshirt and sleep cap, I can only dream of the day when I get to be fabulous enough to be wearing the same ensemble while blogging from my hotel room after a whirlwind weekend of shows and parties. Just putting it out there for February 2019, btw...

This has been a crazy week, so I will admit that this third installment of my #BlackinFashion series is posting later than I anticipated and is abridged from my initial vision. Instead of a series posted to social media, there is just this digest because I ran out of time. And in a week that included the Congressional Black Caucus Annual Conference, an unending news cycle of Presidential insanity, a hurricane, and life in all of its chaotic glory, I think this is pretty good four five days after the fact.

Somewhere I saw a headline that touted the presence of black women on every major September fashion issue...but that wasn't exactly the case. THE major September Issue with a black woman on the cover this month is VOGUE, and this is not just another Beyonce picture on the cover, it is a photo taken by an artist that she personally selected. And that artist, Tyler Mitchell, is a 23 year old who has the honor of being the first black photographer to shoot a cover for VOGUE. There is also a rare interview. If you haven't gotten the issue yet...(yeah, me too).

I did happen to snag a copy of Glamour, a magazine that I only ever read at the nail salon. But the September cover girl is comedian Tiffany Haddish, who is definitely having a moment. In addition to pissing off Katt Williams for no apparent reason other than jealousy, she is in at least three forthcoming films. Since they both won Emmys maybe they can hug it out (and maybe some generous designer will give her something other than that Alexander McQueen dress to wear...not that we don't appreciate her keeping it real). But once you appear on the cover of a fashion magazine, designers should be taking note.

I came across this cover of ELLE UK featuring a pregnant model named Slick Woods, who just in the past couple of days made headlines for giving birth hours after walking in the Savage x Fenty show! Apparently, she was in labor during her trot down the catwalk, but no worries because Erykah Badu was chilling backstage just waiting to be her doula.

Speaking of Rihanna, she appears on the cover of Edward Enninful's first September Issue as editor at British VOGUE. I shan't address the matter of Kanye West and his children on the cover of Harper's Bazaar, but will point out that Zoe Kravitz is on the October cover. Zendaya is on the cover of Marie Claire and if you are looking for anyone else, take a look through this list of September Issue covers.

I am still old school when it comes to following fashion, so as everyone else turns to Instagram to keep up with the trends, I am unsure if the author of this article is right. However, if the outpouring of emotion over the death of fashion blogger and influencer named Kyrzayda Rodriguez, who succumbed to stomach cancer last week is any indication of the future, perhaps Anna Wintour is presiding over a dying medium?

Unlikely, at least in the short term. Anna still gets front row seats at the shows, and her magazine has helped to spotlight some of these black designers and models who were featured during New York Fashion Week September 5-12, 2018:

Bella Rene - website

Cushnie - ELLE article

Carlton Jones - website

Pyer Moss - VOGUE article

Salem Mitchell - VOGUE article

Telfar - PAPER article

Finally, I have to mention that I learned a new term this week, "lewks" thanks to my imaginary sister-in-law, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I just happened to be reading through my Twitter timeline the other day and read how she had been attacked over an expensive outfit she wore for this interview. While I am convinced that this pettiness has a lot to do with Ocasio-Cortez's refusal to buy any of the wolf tickets sold by the folks who need better hobbies, this entire controversy emphasizes the point of this series. A fashion statement has social, economic, personal, and political implications. And the statements aren't just made by the clothes (take note of the model in the Tommy Hilfiger ad, Winnie Harlow). Fashion can be dismissed by people who take themselves way too seriously as superficial, but in the process they miss the broader message.

The Hitchhiker's Guide

Last week a friend posted a scenario about honesty in relationships. I responded to it based on my personal experience, which apparently was not the point of the exercise (which I learned as our exchange continued). But because he often posts gender-based relationship hypotheticals, I should not have been too surprised when it took him a few days to come back with THE question. You know, the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything:

Why are there so many highly-educated, yet single black women?

The answer is not 42. The answer, if you will allow me to speak on behalf of every highly-educated, single black woman is...MIND YOUR OWN DANG BUSINESS!!!

That probably isn't the right answer either. And there may be a few of my sistren who will resent my insinuation, but trust that there is nothing wrong. 

First of all, why must it be assumed that there is something wrong with a woman being unmarried? Then, why is it assumed that a woman's marital status is connected to her level of education? And finally, if you aren't looking to marry one of these women, why is this a concern of yours at all? But since you asked, let me offer a multiple choice answer/opinion:

1. She hasn't found the One.
2. She thought she found the one, but it didn't work out.
3. She had other priorities.
4. She's not looking to get married.

There. Notice that my answer did not include any analysis about high standards, unwillingness to compromise, too much independence, lack of an appropriate father figure, secret lesbianism, or any other theories that somehow only apply to black women.

Now, I might not seem like the best spokesperson given that I have been married for almost 18 years...but I assure you, I am not peddling unsubstantiated theories based on beauty parlor psychology or choir loft gossip. I have anecdotal and concrete evidence based on the actual experiences of my friends for the past 20+ years. Some of my friends have done a lot of serial dating with no luck. A couple of friends were married, but are now divorced. A few thought the guy they seriously dated for several years was the one, but then found out that it wasn't meant to be. I have friends who prioritized finishing school, who were caregivers for family members, or who had demanding jobs--all of which pose serious challenges to maintaining a relationship. And yes, there are even few women I know who just aren't interested in getting married.

This ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is very patronizing when it is posed by men who are also single and unmarried and of a certain age. Like dude, what is your magic mirror telling you every morning? When the question comes from a "concerned" married man, I'm convinced his aim is to brag about himself as some kind of prize marlin that the rest of us missed out on catching. Perhaps the most damaging interrogator is that older woman who really is a Trojan Horse--she lures you in with kindness and compassion that quickly turns into an attack (mind you, she ain't married...anymore).

It really is none of your business. It is none of my business. The world is actually better because there are a lot of highly educated single black women who are committed to making it better. These women are starting businesses, leading nonprofits, teaching our children, researching cures for chronic diseases, running for public office, and serving as mentors. These women are taxpayers and homeowners and voters. These women are active in church. These women are card-carrying life members of organizations that are dedicated to public and community service. These women attend community meetings and candidates' forums, write blogs and opinion pieces, lobby public officials, and organize advocacy campaigns. These women raise money for public health initiatives. These women are studying, traveling the world, competing in marathons and triathlons, and taking up hobbies. These women read books, drink wine, play golf, and have fabulous shoes. These women might be single mothers or childless aunties, but they have enough faith to believe that there is love out there for them.

So wait, what's the question again?

What to Wear

I posted this article a few weeks ago on the Facebook page and am just now getting around to addressing it's central premise: Do women waste too much time worrying about their attire?

The easy answer is yes. But there are ways to streamline the effort so that the answer can become no. However, that isn't my gripe with the article. My gripe is Arianna Huffington's assumption that in order to achieve more success in our careers, women have to become more like men. I would prefer to argue about how we can better support women than to argue about what to wear.

Back when I was a college student, I remember that we were told to invest in a good navy or gray blue interview suit, a simple strand of pearls, some silk blouses, and a sensible pair of black heels. We were also instructed to invest in professional accessories to complete the ensemble, so everyone I knew set their sights on a Coach briefcase and a Montblanc pen/pencil set for graduation. This was the result:

And for years, this was the look I adopted for interviews, important meetings, and court appearances. So to respond to Arianna's initial argument, women do have a professional uniform of sorts. And most of us adhered to that look until we got better paying jobs and could shop somewhere else other than Casual Corner and The Limited.

When we got a little more take home money and a real job title, some of us began to branch out to shopping for more options at department stores. We got to wear real name brands. We realized just how heavy that Coach briefcase was, so we ditched it for a lightweight designer commuter bag. We lost the Montblanc pen (or maybe it was stolen by a jealous colleague), but we soon realized that we needed several pens that work and that don't stain. We experimented with different looks because that navy suit got a little too tight once dinner was no longer ramen noodles every night. We bought scarves to add a pop of color. On one uneventful trip to the department store, we ventured past the jewelry counter and saw a really interesting bracelet cuff. On that same visit, we noticed that one of the cosmetic companies was offering free makeovers. Next thing you know...

And so, yes, women spend way too much time on our appearance. For those of us who have jobs that don't require a uniform, we have choices. Our definition of professionalism has changed over the years to accommodate weight changes, lifestyle choices, and children. We responded to the example of a glamorous First Lady in the form of Michelle Obama and decided to diversify beyond the structured suits. We determined that pantsuits could send the right message of authority and confidence. We rejected the casual Friday tendency to wear anything clean because we are grown ass women (except during the summer...some of y'all need to rethink those outfits #ijs).

Point is, women have earned the right to decide how much emphasis to place on our attire. So have men, and as we all know, plenty of men have rejected neckties, button-down shirts, and leather-bottomed shoes in favor of casual collared-shirts, khakis and Cole-Haan loafers. When I got pregnant, the Hub took over caring for his work wardrobe...and let's just say that the iron hasn't been used in a while.

Back to my issue with this premise that in order to succeed, women need to act more like men because we don't. Women just need the same opportunities as men. And that is a much harder effort.

It means enacting policies that support working mothers that don't pit them against the other women in the office without children. It means providing mentors who actually provide help and advice, not those insecure folks who feel threatened by promising young talent. It means setting reasonable expectations that allow workers to have a life outside of work. It means treating people with respect and clamping down on any conditions that create a hostile environment.

It should not mean that women must conform to standards that have little or nothing to do with job performance or advancement. And for the record Arianna, most women I know (including the Duchess of Cambridge) do repeat their outfits so umm, I don't get your point.

Forward March!

Well. This is NOT the piece I expected to write today.

I honestly don't know where to begin in terms of expressing the various emotions I have experienced. I went from excitement to exuberance to nervousness to disbelief to shock and then finally to defiance this morning. Since then, I have fallen back to disbelief with occasional bouts of resignation. But I am here to write about resolve.

So Hillary Clinton will not be the 45th President, nor the first woman. This was still a historic moment because electing a woman to the highest office in this country is still a possibility. Just not today.

The work we have ahead of us is clear. We must prepare for the future by nurturing the next generation of leaders, regardless of race, gender and whatever other categories we need to obliterate as invisible barriers to achievement. We need to educate everyone about the way government really works by encouraging more civic participation. We need to ensure that our children know that this nation is a work in progress, which is why we are already great.

Yesterday was not a failure. It was a stumble, thus we have learned a valuable lesson in humility. Sometimes we lose the good fights, but we get back up and try again. And again.

For a paragraph can I tell you how I have been very discouraged at times about the direction my life has taken? How I have been mired in despair by uncertainty and questions of my relevance? How I have felt hopeless...but then all it takes is a small breakthrough for my mustard seed of faith to take root. For example, just yesterday this blog got a lot of traffic because I posted a quick live video on Facebook, despite the fact that I have been writing for years. But I will take it!

So we regroup, we strategize, and we move forward. Some of us will put on our marching shoes and take to the streets as necessary to continue to fight. Others of us will click our heels on those marble floors of power and demand to be seen and heard. We will survive to fight again. And again.

What Not to Wear

Every now and then, the Busy Black Woman feels compelled to offer unsolicited advice because well, I know things and this is my blog.  This past weekend, I was in New York City, the so-called Fashion Capital of the United States, but let me tell you, I saw plenty of unfashionable faux pas(ses) on the streets.  Mind you, I do not claim to be any kind of expert on the subject, but let's just say that a lot of ya'll need a Clint and Stacy intervention. 

And no, this is not about the Emmy's...so, doing my best David Letterman impression, here are the Busy Black Woman's Top Ten Fashion Pet Peeves:

10. Team apparel - Americans love their sport heroes and proudly display their team preferences all year round, even in the off-season.  My disdain for team apparel reaches its zenith during football season because errybody and their mamma in DC is either a Redskin or Cowboys fan, but I don't care if you are wearing a football, hockey, soccer, basketball, or baseball jersey.  If you are not physically at a game, in a sports bar, or seated in front of a giant flat screen in somebody's living room eating hot wings and watching a game, then wear some real clothes. I do not want to be seated next to you and your children at church dressed in matching Lakers gear (and WTH)!

9. Stripper heels - Maybe it is because I am a tall girl and I think this obsession with higher and higher heels is over-rated, but the very description of this footwear suggests that no self-respecting woman should be teetering down the street in 6" heels.  The average woman can barely stand to walk around in heels half that height, so why in the name of all that is holy would you want to submit yourself to such torture?  Just say no to skanky ankle-spraining shoes!

8. Brown flip flops on men - A few years ago this viral parody made the You Tube rounds and it was kind of funny when it was noted that every guy in Arlington wore brown flip flops (right around 1:57).  Then I noticed that it was not just an Arlington thing as brown flips are apparently the universally preferred summer weekend footwear for men.  Not that I go around judging men's feet, but maybe I wouldn't have such a problem with this look if women were allowed to walk around with ashy ankles, crusty heels and unclipped toenails...

Never Enough Shoes

So I bought another pair of black pumps today...and I anticipate that the husband (if he notices) will pose the inevitable question: how many pairs of shoes does a woman need?

Of course, every woman knows that is a rhetorical question.  In fact, rumor is that was the original riddle of the Sphinx.

The BBW has a lot of shoes because I need to have options.  Like most women, I have specific categories of shoes that serve different purposes.  There are athletic shoes, casual shoes, dressy shoes for work, special occasions shoes, sandals and boots.  If I were to estimate how many pairs, I would put the number at 40...with a caveat to give or take five pairs (not including flip flops, dance shoes and bedroom slippers).  Compared to a lot of women I know, I am barely competitive.