Red Beans and Rice: Revisiting A Different World

I recently watched a marathon of episodes from one of my all-time favorite TV sitcoms and (deep sigh)...how did we allow this show to go on for so long past its prime? I know this is a blasphemous question and it might upset a lot of folks, but why did we let them ruin this show after the third season?

Yeah, I said it! It was a lucky show its first season, a much improved show in its second, and a great show by its third season. It didn't exactly plunge from great to bad in the fourth season, but it did begin to slip to simply good. By the fifth season, which gave us the iconic Gilbert-Wayne wedding finale, it had jumped the shark, only we were too caught up in the excitement to admit it. Which is why the last season is practically unwatchable, even though we tried. 

Now please keep reading, because I promise not to offer a trash take on how various couples were toxic mis-matches or how obvious it was that Byron Douglass III went on to become Eli Pope on Scandal...because no, it is pretty simple. On a show that was supposed to depict life at an HBCU in the late 80s and early 90s, that should have remained its focus. If it had, then I would be much more content about the three hours I spent watching episodes from that fifth season on Saturday morning. Because now I really kinda hate the wedding episode too.

The Hub jokes that Black sitcoms in that era were good for those very special episodes, and that was A Different World ("ADW") in a nutshell. It was the definitive very special show because it highlighted several of the issues that were relevant during that time: date rape, unplanned pregnancy, Apartheid, intimate partner violence, HIV/AIDS, and the debate over the continued relevance of these institutions. All of those issues were covered in those two brilliant seasons, along with racism, campus protests, career choices, work/life balance, moving off campus, and yes, relationship issues (which did take up an inordinate amount of time in real life and on-screen). 

In addition to be topical, the show also gave us archetypes of the different personalities that one would encounter on an HBCU campus. I cannot speak for how these same characters would have fared at a PWI, but most of the people I know from college were composites of characters on ADW. Of course because I went to a woman's college in the deep South, half the women on campus could have been the model for Whitley Gilbert. A fair number of sisters were working class, first-generation over-achievers like Kimberly Reese and Jaleesa Vinson, the non-traditional student with high ambition and hyper-focus (before she married Colonel Taylor and was ruined). There were too many Ron Johnsons, but that could just be my impression of how many brothers walked around trying to be players. There were an equal number of goofy-smart brothers like Dwayne Wayne, as well as many free-spirited bohemians like Freddie Brooks. Although Walter Oakes was technically not a student, there were a number of those older dudes who stuck around for years until a new opportunity to move on finally presented itself. 

That was the classic core group of students, and if they had done a better job of introducing and incorporating the second and third wave that consisted of Terrence, Lena, Gina, Dorian, Terrell, and Charmaine, I would argue that we could have had five very good seasons instead of three. There is no real need to go back to autopsy the first season because we all know that it was a disaster.

Now that we are in this moment of rediscovering HBCUs, of course watching any episode of this show would make me get nostalgic. You already know it doesn't take much for me to take to my soapbox to promote support of HBCUs. And now that we have entered a realignment phase wherein others are lending their voice to the same righteous cause, I welcome that because we need all of the help we can get. Part of the pitch to this next generation will include how popular culture can shape our impressions and relates to our experiences.

Currently, there is a meme circulating on Facebook that asks which fictional HBCU would you attend, and the choices are Mission College (School Daze), Hillman College (A Different World), Atlanta A&M (Drumline), and Truth University (Stomp the Yard). Mind you, all of those shows/movies were filmed in the Atlanta University Center...(and that is my shot across the bow to my Howard University alumni friends reading this :) 

However, the meme does correct a common misconception that ADW was the last noteworthy time an HBCU was prominently featured in popular culture. There was also a short-lived show on BET called The Quad and references to other real-life HBCUs have been incorporated on popular television shows (This Is Us, Blackish, and POSE).  Director Will Packer made sure that we knew that the Flossy Posse from his hit Girls' Trip movie met at his alma mater, Florida A&M University (FAMU). And obviously, there is Madame Vice President Kamala Harris. 

What ADW did was lay the foundation. I know School Daze (1988) was a contemporaneous depiction with several of the series stars featured in prominent roles, but it is safe to say that more people have seen episodes of the TV show than remember that film. (And as much as I love that movie, it is problematic on several levels.) If there had been no ADW, I am unsure if we would have had such a significant pop cultural reference point that inspired so many people to enroll at HBCUs in the 90s.

Therefore, we must start by giving credit to Bill Cosby for making this possible. The first references to Hillman College were made in the first season of The Cosby Show when it was introduced as the alma mater of Heathcliff, Clair, and Grandpa Huxtable. Whether it was intended from the beginning to spin-off another show about an HBCU or whether the concept evolved based on other factors is anyone's guess, since its debut also coincided with the millions Cosby gave away to several institutions at the same time. Neither Cosby nor his real-life wife attended HBCUs, but three of their children did. Whatever motivated this concept, once that ball got rolling, the rest is history.

Okay, so I will offer a few thoughts about the first season of ADW: look closely and you will note that several of the cast regulars and guests appeared together in an iconic blaxploitation parody in 1988 and then in a ground-breaking comedy sketch show that began airing on a renegade new network in 1990. And that is pretty much all that needs to be said... 

Once the show was re-framed around the HBCU experience, it struck gold. By bringing in producer-director Debbie Allen, who attended Howard University, she remade Hillman into an unapologetically Black institution, representative of the times. Her first brilliant move was to introduce younger characters, which is why Kimberly Reese and Freddie Brooks were such strong additions. With Denise Huxtable and Maggie Lauten gone, Freddie offered burgeoning bohemian feminism and naiveté in one character; Kimberly gave us a more relatable Jaleesa without all of the adult baggage. Several of the better very special episodes centered on them. Ron Johnson's transformation from puppy to dog was crucial. Dwayne's maturation provided an interesting foil to Whitley's consistency--she remained a spoiled rich girl, just more likeable once they ditched her first season flunky. Before the show became dependent on the Gilbert-Wayne love story, it had actually been a solid ensemble effort.

College Band Trip c. 1990

Which is how most of us fondly remember our college experience, with our friends. With our friends in the dorms, in the library, in class, on the quad, in the cafeteria, at games, at parties, and everywhere else we went. Those are the fond memories that we relive every Homecoming, every Graduation/Reunion, at dinner parties and brunch, in our Facebook groups, and pretty much every chance we get to reminisce. So part of the frustration with the love story taking over was how it over-shadowed everything else.

Not that our romantic entanglements weren't integral to our college experience, but there was so much more going on. Minus the song and dance number, that episode about the Persian Gulf War mirrored our anxiety on campus about that conflict. The Mammy episode still remains one of the most powerful refutations of colorism (soooo much better than how Spike Lee addressed it in School Daze). Before Freddie hit the Freddiest peak of annoying, one of her best episodes dealt with acquaintance rape. Ron and Dwayne pledging together provided that bittersweet reminder that even best friends often have to follow their own paths. And as disconcerting as the AIDS episode is to watch all of these years later, it is an important reminder of how we once thought of HIV as both a death sentence and a punishment for pre-marital promiscuity.

Of course I was rooting for a Gilbert-Wayne romance to blossom, and possibly rekindle, but not at the expense of the other characters and stories. When Whitley decided to stay in school for another year, it was to take additional classes to prepare for a corporate art buying career that most of us had no idea existed. It was relatable that she spent much of the season finding creative ways to earn money, although not by working for her friends as a maid (because we were all broke). And how ridiculous was it for Dwayne to sell his computer to help her with her tuition? When the campus was abuzz over that book written by Shazza Zulu (perennial undergraduate), did that really need to have a Whitley and Dwayne subplot when the real point was to navigate the minefield of interracial dating at an HBCU? Why was Whitley the director of the campus time capsule video when Freddie should have been the more obvious choice? And so on...I could revisit half of the episodes from that fourth season and point out how the show had lost focus. 

Or perhaps it had been decided that in the limited universe of other sitcoms with Black characters in lead roles, ADW had to be more than a show about college. The other Black sitcoms on air that overlapped during that same era (1987-1993) were: The Cosby Show (1984-1992), 227 (1985-1990), What's Happening Now (1985-1988), Amen (1986-1991), Frank's Place (1987-1988), Family Matters (1989-1998), The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990-1996), Roc (1991-1994), Martin (1992-1997), and Hangin' With Mr. Cooper (1992-1997). In other words, there were phases during its run when ADW was the only show that was not a goofy family sitcom, lasted longer than one season, and didn't rely on too many of the stereotypical sitcom tropes that had been so frustrating on other shows. 

On a show built around characters who were supposed to exist in a finite time and space, it was necessary to introduce new cast members to the core group each season. The problem was in the transitioning out the older main characters. Part of the point of college is to move on to make space for the new students to have their own very special episodes instead of being relegated to the supporting cast of what essentially became a romantic comedy. Walter Oakes, who had been on the front burner as the dorm director for two seasons languished in the background while Colonel Taylor became the most ubiquitous professor on campus. Oakes' departure came after Colonel Taylor hooked up with Jaleesa, who was also still hanging around campus two years after graduating. Somehow the writers thought she would be useful as a housewife--a prospect she emphatically rejected when it was offered to her with Walter. Then she disappeared, with her newborn without any explanation.

In addition to thinking theirs was the more toxic romantic entanglement, there was the matter of Taylor's son Terrance, who had been introduced as a new student with the promise of his own very special stories to tell. He did get a few, the most significant of which was when he objected to his father being offered membership in an exclusive country club, but the focus was more on Colonel Taylor's decision. Terrence was never fully developed into a more substantial presence (nor was the actor Cory Tyler officially added to the cast). A similar pattern was repeated with Gina Deveaux, who initially appeared as a recurring character with no real introduction, no background, and no major. By the last season when she was included in the new core group, it never made sense to me that an upperclassman would be hanging that tight with a bunch of freshmen...

The Douglass-Gilbert-Wayne love triangle was messy because it was so contrived. Byron Douglass III was old enough to have known better than to get serious with a 24 year old woman three months fresh from a broken engagement, and then expect to marry her six weeks after she slipped up with her ex-fiancé who also worked on his campaign? Or was I the only person who thought that was insane? Furthermore, I always found it frustrating that on the morning of the wedding, Whitley's parents seemed happier about the prospect of her "career" as a future political wife. Was that why they sent her to college for five years? What about the words of the theme song: here's our chance to make it, if we focus on our goals--was it marriage all along? While I definitely appreciate actor Kadeem Hardison's suggested alternative ending, it wouldn't have mattered which man Whitley ended up with because as far as I'm concerned everything for her went down hill from there. And as for these stupid Nick at Nite Hillman College Reunion vignettes, honestly who thought that Dwayne and Whitley were still together?

I've had 30-some years to think through all of this... 

If they did reboot this show (and no, I am not convinced), there is some new ground to cover. One new major issue is the presence of more white students on campus, the very elephant in the dorm room that was IGNORED the entire first season, and that was avoided in the fourth by having Matthew attend another local university. I could think of a few others, including an open LGBTQIA+ relationship, a debate over Black Lives Matter, competing political ideologies on campus post trump, gender equity in athletics, and the consequences of social media abuse. (Or you could just watch Grown-ish and pretend that is an HBCU.) Obviously, a rebooted ADW could also revisit some of the issues that had been raised in the original series and I might tune in for a few episodes. I would need the Aretha Franklin theme song, but with an entirely different opening sequence since that one has been done, redone, overdone... 

However, in spite of everything I just wrote, you do realize this show will forever be one of my favorites, I will always watch the reruns, and I will forever credit it for having inspired my choice to attend an HBCU. One of the great ironic truths that every college alum comes to accept is that our schools were far from perfect, so much like watching a TV series, we never can realistically claim to have loved every show, or every minute of our tenure. It was a brief moment in time, a very special episode of our lives that we get to revisit and remember fondly.

Red Beans and Rice Monday: No Offense, But...

I feel sorry for former Vice President Joe Biden. I feel sorry for the guy at church who offers kisses to every woman he encounters. I feel sorry for the women who feel uncomfortable in these scenarios--not because these interactions are harmless, but because enduring these encounters without complaint is what is expected of us.

When I say us, I mean women in general. We are expected to allow this.

'He's just being friendly.' 'He kisses everybody like that.' 'He doesn't mean any harm.'

Just like the Bishop didn't mean any harm when he felt Ariana Grande up in front of millions during Aretha Franklin's homegoing. And I believe he believed what he said, even if his hands were operating on their own accord.

So let me offer this quick word of political advice to Mr. Biden in case he does decide to move forward with this bid to become President (for the fourth time...): Ask.

Not because we are in an ultra-sensitive era where seemingly innocuous expressions of affection are now regarded with suspicion. Not because the person whose hair you are about to sniff might be a vocal supporter of a rival campaign. Not because it wouldn't be cool to say that #Itoo got to rub noses with Uncle Joe. Not because Barack Obama has warned us that the perfect is the enemy of the good. Not because current the Groper in Chief (currently being sued for getting too close and personal with a former staffer) is poking fun at you in order to deflect attention from the fact that he is a horrible excuse for a human being.

Ask, so that there is no ambiguity that you aren't invading someone's personal space.
Ask, to demonstrate that you respect that not everyone is comfortable in every situation.
Ask, to prove that you understand the concerns that have been raised by those who felt uneasy about your displays of affection in the past.
Ask, because it would be a shame if this drama overshadows your political legacy.

And one more thing...really apologize to Anita Hill.

Red Beans and Rice Monday: Black State of the Union

I was in the house all day Saturday while a lot of my friends were out celebrating that great HBCU revival known as Homecoming. So I was a little salty. And since I was not at Homecoming (and could not spend the entire day liking pictures of my friends enjoying Homecoming), I decided it was my civic duty to devote a block of time to sorting laundry and watching Candace Owens deliver her  Black State of the Union address.

What is that and who is she? Glad you asked.

To offer some context, I have written about Ms. Owens previously back when she issued a challenge to debate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, which I found to be an insulting publicity stunt orchestrated to give Owens some political street cred. She is one of several young GOP pundits who came of age in the Obama era. I am unsure of her exact political evolution, except that when it happened she released a YouTube video that explained her 'coming out' to her parents. And somehow, she has a job as the communications director for Turning Point USA, which is a glorified post-graduate political fellowship of sorts for the College Republican crowd. Thus, it was no surprise to see her cheek to cheek in a video with the First Named Son of the POTUS.

Nor was it at all shocking that she believed she could produce a watershed moment for Black America at 4:00pm on a Saturday afternoon during the weekend of several major HBCU Homecomings. Not at all delusional.

To her supporters who might be reading this, you can dismiss my critiques as shade, or you can ask the same questions I have posed here. Let's begin with why her big speech did not begin on time. And then why it was not streaming on Twitter as she had advertised. And then why she had to tweet out a link to her Periscope channel with footage that looked like my Kid was streaming it live by accident. And why the sound quality was also bad, so I had to use my imagination to fill in all the gaps that were audibly indecipherable. And why for at least ten minutes, she ceded the floor to some guy whom she felt would augment whatever case she intended to make, but again because of the poor sound and video quality, it looked a lot like Kanye West snatching the microphone from Taylor Swift...

Here is the gist: she is a young black conservative who is offering the same rhetoric that I have heard for years. In fact, I attended one of those Young Republican dinners as a college student, so I can assure you that she gave the same general speech beginning with the plantation imagery to the denouncement of Planned Parenthood to the welfare state being the reason why so many black children are born to single mothers. All of that is the fault of black voter loyalty to one political party.

I could go into the contrasting arguments that provide the foundation of the conservative appeal to black voters and while none of that has any impact on my political leanings, I recognize that there are some people who find that end of the ideological spectrum compelling. And that's cool. I have been friends with black conservatives and thought they were decent people. But we disagreed and in this current political climate, I struggle to understand their alignment with a man for whom values are currency, not policy. So I regard Candace Owens and her conference room full of followers with the same skepticism that people of a certain age look upon optional technology. Google glasses sound like a interesting concept, but no one needs them. I'm sure that there are black people who need a reason to justify their decision to join the GOP, but the rest of us really don't care.

I am clear that Owens and Company actually believe in the conservative ideology of free markets and personal responsibility--what the GOP used to espouse. However, in my experience, what these folks want is a way to stand out in a crowded field where simply being different is enough to advance. These same people decry affirmative action as reverse racism against their white friends without recognizing that they contribute to that same alleged preference for black, brown and/or female voices to serve as mouthpieces for white mediocrity.

And quite honestly, I was offended that Owens had to stage her announcement without the bells and whistles that should have accompanied such an important cause. She was hosting this event, so why couldn't she even get a FOX News production intern to ensure that her big speech got the attention she clearly felt it deserved? Let me point out that the President's address to the summit got C-Span coverage, while she got to upload a fuzzy cell phone video onto Periscope (I did see some better quality footage on Breitbart, but I'm not linking to that). Thus, consistent with what I have observed over the years, the GOP isn't really interested in cultivating black and brown voters except on the margins.

It is legitimate to point out that for all of its lip service to diversity, the Democratic Party has a lot of baggage with respect to supporting black and brown candidates who vie for public office without coming up through the traditional party structure. It is an ideological difference of opinion that government safety net programs have enabled poverty and contributed to the breakdown of the traditional nuclear family. The founder of Planned Parenthood might have been a racist eugenicist. And once upon a time, because of the GOP's past support for civil rights, black voters like my grandparents could be swayed to vote for Republican candidates.

But you won't win folks over to your side if your opening salvo is the suggestion that people are mentally enslaved or somehow incapable of the critical thinking ability to make pragmatic political choices. Or if you ignore the ideological and demographic shifts that made one party more attractive to specific groups of voters. Furthermore, if your ideas are so much better, then they would prevail without having to resort to tactics that suppress the vote or attempt to undermine the process. Because if the issue really is about the freedom to choose, then it should be your business to ensure that everyone has that right.

Finally, just take this advice with whatever you choose (grain of salt/shot of bourbon), but black people are wary of folks who have been designated as black leaders by outsiders. We've got to believe in you on our terms, so unless you and Kanye can do better than market a new clothing line with a unoriginal hashtag and a familiar corporate logo, you aren't leading a movement, just another parade.

Red Beans and Rice Mondays: The Grapes of Wrath

Alright now, this raisin thing has gotten way out of hand. You don't need raisins to enhance the flavor of anything other than oatmeal. So I have no idea why this picture and recipe popped up in my Facebook feed this morning or why anybody in their right mind would eat that crap. Seriously, jerk chicken with bananas and raisins???

Not even Mikey is gonna eat that (and if you don't get that reference, then trust me, you don't want it either). We aren't children. We don't need dried fruit added to food unnecessarily. Nobody wants that. Trust me, Karen, and say it with me: Nobody wants raisins in their potato salad. And though somebody somewhere this weekend is in the kitchen right now mixing up a batch of this crap, I assure you that nobody is going to eat it, not even to be polite. And if you leave it behind, trust that it will end up in the trash, and the raccoons won't eat it either.

People may like raisins, but nobody loves them. That's why you can only get kids to eat them from those boxes the size of your thumb. Anything larger than that, and you need to cover them with chocolate or yogurt. And given the choice between any other hard candy from the bottom of that church lady's bag and a pastel-colored yogurt-covered raisin, I'm pretty sure most of us would pass on both. And seriously, who prefers Raisinets to popcorn?

Dr. Suess initially intended for Sam I Am to entice that guy (whose name is Joey?) to eat raisins, but it wasn't as catchy as green eggs and ham. If you can imagine how raisins almost ruined a classic children's story, then why would anybody want to ruin a batch of collard greens that way? No Martha, NO.

Now there are a few exceptions, but these are trying times. Folks are stressed so at the cookout, they just want to kick back, talk smack, play spades, and eat foods that they recognize. Nobody is in the mood to try some dish you saw on Pinterest. And nobody comes to the BBQ to eat leftovers, so that's why nobody is going to eat that curried chicken salad. No thank you, Ina, this ain't a tea party or a Missionary Ministry social.

And for just a minute let's acknowledge the laxative effect of dried fruit, so unless you don't plan to use your bathroom, do NOT set out a bowl of trail mix for folks to snack on while the food is on the grill. And I don't care how many recipes you see that rave about rum raisin ice cream...you've been warned.

That's about all I need to say on the matter. Raisins are NOT INVITED to the cookout, not even if they sing and dance and come from California.

Red Beans and Rice Mondays: The BBW Christmas Playlist (2017)

I feel like I was such a crank last year and might have given the wrong impression concerning my feelings about this time of year. I don't hate Christmas...that much. Even though I did write this, which was apparently more popular than the follow-up. And I wrote this a few years earlier (and yes, I am also repeating myself).

To avoid being the Grinch again this year, I wanted to write a feel-good post that focused on the good things I enjoy about the season, but I already did that. So instead of repeating myself (again), I am offering up a few suggestions from my Busy Black Woman Christmas playlist (which happens to be a much longer list than my top three most annoying songs I posted to the FB page by the way, so be still my Grinchy heart). 

Silent Night, Temptations
For most of the people I know, if you haven't heard this song at least once a day during the month of December, then Christmas just ain't Christmas. Black radio stations start playing this song the day after Thanksgiving at least once a day, then gradually increase frequency until the week before when it must be played at least once every two hours. I assume those 24 hour Christmas stations play it at least once a day.

Unrelated aside: I was perplexed by the accompanying montage on YouTube...as in, this has to be one of the blackest Christmas songs ever, so where is the black baby Jesus??? Here's one (because you're going to need His image in your head as we continue on with this list) :

The Christmas Song, Nat King Cole
No, it isn't called "Chestnuts" which is what I called it when I was younger. Nat King Cole is absolute perfection.

This Christmas, Donny Hathaway
Again, in the category of Blackest Christmas songs you will ever hear, Donny Hathaway's classic is in heavy rotation on the R&B Christmas playlists. If you prefer anybody else's inferior version, it probably won't revoke your invitation to the ugly sweater party, but maybe it should.

Santa Baby, Eartha Kitt
This is the definitive rendition. Every other version you've heard is trash, especially Madonna's.

Christmas Ain't Christmas, The O'Jays
This is classic brown liquor R&B Christmas music. The kind of song that is playing in the background when the old folks in your family have retreated to the basement to play spades. Stick around if you can, and you'll probably learn several family secrets.

Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto, James Brown
This song is the reason why black parents traipse all over town to find the black Santa.

All I Want for Christmas, Mariah Carey
I actually don't love this song at all. It could just as easily go on a list of most annoying songs. But it happens to be a very catchy tune, and if I'm in the right mood, I will happily sing along.

What Christmas Means to Me, Stevie Wonder
There are no good reasons to ever remake a Stevie Wonder song, unless you happen to be Stevie Wonder. He didn't remake this song, which is brilliant, but he did remake Someday at Christmas with  Andra Day, which is a pretty damn good remake.

White Christmas, The Drifters
I love this song. You love this song. Everybody loves this song.

Sleigh Ride, The Ronettes
On the list of confessions I could make about this song, let's start with the fact that I had NO idea that the Ronettes were a black group until ten years ago! Not that it matters because I loved this song enough to download it to my original Christmas play list. In some ways, that proves music is universal and can bridge all kinds of divides...

So speaking of mind-blowing racial revelations (because this topic came up on Facebook and Very Smart Brothas last week), Bobby Caldwell is still white. And though this song isn't technically on the playlist, his duet with Vanessa Williams on Baby It's Cold Outside is one of the superior versions, and yes it is still creepy as f**k.

Behold the Lamb, Kirk Franklin and the Family
I know I just abruptly switched to religious music after faux cursing, but this song gives me chills and makes me cry and it is one of the best Christmas songs ever. I just learned that David and Tamela Mann were the soloists, and I still love it!

Joy to the World, Whitney Houston
It's no shock that this song made the list because it comes from the best-selling gospel album of all time (still holds that distinction after all these years). This is Whitney Houston in her element and it shows.

Unrelated aside: I just watched The Bishop's Wife with Carey Grant, which was just meh, so stick to the Denzel Washington/Whitney Houston remake. And while we're on the subject of black Christmas movies, I just need to highlight Langston Hughes' Black Nativity as an alternative to any Madea Christmas movie you might be tempted to watch as an alternative to any Hallmark movie you might be tempted to watch.

Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah: A Soulful Celebration
This is the best song to end this playlist because it truly captures every sentiment of the season--triumphant, inspirational, and joyful...and hopefully it reminds you of the reason why we celebrate this time of year. Hallelujah!

Red Beans and Rice Mondays: Post-Halloween Wrap Up

I wanted to follow up on my impressions from Halloween 2017. And in what might be one of the shortest list pieces I will ever compose, you guys did pretty well:

1. Your children's manners were impeccable. Great job parents! Except for that kid dressed as a ninja who pushed past my kid for a ring pop (you're going to get cavities).

2. I started early, but a word of advice to those of you who want to have splashy Halloween decor: start working on your decor earlier than 5pm on Halloween.

3. I didn't see nearly enough imagination with those costumes. Everybody played it safe as a superhero, movie character, or princess (says the women whose daughter was Princess Jasmine, but on Saturday night she was a cat). Next year, I need to see a few kids dressed as Federal Indictments.

4. I went home early, so no slut-shaming from me. Not that I would do that, but if you were a$$ out in these streets, I missed it and the weather was mild. Carry on.

5. A group did knock on my door at 9pm. And I gave them several pieces of candy because according to the Hub almost no one else showed up and I didn't get home until after 8pm. I even set out a bowl and a sign at 4pm when I left the house, so what gives? Maybe it is because...

6. None of my neighbors distributed candy, despite the fact there are now at least six kids in our block. And that is why I gotta take my kid elsewhere!

7. How come folks don't know the Halloween rules (like my brother and Dad). Lights on = candy house. Lights off = no candy house (where there actually was candy inside, so now my kid has spent the week sneaking Milky Ways when Granddad wasn't looking).

8. No lame candy :)  And that includes the goodies that were on the porch of a former senator (one of the perks of trick-or-treating a block from the Capitol).

9. Books are an acceptable candy alternative from a used bookstore, I guess.

10. There is a major holiday between Halloween and Christmas called THANKSGIVING, not Black Friday!!! So, in case anyone wondered why the Grinch was so grouchy, that might be one of the reasons.

11. I am getting old and starting to repeat myself. Seriously...I wrote this in 2012 and this five years later the week before last. Why didn't somebody tell me?

Red Beans and Rice Monday: Tricks, Treats, and Other Scary Stuff

(In the modern age, the equivalent of "the dog ate my homework" is "I forgot to save my file" so this is an attempted rewrite of what was much funnier last night. It may be only slightly funny several hours later.)

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year, right before everything gets super hectic and stressful in preparation for my least favorite time of year (Christmas). And over the years, I have come to love this holiday as the symbol of everything I love about Autumn. I love going to the pumpkin patch. I love picking apples. I love seeing children in costume. I love passing out candy. I love making chili and drinking beer. I love wearing sweatshirts and long sleeves and jeans and boots!

I could go on, but you are reading this to learn about all the things I don't like about this time of year, such as:

1. Sanctimonious religious folks who rail against the pagan origins of the holiday. A few years ago, we took my young cousin trick or treating in our neighborhood, and someone had posted a note on their door about how they were Christians, and as such they didn't celebrate Halloween. And then the note went on to quote several Bible verses and honestly, I kinda wished that I had brought along a carton of eggs...

Because seriously, there is no reason to proselytize by shaming people and their children who just want a few pieces of candy. Just keep your light off. Problem solved.

2. Teenagers who "chaperone" younger kids and expect candy. So that was me, about 20+ years ago, so I am not really in a position to judge. Except, I am judging all 6'4" of you, as you stand there without a costume or even a clever tee shirt. I bet you don't even know these kids. And yes, I saw you push past the smallest kid to thrust that old plastic grocery bag you found in the street in my face. So no, I don't believe that you have a sick sister who isn't with you, and you only get one piece.

3. Houses that have decorations but don't give out candy. For years, one of my neighbors put out plastic jack-o-lanterns on her porch for several days leading up to Halloween, which then mysteriously disappeared the day of and it always left me scratching my head. If you want to decorate for the season and not distribute candy, just put some mums on the porch and call it a night.

4. Trick-or-treating past 9pm. Again, I was guilty of that 20+ years ago, but when you know better, you do better. Halloween is always on the same night folks, which means it is usually on a weeknight. I know it doesn't have established hours, but I would say that a good two hours, from 6 to 8 is just about right. That way the kiddies can get home before too late, it isn't too cold out, and the hipsters can head out to the adult festivities. And I can get down to eating my chili and sorting through whatever the Toddlersaurus won't need to eat.

5. People who drive in from the suburbs to the city with their children. I see you idling in the car with those out of state tags. I thought the reason why you moved out there was to get away from us city folks, so what's up with that? Y'all living in McMansions and driving Escalades...I know someone in your cul-de-sac went to the Costco and bought that same big ass bag of candy I bought. Don't those mega churches out there host Trunk or Treat in those massive parking lots?

6. Howl-o-Ween. I am allergic to every animal except goldfish, but since it would be stupid to put a costume on my theoretical pet goldfish, please tell me why this is okay?

Red Beans and Rice Mondays: Summer BBQ Rules

I used to have these special posts on random topics that I would post on a specific day of the week, but it has been so long that I forgot the rules! But who needs a reason to resurrect an old forgotten label for the sake of shaking things up a little? Besides, it is Memorial Day weekend, so I thought to perform the very important public service of providing a few guidelines to clarify expectations for those who might not know the appropriate summer BBQ etiquette. Here goes:

1. Know your audience: There are different standards at play depending on the host(s) of the event...so let's just get this out of the way up front so that there is no confusion--white folks operate on slightly different rules. Don't get offended if you are reading this and are thinking, "Wow, that is an unwarranted generalization, possibly racist", because it isn't. White folks host summer parties where there might be some grill action, some pool action, and probably some business/networking; whereas black/brown people host cookouts for any random, arbitrary reason. I could write an entire post about the differences, but I will distill everything to these three (3) main points:

• There is never enough food at the white folks' BBQ, but there is always plenty of beer and chips. Eat before you go.
• Because there is never enough food, being a vegetarian or vegan at the white folks' party actually works in your favor. The opposite is true at the black/brown folks' gathering.
• Unless you are or will be related by marriage to the white folks hosting the event, there is always a networking component, so govern yourself accordingly.  

2. Politics: Before January 2017, the rule was that you could only talk politics at the BBQ with that one conspiratorial uncle who sits in the same chair all day and still doubts that the moon landing occurred. He probably doesn't vote, but somehow has a theory on everything from international climate agreements to trash collection in the hood. He criticized Obama from jump and also predicted that Hillary Clinton was going to run for President back in 1994 (and that she would lose).

But the shock of this last election finds him disillusioned to the point where you dare not say anything, even as he hints at his need to unload. The election of Montana Max has him so upset that he now defends Obama, Hillary, George W. and even Ronald Reagan, which is why you need to listen politely and have your escape plan ready to execute after about 15 minutes.

3. Special Dietary Issues: Eat before you come. While there will be plenty of food options available, just know in advance that if you are vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, have food allergies, etc., you are probably out of luck. Everything will have come into contact with meat, dairy, or whatever triggers your allergies at some point, so don't even ask. In fact, you should assume that unless you are at the white folks' party, the only safe thing to eat is the green salad with no dressing and the chips.

4. Attire: This is a matter of extreme importance, because you will always be judged by that really unfortunate outfit you wore to the BBQ, so play it safe. Maxi dresses with cute accessories are standard for the ladies; cargo shorts and polo shirts work for the guys. If you are not a maxi dress person, then wear your cropped pants and a nice tunic. But do not show up in the mini-dress that only slightly covers your behind, brand new high-heeled sandals, team apparel, or any kind of romper. And don't just throw on a tee shirt and shorts unless you are at the white folks' party for your kickball team. Because somebody's grandma is at the BBQ and not only will she notice, but she will say something directly to you if you are dressed inappropriately. You've been warned.

Red Beans and Rice Monday: Steel Magnolias Remake

I just don't know where to begin...

So, let me start off by offering my take on the general concept of a remake. Hard. Very hard. Super hard when half of the folks in your intended audience are old enough to remember and recite lines from the original.  And let me add, a much beloved original.

Not that remakes can never be successful, but certain conditions have to be met. First, the update needs to offer a different take on the original. Second, the remake should be influenced by, but never an outright clone of its predecessor. And finally, the new film should be able to stand on its own merits.

So, with all due respect to the very talented Phylicia Rashad, Alfre Woodard, Queen Latifah et al...your magnolias were just not made of strong enough steel.

This remake fell short on every one of the conditions, starting with the most obvious reason for its existence: the casting.  Queen Latifah was miscast as M'Lynn. Jill Scott was miscast as Truvy. What's her name was miscast as Annelle. Phylicia Rashad's daughter was miscast period.  And as much as I wanted to love Alfre Woodard and the aforementioned Mama Rashad, I just didn't.  At one point, I actually tweeted that someone should have called Jennifer Hudson, but I am sure that the casting director would have found a way to misuse her as well. How does one film have so many character flaws?

Perhaps I was too distracted by the six degrees of Queen Latifah thing that was going on in my head: remember how she was in Barbershop 2, which led to Beauty Shop in which Alfre Woodard co-starred (along with a Eurotrash Kevin Bacon!) and Keisha Knight Pulliam, who starred in The Cosby Show with Phylicia Rashad who starred in Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls alongside Anika Noni Rose, who was in The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency which starred Jill Scott, who also happens to be a Tyler Perry alum from Why Did I Get Married which also starred Janet Jackson, who as you remember appeared on Good Times as the abused daughter of Chip Fields who is Kim Fields' mother in real life and on screen in Living Single, which also happened to star Queen Latifah.  And should I mention that Queen Latifah starred in Joyful Noise alongside Dolly Parton, the original Truvy?  I need someone to make a wiki of all this...

Bottom line--since the racial conscious casting did not quite work, the movie needed to chart its own course in order to stand on its own as an independent work.  Which, ironically it does, despite the fact that it only made a few minor departures from the original film.  However, those subtle changes modified the central theme from a story about a diverse group of strong-willed southern women to a mother-daughter melodrama set in a southern beauty shop.  Unfortunately, that was enough to make this just another run-of-the-mill Lifetime movie.

Thus if given the choice, I will always prefer the original, which is sad because I desperately want to see more actresses of color breathing life into empowering stories.  I will avoid dissing Tyler Perry today to say that at least he tried to do something original with For Colored Girls and generally he tries with most of his work to offer his version of strong black women (even if Madea is a man in drag).  The point is, for better or worse, he does his own stuff.  There is no shortage of excellent material written by women of color that could be adapted, so must we wait another 10 to 25 years for the next The Color Purple (1985), The Women of Brewster Place (1989), The Wedding (1998) or Their Eyes Were Watching God (2005)? 

Oprah, do you read me???

Red Beans and Rice Monday: Grammys 2012 Recap

For the first time since high school (or maybe a year or two of college), I stayed up to watch the entire Grammy telecast.  And as one of my FB friends said it best, now I totally remember why I stopped watching it so many years ago. 

To say that the show sucked might be an overstatement...but it would also be true.  Frankly, as another FB friend pondered, I am not sure if the Grammys haven't always sucked.  It occurred to me that we were all so mesmerized by the pop superstars of the 80s and 90s that we forgot how God-awful boring the rest of the show could be.  So here are a few of the Grammy moments that got the Busy Black Woman's attention (from the good, to the bad to the downright WTF):

1. LL Cool J - Did just alright as the host--which means that he was one of the bright spots of the entire show. He started the show on just the right note with that prayer for Whitney.

2. Bruno Mars - If only he had performed at the half way point...his line about folks getting off their rich a$$es was priceless.

3. The commercials - The best performances of the evening!  I LOVED the two Target commercials and have alternately been singing Alouette and Rolling in the Deep all day.  Oh and since I missed the Superbowl I was not quite sure what to make of that Pepsi ad with Elton John as Jabba the Hut or the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland.  But I liked the Willie Nelson Chipotle ad and I thought that the McDonald's ad with the old guys was hilarious.

4. Jennifer Hudson's tribute to Whitney Houston - simply beautiful.

5. Adele - I am still singing her song, but I suspect that has a lot more to do with the Target ad than it does with her performance.  One of my FB friends commented on her June Cleaver dress and I forgive her because if it had not been for her in that June Cleaver dress and her quip about "rubbish relationships", I might have tuned out after Bruno Mars.

6. Old Guy Radio Reunion - Who exactly in the Grammy target audience cares about the Beach Boys, Tony Bennett, the Bruce or Sir Paul anymore?  They all did well enough to receive an honorable mention on my list here, but really, no one who still listens to their music was watching last night.  And while I think that we truly appreciated the Glen Campbell segment, again, I am thinking that the folks who remember "Rhinestone Cowboy" best were watching Downtown Abbey on PBS.

7. The tribute to deceased artists - Twitter went wild when folks began to question why Don Cornelius was left out of the photo montage along with Vesta and Etta James.  Someone suggested that anyone who had died in 2012 was ineligible for a photo tribute, but then there was Whitney whose death the night before clearly meant that the rules could be bent.  The alleged tribute to Don C that followed was just plain wrong on every level imaginable.  And still, not even a photo of Vesta.

8. Etta James tribute - On the one hand, it proves my point that the 'rule' about honoring dead artists who passed in 2011 was bull.  On the other hand, Etta James did not die 24 hours before the show so if someone thought enough of her to organize a tribute, surely they could done better than that tepid segment offered up by Alicia Keyes and Bonnie Raitt (no disrespect to those two who did an admirable job on Sunday Kind of Love; it just could have been a lot better). 

9. Nick Ashford slighted - And this is my final gripe about the dead artist segment, but I think Nick Ashford deserved a lot more than the nothing he got.  I mean, he co-wrote I'm Every Woman, the Busy Black Woman anthem! 

10. Rihanna. Chris Brown. Lil Wayne. Taylor Swift. Etc. - Let me refer back to #6 and the Old Guy Radio Reunion segment to suggest that the music business is in real trouble if any one of these artists receives a lifetime achevement award in 40 years.

11. The untelevised awards - I would be lying if I said that the Grammys should air some of its less popular categories like jazz, world and classical music.  But I am confident that I would have appreciated those a lot more than the above referenced performances.

12. Stevie Wonder and Diana Ross as presenters - Really?

13. Artists who rely too heavily on shock value rather than talent - Because there is nothing unique about crazy costumes, fireworks, aerial stunts, and alter egos in popular music...and that brings me to

14. Nicki Minaj - WTF?