The Sport of Kings

Some days, my people can be really exhausting. The day it was announced that Ralph Lauren would be releasing a limited-edition capsule collection of fashion inspired by the HBCU experience, I immediately got tired that morning and stayed lethargic for the rest of the day.

I wrote an abridged initial reaction on the Facebook page that covered the basics--yes, this is a good thing. No, it isn't better than celebrating a collaboration with a Black independent designer. Maybe, it would be great if other schools were featured other than Spelman and Morehouse. Yes, this is a good PR move for the Polo brand and for the young concept designers. No, that does not absolve Ralph Lauren for its decades of contributing to the lack of diversity in the fashion world. No, the scholarships aren't that big. Yes, I plan to mention #HBCUJustGive, again.

I have a lot to say.

No, I do not plan to buy a Polo-inspired Spelman letter sweater or another over-priced canvas bag or a plaid wrap skirt to wear around town with knee high socks and penny loafers at my age. However, I am always on the hunt for a nice white dress. And after two years on lock-down, I will definitely need a new one. Because of this collaboration, I might buy one from the Ralph Lauren section. 

If I see a great white dress from an independent Black designer that I can afford, I will probably buy that one too. The good thing about being a Busy Black Woman is that I have sorority functions that also require white attire. Of course, I am conscious of labels and want to look good when I step out into the world. However, with a soon-to-be 7 year-old whose legs are almost as long as mine, I do not have the luxury of spending her future Spelman tuition on clothes that aren't ready to wear. And that Georgia sun is HOT in May, so I don't want to ruin a one-of-a-kind designer dress with sweat stains.

I have a few indie label frocks from Black designers that I scored thanks to a few good sales at Lord & Taylor and their mass market collaborations with Target. I got particularly excited over those Target collabs, even when I was less than enthusiastic about the actual dresses once I received them. As I write this, I am staring at a very loud and colorful dress I bought last summer that I did not get to wear because we were still on lockdown. I'm guessing I can wear it to brunch at Twelve Oaks and flirt with the Tarleton Twins...

My point is that there are many of us who buy Black whenever we can. Upon learning that the concept designer of this collection is a young Black man means that I will be adding his name to my list of designers to watch in the next installment of #BlackinFashion. It reminds me that many of these indie designers cut their first patterns for the big-name fashion houses, so we may have already been supporting other up-and-coming Black designers without knowing it. For example, the late designer Virgil Abloh, artistic director of Louis Vuitton menswear and founder of his own label Off-White, began his meteoric rise as an intern at Fendi just over ten years ago.

It is true that this is not an entirely original concept. I have now been introduced to a few other brands thanks to the reactions to the Ralph Lauren line such as Chicer Collegiate. Alumni with that coin can support everyone. Folks like me will do what I can, when I can. I still want a Sergio Hudson belt to wear with my jeans and tee shirts. I would settle for a buckle, since a floor-length duster to go over all of these custom tees I buy to support your side hustles is out of the question until somebody pays me for my eloquent musings. But for those of you that vacation on the Vineyard annually, I look forward to seeing your pictorials.

James Jeter is a Morehouse alumnus. The story that has been shared is that he worked his way up from the retail floor at the Georgetown store to a corner office at Ralph Lauren HQ in New York City. During the first year of the pandemic and the summer when folks were marching for Black Lives in response to George Floyd's death, Mr. Polo was addressing his staff before heading off to a weekend in the Hamptons and offered the corporate version of Black Lives Matter--let's revive an old campaign with Tyson Beckford, but find a picture where he looks angry, yet sexy. Then Mr. Jeter stood up and gave the kind of speech that would make Dr. Anne W. Watts (retired Professor of Public Speaking) proud. He was passionate, persuasive, and persistent that more was called for in this moment than a billboard. Mr. Polo told Jeter to write up the specifics by Monday morning, and the rest is history.

Here is where I break character and speak directly to the SpelHouse HATERS. Because y'all are the reason why I am so tired of repeating myself when it comes to acknowledging these kinds of accolades. STOP the hate and shut the FUCK up!

I am serious about this point, because some of y'all have been complaining NON-STOP these last couple of years on social media. I have come to this blog on several occasions to make the case that ALL of our institutions need support from alumni and that call has not changed. As some of you gleefully pointed out, there are moldy dorms, old buildings, and disgruntled faculty at every HBCU. And in case you hadn't noticed, some very rich people have heard your pleas and have been blessing our schools with multi-million dollar guilt love offerings. These blessings have been constant from Mackenzie Scott, who has made philanthropic revenge spending a thing, so we are here for it. Not to be outdone several other corporate philanthropists have also been very generous, as have rich HBCU alumni who have quietly amassed FORTUNES without anyone noticing. Hell, even the Department of Education found some money to offer HBCUs more protection in the wake of these fake bomb threats that have disrupted classes throughout this school year.

But some of y'all are on Blue Ivy's internet sulking that whenever Kamala Harris, Phylicia Rashad, and Ta-Nahesi Coates, all Howard University alumni, get mentioned in the press (good and bad), that allegedly sucks up all of the oxygen from: Meharry Medical School receiving $20 million dollars; North Carolina A&T University cutting the ribbon on a $90 million engineering complex; or Shaw University being featured in one of the best Coca-Cola commercials since Mean Joe Green?!?!

Pinky Cole, a Clark Atlanta University alum is out here expanding her empire of plant-based burgers that folks stand on long lines to try because the buzz is just that hype. Coach Neon Deion is out here pissing off the NCAA and the ESPN analysts off with every recruit he snatches away from the Big Name Universities and signs at Jackson State. I'm betting on Norfolk State University to upset Baylor just because that's what we do every year during March Madness whenever an HBCU makes the tourney. We root for everybody Black! 

Nobody and I mean N-O-B-O-D-Y from the HowardSpelHouse community (I saw that on Twitter) ever talks shit when these kinds of announcements and accolades come to other institutions and their alumni. In fact, we applaud and circulate the news. I have never seen a tweet from one of us go out that whines about how we could have used the money that Mackenzie Scott bestowed on some other HBCU. We don't catch feelings that our athletics never become the stuff of national debates over social equity. We know that there are wonderful things happening at every school and that makes us all proud.

It didn't used to feel this personal, but then I see posts on social media that tear us down whenever something positive happens on our campuses. It hurts to know that whenever someone says something disparaging about one of your schools, the HowardSpelHouse community gets ready to rise up and fight, but that energy isn't always reciprocated. I don't like to generalize and say that it is Everybody vs. Us, because many HBCU alumni aren't that petty. But some of y'all...

Therefore, I will repress the urge to clapback because in the grand scheme of things, it accomplishes nothing but to sour feelings in unproductive ways that don't benefit any of us. At the end of the day, and I say this constantly, none of us are as well off as these PWIs that can give each student a laptop, their own bedroom with a private bathroom, and other amenities that would have been off-campus grad school luxuries for most of us. As a recruiter, I have had to tell parents the honest to God truth that most students who need financial aid to matriculate at Spelman will get a loan package because only a few students receive scholarships. And trust, it is painful to watch the gleam go out when a parent counters by telling me how other schools put more on the table than just a prominent brand name.

I never bash when one or more of those other schools are HBCUs. I would never suggest that someone was making a mistake by not choosing to attend Spelman.

Shall we talk about this $2 million that we're getting from Ralph Lauren? Or should I remind you that we did this a few years ago when Beyonce wrote a check for that same amount and after all was said and done, it only paid a year's worth of tuition for one student...

Instead, let's talk about how the real winner here is Ralph Lauren. He'll still be the default designer for First Ladies and the American Olympic team. He will still promote his aesthetic of yacht club leisure and country club brunch as quintessentially Americana. In a few years when this collaboration has been forgotten, his people will quietly call the booking agent at Wilhelmina and tell them to send over their most American looking models for his latest campaign. And no one will call him out because all of the other fashion houses and magazines will claim that diversity on the runway is out and homogeneity is in.

That is my cynical take, but my eternal optimism is that it won't matter what Mr. Polo will be doing in a few years. When I get that coveted invitation to attend the Harlem Fashion Row NYFW show, I will be more concerned about clinking glasses of CAU alum Donae Burston's La Fête du Rosé with Ruth Carter (Hampton), Oscar winner Aunjanue Ellis (I'm claiming it Tougaloo), and Will Packer (FAMU). And when Beyonce leans over to inquire where I got my badass ensemble, I will say Target darling, but my hair was styled by a sister from Hampton and my shoes were designed by my Spelman Sister Tori Soudan, with ALL of the confidence and swagger that one expects from a proud HBCU alum.

I Am Not My Hair Bonnet

From the Busy Black Woman book of truth, "Be ye ever open to instruction," which in the vernacular is, even if you already think you know everything, you don't. 

This is a general PSA for all of you who had a visceral over-reaction to this video message shared by the comic Mo'Nique last week. I initially saw the tweets and comments as comical, but that was before I saw the avalanche of criticism growing larger...and even though I changed my Twitter handle to reference a bee in my bonnet, that was before I saw her post and had a chance to really process her underlying message. So before I go on my tangent, I want to weigh in with my say on appropriate travel attire by linking to what I already said. I mean it. I will judge you, but I won't approach you unless you are un-lotioned (because that is a different kind of infraction).

However, let me make clear that the choice not to approach you is actually central to a larger issue. It isn't that I would be right or wrong in expressing my opinion, I believe it is more that my opinion would not be appreciated unless it was a compliment. If I walked up to you and said that I like the pattern on your panties that I can see because of your too short, see-through skirt, you might say thank you or think I'm a creep. Both reactions would be correct. Yet, in this current I-am-smarter-than-a-fifth-grader-world of social media, one might be more offended that I had the audacity to even look in their direction.

Be ye open to instruction. I just watched a portion of what was billed as an inter-generational talk with my forever Sister President Dr. Johnnetta B. Cole. She quoted this African proverb: The young go fast; the elders know the way. As she explained, we need your swiftness for the journey, but we've been here, know the terrain, and are only telling you what you need to know for your own good.

So, while y'all are dissing Mo'Nique for wearing her bathrobe while imparting wisdom, her point about showing more self-respect got lost. It became her policing Black women's stylistic choices instead of her being that Church Mother that hands you a lap scarf because your skirt is short. Look, I hated it too, but now that I am of the age where one might expect me to carry a lap scarf, a hand fan, some hard candy, and a shawl, I implore you to at least be open to why all of that became part of the whole armor of God. Our body temperature fluctuates as we age. Hard candy helps to keep the throat lubricated. And some dirty old man might be staring at my glory instead of giving all praise and honor to the Lord. It ain't even my ministry to be worried about his eyes or his soul, but now that we know how many young people were sexually exploited and abused in churches...

That Church Mother knows the way. When she pulls on the hem of our garments or when she hands over her shawl, we might get offended by her implicit judgment, but she is also instructing us about the ways of the world and of life. She is acquiescing to mores and norms that are outdated, patriarchal, and oppressive and she knows that. Yet, she is alive to provide that guidance because she survived being caught off guard in a compromising position with some entitled man who told her that no one would believe her story because of who he was. Maybe she still carries the scars and the shame, somewhere hidden on her body, covered up by a shawl or a lap scarf. And trust, she also knows that neither is a shield or a cape imbued with super repellent powers.

We appreciate your quick wit and determination to call out sexism. But she knows how to navigate it and still keep the faith.

Y'all can criticize respectability all you want. I've certainly approached my 40s with less concern about what people think about me or how they perceive me. And that is the wisdom that comes from accepting that the world will see me as it sees me and will mistreat me anyway. So the issue is not tied to some need to be deemed worthy to the outside world, it is about feeling my best in my own skin. My self-presentation to the world is a reflection of how I see myself, so pulling out an iron, wearing a bra, or putting on lipstick isn't patriarchal or respectable inasmuch as it is my choice to look the way I want in public.

Are we being too literal in our dismissal of Mo'Nique's critiques about wearing bonnets and scarves in public? I know that Mama Berenstein Bear wore her hair bonnet in every book and TV episode, but she also wore the same blue polka dot house-dress and no shoes. Of course, an anthropomorphic cartoon character isn't really a role model. Instead, let's focus on the fact that at least through the 70s and 80s, typical daily hair coverings ranged from those plastic rain bonnets that the Church Mothers carried in their purses to the elaborate Sunday morning hats those same Church Mothers revealed on Easter and Mother's Day. Culturally, there are groups of women all over the world whose custom or religious beliefs require them to keep their hair covered.

So this isn't really about that. And I say that as a woman who carries this modern-day Grandma's rain bonnet in my oversized Mom purse. If I could save some more pennies, I might rock one of these fantastic wax print turbans on my next transatlantic voyage. I am not above wrapping a gele if need be (and I definitely think more of us should learn the variety of styles). And let's be real--Mo'Nique ain't tapping Alicia Keyes in the airport over this look, nor would she check her homegirl Jada Pinkett-Smith at the Red Table.

But she is right that some of you look messy on purpose, and Auntie YaYa agrees. 

The real issue isn't what Sis said because plenty of us have dragged folks on social media for leaving their homes without first checking the mirror. When a school district suggested guidelines for appropriate parental dress for school drop-off/pick-up, most of us would agree that expecting parents to even have on clothing was de minimis. Casual Fridays, if we ever return to a full week of work, will probably be canceled. And we have all shared opinions about the person on the Zoom who should have kept her camera off until she got herself together (or the guy who should learn how to how to use his filters). 

That some of y'all are out here on Blue Ivy's internet still mad at Mo'Nique for speaking her truth about pay inequity is...hmmm, rich. We're still thinking that her opinions on how racism manifests in a variety of forums is just her telling Oprah to suck it? As if she doesn't know a thing or two about being too big, too outspoken, and too Black for people to care what she has to say, even if it is the truth? So now that she's back on the chitterling circuit, recording PSAs between shows in the hotel bathroom, y'all are more focused on her audacity to say what she said than on what she is actually saying?

Coming from a sister who has been judged on her appearance all of her life, whose talent has been under appreciated, whose voice has effectively been relegated to her Instagram followers...y'all don't know the way like she does. She is telling you that you can do everything right: star on a syndicated sitcom, be a Queen of Comedy, even win a damn Oscar, and folks will still disrespect you and treat you like you ought to be happy to get those coins from the fountain they offered. You can be talented. You can be beautiful. You can be skinny. You can be a Black bird-watcher and some white lady will call the cops and falsely claim that you are threatening her life.

Mo'Nique knows that what we wear on our heads doesn't even matter if folks are more obsessed with judging our skin color. She knows that when Oprah was trying to buy herself a fancy silk hair scarf, the saleswoman at the Hermès store in Paris wouldn't reopen for a Black billionaire. She knows that Meghan Markle can wear a fascinator just like her sister-in-law and still get trashed in the British tabloid media. Simone Biles will fix her teammates' hair ribbons and still get points deducted for pulling off truly amazing gymnastic feats. And that the tennis press will insist on imagining a rivalry between a Black Grand Slam champion and a white ingénue. 

Y'all are quick to point out that Black people are over-policed and profiled by appearance even when we conform to the so-called respectable norms. Black travelers with locs and braids must submit to intrusive searches of their hair to go through customs and TSA. So your ratty sleep bonnet or messy doo rag won't shield you from those indignities. Auntie knows that, so her point is that we need to carry ourselves with dignity and self-pride anyway. She said that the world will do what it does, so you must choose how you will show up. 

Let's keep it real, Vice President Harris and former First Lady Obama and every other Black woman in the public eye wears a hair bonnet. Even the Queen of England wears one (and we know this because those royal curls are tight like she faithfully rolls them in tissue paper and pink rollers every night). We ain't never going to see any of these women informally casual, wearing fuzzy slippers and pajamas in public. They face ridicule and unfair judgment too; yet they exude the utmost confidence and presence as they walk through the world.

Mo'Nique is saying that you have that same power to make the world see you in spite of how it defines you. Carry yourself with dignity. It isn't your fault that the deacon won't focus on the sermon, but here is my shawl in case your legs get cold, sweet baby. Be ye open to instruction because you may be quick, but I know the way.

Finally, a word on ashyness, which is a heinous act of omission that will earn you a rebuke by the Busy Black Woman. You can't be walking around unmoisturized, because too much friction can be flammable. Therefore, if someone offers you some hand lotion, take it in the spirit of generosity and concern that it was offered. Only God may know what is up under that sleep bonnet, but everybody can see them crusty knuckles and finger creases...so be ye open to instruction, and a few squirts of lotion.

Kwanzaa Is A Holiday

In elementary school, we had a very cool and hip science teacher named Ms. Tucker. Of all the things I remember about her, specifically that she was unapologetically Afrocentric in a time when that was considered passé and weird, and she taught us about Kwanzaa. I don't remember exactly what year it was, but one December she pulled out some African instruments, her Black Liberation flag, a wooden menorah, some plastic fruit, and began to tell us about the seven principles. Then she taught us this song, which I still know (because y'all know my memory for randomness):

Kwanzaa is a holiday, 

Kwanzaa Kwanzaa Kwanzaa

Is an African holiday

Seven Principles, seven candles

Seven Black days for the African!

 

She actually danced around the room a bit as she taught us this song. We even sang it in a round, which is also a rather random recollection. I remember that when I got home, full of excitement and pride, I asked my father, Mr. Revolutionary Civil Rights rabble-rouser, if we could celebrate it since it was an African holiday. The response I got has been with me for four decades: NO. 

I'm not sure that he offered much of an explanation at the time, but subsequently, he would declare that he would never celebrate Kwanzaa because of issues he had with its founder, Dr. Malauna Karenga. I was in college when he finally chose to elaborate on those issues, and to my knowledge my Dad has never willingly celebrated Kwanzaa. If he has been in the room when there have been rituals or ceremonies, I know he's been polite and respectful to nod along and smile. But that is the extent of his participation. In recent years, he has said that it is enough for him to focus on Christmas, which is a much bigger deal for him as a Catholic deacon. 

As for me, I had my own reasons not to celebrate Kwanzaa. In addition to my Dad's issues with Dr. Karenga, I came across a few of my own feminist reasons to disassociate from his creation. I also didn't need the added drama of another thing to do in an already over-scheduled holiday season. I am usually traveling during this time of year to visit the Hub's Puerto Rican relatives, and it was enough to get them to add collard greens to the family dinner menu. I couldn't find a third of my Christmas ornaments this year, so the idea of keeping track of a kinara and seven candles???

For years, I acknowledged the criticisms of our siblings from the Motherland, that the celebration itself isn't African, it just uses words and images that we (Americans) perceive as African. That pan-Africanism is a buffet of choices that affirm very narrow and ahistorical narratives about an entire Continent. That we are all the descendants of Kings and Queens. That we all lived in Zamunda or Wakanda until the Europeans arrived. And I got that, because for years it felt as if celebrating Kwanzaa was a demonstration of wokeness instead of a cultural reawakening. 

However, thanks to my daughter's multicultural Montessori education and my own sense of We-Are-The-World ecumenical ism, I am more open to the idea of exposing her to various holiday observances such as Kwanzaa instead of dismissing it as some made up hotep nonsense. As we know, all holidays were made up at some point, so what is the harm? She learned about Hanukkah this year and has been referring to chocolate candy wrapped in gold foil as gelt, so if she can learn about the Maccabees and believe in Santa with no confusion, then why not add a little Swahili to the mix? Am I the only person that remembers Chrismahanukwanzakah?

For starters, Kwanzaa isn't a Black cultural alternative to Christmas...not anymore. Kwanzaa doesn't have mascots like Rudolph or the Easter Bunny (although Kwanzaa Timmy is a classic). There are actually a LOT of Kwanzaa songs online, which I didn't know existed until I tried to find the song that Ms. Tucker had taught us. There are tons of Kwanzaa books and stuff, most of which seem to contradict the intention of a holiday that isn't supposed to embrace commercialism, but y'all know how Afroeconomics works (somebody always prints tee shirts). And yes, Malauna Karenga, the founder of Kwanzaa is problematic for both his collusion with the FBI against the Black Panther Party (Dad's reason) and his torturous and abusive sexism (my reason). 

Yet, Kwanzaa has managed co-opt valuable space on the calendar. In recent years, I have noticed how Kwanzaa ushers in a season of Black Awareness wherein we get to go from celebrating our connection to the African continent to honoring one of our most revered civil rights leaders to spending an entire month teaching the world about all the ways Black people have endured and triumphed in spite of its racism. Or at least in my mind, that is how it should work. Which is why we must start by acknowledging that Kwanzaa is an American holiday, quintessentially so in that it combines numerous cultural, secular and religious elements into one (kinda like Christmas with the Baby Jesus and Frosty the Snowman inflatables in your front yard). So yes, it is somewhat random and slightly absurd, but that is also what makes it beautiful.

While I don't plan on incorporating any ceremonial rituals or dressing us in matching kente cloth pajamas, I will take time to teach my daughter the seven principles. I surprised myself in being able to name all of them from memory, but that just proves how 40 years of consistent messaging can eventually make an impression. And for the past couple of years, I have been intentional about promoting Ujamaa, cooperative work and economics through my elevation of Black businesses via the Busy Black Woman Holiday Giving Guide. In fact, it occurred to me that I have been a proponent of all seven principles through much of my advocacy and work, so why not embrace Kwanzaa? It isn't as if I don't acknowledge other holidays that are annoying or have problematic origins. Two of my least favorite holidays exist to sell greeting cards, candy, and jewelry (and I have happily accepted all three). 

So no, I won't roll my eyes if you buy my Kid a Kwanzaa book. And perhaps when we're not in the middle of a pandemic, I may seek out a public celebration or two to incorporate into our holiday traditions. However, I have a few suggestions for the Kwanzaa PR folks because we need to move our people beyond just dressing the part for seven days out of the year:

When we say Black Lives Matter, that is Umoja (unity). 

When we say vote like your life depends on it, that is Kujichagulia (self-determination).

When we say wear a mask to stop the spread of COVID, that is Ujima (collective work and responsibility).

When we say buy small, buy local, and buy Black, that is Ujamaa (cooperative work and economics).

When we say it takes a village, that is Nia (purpose).

When we elevate our stories and express ourselves through the arts, that is Kuumba (creativity).

When we say the struggle continues, but we shall not be moved, that is Imani (faith).

Habara gani?

Of Malice and Men

Candace Owens sure does say a lot of absurd stuff to get attention. I sure do wish I could drag someone else every now and then...but in the words of the late Hyman Roth, this is the business I have chosen. And she is about to get this work!

Candy Land must have been bored from reading the same conspiracy tweets on Parler about how the election was fixed, so she decided to look for something new to get her heart rate up. So I'm guessing she took a stroll down to Starbucks to get her usual pumpkin spice latte when she spotted Harry Styles in a dress on the cover of VOGUE displayed prominently on a nearby newsstand. And because he looked so darn pretty in his fancy frock, I think Candy Stripe got jealous. So she clutched her pearls, forgot her drink (but she doesn't tip, so no one called after her), and hurried back home to pull out her snooty little typewriter to fire off this ridiculous tweet. Instead of asking the obvious question (is that really Gucci), she opined that this pictorial was all part of the leftist agenda to emasculate men.

Bring back manly men, she pleaded, then hit send. Whew...girl, you make this too easy:

1. Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY who reads VOGUE Magazine cares that Harry Styles is wearing a dress. And it is pretty obvious he was chosen to don frocks to please both the ladies and the gentlemen who do read VOGUE...so none of them will be complaining.

2. Harry Styles ain't checking for you, boo. He's not checking for me either, but that's okay because I don't need to add Busy Black Cougar-Mama to my resume.

3. I thought you were married and pregnant. That doesn't prevent you from looking, by the way, but I'm just checking to make sure all is okay at home.

4. Because you are pregnant and are about to bring forth life into this crazy, mixed-up world, wouldn't it be better for your child not to be branded as the kid whose Mommy says unnecessary, ridiculous shit just to get attention?

5. Then you followed up by doubling down (of course). Seeing that your first tweet went viral, you added more fuel to the fire by taking a swipe at fake feminism as toxic. But going out of your way to say something mean about someone else isn't toxic, Candy Cane?

6. As this is a polarized world, people have taken predictable sides, and even though this doesn't really have to be a debate, it is what it is. So I guess this means that you are one of those bitter bitties who believes that the design of a seasonal, disposable coffee cup is also proof of the leftist plot to destroy America.

7. Just wondering why you were trolling through VOGUE for something get outraged about...if you're such a serious person with no fashion sense (and that is not a question), then why do you even care what fills their pages? Fashion is a billion dollar job-creator...

8. Oh, I see now, you were taking a break from beating that dead horse, known as complaining about election rigging. Sigh...allow me to break this down: there is a pandemic raging, some states gave their citizens the option to vote by mail, and more of the people who chose to vote by mail preferred the guy who actually has a plan to help bring an end to the pandemic. Yeah, it sucks to lose to the guy who campaigned from his basement instead of flying around the country to spread the very disease that has been killing people.

9. I don't know why you are so fixated on the superficialities of gender as defined by attire. I know that someone sent you a bunch of pictures of men in dresses and you insisted they weren't persuasive, so I am just going to leave this right here:

10. As usual, you are entitled to your opinion, even if what you expressed was done with malice and with utter disregard to the harm that it could cause others. I am no longer joking, Lil Sis, because what you said was terrible.

Let's start with the fact that I believe you are much smarter than this. You know that manhood and masculinity are not superficial attributes. The characteristics that define manhood are so much more than a shirt and tie, bulging muscles, a ten gallon cowboy hat, or a pickup truck. I know what you said and how you meant it, and what's sad is that you know better. You know better than to reduce manhood to a bunch of tropes and to use Twitter to call someone else's manhood into question.

You know the stories of Black men who were dehumanized and physically stripped of their manhood--men who were castrated right before their bodies were set ablaze in front of jeering mobs. Men who were never afforded due process, but who were judged and punished on the mere allegation that they exceeded the bounds of manhood that had been proscribed for them. Men who had gotten too uppity by owning property or getting an education or daring to vote; men who wore this country's uniform and assumed that granted them equality; men who did not resist the charms of the forbidden fruit of white womanhood offered to them. So you know better than to say something in public that could cause someone real physical harm.

You know better than to assert that there is something less or diminishing about a person who moves about the world differently than others. You know how painful it is to be rejected and marginalized and ridiculed. You know what it is like to choose to live against the grain and to endure the consequences of that choice. You know this, and yet you said what you said, it went viral, then you felt vindicated because other small-minded people agreed with your pettiness.

You went on social media and suggested that manly men carry themselves in ways that command more respect...more than other men who have been feminized or brain-washed to express themselves without your permission or approval. Manly men are strong, you said, and our civilization cannot survive without strong men. Did you really mean that we cannot survive without strong men like Donald J. Trump, the kind of manly man who needs time to accept the fact that he lost an election? The kind of manly man who had his Daddy call in a favor to keep him from having to serve in the military? The kind of manly man who bought a beauty pageant so that he could ogle young women? The kind of manly man who routinely insults and demeans women who stand up to him?  The kind of manly man who disparages self-sacrifice as weak? The kind of manly man who has no loyalty or honor to anyone but himself?

He is your standard bearer? Or is it that you prefer the image of manhood he projects--the illusion of strength without any of the attributes.

Because real men are kind, loving, creative, funny, generous, protective, honest, vulnerable, sensitive, attentive, tough, and caring. Real men encourage others. Real men stand up for what is right. Real men make mistakes and own up to them. Real men get knocked down, get back up, and keep fighting. Real men provide for their children, regardless of who's name is on the birth certificate. Real men look out for their neighbors. Real men sin and then pray to God for forgiveness. Real men wear masks. Real men wear kilts, robes, sarongs, kaftans, agbada or boubou, sherwani, kurta, tights, capes, body armor, helmets, workboots, wingtips, sneakers, ascots, boxers, briefs, tutus, feather boas, wigs, uniforms, costumes, business suits, hoodies, spacesuits, loincloth, labcoats, makeup, beards, suspenders, scrubs, and yes, even tuxedo ball gowns if that's what they want to wear.

Real men that know who they are and are unafraid to live in their truth are manly, Candolences. And real people love them for that. And it doesn't matter what a fake pundit clutching fake pearls tweets to express her faux outrage over something that she could have just ignored.

Bring back manners. Bring back common courtesy. Bring back minding your own business. Bring back respect. Bring back 'don't start none, won't be none'. Now go on back where you came from.

The Busy Black Woman Holiday Gift Guide (2019)

One never knows how a seemingly random idea can turn into a major project. On Christmas morning last year, I decided to take a few photos of the gifts I had bought from some local and small businesses, just on a whim. I thought I had gotten some cool stuff, and wanted to share those finds with my friends and followers. Then I posted some photos and this index to the blog, with no real plan for any next steps.

Then at some point during the past year, I decided to make my personal support of small, Black, women-owned, and local businesses a theme of the blog and on its Instagram page. If you happen to follow me on either my personal or blog pages, then you know that I have a seemingly endless supply of tee shirts (not including the ones associated with this blog, but I digress). In addition to the usual randomness, I use the IG page to follow many entrepreneurs, and have been blessed to connect with several of them in real life.

So as the 2019 Holiday Season comes to a close, I wanted to take time again to provide an index of gifts and companies that were featured in the Busy Black Woman Holiday Giving Guide. As always, whenever I have big plans, life happens, but what else is new? However, this year I thought ahead...What would the Oprah do (#WWTOD)?

Well, without my own magazine, staff, or an unlimited budget, I began posting my finds in on my social media in November until I was done with my shopping. The fact that I didn't finish posting until Christmas Eve notwithstanding, my hope is that you will use this as a year-long reference to answer the elusive 'how-do-I-support-Black-businesses' question. .

Get Your Paper Together
At some point this year, the major retailers finally got the notice that families of color might like to see Santa rendered in our likeness. I know that probably annoys some folks (Meghan 'Santa-is-white-and-Jesus-too' Kelly), but check it, Santa is whomever dons the suit. If you were lucky enough to score a roll or two of mainstream retail Santa paper, that's great; otherwise, place your orders now with Copper and Brass Paper Goods or Midnight Reflections. You will note that both Santas made appearances throughout the Gift Guide this year. I plan to add Clarence Claus from Greentop Gifts to my stash for the sake of variety, and you can also check out Etsy to see a few other whimsical multicultural options.

You Get a Box!
I still roll with the Izzy and Liv Brown Sugar Box, which expanded this year to include two children's boxes and a men's box. I haven't signed up with any other subscriptions yet, but the Because of Them We Can Box is topping my list for my now tween Niece. If you are a sorority sister, there are the Ivy Storehouse Box, the Dear Delta Box, and the Finer Things Box...and now that this has become a thing, I'm sure you will find something therein to fit your needs accordingly.

Stylin' and Profilin'
I featured hometown shirts on the IG page since DC finally hit the big leagues by winning the Stanley Cup, the WNBA Championships, and the World Series this year. I have always been proud to showcase hometown pride, so here are a few of my favorites: Ask Me Tees, Bailiwick Clothing, Check It Enterprises, CrankRock, I'm So DC (the hardest working sister in the urrea), and On Us Tees. Get one (or more)!

I want to shout out my Spelman Sisters who helped me to *bling* it during my Reunion weekend: Ourglass Apparel, SpelHouse Swag, and DiviniCo (who designed our class tee).

Lighting the Way
Candles are the new thing in small business, so now that the Kid is a little older, I have been excited to discover new and unique scent combinations. On our holiday trip to NYC, I discovered the honey-rich scents of Lomar Farms made from beeswax. I received some incense from the Posh Candle Company in an Izzy and Liv box, so I decided to try the candles, and in addition to the intense scents, the names are most intriguing. I also shopped with KSM Candle Company in Baltimore and Isabis this year.

Books, Puzzles and Notes
After attending the East of the River Book Festival last year (so sad to miss it this time), I have been excited to collect books from new and emerging authors for the young people in my life. I also made a point of shopping at the independent bookstores, such as Mahogany Books in DC and Grandma's Place in Harlem, which yielded some offerings I might not have found otherwise. Some highlights include The Nutcracker in Harlem, The Undefeated, Hair Love, She Stood for Freedom, and A is for Ancestors.

I stocked up on some puzzles for the upcoming Winter birthday party season from Puzzle Huddle, but I also discovered Little Likes Kids, so I can change things up a bit with games now. For the preteen girls, I think these stickers and journals by Oh So Paper are cute. For the folks who are organized and like to plan things, might I recommend the Arrivista Planner, and my cousin who can teach you some techniques for using it.

Looking Good Girl
Continuing with the tradition that began with Madame C.J. Walker, the market for Black-owned hair care products has expanded from online retail and neighborhood beauty supply to the mainstream. I know that people feel some kind of way about the ethnic hair care aisle, but thanks to brands like Jane Carter, Oyin Handmade, Design Essentials, and Thank God I'm Natural, there are companies like The Lip Bar on the cosmetic aisle at Target. Mented Cosmetics is now available at the Herald Square Macy's and of course Fenty Beauty and Pat McGrath are available at Sephora.

Great products and tools are still available online, such as the Grace Eleyae sleep cap, the Felicia Leatherwood detangler brush (or one of the knock-offs), and the Puff Cuff. Of course, local stores and small pop ups are great for finding products such as Hunny Bunny, Play Pits, and Oasis Soul.

You Wear it Well
What is a pop up without jewelry? This year, I have been breaking out of my comfort zone to embrace new textures and bolder patterns, so Beaded Souls, Hair Free Girl, and Me Two Designs happen to be a few of the jewelry designers whose pieces I've added to my daily rotation. I just discovered Amber Poitier this holiday, so I will be looking to add a few of her pieces in the future.

Miscellaneous
Here is an index of the other businesses I patronized at some point in the year:
Anna + Pookie
Bags by Sistah PG
Bases Loaded Authentic Clothing and Kaps (B.L.A.C.K.) 
Brown Girl Beauty Co-op
BZB International 
Capital City Mambo Sauce
Chat's Liquors
Crowned Charms
Diggin Her Roots Boutique
Heeey SugaFoot! 
Here's the Scoop Ice Cream
Homemade Healing
Ivy's Tea Company
Jacq's Dolls
Jaida A Photography
Jazzabon Creations 
NiLu Gift Shop
Petals, Ribbons and Beyond
Sweet Mossie's Stew Pots
TruGlory Greetings
Unique Aksents
Vegan Skin by Paul Joseph 
Vintage Glam Tea Party & Co.
Yvonne Ex

The Nile List is an effort that was started by one of my Spelman Sisters this year to provide an online guide of Black Businesses, so you should assume that my list isn't nearly as comprehensive...but you get the point. Happy Shopping!

NYFW Black in Fashion Fall 2019

As I attempt to juggle several balls in the air for Black History Month this year, I promised myself (and you) that I would revisit and update this series for New York Fashion Week. Here we are, and ironically in the midst of a scandal that makes it all the more timely that we highlight a few current Black designers and fashion influencers. With all due respect to Spike Lee, who called for a boycott of Gucci and Prada over their recent blackface debacles, how about we cancel those labels and focus on building the brands of a few of these Black designers?

It is just a one-day miniseries this year, so here is the index of designers who are presenting at NYFW (February 6-13) and who are also featured on the Busy Black Woman social media pages today.

Cushnie

Glemaud

Harlem's Fashion Row

Jason Rembert (Aliette)

LaQuan Smith

Luar

Studio 189

Telfar

Virgil Abloh

I'm adding one designer as an Honorable Mention this year:
Christian Siriano

Black in Fashion III - September Issues and Fashion Week

New York Fashion Week has come to an end and as I sit here in my unfashionable sweatshirt and sleep cap, I can only dream of the day when I get to be fabulous enough to be wearing the same ensemble while blogging from my hotel room after a whirlwind weekend of shows and parties. Just putting it out there for February 2019, btw...

This has been a crazy week, so I will admit that this third installment of my #BlackinFashion series is posting later than I anticipated and is abridged from my initial vision. Instead of a series posted to social media, there is just this digest because I ran out of time. And in a week that included the Congressional Black Caucus Annual Conference, an unending news cycle of Presidential insanity, a hurricane, and life in all of its chaotic glory, I think this is pretty good four five days after the fact.

Somewhere I saw a headline that touted the presence of black women on every major September fashion issue...but that wasn't exactly the case. THE major September Issue with a black woman on the cover this month is VOGUE, and this is not just another Beyonce picture on the cover, it is a photo taken by an artist that she personally selected. And that artist, Tyler Mitchell, is a 23 year old who has the honor of being the first black photographer to shoot a cover for VOGUE. There is also a rare interview. If you haven't gotten the issue yet...(yeah, me too).

I did happen to snag a copy of Glamour, a magazine that I only ever read at the nail salon. But the September cover girl is comedian Tiffany Haddish, who is definitely having a moment. In addition to pissing off Katt Williams for no apparent reason other than jealousy, she is in at least three forthcoming films. Since they both won Emmys maybe they can hug it out (and maybe some generous designer will give her something other than that Alexander McQueen dress to wear...not that we don't appreciate her keeping it real). But once you appear on the cover of a fashion magazine, designers should be taking note.

I came across this cover of ELLE UK featuring a pregnant model named Slick Woods, who just in the past couple of days made headlines for giving birth hours after walking in the Savage x Fenty show! Apparently, she was in labor during her trot down the catwalk, but no worries because Erykah Badu was chilling backstage just waiting to be her doula.

Speaking of Rihanna, she appears on the cover of Edward Enninful's first September Issue as editor at British VOGUE. I shan't address the matter of Kanye West and his children on the cover of Harper's Bazaar, but will point out that Zoe Kravitz is on the October cover. Zendaya is on the cover of Marie Claire and if you are looking for anyone else, take a look through this list of September Issue covers.

I am still old school when it comes to following fashion, so as everyone else turns to Instagram to keep up with the trends, I am unsure if the author of this article is right. However, if the outpouring of emotion over the death of fashion blogger and influencer named Kyrzayda Rodriguez, who succumbed to stomach cancer last week is any indication of the future, perhaps Anna Wintour is presiding over a dying medium?

Unlikely, at least in the short term. Anna still gets front row seats at the shows, and her magazine has helped to spotlight some of these black designers and models who were featured during New York Fashion Week September 5-12, 2018:

Bella Rene - website

Cushnie - ELLE article

Carlton Jones - website

Pyer Moss - VOGUE article

Salem Mitchell - VOGUE article

Telfar - PAPER article

Finally, I have to mention that I learned a new term this week, "lewks" thanks to my imaginary sister-in-law, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I just happened to be reading through my Twitter timeline the other day and read how she had been attacked over an expensive outfit she wore for this interview. While I am convinced that this pettiness has a lot to do with Ocasio-Cortez's refusal to buy any of the wolf tickets sold by the folks who need better hobbies, this entire controversy emphasizes the point of this series. A fashion statement has social, economic, personal, and political implications. And the statements aren't just made by the clothes (take note of the model in the Tommy Hilfiger ad, Winnie Harlow). Fashion can be dismissed by people who take themselves way too seriously as superficial, but in the process they miss the broader message.

Black in Fashion - Part II

New York Fashion Week ended a few days ago, as did the BBW Black in Fashion series, and if you would allow me a moment of self-congratulatory indulgence, this was quite an amazing roller coaster ride! I had no idea that I would get so immersed in this topic, and after seven days I've barely scratched the surface of with respect to history and current information. If you missed any of the posts to the Facebook page, please take a look at the index post, and read this epilogue for additional information that didn't make the initial series.

First Ladies and Fashion
I was initially intrigued by the connection between Elizabeth Keckley and Ann Lowe, dressmaker/designers to two historic First Ladies, but it took a while before I fully recognized how pivotal that relationship could be in terms of influencing the career of a specific designer or even a particular trend. For Elizabeth Keckley, her influence on the fashions of the time is unclear, but her client base and livelihood depended a great deal on her friendship with Mary Todd Lincoln (which apparently became strained after Keckley published her memoirs). Ann Lowe's design business did not lack for well-heeled clients, which is why it is not too surprising to learn that after she designed the wedding dress for Jacqueline Kennedy, they maintained a relationship for many years afterward.

The inclusion of Michelle Obama in this series evolved from a mere mention of her choice to wear a specific contemporary designer to a full-fledged recognition of her role as a key fashion influencer. While a few of her predecessors could be similarly appreciated for their style (Nancy Reagan comes to mind), with the exception of Jacqueline Kennedy, I was unable to verify if previous First Ladies in the modern era specifically sought to patronize black designers. Interestingly, on the fifth day of this series, the Obamas unveiled their official portraits, rendered by two promising young African American artists which is consistent with other choices they made to highlight the work of lesser known American artists of color during his term. It is no surprise then, that as one of the most photographed women in the world, Michelle Obama has launched and revived the careers of several contemporary designers.

Black Fashion Venues
My initial intent was to acknowledge the historic importance of ESSENCE and EBONY magazines, two black publications that played substantial roles in providing showcases for black designers and models. As I researched other subtopics and realized that this effort was expanding, I remembered the all-Black issue of VOGUE Italia. This ground-breaking issue was the brainchild of its late editor, Franca Sozzani and was published in July 2008 at a moment when there had been a noticeable decline in the number of black models featured in major fashion publications and on runways. (And I need to note that no mainstream American publication has undertaken a similar effort; however, GLAMOUR magazine has been working to promote more content created by women in its publication.)

The Italian VOGUE in Black issue was announced and planned prior to the death of designer Yves Saint Laurent, who passed a month before its publication. We must pay homage to him because he was one of the first major designers to use models of color in his shows and his friendship with Eunice Johnson meant that his creations were among the first by a major designer to be included in the EBONY Fashion Fair. It cannot be overstated how the example and influence of one white designer helped to change an industry--it was Laurent who helped to launch Naomi Campbell's career as a supermodel.

A fair amount of credit should be given to reality television for creating new venues for black designers and models. Of course that means giving props to both Project Runway and America's Next Top Model for demonstrating the importance of diversity and inclusion in the industry. In the series, I highlighted three black designers from PR who performed well and made their mark but it also provided an opportunity for models as well. ANTM featured a fair number of black models in each cycle, including winners Eva Marcille (3), Naima Mora (4), Danielle Evans (6), Saleisha Stowers (9), Teyona Anderson (12), and Krista White (14). Several of those winners have gone on to become successful working models, including a few who crossed over to the catwalk for the designers from PR.

Fashion Influencers
For years, Andre Leon Talley was the black fashion overlord, with few peers. Since his retirement, others have ascended to high places, so the job of discovering and mentoring more promising young talent no longer rests with one lone influencer, but among several. While we tend to look to the editors at mainstream publications to declare what is in and what is out, social media will continue to serve as a venue for fashion bloggers whose voices and perspectives are both immediate and current.

I am also hopeful that advocates like Bethann Hardison will continue to speak out about the lack of diversity in the industry until it is no longer a need. Because if models are merely the hangers for displaying the art, then it should not take headlines or alternative campaigns to shame designers into using black models. And it should be noted that while the series recognized the historic and iconic black models from the past, there are many fresh faces out there who deserve attention and opportunities to shine.

I did not focus on cosmetics because that is a topic that should (and might) be its own series. Iman, Tyra Banks, and Pat McGrath have their own cosmetics lines which demonstrates how integral makeup is to the fashion industry--not just as looks that are created for the runway, but also for what gets advertised to consumers. Black women historically had limited makeup options,which is why a legacy brand like Fashion Fair and now a contemporary brand like Fenty Beauty are so revolutionary. The existence of those brands has influenced mainstream companies to expand their offerings in order to cultivate black women as customers.

Black celebrities started cosmetics companies to fill a void, so it follows that their influence on fashion could and might become its own topic because there is no denying the symbiosis of that relationship. Black celebrities like Josephine Baker and Dorothy Dandridge sought out designer Zelda Wynn Valdes to provide dresses for their performances and appearances, which undoubtedly enhanced her profile and her business. Celebrities themselves have turned to design to market their style to consumers, such as Rocawear by Jay Z or Sean John by Sean "Diddy" Combs, which certainly influenced the work of mainstream designers like Marc Jacobs.

Conclusion...
Clearly, there is so much more ground to cover with respect to blacks in the fashion industry. This is merely an introduction for me into a topic that I've always found fascinating. I never assumed that blacks were not an integral part of the fashion industry; I think I just never gave it that much thought beyond the images that I saw on the pages of fashion publications. Which explains a bit why this series was such an undertaking...because it is easy to assume that other than the models and a handful of influencers, black contributors to this industry might be inaccessible to the common consumer.

I have to confess that this was one of the most challenging pieces I've written because as someone whose interest in high fashion has been limited to September issues and TV shows that rate the red carpet looks of celebrities, it is intimidating to tackle a topic so far outside of my lane. And because I did not approach this as a research project initially, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to provide a somewhat comprehensive overview. I've also decided to do my part to seek out and support more black designers (where I can, as soon as I'm confident enough to wear this to playgroup):

Black in Fashion - Part I

What began as a simple idea for the Facebook page has now morphed into a serious multi-day project. This post serves as the introduction to and index for what will appear over the next few days on the Busy Black Woman social media platforms in honor of New York Fashion Week 2018 (February 8-14). The purpose is to highlight the contributions made by black fashion and costume designers, models, magazines, fashion critics, editors, and other influencers. 

This project began with a random tweet that I read at the beginning of the month about Ann Lowe, the woman who designed Jacqueline Bouvier's wedding dress. I vaguely knew that the dress had been designed by a black woman, but I knew nothing else about her and like most of the information that gets shared during Black History Month, I would have bypassed this as just another random piece of trivia. Yet, after I learned more about Ms. Lowe's life, I considered her connection to Elizabeth Keckley, another black woman who had worked for another First Lady a century earlier. At first I thought I would simply highlight the historic work of a few unsung black fashion designers. And then one thing led to another...


It is fortuitous that New York Fashion Week has given me a venue for sharing this information. Each day is presented as a theme, during which the following information will be shared:

February 8 - Black Designers in NYFW 2018
Cushnie et Ochs showing February 9 
Telfar Clemens showing February 9
Pyer Moss showing February 10
Laquan Smith showing February 14
Korto Momolu show was in September
Mychael Knight show was in September

February 9 - Selected Historic Black Designers
List of ten selected designers
Elizabeth Keckley - dressmaker to Mary Todd Lincoln
Ann Lowe - designer for Jacqueline Kennedy
Willi Smith - designer for Spiderman comics and School Daze
Patrick Kelly - women's wear designer
Stephen Burrows - current designer

February 10 - Noted Black Costume Designers
Zelda Wynn Valdes - Playboy bunny costume
Geoffrey Holder - The Wiz (Broadway)
Kara Saun - Disney's The Descendants
Ceci - Television costume designer
Ruth Foster - The Black Panther


February 11 - Venues for Showcasing Black Fashion
Ebony Fashion Fair - traveling fashion show that featured black models
ESSENCE Magazine - fashion and lifestyle magazine for black women
Black Fashion Museum - private museum that showcased designs and costumes
Project Runway - reality TV competition for designers
The Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology - exhibition on black designers
Italian Vogue "All Black" Issue


February 12 - Black Cover Models
ESSENCE Magazine Covers
Beverly Johnson - model, entrepreneur, activist
B. Smith - model, entrepreneur, activist
Iman - supermodel, actress, entrepreneur
Naomi Campbell - supermodel
Tyra Banks - supermodel, actress, TV host, entrepreneur

February 13 - Black Fashion Editors and Influencers
Andre Leon Talley - former Editor-at-Large for VOGUE
Edward Enninful - current editor for BRITISH VOGUE
Robin Givhan - fashion critic at The Washington Post
Elaine Welteroth - former editor at TEEN VOGUE
Nikki Ogunnaike - Senior Fashion Editor at ELLE
Michelle Obama - former First Lady of the United States 

February 14 - More Black Fashion VIPs
Bethann Hardison - former model, entrepreneur, activist
Pat McGrath makeup artist and Beauty Editor for BRITISH VOGUE
Black Female Fashion Photographers
Ozwald Boeteng - current menswear designer
Tracy Reese - current designer
Tori Soudan - haute couture shoe designer