Tuesday, January 30, 2018

A Thousand Words

This picture has already inspired at least a 1000 words and nods in agreement by parents of all stripes because it is so perfect:

Beyonce is giving Blue the look. The look that warns the child(ren) and everyone else in the immediate vicinity that shit is about to pop off if this child/these children don't calm the f*** down. No child is exempt from that look, not even Blue Ivy, dressed in her couture on national TV with her mouth stuffed with animal crackers.

I see a lot more going on in this picture. I see Jay positioned between Bey and Blue as if to call a truce so that he can pay attention to the awards show that was snubbing him. I see his arms crossed as he tries to ignore that his daughter is making a face of mischief and his wife has caught her. I see him sitting there unengaged and thinking about a potential Blake Griffin trade to Detroit.

I see Blue sitting there dressed in white, looking angelic, but quietly plotting a revolt. I see Blue about to whine that she is bored and wants to go home. I see Blue thinking "is any of this about me right now" and then remembering the ice cream Jay promised to get her if she behaves. I see Blue's cheeks puffed up with snack or with air, and if air, she's about to blow out an audible sigh that signals to everyone within earshot that the countdown to meltdown has begun.

I see Beyonce wearing shades, which goes great with her outfit, but that also camouflages the eye bags that have come with having a set of baby twins and a five year old. I see her cornrows and that hat, so I know that she and her stylist decided that since her outfit slays, she could get away with the classic black church lady hat trick. I see her brain plotting all the ways she will make Jay miserable for not stopping this picture:

Because she is thinking, why am I holding the damn snacks? I'm wearing this expensive dress and you are wearing a turtleneck with a tuxedo, the same tux that you've been wearing for years. And wtf, how did you let them take this picture of me? Jay? Jay! Alright...fine! And Blue is thinking, I got my snacks, later I'm getting ice cream because Daddy promised and Mommy said if I don't get dirty, Daddy will buy me another pony, so YAY! Meanwhile Jay is thinking, could I seriously run for President in 2020? Could I beat Oprah? Let me call Barack this week to see what he thinks. Better yet, that's the title of my next album! And Imma get Kendrick on it too.

But take heart Bey, we feel you. The Mom-Diva life is hard work, but you're an inspiration and a pro, so werk!

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