The mind of a BBW is always churning--a million questions run through my mind on the regular: What should I wear, where are we going, how to get there, how late am I running, did I forget something, can I finish this, should I be here, do I need this, who is it, what do you want now, did I call her back, do I have to read all of this email, can I leave now, did you get my message, do I care, is it done, am I talking to myself, do I have time for this, will you please shut up, do you know what you are doing, did I just hear that, can I get back to you later, why are you asking me, are we there yet, what did I just tell you, how much is it, why me and why today?
Relax, relate, release!
My mind has been going full blast this morning. I am thinking about my case, robbing Peter to pay Paul, thinking of ways to promote the blog, worried about family members, wondering if I am a hypochondriac, planning activities for the fall, fretting over stuff that I have yet to do and should have done yesterday, avoiding my email, avoiding phone calls, lamenting my age and just generally driving myself crazy!
Every now and then I need to remind myself that it is okay to be frazzled and it is also okay if people discover that yes, I am human and really I do not have any mutant powers. That totally belies the BBW mythology that I-can-keep-it-together-all-the-time-because-if-I-don't-the-world-will-end, but sometimes, like in the next ten minutes or so, if the world ends, then so be it.
Here is the deal: I will chillax and calm down and then get back to work until 4:00pm. Then I will take a walk and maybe do a little gardening and play with the Baby Niece and then I will find something else constructive to do until the husband comes home. Then I will go to bed early and pray that tomorrow will be better. And if tomorrow is bad, then I will wash, rinse and repeat until one of these days the sun comes back out. And if that does not work, then I'm headed back to yoga!