Saturday, October 14, 2017

Insufficient Bandwidth

My BFF and I were talking recently and she used the title phrase to describe her inability to manage the constant changing dynamics of unmet expectations. And I got it. I might have been one of the people who had made a promise that I was unable to keep.

It is how I would describe my mood today (Saturday) after realizing last night how full my emotional plate had become. I was getting hit with unrelenting sad, tragic, and senseless news about others, in addition to some of the remaining psychic trauma I have been carrying from back-to-back natural disasters and living in the Era of the Trumpet. Add in my many personal disappointments and shortcomings, my high-strung daughter for whom every little thing is a crisis, my own unmet expectations, and just being 43 years old with a high-strung Toddlersaurus...

I can relate. These are a few of the things that I will no longer manage because I have insufficient bandwidth:

I will no longer worry about folks who do not show much concern for my Mom. I will not bother with staying in touch beyond holiday courtesies, and since I will probably take over the Christmas card list for my Dad this year, I'm guessing that I will be doing some heavy editing or they'll be getting the cheap cards.

I will no longer worry about the feelings or concerns of family or friends who don't respond to my generosity or outreach. I don't think it is too much to receive a text or a even a FB shout-out if I do something nice.

I will no longer expect that people will act out of appreciation for past generosity or respect. All debts are officially wiped out, so I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. And I hope you will do the same for me.

I am not taking on anyone else's children.

If we don't really know each other, my parting shot in any divergence of opinion will generally be "bless your heart". I have opinions and I don't like to be challenged, so even if you are a supporter of the current President, I will not attempt to shame or dissuade you. Bless your heart.

I will not tolerate anyone coming for any of my friends on my FB page or Twitter timeline. Meaning, I keep a jar of Vaseline by my keyboard. Don't do it!

I will try to overlook assaults on the English language caused by constant misspellings or poor grammar on social media.

I am not offended by being called a snowflake since I got a crew, and all of us coming at you is called a snowball, or perhaps even an avalanche.

I've got a toddler and a parent with dementia. I'm doing my best to keep my head above water with them, so I probably can't help you beyond a certain point. And I can't manage your issues.

I don't have Messenger on my phone. I am over GroupMe. My cell phone carrier charges for conference calls. I rarely check my email. I might miss the meeting. If you need to reach me, you've got my number. If you don't, then you don't need me.

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