Monday, October 31, 2011

Red Beans and Rice Monday: Halloween Tricks and Treats

I should not be taking precious time from my newly crafted blogging schedule to write this, but sometimes exceptions must be made.  So perhaps I can kill two birds with the same stone...

All over the Twitterverse earlier this afternoon was the news that celebu-tart Kim Kardashian had filed for divorce from her husband of two months and nearly two weeks, NBA player Kris Humphries.  They were married in a lavish ceremony in August, which just aired in a primetime TV special in October.  (These facts are provided solely for the purpose of those who have not been Keeping up with the Kardashians lately :)  The wedding promo is still running on the freakin' E! site!

I could write an entire post based on the previous paragraph...but here is where I return to my regularly scheduled topic, which happens to be Halloween.  Based on the timing (for had they waited to get hitched on Valentine's Day, it would have been too obvious to announce plans to divorce on April 1st), it is quite clear that Kim K and Kris Humphries' marriage was all some massive trick!

And who is gonna top that one, boo?

Not a day off from work, nor a day spent with relatives only seen at certain times of the year, Halloween was once a day all about making children happy.  In the old days, kids would dress up in homemade costumes (fashioned from Mom's unwanted makeup and Dad's old clothes), and knock on the doors of neighbors to get candy.  For older kids, the local school/community center/firehouse hosted a party with a haunted house.  Then around 10pm, it would all be over and the rest of the week would be spent trading treats during lunch at school.

At some point, people stopped making costumes at home, but like all traditions that must give way to modern times, that was ok.  Who remembers those plastic Superhero costumes that could be bought in a box at the drugstore?  You know the ones that were literally plastic jumpsuits that could only be worn for an hour before someone passed out?  Remember how the masks that came with them had small holes in them to allow for breathing, but the eyeholes were useless, so most kids wore them on their heads to avoid walking into stuff?  Remember how everyone decorated their own paper grocery bags for collecting candy?  Or how there was always at least one or two older people who refused to give candy and handed out apples or money (like my grandmother)?  Remember when the only Halloween specials on TV featured lovable cartoon characters?

Of course, when I was a kid, Halloween was all about kids because that is how we tend to remember things (I mean, Christmas was all about kids then too).  But times change: someone got the bright idea to fashion costumes out of polyester instead of polyurethene (which are now sold online); there was that annual rumor about razor blades in apples; grocery stores give you a choice of pre-decorated paper or plastic or reusable bags; amusement parks stay open through October to host events for older kids; food allergies make treat trading practically impossible; and now lawmakers want to legislate when Halloween gets celebrated because some parents can no longer read a calendar!  While lovable cartoon characters still get featured in Halloween specials, that is no longer unique since every TV show now airs a very special Halloween episode.

But thanks to her endless need for attention and penchant for turning bad situations into opportunities, Kim K and Co. reminded us all that Halloween is also a great day for pranking, hence trick or treating.  Yes, lost in all of the hooplah over costumes for dogs and candy for babies is the practice of pulling the ultimate Halloween prank.  When was the last time you saw someone's house get tee-peed because they refused to turn on the lights or answer the doorbell (yes, there are actual instructions available online)...I mean, could the timing have just been that fortuitous or is Kris Jenner an evil PR genius?

Look, we know that the Kardashians are the modern-day Addams Family...creepy, kooky, mysterious and spooky are the perfect adjectives to describe them, so are we surprised that they would pull off the biggest and baddest prank in TV history?  We've long suspected that it was a little more than a coincidink that Kim K's sex tape was leaked, and it is just a little too convenient that in the week leading up to this divorce filing, Kim K has been winking at us from the cover of every supermarket tabloid.  How is it that we all knew more about Kim than the supposed love of her life, to whom she pledged her troth until a better deal could be negotiated?  Ironic yes that this divorce announcement comes just in time to help Morticia/Momma K sell her recently released memoir that just happens to mention that she knew a certain former Heisman trophy-winner might have been guilty of killing his ex-wife?  Or that if we had a choice between Lamar Odom and Kris Humphries in terms of which b-baller was more interesting, we would all choose Lamar???

I pity poor Kris Humphries who might have really loved Kim K...but I suspect that he is a lot luckier than he realizes (considering that Scott Disick is technically tethered to the clueless Kourtney for the foreseeable future).  So now that this trick has been played, we need to get smarter America and pull an ever better prank on the Kardashians by changing the channel.  Happy Halloween!

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