Thursday, August 24, 2017

Total Eclipse of Sanity

To all of my younger cousins, nieces, nephews, and children of my friends whom I've cared for over the years and whose behavior lulled me into the false sense of believing that I would be just fine raising my own child:

I hate you. Seriously.

Full disclosure moment: I began writing this piece in the middle of what I would call an epic Toddlersaurus day. This child of mine worked Every Last Nerve in my body and then had the temerity to FINALLY close her little eyes around 6:30pm, well after her usual nap time. Which I could not allow since nobody wants to be awakened at 4am by a child who can both open the refrigerator and operate the TV remote.

Hence, the final version of this piece you are currently reading is not that earlier, angrier version. And you're welcome, because I was so totally pissed off by life, PBS Kids, the eclipse, and at the world in general. Ain't nothing funny coming from a woman whose child has been LIT all damn day. There is no humorous spin to describe my utter frustration that she began this day by refusing to put on her clothes and then the day just kept going down hill--despite my affirmations, deep cleansing breaths, prayers and chants, threats, etc., she was the Energizer Bunny of Terrible Twodom.

I would detail her most egregious acts of insanity, but these pictures are so much better at telling the story. I already shared some of these to my personal FB page and have encouraged my friends to provide their own captions. So far, no one has, but perhaps by the morning someone will come up with some winners. Others will cheer her on because, well she's two and that what y'all do when the child(ren) at issue don't belong to you. Just like the aforementioned younger cousins, nieces and nephews, and children of friends who fooled me, this child of mine would suddenly behave and I would be branded a liar.

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