You Need a Break!

(Note, I began writing this in November.  It has been edited and updated to reflect the passage of time :)

So a whole three-four-five months after the fact, I wanted to write a public service announcement of sorts to extoll the virtues of doing absosmurfly nothing (or as little as possible)...

If you recall, the Busy Black Woman endured more than a few trials and tribulations this summer, so in an effort to refocus, I declared that I would spend the month of September resetting my life in order to finish the year in a better space.  Well, the result of that effort was comme ci comme ça (for the reasons you can read about in the Reset Journal or here).

Now it is the end of January 2012...and reflecting back on the time spent on the beach last October, I am ever so grateful for the chance to get away for I know that I will not always have the luxury of a tropical vacation (update: except for the fact that I will be headed back to PR in just a few months, sometimes God blesses you and I ain't complaining!)  Given that some folks believe that not even the President is entitled to a few days off, the next best thing is to figure out how to best to chillax in the midst of chaos.  So how does one take a break from it all with the current state of the economy and the precariousness of living from paycheck to paycheck?

For starters, it begins with breathing.  Now that I have returned to yoga class, I am reminded that there is peace to be found in five minutes of deep breathing.  And then there is sleep.  Sure, there is plenty of advice out there to suggest that the most successful people regard sleep as a waste of time, but they lie--witness how the dire need for sleep killed Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger.  And every now and then, it is a good idea to disconnect from the inter-connectedness of the world via cell phone, laptop or tablet/e-reader. 

And then what?  Well, nothing.

Because even if you cannot afford to go anywhere, you need to take a break.  You need to sit still.  You need a time out.  Your friends and loved ones and coworkers and those random people driving in the car next to you on the highway need you to be sane.  I am offering this as both advice to you and as a reminder to myself because I had a moment yesterday.  And it just so happens that as I had been plotting a return to blogging and just happened to check in just for a quick looksie, I found this post and knew right away why I needed to post it.

More to come, stay tuned...

Flipping the Script

So about a week ago I wrote how I might be putting this blog on the back burner for a bit...and there is a 50/50 chance that might still be true.

But during the week that has passed a few things have happened.  First, I received several encouraging notes and nods from friends and fans who totally understood how difficult it was for me to make such a declaration (and until I send you a personal note of thanks, please accept this very public THANK YOU :).  Second, I took a quick car trip to Philly on Sunday and had some time to think.  Third, I had an epiphany.

Starting backwards with the epiphany--this week is my first blogaversay!  It was almost one year ago that the Busy Black Woman blog was born.  How could I possibly think of abandoning this project in its infancy?  It has barely begun to walk on its ow...so be on the lookout for my one hundredth post, which I promise come hell or high water, will be written and posted before the end of this year!

Then while driving to Philly, then through Columbia (by way of Highland MD) for a couple of alumnae association Christmas parties, I had a lot of time to myself alone in the car on Sunday to think through a few things.  No, I will not be able to post every day, but I never could keep that type of schedule in the first place.  No, I might not even be able to post once a week--again, I probably never did that with much regularity either.  But the story of my life has been that nothing ever comes easy...and in a way, that has kinda sorta been the point of this blog.  So what if things are unpredictable and hectic and overwhelming and that there are days when all I want to do is sit on the sofa to watch a TVOne marathon of Seasons 2 and 3 of A Different World (after Denise's departure but before Dwayne and Whitley got together) while drinking a bottle of wine all by myself?  That is exactly the life that this Busy Black Woman has been writing about (more or less) for the past year and dagnabit, I have only begun to write!

Which brings me to the words of encouragement...again, THANK YOU!  Some of you already know why this has been a challenging time for me.  Most of you do not and maybe it is time that I used my blogging as a means to express exactly why I have been offline so much.  But....................................

Not here.  And that is because this is supposed to be the funny blog that puts a humorous spin on real life stuff that some of you totally get because you have experienced similar moments of insanity.  And knowing that others get me means that I would rather not turn this into that-depressing-blog-that-used-to-be-funny-but-now-it-is-just-sad.  So while there may be the occasional post that alludes to the drama of my personal life, the actual writing about the situation itself will take place in the Cafe, which is the older sister to this blog. 

Again, thanks for your support and I'll be back soon!

Reality Bites

I've been missing you.  But there has been a lot going on in my personal life that has kept me from writing and so before another month goes by, I wanted to let you know the deal.

If you recall a few months ago, I declared that I was going to reclaim my life, and for a solid month, I participated in a reset program designed to help me with that very task.  Well, I trudged my way through until the almost bitter end with the creation of a vision board remaining as the only outstanding project.  My plan was to work on that along with several new ideas for the expansion of this blog, new work opportunities, and most importantly, a new dedication to creating more balance in my personal life.

As the saying goes, life is what happens while you are busy making plans.  In the midst of resetting and envisioning a better life, I have had to deal with some drastic challenges that have literally overtaken my personal life.  Everything has been put on the back burner, especially this blog.

So as I work through this situation, I just wanted to thank everyone for your support this past year, for it was exactly a year ago that I decided to start this blog.  I am not walking away from this project, but I do need to reexamine how I can continue it in light of the circumstances.  I am a perfectionist, and the only way I can make this work is on my terms.  So until I can commit to a regular schedule of posting new articles, I will have depend on other forms of social media to stay connected--I will continue to tweet the important facts about Busy Black Women whenever I get the opportunity, and I will interact with some of you through the Facebook page and/or real life.  Prayerfully, I will return to a regular posting schedule for the blog in January.

Happy Holidays!

Icons Of a Certain Age

Yesterday...just another ordinary day until the first unconfirmed tweet.  Followed by another.  Both of which I ignored since Twitter is infamous for perpetuating false death rumors.  When a friend questioned the veracity of the chatter on Facebook, I determined to find a credible news source to debunk the matter so that I could get on with the rest of my day.

Well, it took about ten minutes of searching, but the unmistakable RIP tweet and TMZ link posted by Harvey "I'm a Lawya" Levin confirmed the mind-boggling truth.  Rapper Heavy D was gone at age 44.

There is a lot I could say about Heavy D, his music, and how the apex of his career evokes a certain time in my life and that of many of my friends.  For it was just about 20 years ago that we were all singing along to his theme song for the comedy sketch show In Living Color.  And just maybe a few years before that when my Catholic girl-school classmates and I were trying to decide which of his Boyz was cuter (G-Whiz or the late T-Roy), or whether it was the Heavster himself who was the most irresistible.  And perhaps it was because of his appeal, guys who might have thought of their bulk as girl repellent, were inspired by his swagger to make plays for our attention.

For those of us who are of that age and now sit in disbelief that we have lost yet another icon from our youth, this is a bitter pill to swallow.

Because those of us who are either approaching or settling into our 40s are navigating the real real world challenges of life, replete with troubled marriages, marriage envy, infertility, empty nests, adolescent angst, terrible twos, student loans, home foreclosures, bankruptcies, mid-career slumps, corporate downsizing, chronic health conditions, addictions, ill or transitioning parents, advance medical directives, life insurance, college savings, stock market fluctuations, pre-menopause, PTSD, low T or ED or whatever they are calling impotence these days--this is rough.

I expect that some callous anonymous pimple-faced teenager will pose the inevitable "who is Heavy D and who cares" question on a blog or news article because, well, that is how idiots express themselves nowadays.  Or the question will be asked by one of those snobby/snarky types who claim to have never heard of the man because "rap music was never my thing".  Or, some truly mean-spirited a$$ will make a particularly trite joke about his name and girth.  Into whichever category these puppy-kickers belong, as they wonder why so many thirty- and forty-somethings mourn the loss of someone most of us have never met, or possibly may have forgotten, we know that the answer is simple...

Heavy D was of that era before life got so complicated. Be Inspired on your Peaceful Journey.

Red Beans and Rice Monday: Halloween Tricks and Treats

I should not be taking precious time from my newly crafted blogging schedule to write this, but sometimes exceptions must be made.  So perhaps I can kill two birds with the same stone...

All over the Twitterverse earlier this afternoon was the news that celebu-tart Kim Kardashian had filed for divorce from her husband of two months and nearly two weeks, NBA player Kris Humphries.  They were married in a lavish ceremony in August, which just aired in a primetime TV special in October.  (These facts are provided solely for the purpose of those who have not been Keeping up with the Kardashians lately :)  The wedding promo is still running on the freakin' E! site!

I could write an entire post based on the previous paragraph...but here is where I return to my regularly scheduled topic, which happens to be Halloween.  Based on the timing (for had they waited to get hitched on Valentine's Day, it would have been too obvious to announce plans to divorce on April 1st), it is quite clear that Kim K and Kris Humphries' marriage was all some massive trick!

And who is gonna top that one, boo?

It's Our Anniversary!

(Well, it was back on October 5 when I started writing this initially...but please read on :)

Ten years ago, on the night of October 4, I was wide awake and worried about coming down with a cold.  It had taken us six hours to get to New York and then another hour or so to find our way to White Plains because apparently clearly marked exit signs only exist on the New Jersey Parkway.  Anyway, after finally settling in for the night, I called my parents and my father assured me that he would get in touch with my younger brother who was away in college to let him know what was going to happen the next day.

The next day was a beautiful autumn Friday in New York City, and my then-boyfriend of five years and I rode down to Manhattan with a couple of friends from college to get hitched at City Hall.  Of course, nothing went as planned.  We left late and got stuck in midday traffic.  The ceremony was taking place three weeks after 9/11/01 just a few blocks away from what had become known as Ground Zero and workers were still searching through the rubble.  Police were everywhere, so we had to go through several security checks just to drive close enough to be let off near the clerk's office.  Not all of our friends were there at the right time, and we almost forfeited our slot because the office closed earlier than we anticipated.  To this day, I am positive that the ceremony was conducted almost entirely in Spanglish.  Later I learned that my father had casually told my brother that I had gotten married two days after the fact.  And both of us went back to work that Monday morning as if nothing major had happened at all.

Belated September Reset Recap

So I finally posted the September Reset Journal, and so now I wanted to offer a recap of sorts to summarize (for those of you who are not all that interested in reading a day-to-day rehash of the month of September :)

I did ok.  If I were to have given myself a grade, it might have been a D because the perfectionist in me would still be upset about all of the  things I did not accomplish last month (like not cleaning my house, or not making it to church every Sunday, or for not working out three times a week).  Instead, because I know that I am not perfect and God willing, there is always next month, I will give myself a C-.

And I will drink from the half-full glass to acknowledge the things I did accomplish, like avoiding alcohol for the entire month (I even took Alka Seltzer instead of NyQuil when I got sick).  I spent quality time with the husband.  I went to church more often than I have in years.  I woke up early a few times and I arrived on time for a few things.  And I am proud to say that I did accomplish a lot in terms of soul-searching, thanks in large part to the Happy Black Woman 31-Day Reset.  While I am not a radically different person (for there is much room for improvement, such as finishing projects that I start) I am a person who understands why the power to change must come from within. 

And that is my big AHA revelation.  No matter how bad things seem, I can triumph.  I think about how my car was broken into again, and how I chose not to fly off into a rage and simply opted to forgive.  I think about the challenges facing my family because of my Mother's condition, and trust me, being angry at the world did nothing to change the reality of the situation.  Deciding on a course of action has been much more beneficial.  Let's face it, life is hard, yet there is a lot of joy to be found on the margins.  And so, as often as I can, I will look for the joy.

At some point it occurred to me that I already knew this and I had what I will call a 'ruby slipper' moment.  You remember that part at the end of the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy is told by Glenda the Good Witch that she could have gone home at the very beginning if she had just clicked her heels three times while in Munchkin Land--before meeting the Scarecrow, Tinman and the Lion; before meeting the fake Wizard; and before having to confront the Wicked Witch of the West.  Armed with that information at the outset, Dorothy could had avoided all of the unnecessary drama, but she also would never have gained the wisdom, compassion and courage that she needed to face her various obstacles.  Thus, the power to change my outlook and reactions, to ability to empathize, and the strength to deal with whatever curve balls life hurls at me is right here inside of me.  Yes, I might prefer to avoid the unpleasantness, but in order to get to that joy, sometimes the sidetrip through Oz is inevitable...

PS: For those of you who prefer The Wiz, a 'silver slipper' moment is technically the same thing!