Call of the Wild

I don't need to tell anyone who has a toddler that this has been quite a year. I've probably already told you several times that I am in way over my head. To borrow a phrase from my Spelman sister DYN, parenting ain't for pussies! So if the Babe makes it unhurt to midnight tonight, I ought to do a cartwheel. In fact I need to do an Olympic caliber floor exercise.

Yesterday could be categorized as an epic Mommy fail because I had good intentions that went awry as soon as I took my eyes off the kid for a few minutes. I was on the phone in the bathroom, she opened the door, and then she walked off with her toothbrush and toothpaste. I am unsure how much time elapsed, but when I last saw her she was watching TV.

I wrote this recap on the FB page, so feel free to enjoy the short version.

Now here is the long version, augmented by several of the details I omitted. So I mentioned that I was in the bathroom and the she had taken her toothbrush and her toothpaste with her into my bedroom, found a quiet spot on the floor in front the TV, and was busy watching whatever was on PBS Kids for a few minutes while I was on the phone. Right there, several veteran parents should be shaking their heads.

For the rookies, you need to know that my first mistake occurred long before I left the Babe to her own devices. My first mistake was to get the Babe dressed and ready before I got myself dressed and ready. You see, my plan for the day included a few errands on this side of town before we were to be at my parents' house by 2pm. I had my itinerary mapped out, I was showered, so I just needed to get dressed and to pack the car.

I was dilly dallying on the phone and it was about 11:30 when I realized that she was too quiet and discovered her covered in toothpaste. We didn't leave this house until 1:30. My FB status update came just before 2pm while I was waiting in line for gas at the Costco. I had just texted my Dad to let him know that I was on my way to the house per our understanding that I would relieve my mother's caregiver because my brother was out of town. I also texted the caregiver to let her know that I was running a little late. In response, she asks me to get a few things.

Mind you, I am sitting in the car with a finally napping toddler, watching the parking lot at the Costco fill with folks anxious to stock up for the holiday weekend. 

Christmas Top Ten: Part Two

It is either sad or hilarious that I just posted an "I Hate Christmas" piece this weekend with several of the same reasons I cited when I wrote this piece about how much I hate Christmas a few years ago. I really might be a Scrooge...so to avoid any nocturnal otherworldly visitors, I wanted to create a list of things I like about Christmas (let's just hope there are ten):

1. Pictures of children with Santa. I especially like to see pictures of crying children on Santa's lap because well, it's a rite of passage (and I promise to post a picture of my kid wailing on the big guy's lap on the FB page).

2. Classic, unadulterated Christmas movies that we all recognize as classic, unadulterated Christmas movies: It's A Wonderful Life (1946), Miracle on 34th Street (1947), and A Christmas Story (1983). I can even enjoy a modern classic like The Family Stone (2005). But no colorization and only certain modern remakes like The Preacher's Wife (1996).

3. Stevie Wonder's Someday at Christmas album, which is absolute holiday perfection.

4. Any rendition of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite. I need to start playing it in the car on long rides with the Babe, and of course once she is old enough, we will be front and center watching it performed on stage (will begin taking the Niece this year). Ovation TV will soon air different versions again this year although I guess I will never see my absolute favorite with Baryshnikov and Gelsey Kirkland on PBS again (hint, hint Great Performances)...

5. Last minute Christmas shopping with my Dad. Funny how something that probably was not intended as a tradition (because my Dad does everything at the last minute) has become something that I have come to cherish.

6. If you are of a certain age, you probably have memories of elaborate department store window displays. We used to make a special trip downtown just to see them. Nowadays, you don't even have to make a special trip if you have creative neighbors like these folks in Dyker Heights, NY.

7. Holiday decorating and general preparation. Until it becomes a series of never-ending chores, I really enjoy getting ready for the season: decorating the tree, finding a unique way to display holiday cards, writing our holiday newsletter, mailing cards, wrapping presents, making coquito, etc. And I'm on it, just as soon as I finish this piece...

8. Christmas cookies baked by my niece Mandy. True holiday happiness can be found in her three-layer cookies.

9. Handel's Messiah has grown on me over the years. My Mom invited me to accompany her to a performance at her church many years ago and I had no appreciation for it at all. I went with her a few more times, not reluctantly but as a tradition of sorts, each time gaining a bit more tolerance. It got easier to enjoy when Quincy Jones' Soulful Messiah was released. Recently, I have been taking her to the performance at our church. I have no idea if the music is making any impression on her anymore; I am just glad that she can still attend.

10. Of course I love, Love, LOVE Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and almost every rendition of it on film, stage and in animation. Almost. I do not like any modern version that has Ebenezer Scrooge re-imagined as a Martha Stewart/Oprah-esque old maid or as a heartless corporate tycoon (too soon). My absolute favorite version is George C. Scott's definitive take, who sets the gold standard of miserly perfection. I could try to list my favorites, but there are too many: from Bill Murray's comedic turn, to Albert Finney's musical version (don't judge me, Thank You Very Much), to the Michael Caine version with the Muppets, to everyone's animated favorite starring Mr. Magoo.

It is a little known fact that I almost got to portray Scrooge back in the eighth grade; alas, I was the only one who learned all my lines so I never got to undergo the transformation. Perhaps that is why it has been easier to dwell on all the things I hate about Christmas...when in fact I actually do love this time of year. And in the spirit of the season, here is a bonus:

11. I love the opportunity to give. The older I get, the more I realize that life itself is a gift, so whenever one has a chance to spread a little cheer, it is so worth doing. Someone recently called to simply wish me a happy holiday just because I had once been kind to him. I had no idea that I had made such an impression and it just proves that even a small gesture of generosity can be a priceless gift.

So in the words of Tiny Tim: God Bless Us, Everyone!

Christmas Top Ten - Part One

Recently on the Book of Faces, a couple of friends challenged others to post their non-political unpopular opinions, with the posts ranging from the mundane to the outright absurd. For a self-described unrepentant Scrooge such as myself, the timing of this trend so close to Christmas gives me an excuse to list all of the humbug I endure between Thanksgiving and the New Year. So here is my official non-political list of things I hate about Christmas:

1. The obligatory Christmas album recorded by the pop tart of the moment, which always includes some sappy secular ballad (Snow in California) and a remake of a beloved classic (Santa Baby).

2. Radio stations that play continuous Christmas music that literally starts the moment when the last piece of Halloween candy has been distributed, and abruptly ends just as the lines start forming at the mall for gift exchanges and returns. And why come they play all genres of Christmas music except for gospel?

3. D-list celebrity Christmas specials and very special Christmas sitcom episodes.

4. People who complain about spelling Christmas as Xmas or being wished a "Happy Holiday".

5. Christmas decorations that go on display in August, but never go on sale until December 26.

6. Crappy holiday cards, like the kind that one finds at the Dollar Store with animals dressed in tartan sweaters while frolicking with cardinals and snow families. Equally bad are those of you who email PDFs of your holiday greetings.

7. Hallmark/Lifetime holiday movies. I hated these movies before I read this article (because yeah, duh), but also because they suck. Worse, Hallmark preempted the Golden Girls in order to keep this crap in constant rotation, which is just blasphemous!

8. People who wear Santa hats in public.

9. Those inflatable decorations that people put in their yard. I swear they must be sold as 'buy one, get five free' because no one ever has just one on display. And isn't it just a little creepy that an eight-foot tall Mickey Mouse Santa is standing next to the Baby Jesus alongside inflatable Wise Men and Frosty the Snowman?

10. Anyone who complained about the black Santa at the Mall of America and for that matter, anyone who complains about Santa's race but stays mum on the topic of Black Peter.

This is my humbug list, but as any good Scrooge who finds religion after the visitations, check out my list of what I like about Christmas in Part Two.

Staying in Your Lane and Other Holiday Observations

Today is the Friday after Thanksgiving. For some, it is the beginning of your Christmas/Holiday shopping; for others, it is the day when you travel back to the homes you left earlier this week. There are plenty of things you might be doing right now--holiday decorating, making lists and checking them twice, TV binge-watching, cleaning house, or otherwise enjoying the day. Whatever you might be doing today, I hope it does not include licking wounds from any hurt feelings you might have received yesterday.

Meaning, I pray that you did not make the mistake of doing or saying something that was unappreciated. Pretty much from now until New Year's, you need to avoid hitting the third rail of holiday gatherings by saying, seeing and doing anything offensive. Try not to be like the Hub, whom I had to drag on the Book of Faces yesterday for making the unbelievable suggestion that I substitute Sriracha for red pepper flakes in my collard greens!

(If you are reading this and maybe do not get why this was absolutely the stupidest thing he could have said, let's just say that he should have stayed in his I-didn't-grow-up-eating-greens lane.) Look boo, I know you think you done learned a little bit about soul food by watching the Neely's, Sunny Anderson, and G. Garvin, but that don't mean you know anything about cooking greens! Sitting there on the sofa making blasphemous flavoring suggestions...and then got the nerve to try and 'splain yourself by listing the ingredients of Sriracha, as if that matters. Dude!?!

See how I did that...how I went from mild-mannered wife to Busy Black Woman with an Attitude?

How he's lucky I found the red pepper flakes (hidden behind something in the cabinet because he still does not respect my shelf organizing system) and he only suffered some minor ribbing?

And what's funnier is that he was not the only offender yesterday. I won't name names, but some of y'all had some dry, over-cooked turkey because you let the wrong person take charge of the bird. Somebody thought they were being helpful by bringing a less-than-appetizing side dish to the table. In the words of someone else's FB post, Thanksgiving is not the time to be experimenting; yet, somebody wanted to impress the family with some new dish she saw on Pinterest. Nor is it, contrary to a rather misleading assertion from the New York Times, the opportunity to provide a "grown up version" (read alternative) of a classic dish like macaroni and cheese.

Naw folks, you don't go improvising when it comes to the most anticipated family meal of the year. Somebody's mama set the precedent eons ago by staying up all night to produce the most sumptuous meal, and daggonit in her memory, you will not mess with the formula! You will not bring a store-bought pumpkin pie. You will not substitute white sugar for brown in the yams. You will not set a vegan dish on the table and not expect to take all of that crap back home with you. You will not offer any credible excuses for why something got burned. If you don't know how to cook, just say so and bring a bottle of wine or a liter of soda.

And even if you have been savvy enough to avoid those landmines, then don't mess up by asking questions about new hair, how many tattoos, whether someone plans to get married, when did someone else finalize their divorce, who/where is the daddy, or can we watch something else other than football. Don't even discuss the election unless you know in advance that everyone at the table voted for the same candidate. Don't brag about the half-marathon you ran that morning, not bring anything, and then take home a shopping bag full of leftovers.

Too late? Did you already commit one or more of these sins? Well, lucky for you this is a holiday season that runs through January so you'll have other opportunities. You will remember next time not to wear something too new, too cute or too tight (unless you are under the age of seven). You will remember not to debate that relative who gets all of his news from the left-wing radio station. Because you aren't seven or younger, you will not wrinkle up your face while asking what is in this (instead you will scoop a small dollop onto your plate, take a taste, politely excuse yourself to go use the microwave, and then dump it in the trash). You will pace yourself, not drink too much, help clear the table, and pray that Auntie doesn't remind everyone how you were the one who brought the burnt corn bread at the last gathering.

Time to Exhale

It is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I will get down to the business of cooking shortly. I just wanted to take a minute to remind everyone that is time to breathe.

Take a deep, cleansing breath. Relax. Drink a glass of water. Let your child run around in circles until she gets dizzy. Back away from the Twitter, the real and fake news articles, the petitions, and even Facebook if it is causing any form of agitation. Turn off the cable news and switch to the Food Channel, the Disney Channel, the Hallmark Channel, or the Game Show Network.

Please y'all, just take a damn break. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

I know. We can decide to be upset about the origin story of friendly, unsuspecting Native Americans feeding hungry, opportunistic European colonists who later killed them with diseases and war...or you can choose instead to read the proclamation issued by President Abraham Lincoln that established this holiday. I urge you to do the latter.

If nothing else, this year has reminded me that life is precious and special. We were in the midst of an actual Civil War that threatened to tear this country apart when President Lincoln issued that proclamation. And somehow we managed to come back together (however imperfect). We can and will survive this.

And that is it. Happy Thanksgiving!

The Hits Keep Coming

I found out about the death of Gwen Ifill earlier today by accident. I was driving and heard the new text message 'ding' on my cell phone, but I did not see the Hub's text; instead, I saw that someone had reposted an old link from the Busy Black Woman Facebook page with an "RIP" tag...

So I broke the law to look at my phone since someone had actually reposted one of my old links! And then I spent the rest of my drive trying to process my disbelief.

Can I just start with the announcement that 2016 has about six weeks left and there are several beloved famous, well-known folks we need to check in with, just to make sure that they know before it is too late that we love and appreciate them? And then there is everyone else whom we actually know that need to be told, right now before another shoe drops, that we love and appreciate them.

Because I did NOT see this coming.

I did not know Gwen Ifill personally. This being DC with about two degrees of separation among black people, I knew people who knew her. I never had the pleasure. I had a neighbor who knew her. I did a stint at the organization currently run by her cousin. She was my Soror and I attended her initiation. I followed her on Twitter and I occasionally watched her on the News Hour.

I may not have known Gwen Ifill, but I mourn her passing. In fact, I am totally blown.

Because I did not know her and did not have a chance to watch the entire "Evening with Gwen Ifill" rebroadcast that my Dad is DVRing for me, I can only say that my emotional reaction is akin to the sudden death of Tim Russert eight years ago in the midst of the 2008 election. Every now and then, I wonder how Russert would have moderated a particular debate, especially this year when it seemed that a certain person was allowed to say just about anything without ANY serious follow-up or challenge to its veracity. And I place Gwen Ifill in that same pantheon of take-no-shit-from-professional-BSers, which is why her absence due to illness during this election cycle was indeed noticed.

I do not have much else to say because I just considered her to be decent, polished, insightful, witty, and always prepared. I have written several of these quick remembrances this year for various people and it is getting to me because with each memorial, the loss seems more personal. I may not have known Gwen Ifill, but I did. She was a Busy Black Woman icon.

PTSD

Can I be honest? I have been faking the funk these past couple of days.

I am mad. I do want to get out there and take to the streets and raise hell. But I have been in my house, either curled up in the bed or on the sofa. I have been writing to keep from crying. I am going through every stage of grief on a continuous loop like this is Groundhog Day.

I know that I am not alone in feeling so utterly confounded by what happened on Tuesday. I am not as surprised as I am disappointed. I look at this and wonder if I have been living in the Twilight Zone for the last 30 years.

Because for me, this is less about what happened to HRC than it is what is happening to the rest of us who saw this country make a LOT of progress from the stories we heard from our parents and grandparents. For me, this is less about seeing the first Woman or the first Black family or the first Latina, Muslim, Hindu, Asian-American, etc. in positions of power that were previously only occupied by white men. This is about seeing folks celebrate the victory of a person elevated on the strength of his bigotry and ignorance. This is insane!

So let me get this out of the way so that everyone understands that this is not about sour grapes that a Democrat did not win. We have lost plenty of elections, and believe me, NO ONE would be out in those streets in protest if Jeb Bush, John Kasich, Marco Rubio or even Ted Cruz had won. Hell, even a Romney win four years ago would have been met with disappointment, but definitely not protest. And an HRC win would not have resulted in protests either because in spite of the hatred she inspires, NO ONE thinks that her presidency would have meant the end to our civilization as we know it.

But this???

I am trying to minister to myself here (and maybe to the three other folks who read this blog), because I know that almost no one who voted for him reads this blog...but if by chance you happen to come across this and get curious, please understand the reason why so many of us are just inconsolable right now. We thought we had evolved past mob mentality.

My husband called me in tears on Election Night. TEARS. This man has only called me in tears one other time in our marriage and that was when his mother passed. He expressed his fears about what this means for our daughter. You might think that is over the top, but you have to consider that she is Afro-Latina. Her father believes people are going to look at this child and hate her on sight and not consider her life as having the same value as the pretty blond girl seated next to her. Other black parents like me understood this all along...and he just got it the other night, but not because his Nuyorican life has been so rosy. He got it the other night because his life has NOT been all that rosy and like every other parent, he wants the world to be better.

Unlike some of my peers who are cursing at third party voters, I applaud your courage in NOT yielding to the temptation of choosing between choices you found unconscionable. Believe it or not, that was the right thing to do. Anyone who thinks that voting for someone you hate is easy, well at least those people did not choose HATE. So you've missed me with that anger.

No, my ire is at every voter who just made it clear that you could care less about the least of these in this world. All of you so-called Christians. Have you seen the pictures of Aleppo? You are worried about refugees, but not their plight, just whether they will come here and stain your suburban world. And by the way, you voted for the man who admires the Communist dictator who supports the dictator who created Aleppo...yeah because that is what Putin is in case you haven't been paying attention. A real fucking Communist (which by the way, Obama was not). And because I am so mad about that, I just need to remind you that it is Veterans Day and the fight against Communism is why we went to Korea, Vietnam, and spent billions on a Cold War which is why we have been in Afghanistan for decades--but you wanted your country back, and just gave it away!!!

And that isn't even the surface of what pisses me off about this election because I have yet to address racism, sexism, religious intolerance, and every other box of bigotry that gets checked off every time he opens his mouth or takes to Twitter to insult someone. Let's just focus on the fact that the man who will become the next President is a BULLY who takes pleasure in insulting people based on their looks, their infirmities, and their perceived weaknesses. 

I'm almost done with my rant...but that is pathetic.

But in order to be a light in this darkness, I will not fight fire with fire and call anyone names. I will not demean anyone with insults. I am going to pray for you, your families, your communities, and your lives. I will pray for mercy, understanding, and grace. I will even pray for the President-elect.

God help us.